Chapter 60
Natalie’s
I am taken aback by Demon’s presence. It is more than surprise. I have never been so aghast. I believe the proper term for my reaction to him is terror, which is an entirely new sensation.
Natalie sees. She is alarmed by not only the violent and conflicting emotions that she feels pulsating from Jonathan, but by my own fraught reaction to what I am seeing and learning. She moves back from Jonathan, not knowing what to expect. None of us do.
The first thing that strikes me about Demon is, of course, his appearance. Never could I have imagined a Guardian becoming such a ghoulish specter. He has incorporated the name that Natalie gave him into a brazen depiction of the most terrifying demon ever imagined by mankind. It is horrifying in every way. Looming behind Jonathan, the creature appears enormously tall and powerful, blood-red, horned, hooved, winged. The worst nightmare of any religion come to life.
My first instinct is to believe that there is no way to justify having created this monstrosity. But, as I absorb more of Demon’s thoughts due to our proximity, I begin to understand the twisted logic behind the manifestation. The strange mixture of hostility and love that led him to conceive of transforming into this horror.
As I try to acclimate to the petrifying image which Demon has chosen to project, I find my disquiet growing to unexpected heights when I realize the answer to the mystery we have all been trying to solve for the past several months.
Where is Demon, we all have wondered. The answer, it turns out, is far more frightful than anything known before in the history of Guardians.
As I witness his memories being triggered by the sight of my beloved, his anguish flows through me. I relive with him the dreadful months after our attack on him, remembering together the void, the loneliness, the confusion, the agony of solitude. Nothing like this has ever before befallen a Guardian. Demon suffered a damnation unparalleled in history.
And, I realize, it was my fault. It was the unintended consequence of my actions in protecting the Seer, by directing energy against Demon to make him stop forcing Jonathan to attack Natalie. I had to do it. But now I regret the result with every fiber of my being.
The guilt that we Guardians felt for uniting in forcefully opposing him was more than justified. We committed a heinous act against one of our fellow beings. Our action led to an unspeakable torture, a cruel banishment, an excruciating exile.
The ghastly visage of the Demon standing before me is nothing compared to the horror of what he experienced.
Never before has a Guardian been alone. Since the dawn of time, when human evolution first created Guardians by capturing enough dark matter to form the soul, never was a Guardian so isolated. We are either Guarding, or waiting together to Guard. Always together. Always communing with each other.
Demon was cruelly torn apart from all other beings. Lost in a cold universe, separated from his beloved, isolated from any companion.
It is the worst torment I can fathom.
My own manifestation reacts of its own accord. My image has long been used as a means of communication, with gestures and expressions conveying meaning to the Seer as surely as spoken words. It has become instinctive, autonomic, to the point where these actions are as involuntary for me as they are for humans. My image experiences physical reactions just as the people around me do.
And now, without regard to my own will, tears start to flow down my face, tears of mourning and anguish, grief and sympathy evoked by the memories of Demon’s experience.
Natalie views me with horror, her hands held to her face, as she feels not only the rush of emotions cascading through Jonathan, but my own sorrow flowing through our connection directly to her mind.
And, I realize with increasing dread, that the expulsion to the void was not the only torture that Demon endured. If it is possible, it became even more unbearable. The means of his salvation, the reason he was healed and could eventually return, was intensely hateful to him as soon as he realized that it was all caused by the Seer.
My darling’s innocent and compassionate effort to heal Jonathan, to restore his soul, was simultaneously creating unwanted and invasive contact with Demon, lost in the void. As Jonathan’s soul was gradually healed, so his Guardian was restored, his fractured being slowly brought back together. I grieve to witness the violation he perceived, the helplessness he felt, as the touch of the Seer ravished his essence against his will, over and over and over again. He knew it was healing him. He felt the ecstatic pleasure of her touch, and hated himself for desiring it. But he hated Natalie even more for what she had done to him. He blamed her for my actions in leading our group against him. He saw her both as his destroyer, and his terrifying redeemer. She had cast him into the chasm, then tauntingly promised him the rapture that would eventually lead him back out. He felt victimized by her, not only in the initial act of his banishment, but constantly, unstoppably, unpredictably, for the entire time lost in the terrifying void.
I understand it all. I grieve for it all. I am shocked, I am stricken, I am repentant. I can do nothing more than weep before Demon, weep for his suffering, weep for the situation in which we find ourselves.
Gabe’s
The Seer and her Guardian are filled with dismay. Jonathan and his newly shaped Guardian are locked in a frenzy of emotional turmoil. My beloved is baffled, scared, uncertain what he should do. I am as shocked and horrified as is Angel, not only by Demon’s appearance, but by the realization of what has transpired since last we were together.
We are all trapped in this moment of tension and dread. I cannot even find words to whisper to my beloved to try to help him through this. I have no concept of what I could possibly say.
Gabe
Jonathan is standing there on the porch, staring at Natalie, and the expression on his face is the strangest thing I have ever seen. He hasn’t even said hi yet. We’re all just standing here, and I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing.
I look around at Natalie, and she is backing away from the door, her hands on her face, her eyes round and scared, like something really terrible has happened.
I look back at Jonathan, and his face is doing this awful dance, transitioning from the smile he had on when I first opened the door, then looking scared, then disgusted, then angry, and now scarily determined. Like he has decided what he has to do. He lunges forward, towards Natalie.
Jonathan’s
The Seer is the cause of it all. But for her existence, none of this would have happened. We would not be standing here locked together in a tempest of emotions. I would not have been destroyed. I would not have been violated. Jonathan would be leading his beautiful life. Instead, he is full of conflict and fear, and I am damaged, possibly beyond repair. The other Guardians are filled with shock and horror. The situation is untenable. It must end.
I realize that in my rage and dismay, power is flooding through me, out of me, towards Jonathan. I’m not even controlling it. It is just the byproduct of my spiraling emotions. Again, this is all her fault. If not for her, I would not have learned the use of such power. Everything is due to her.
She is unnatural. A being of her kind should not be allowed to exist. She must be stopped.
Jonathan
She’s my friend, but all I can see her as right now is my enemy. Our enemy. I know it’s Demon, but I can’t see around how he’s feeling. I have to make it stop, I have to stop our pain, I have to stop her.
I don’t even have a plan. I lunge forward, trying to get past Gabe. I have to stop her.
Gabe grabs me. I don’t get anywhere close to her.
He wraps me up in a bear hug. “Jon, no,” he whispers. “Be yourself.”
My head is going to explode. I am so confused. I don’t want any of this. I have to get away.
I’m able to yank myself backwards out of Gabe’s arms, and stumble my way back out of their door.
I swivel around, and start tearing down the street. I don’t know where I’m going. Just away. I have to get away.