Demon

Jonathan

I wake up and it all comes rushing back to me. Demon is back. I know he is. I felt that rush of anger yesterday, then it went away pretty quickly. But I know I wasn’t just imagining it. The anger wasn’t the only thing.

I feel different. Like, I’ve been feeling okay for a couple of months, but there’s something else going on now. It’s like the warmth that I feel when Natalie touches me. That feeling like a light has turned on, seems like it is just stuck on now. Before, when she stopped touching me each time the light turned back off, but now the light switch is just just staying on. It’s been like this ever since yesterday, after I stopped being so afraid about Demon and was able to calm down.

I mean, nothing else happened. I was mad, and I kicked the ball at Socks, then felt bad that I might have hurt him. That’s when I realized that Demon was here and got really scared. But I didn’t feel anything else I shouldn’t, didn’t want to hurt anyone, nothing like that. None of the stuff that Natalie has been warning me about.

And I actually feel better. A lot better than I was feeling yesterday before it happened, while I was missing Natalie so much. Now I don’t feel like I need her to touch me any more.

I think whatever was wrong with me is fixed. I hadn’t even realized how bad I was feeling before. But now that I look back on it, I know that the times that Natalie touched me just made me feel like normal, like I used to feel, like I should always be feeling.

And that’s how I feel now.

I don’t know whether Demon is really watching me, like Natalie told me guardian angels do. Is he listening to everything I’m thinking? Does he know how scared I was? I wish that I had paid more attention to Natalie, or asked her more questions about how this works. It didn’t seem as important to me as just having her be with me. But now I think I should have been learning more. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing now that he’s back.

Well, I don’t suppose there’s anything I can really do about it. I guess everyone has a guardian angel, so that doesn’t make me any different than anyone else. I’ve spent the last few months scared of the idea of having a guardian angel, but now it seems fine. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

I realize that I’m starving. I don’t remember feeling this hungry for a long time. I get up and head down the hall to the kitchen. Wow, it must still be really early, I don’t think the sun is even all the way up yet. Mom and Dad’s door is still closed. What day is it? Oh, Sunday, I don’t think they have to go to work or school today, so they’re still asleep.

Well, I can get myself some food. I open up the cupboard and start rummaging around. It all looks so good.

Jonathan’s

“Yes, my dearest, I am here. Just as you are wondering, I am listening to everything you are thinking. I will always hear and see each of your actions, all of your thoughts. You are the center of my existence, my beloved.”

It is already growing easier to whisper to my beloved. Just as his recovery accelerated as soon as we reunited, so has mine. I feel as though I am the same as before the exile occurred. I am not quite ready to start experimenting with the use of energy again, though.

To hear my Guarded speculate about what I am doing is astonishing. I had seen such things occur with the Seer before, but this is a new experience for me. I had attempted to prevent Jonathan from learning about me, fearing that it would harm my connection with him. But after having that connection nearly destroyed, I am delighted to find that even though he reacted to my return with an initial fear, he already finds acceptance.

It is so perceptive of my beloved to recognize that he is feeling whole once again. It grieves me to discover how unwell he had been feeling in my absence, even though he did not truly realize it at the time. But now he sees that only with my presence can he function normally, feel well, find renewed pleasure in his life. Even his appetite has returned.

As I observe him breakfasting in the early morning, I contemplate how interesting this situation is. It has been so long since any human was without a Guardian, the knowledge of what that would be like has long been lost to memory. But now I see the profound difference that it makes. A great deal of the functionality of the human is tied to the presence of their Guardian. The partnership is even deeper than I knew.

What might this mean for us moving forward? When I fully recover, and am able to again consider the use of energy in our communications, what can we accomplish? Now that he knows of my presence, will I be able to communicate with him? Control him?

And of course, soon we must deal with the inevitable return of the Seer. We have these few days of peace, to ourselves, before she returns and presumably attempts to resume her interference in Jonathan’s life. I dread having to see the unnatural creature again. I worry about how I will react to her presence, after having spent so long both craving and hating the effect she had on me whenever she touched Jonathan. Can I influence Jonathan once again to exclude her from our presence? Can I force him to do so?

We shall see. We can hope.