Demon

Jonathan

It’s the last day of Christmas break. School starts again tomorrow. I think it’s going to feel strange to be there again. I was out sick the whole week before vacation even started, so it’s been a long break for me. Gabe was out of school that week too.

I’m not sure I really remember what happened. They told me that I fell off the jungle gym, and then the next thing I knew I was waking up in the hospital with Gabe staring at me. But everything is so fuzzy in my memory, not just about that day, but about almost everything that has happened since then. I do recall that a couple of days before that happened, I had a fight with Gabe at the library, but even that is hard for me to remember. I’m not even sure why we were fighting, I just have a vague memory of us on the floor hitting each other. And for the week after I was in the hospital, I barely remember anything.

They told me that I was unconscious for a while, that’s why I was in the hospital. I guess they scanned my brain and stuff, to make sure that nothing was wrong, and the doctor said everything is fine. But I feel like I’ve changed somehow. I worry that something did get hurt, and the doctors just couldn’t find it.

Things don’t seem, I don’t know, as sharp as they used to. It’s like if you squint your eyes to make everything go blurry - everything seems kind of blurry to me. Not actually, I mean, I can see okay, but just nothing seems as clear as it used to. Nothing matters as much. Nothing tastes as good, or looks as cool, or seems as interesting.

I haven’t been able to get excited about anything that I used to love doing. I haven’t ridden my bike at all, although that might be because Gabe can’t do it right now with a cast on. I haven’t watched hardly any t.v., or played with my toys as much, or really anything. Even opening Christmas presents was fine, but not as thrilling as it used to be. I just don’t feel like doing anything. It’s like being tired, but not physically tired. My body feels fine, but my mind feels worn out somehow.

I hope that it ends soon, because if I have to go to school tomorrow I’ll need more energy than I have had lately.

Mom is busy in the living room putting all the Christmas decorations away, and Dad is helping her lift boxes and stuff. He says that she shouldn’t lift anything since she’s pregnant.

Apparently I’m going to have a baby brother or sister. I suppose I should feel excited about that. But I don’t, not really. Although that’s nothing different - I just don’t feel excited about anything.

I go out in the backyard with Socks, to stay out of their way while they’re moving around the ornaments and stuff. Socks is the only thing that makes me feel, not exactly happy, but just content. When I’m with him I feel okay.

Well, Socks and …

I hear someone knock on the door, and here comes the one other thing that makes me feel good lately. Natalie has come over, with Gabe. I was just thinking about her. The first thing that I really remember after I got back from the hospital was that she and Gabe came over one morning and we tossed the ball around for Socks. Everything that happened before that is super blurry in my mind, like a dream I can barely remember.

I’m glad they came over again today. They come out in the backyard, and of course Socks goes crazy with excitement, and rushes over to Natalie with his tail wagging a million miles a minute.

“Hey,” Gabe says, “Happy New Year.”

“Yeah,” I tell him, “same to you.”

I’m watching Natalie and Socks. He’s already grown since we got him, and he can reach up a lot higher than he used to. She drops down to the ground with him, and he’s jumping all over her and frantically trying to lick her face, while she giggles and tries to hold him. Their hair is the same color, dark brown. She looks over at me with a laugh on her face and says, “Happy New Year, Jonathan.”

I cross over to her and sit down next to where she and Socks are wrestling around. She reaches out and touches my shoulder. Mmm. There it is. That feeling, like somebody just turned the lights up in a dim room. Or like the day was chilly and just got a little warmer. Then Socks gets even more rambunctious and actually knocks her over, and her hand leaves me, and she falls over laughing. It’s like the lights go dim again.

I’ve started to realize that it feels good when she’s here, but especially when she touches me. I have no idea why. But I’m starting to like it. So I hope that she’ll do it again.

After a few minutes Socks has obviously worn himself out, and he just lays next to her panting. Natalie and I are still sitting on the ground, and Gabe is sitting on a chair next to us, his foot with the cast on it right near me.

“How’s your foot?” I ask him.

“I think it’s a lot better. It hasn’t been hurting at all lately. Mom says I still have to bring my crutches when I go to school tomorrow, but I think I’ll only use them if it starts hurting.”

“When do you get the cast off?”

“In a few more weeks. Natalie says that it should be fine by then.” Then Gabe gets a funny look on his face, like he realizes he shouldn’t have said something. Natalie looks at him and rolls her eyes.

“What?” I ask.

“Nothing,” Natalie says. “Are you ready to go back to school tomorrow? Are you feeling all right?”

“Yeah, I guess. It seems like a million years since I was there last time.”

She nods, and reaches over and takes my hand. Ah. Again. The lights turn on. I hold her hand, not super tightly, but enough that I think she can tell that I want her to stay there. Gabe watches, and I’m glad that he doesn’t seem to mind that I’m holding his sister’s hand again. Although, honestly, we’ve been doing it a lot lately. I think that before, Gabe might have teased me about it, maybe? I don’t really remember what it was like before. But for now he just lets us sit here, and I enjoy the warm feeling it gives me.

Natalie is silent for a minute, and looks over to the side. Then she asks, “Jonathan, do you know what happened when you were at school last time?”

“I fell off the jungle gym.”

“Yes, but do you remember why?”

Gabe watches closely. He seems pretty interested in this too. “Um, not very much. I think you were up there too? And Gabe must have been, since I know that’s when he fell and broke his ankle. But I can’t really remember anything.” I shrug. “The doctor said it’s normal sometimes to forget the details when you get hurt.”

Gabe and Natalie look at each other.

She says, “Well, I can tell you what happened. Okay?”

“Um, yeah, I guess.” I’m not sure how much I really care about it. But I want her to keep sitting here next to me. Every minute we are together like this I feel better, so I want to keep it up.