Definitely, Maybe in Love

“Was your whole family home for New Years?” I asked, reaching to take the plate Julia was holding. “All six kids?”

“Yep,” she answered, then clicked her tongue. “Yes-sir-ree bob.” She kicked the empty dishwasher closed. It wasn’t a violent action, and yet it was. Julia was seldom moody. It was probably jetlag—she’d landed pretty late last night. Or maybe it was the stress of the upcoming semester. Classes were starting again in two days.

“How was your vacation?” she asked as she walked around the kitchen, mindlessly opening and closing drawers. “Did you have a nice time at home?” The lilt in her voice was forced. She grabbed a sponge and began scrubbing the already clean sink.

I sighed at her question. My family—not exactly my favorite subject. But Julia didn’t seem to want to talk about her Christmas vacation, so I pulled up a bar stool and sat, drumming my fingers on the island. “My mother apologized the entire time, thinking there weren’t enough gifts under the tree. Like any of us cared.”

Julia nodded, scrubbing away at nothing. She hadn’t bothered pushing up her sleeves, so they hung over her hands, soaking wet. It was then that I noticed she was wearing the baggy pants to a tracksuit and a faded black T-shirt with a gray long-sleeved shirt underneath. Her hair was tied in a loose ponytail. No socks, no shoes, no makeup.

“Robby and Curtis were completely obsessed with the high school playoffs,” I continued for the sake of conversation. “I love my brothers, but they really do drive me mad.”

Julia didn’t answer, didn’t seem to be listening. I watched as she cleaned both sides of the sink, ran the disposal with nothing in it, held the sponge under hot water, rang it out, then tossed it in the dish drainer.

“Oh, and get this.” I slid off the stool and leaned against the counter. “They went to visit my dad, my brothers did.” I paused and stared at Julia, waiting for a reaction. After a moment, she lifted her eyebrows. “I know, right? So random.” I straightened a row of mugs. “I guess he wants to make amends or whatever. He’s getting remarried this summer. I don’t know. They wanted me to go to visit him too, but no way. Not after all this time.”

It still stung when I thought about it. Robby, Curtis and I were supposed to be in it together, a team against getting hurt by Dad again. If they wanted to reconcile, I guess it was just me now.

“Anyway,” I added, not wanting the bitterness to spoil my mood, “we didn’t kill each other, and there was hardly any blood.” I smiled. “So all in all, it was a successful Honeycutt holiday.”

Julia lifted a smile at the conclusion of my familial anecdotes. It was forced and insincere, but at least she was no longer scrubbing her fingers raw. She bent over the sink, eyes closed. Some of her hair spilled forward, falling loose from the sloppy ponytail. Her shoulders were lifting and falling, very measured breathing, and I wondered if she was contemplating being sick.

Okay, this was no jetlag. She’d seemed okay when I was talking, so I reached for a new subject. “Where’s Anabel?” I asked. Our social butterfly roommate’s calendar was probably already full, even on the day she returned from vacation. Evidently my question was rhetorical, because Julia broached her own.

“Have you heard from Alex?” she asked, picking up that over-used sponge.

I yanked it from her hand.

She turned to me, puzzled. “Well?”

“Well, what?” I tossed the annihilated sponge in the trash.

“Alex?” she prompted.

“Oh. Uh, no. But actually, I’m inviting him over tonight.” My stomach made a roll, as I wasn’t too jazzed about seeing him. The winter break was only two weeks long, but in those two weeks, I’d made a couple of decisions, decisions that still surprised me. Alex would need to know about one of them, since it involved him, and someone else we both knew.

“Tonight?” Julia asked.

“I’m giving you a heads up because I know you and Dart don’t feel comfortable around him. You might want to hang out across the street.”

Julia’s face went all scrunchy, and I saw the first tear.

“What’s wrong?”

Her hands flew to her face, covering her eyes, sobs breaking from her throat. “And I thought it was weird,” she began, already in the middle of a story, “to not hear anything all that time.” She backed into a corner of the kitchen and slumped to the floor. I joined her, sitting on my knees.

“It didn’t work,” she muttered tearily. “It just didn’t work.”

I hadn’t noticed before, but her eyes were bloodshot with dark circles rimming the bottom lids. Looking at her made me wince. “What didn’t work?” I asked.

“She told me to play hard to get, but…but…”

“Who told you?” I asked, touching her shoulder.

“But I think it made him mad. I don’t know what…what happened.” The last word barely squeaked out before the weeping took over.

“Bunny, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. Because he didn’t call me, not for a week.”

“Who?” I wasn’t following her at all now.

“I mean, we’ve been together every day for four months. Every day, Spring. And then he doesn’t call for a week? Not even on Christmas.” She sobbed through a sarcastic snort of laughter. “Who does that?”

“Oh.” Dread rolled in my stomach. “Dart?”

She sniffed and nodded. “So I finally called him. I mean, I can, right? I’m allowed. This isn’t nineteen fifty.”

“Sure,” I said, trying my best to follow.

Julia yanked down a dishtowel from the sink. “At first he didn’t say much of anything,” she said, wiping her cheeks. “But I know him, Spring. I know him.” She shot a fierce look at me. “He’s in my blood! I gave him everything, every part of me. Do you understand?”

I nodded, even though I had no idea what she meant.

What I did know was this: In the four months they were together, I’d never seen two people happier or more compatible than Julia and Dart. To anyone who was fortunate enough to be caught in their love wake, it was obvious these two people were made for each other. Dart may have been more animated about it, but I knew Julia’s heart—its tenderness, its complete devotion—and I knew it belonged to Dart.

“He said…he said he thought we should take some time apart,” she continued, her lower lip wobbling. “I was shocked; I didn’t know what to say.” Misery and fear blazed behind her eyes. “I don’t need time. I need Dart.” Her lips sealed in a broken frown. “We shared things, Spring, new things.” She lowered her head, voice dropping. “Something I can never get back.”

Oh. So they had slept together. No wonder she was so shattered. First love, first sex. My heart broke for her all over again as my mind raced, searching for answers. It didn’t make sense, though. First of all, why would Dart not call for a week and then breakup over the phone? Not at all his M.O.

“Je ne sais pas…Je ne sais pas,” Julia murmured as she crumpled into a ball, hugging her body.

I did my best to calm her, floundering words of comfort and encouragement about men snapping back like rubber bands, but honestly, I was just as confused.

“I want him back,” she cried. “I want him back here. Once he’s here we’ll work everything out.”

Classes were starting soon, which meant Dart would return to town any minute. I stroked her tangled hair, silently joining in her confidence. If there was some mistake, surely it would be cleared up two seconds after Dart was in the presence of Julia, falling in love with her all over again.

“Let’s get you upstairs,” I suggested.

Julia’s body was weak and tense, but she nodded. Just as I was about to gather her up, the front door opened and slammed shut.

“Spring? Have you heard?”

Good gracious, woman.

A few seconds later, Mel rounded the corner into the kitchen, nearly tripping over our huddled mass. “Oh.” She frowned down at Julia. “Looks like you just found out.”

Being my best friend notwithstanding, sometimes Mel lacked tact. I gave the still-weeping Julia a tight squeeze before I stood. “This isn’t a good time,” I hissed at Mel. “Something’s wrong.”

“Damn straight,” Mel said, gawking down at Julia. “Why didn’t she know before now?” She turned to me. “Why didn’t you know?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Dart.” She bit her lip. “Gone. I swear, I thought you knew, I thought—”

“Gone?” Julia blurted. “What do you mean, gone?” Her porcelain face was blotchy and tear-stained as she stared at Mel. “Where’s Dart?”

Mel opened her mouth but didn’t speak for a moment. “Moved out,” she finally said, sounding a little guilty. “I heard it just a few minutes ago f-from”—she bit her lip—“from Lilah.”

My heart stopped cold when Julia gasped. It was a primal sound, like a wounded animal. I never wanted to hear it again.

Mel leaned toward me. “Why didn’t Julia kn—”

“Zip it,” I hissed. “Give me two seconds to think.” I pressed my fingertips over my eyelids. “Okay, okay, I need to call Henry. He’ll know what’s going on. He’ll—”

“Springer.” I felt Mel’s hand on my shoulder. “They’re both gone.” It took a moment for her words to register. “Both of them.”

I didn’t bother taking the time to rearrange my expression of shock before I lowered my hands.

“He didn’t say anything to you?” Mel whispered.

I opened my mouth but only shook my head.

“Apparently,” she said, “Dart is spending this semester operating a YMCA-type place somewhere overseas. Lilah didn’t tell me where Henry went, but she kept talking about some castle and Switzerland. That sounds like a place he would go.” She shrugged. “All I know is the house across the street has new tenants this semester. They’re gone.”

I tried to remain calm, tried to not show that it felt like I’d just been slapped. What I was going to tell Alex tonight, and what I’d hoped to tell Henry five minutes after that… It was all for nothing now. I took a deep breath, needing to collect myself. There would be a later time and place to process what that meant to me. Right now, there was a greater problem at hand.

“Jules?” I said, slowly approaching her.

She lifted her head and stared up with blank eyes, strands of red hair tangling in her tears.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Her eyes searched my face for answers. But I had none.

“I’m so sorry.” I lowered myself beside her and slid an arm around her trembling shoulders. She leaned her head against me and quietly sobbed, while I stared at the wall, trying to remember what it had been like before my feelings changed, wondering why my chest felt like it had been hollowed out with a spoon.