Deceiving My Bully Stepbrother

(Johnnie)

What the hell was I doing?! I can't believe I snuggled up with Caspian again..but this time willingly..oh my gosh..Anna is going to flip the hell out when I fill her in.

Last night though..it was probably one of the best nights I've had in years. Caspian was just like his old self..we laughed and talked for hours..even though he was still pretty drunk..I even made him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and he made me feed it to him. I had never seen him so carefree and happy..and then I began to wonder if getting all of that off of his chest was what he needed all of these years.

Holding a secret like that in..I can understand why he was so hateful and pushed everyone away. It was like he became a shell of himself and only anger was left to fill him.

I myself felt guilty and gross about what my mom did to Viva and their family.

Viva has always been there for her..especially after Dad died she really stepped up and helped take care of us..

I am so ashamed of my own mother..and truthfully, I feel like Caspian had a right to feel that way..obviously, the stuff he told me was projecting and made me feel horrible..but he was just a kid when this happened..and his dad made him keep the secret..all those things he said and did, it was like a cry for help and I didn't even know.

After Caspian fell asleep, I found myself tracing the tattoos on his muscular arm. This one was just a swirling pattern, but I liked the way it looked. At this point, I was just lying next to him...but I couldn't help and gaze at his beautiful sleeping face.

He seemed so much more relaxed. What if this really is going to change everything? What if we can grow past this and become closer again? To be honest..I feel closer already..like the last five years were some horrible nightmare and the real Caspian woke up from a coma or something.

If things change..what does that mean? Would we..I mean..would he even want to be with me?

And then I woke up this morning clinging to him like he was my damn teddy bear or something..

But that kiss..and the way he rubbed himself against me..if my mom hadn't knocked on the door..I don't know if I would've been able to stop. That's how bad this is getting...seriously. Every time Caspian touches me, it's like I have no sense of reason..I throw it all out the window and do exactly what he wants.

I straightened my shirt..well Caspian's shirt before trying to steady my breathing and glanced toward the now closed bathroom making sure Caspian was hidden.

Why was my mom even here?

She never comes to check on me.

"Come in!" I yelled out before pulling the covers up a little higher as my heart raced erratically.

I watched as my mom peeked her head into the room before looking around suspiciously.

"Are you okay? I thought I heard someone else in here." She asked curiously, glancing towards the bathroom as I sat up straighter.

"No, of course not..I was just on the phone with Anna catching up." I sputtered..knowing I was a horrible liar..but Mom didn't seem to catch on..Ben would've within seconds though.

"Oh, okay. Are you feeling okay sweetheart?" She asked before coming to sit on the bed.

My mom wore a green sundress today with her hair up in a bun, her blue eyes studying me for a moment as I looked away and cleared my throat..this was weird..I felt like she was a stranger now..like..I didn't even know her at all.

"Yeah, everything's fine..why do you ask?" I said smoothly, feeling her gaze burning into me as I couldn't meet her stare... just couldn't.

"Well, after you left yesterday and when Freddy gave you a ride home he said you seemed a little down." She stated, causing a loud clatter to come from the bathroom, making me stiffen.

"What was that? Is someone in the bathroom?" She suddenly asked, making me reach my hand out and grip hers.

"It must be from Caspian's room, the bathrooms are right next to each other remember?" I rushed out, making my mom's brow furrow as I wondered what the hell Caspian was doing in there.

"I'm fine mom, I just went to check on Caspian and he had already left." I said, which wasn't a lie..

"About that..maybe you should steer clear of Caspian for a little..I know you two aren't as close as before..and he seems to get a little moody...I just don't want you to get your feelings hurt. Maybe you should move your room downstairs for now." She muttered, making me even more confused..why was she saying this?

She was completely clueless about how Caspian treated me all these years..so it can't be that..

"Maybe he has a reason to be upset." I blurted, making my mom stiffen as I finally met her gaze.

We stared at one another for a few moments, the words on the tip of my tongue as I was about to say it..I wanted to so freaking bad..but my mom stood abruptly before turning towards the door.

"Well, I just wanted to let you know that we are leaving in twenty minutes to meet Patricia and Heaven at the dress shop. I will be downstairs waiting for you." She added hastily before walking out the door and shutting it behind her. Oh great..that's all I need is to see Heaven.

I just sat there, staring at the space my mom had just left..knowing her abrupt departure mean she was going to act like nothing was wrong..she was going to play the innocent card until I brought it up.

But I have to wait until Ben and Alder know..it's only right to give them a heads up..we have to do this together. Suddenly I felt a strong hand push on my shoulder, making my eyes snap up as Caspian was standing beside the bed.

He lowered me down, his knee pressing into the mattress as he suddenly crawled over me, making my heart leap into my throat as my eyes widened.

"W..what are you doing Caspian." I breathed, his dark blue eyes meeting mine as what looked like anger flashed through them. I couldn't help but ogle his bare chest as my stomach flooded with millions of butterflies. Having him hover above me like this..hold crap..it was like every fantasy I ever had coming true.

"You didn't tell me Freddy gave you a ride yesterday." He grumbled, his hands gripping my wrists before raising them above my head as he now caged me in with his humongous body.

"Well..... it..nothing happened. In fact it was more awkward than anything." I whispered, seeing Caspian's cool gaze dart to my lips as I swallowed hard.

"Awkward? Awkward how?" He asked slolwy, his voice oozing seduction as he bent down lower.

"Well..he just warned me off." I explained, feeling distracted as I stared at his full pink lips as they inched closer and closer.

"Wait..what the f**k did you say?" He blurted, before blinking his eyes and becoming more serious.

"Well..he said Heaven wanted to make things official with you..that's why.." I confessed before turning my head, unable to finish my sentence because I felt embarrassed.

"That's why you were upset. That f*****g prick..I'm going to kick his ass." He gritted through his teeth before gripping my wrists tighter.

"Caspian..please don't..let's just ignore it for now..it's not like we..well..I mean.." I began, feeling his warmth began to seep inside of me as his eyes continued to study me. "Not like we what?" He asked, prompting me to bite my lip as Capsian took a sharp breath.

"Who knows, maybe you will be with Heaven by the end of the summer. She is transferring to WSU Cas..besides...you two have already.." I started to explain making his expression turn hard. "Don't..don't even finish that sentence. You just don't get it yet do you Turner.." He began, making me confused now as I watched him let go of my wrists and start to sit up.

"Get what?" I asked, making him hop off the bed before walking towards the door.

"Why do you think all of the girls I dated before were blonde Johnnie?" He stopped before glancing back and meeting my gaze.

"Because you like blondes?" I stated, feeling clueless.

"Just one..but no one could replace her..so I'm done trying to replace her..now I'm going to prove to her that it has always been her." He explained and I still felt so freaking stupid..was it Heaven?

"Because I know you..I'm going to make this very f*****g clear okay?" He sighed before striding back over to me as he gripped my chin and tilted my head back, making me look up with wide eyes.

"It's you Johnnie, your the one I have thought about for as long as I can remember, and I'm done pushing those feelings aside.." He declared before claiming my lips, his mouth fusing to mine as he kissed me so passionately I lost all sense of reality. His words swirling through my head as he finally pulled away, pressing his brow to mine and gazed into my eyes. "I know it might take some time for you to accept this..but Johnnie..you are mine."

And with that..Caspian left the room, leaving me sitting there feeling even more baffled..what the actual f**k?!