Deceiving My Bully Stepbrother

***Trigger Warning For Thoughts of Self-Harm***

(Johnnie)

I blinked down at Caspian just as he pulled away. The mere fact that I have been kissed by him twice today makes my head spin..

"I know I've f****d up.....I've been a royal a*s, Johnnie..just let me p...prove myself." He slurred, making me let out a long sigh before reaching down.

"Okay, come on..you are going to bed.." I stated, not taking what he said seriously for now..because let's be real..he might not even remember any of it tomorrow when he sobers up. "Can..can you play me one more song? Please..it's been so long..."

I froze in place, feeling that anxiety creep up as I glanced toward the piano again.

"How about if you listen and do exactly what I say..then I will tomorrow." I tried to bargain..hoping to God that he truly does forget all of this and I won't have to keep up my part of the deal.

"Deal..I will be a good boy." He added before smiling widely and I burst into giggles before slapping my hand over my mouth, trying to stop it.

The way he said that made butterflies explode through me as he was being way too cute for his own good..

"Okay, good." I added in agreement before reaching down and grabbing his hands.

"Now you have to help me okay?" I stated, feeling like I was talking to a young child.

Caspian nodded eagerly as his deep blue eyes peered up at me innocently..what was his deal? Is he always like this when he drinks?

"Wait..only if you give me a kiss first." He blurted, making me pause.

He pouted his lips out and that's when I narrowed my eyes at him before shaking my head no.

"No more kisses, they are too dangerous with you." I declared, knowing it was the damn truth..Kissing Caspian made my legs turn to jelly and my brain to mush..one of us had to try and be responsible right now. “Jojo..please..just a small one..here." He whined while pulling his hand from me and pointed to his chiseled cheek.

I felt my heart flip a freaking million times from him calling me Jojo..it's been years...

"Then will you do everything I say?" I asked, prompting him to nod his head up and down drunkenly as his shaggy hair flopped in front of his eyes while the urge to push it back filled me.

"Fine..just one..you are like a child I swear.." I grumbled, before bending slightly as I went to kiss his cheek.

Of course last minute he turned his head, meeting my mouth with his as our skin brushed together, causing me to pull back.

"You tricked me!" I gasped, hitting him on the arm and making him laugh.

"It's your juicy lips..they made me do it." He frowned as I huffed in annoyance..juicy lips?! What is his deal?

"Okay, come on you caveman, get up." I teased, lifting his arms and pulling..but of course my contribution did nothing and he stood on his own.

His large frame now towering above me as he wrapped his arm around my body, pulling me to his chest once more as he squeezed the air out of me. "C..Caspian." I croaked, making him groan.

"Carry me..no..take me to your bed instead..my room is too far." He whined while making me stumble back as I tried to keep him from knocking us over. "Your room is literally five feet from mine.." I grumbled and finally was able to get it so my arm was around his back and his around my shoulders..

I started leading us to the stairs, trying to engage my core as I swear this was a damn workout...how much did he weigh?!

"Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are.. your cute little nose..your adorable cheeks..." He mumbled, his finger lifted while tapping every part of my face he mentioned.

"Nope..don't remember you ever saying that one..ugly yeah..but not beautiful." I reminded him, not quite ready to let that one go.

"Come on Johnnie, you know that was a lie..everything I said to you in the past five years has been a lie." He scoffed, making me freeze as he almost stumbled forward without me.

"Then why did you say them Caspian? If you didn't mean them?" I asked seriously, feeling completely annoyed by his confession.

"Because I was angry..and I did it to push you away..also..well..this is going to make you mad." He laughed before looking down at me.

"What?" I looked up at him suspiciously..knowing this probably would make me really mad.

"Well..I mean..I thought maybe if you believed it..then you might not date other guys." He blinked slowly, his words causing my jaw to drop as I pulled my arm from his waist and stepped back, making him place his hand on the wall, trying not to fall over. "Wait..you said all of that stuff, just so I wouldn't date another guy? You pretty much crushed my self-esteem and made me even question why I was alive at one point..just so I wouldn't date around?!"

"Wait..what did you say?" He rushed out, causing me to shake my head no as I stepped back from him.

"Why Caspian? What the hell did I do to you to make it so you hated me that much?" I whispered, feeling shocked by this confession.

"No..what did you say Johnnie..did you just say you contemplated taking your own life because of me?" He asked angrily, his voice making me flinch as I crossed my arms in front of my chest before turning my head away from him in embarrassment. "I lost a lot more than my dad that year Cas..you were my best friend..if it wasn't for Anna..or the fact that my mom and Ben needed me to get them through that..I saw no other point." I breathed..it was true..I felt as low as I could get..Caspian hated me..everyone at school seemed to add to it except for Anna..and Ben was already drinking himself in the grave. But there were many times I would lay awake at night, wondering if everyone would be better off without me. Suddenly I felt Caspian arms around me, his body encircling me completely as he let out a shuddering sob.

"I'm sorry..I'm so sorry..please..please never think that again..Johnnie..you mean more to me than anything in this world..I just..I didn't want to hurt her more..I thought if I pushed you away..it would somehow make things better..that it would show my mom I was on her side...I'm sorry..I'm sorry.." He continued to say over and over, his words confusing me as I tried to pull away to look him in the eye but he wouldn't let go.

"You can hate me..you can hurt me and tell me to f**k off..do anything you want Johnnie..but please..never hurt yourself...I'm begging you." He cried, making me grip his shirt as I buried my face in his chest, feeling my own tears streaming down my face.

"I will never hurt you again..I will never lie to you or say things just to make you hate me..I won't..I promise..you mean too much to me.." He breathed, his mouth kissing the top of my head as I took a shuddering breath. "Caspian..why..why did you want your mom to think you were on her side..I don't get it?" I asked after a few more moments, feeling Caspian's breathing become deeper as he began to calm down.

"I..I don't want to hurt you more Johnnie.." He suddenly whispered, and now I really did manage to pull back before looking up at him, I saw fresh tears falling down his perfect cheeks as I reached up to wipe them. "Remeber..no more lying?" I said, making him nod his head as he leaned into my palm, the gesture causing my eyes to widen as I felt my heart leap into my throat.

All of these new things he was doing were making my emotions go haywire.

"Okay..but we better go to the beach...I don't want anyone coming home while I tell you."

He stated as I watched him pull from me and take my hand, gripping it tightly like he was afraid I would run away or something.

"I'm sorry Johnnie..for everything."

He said once more..but this time..if felt like it was for a different reason..what could he have to tell me?