Chapter 7 - Atonement
“I still think you should stay at home for a while longer,” her mom said and Lily looked up from her bowl of cereal.
“I told you, mom, I’m fine. I’m going back to class today.”
“It just feels like it’s too soon.”
Lily’s eyes widened and her head jerked with fright. Her mother was standing with her back to Lily, washing the dishes and not really paying attention to her daughter’s reactions.
“You’re always trying to act so tough, even when you should be resting. It must be because your dad left when you were so young.”
An image of Helandel’s smiling face appeared in Lily’s mind and her hand clenched around the spoon she was holding. The old anger bubbled in her gut as she remembered what her father had become.
“Don’t talk about him,” she growled and her mom looked around in surprise. “Don’t ever mention him again.”
“Why?”
Lily got to her feet and refused to meet her mother’s worried gaze. “Just don’t,” she growled and walked out of the kitchen.
She grabbed her bag from the hallway and pulled on her shoes as at the doorway. She felt her mother’s gaze on her from the kitchen and glanced up at her. Her mother was standing in the doorway with a worried look on her face. Lily tried to smile at her.
“I’ll be fine. I think I’m going to have to stay late today to catch up on all the work I’ve missed.”
Her mother gave a smile. “Alright, stay safe. Call me if something happens.”
Lily nodded and waved to her mother. “I will, have a nice day at work today.”
Once outside Lily stuck her hand into her bag and felt around for the hilt of the sword. She’d been home for nearly three days and still had trouble adjusting to the time-lapse, or lack thereof. She’d come back less than an hour later than when she’d left for Death’s Domain. After spending what felt like close to three weeks there and finding that she hadn’t even lost an hour in the real world was disconcerting. She’d left injured and unable to walk unaided and returned fully healed. The strangest thing was that no one even noticed.
Lily looked up as she walked and breathed an inward sigh of frustration. Well, almost no one...
“Good to see you back on your feet,” Haji said as he pushed away from the wall.
Dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt made him look harmless and normal. Lily noticed the interested looks the other students were giving him as they walked past. For once, Lily was happy that her mom was a lecturer at the college. This level of street traffic made it hard for Haji to really do anything threatening.
“I’m a fast healer,” Lily muttered as she aimed to walk past him.
To her annoyance he fell into step next to her and his long legs made it easy to keep pace with her. She felt his eyes on her and lowered her head. She was dressed in a pair of jeans and a pale blue and white sleeveless hoodie. Her bag was thrown casually over her shoulder, but the gap in the zipper made it easy for her to reach in and grab her sword hilt.
“Miraculously fast,” Haji commented and she tried not to look at him.
Helandel had warned her about this. The Clerics would see through the illusion woven around her. Reflexively her hand reached for the gap in her bag. Haji was walking easily next to her, eyes staring up into the pale blue of the sky.
“Yeah, my family’s kinda famous for it.”
Then he reached out with viper-speed and grabbed her arm. He twisted her so that she swung with her back into the wall of the house next to them. Haji pressed his face close to hers and leaned down, effectively pinning her between his body and the wall behind her.
“God, you must think I’m stupid,” he growled.
Lily looked around wildly, trying to find an escape. Two young women were walking past, but they were giggling and sending her and Haji pointed looks. It must have looked very intimate. Intimidating, more like.
“Get away from me,” Lily growled and glared into Haji’s blue eyes.
He wasn’t smiling anymore. His face was locked in a dark scowl and his eyes bore into hers.
“You’re not supposed to be up and about yet. You’re not supposed to even be alive,” he growled into her ear.
Lily’s hand delved into her bag, but froze at the click of a gun. The cold metal pressed into the skin just below the corner of her jaw. Her eyes snapped to Haji’s and she saw the dark humour reflected in them.
“Not so fast, Reaper.”
“What do you want, Cleric?” she growled and slowly grasped the hilt of her sword.
“I want to know why you didn’t listen to me.”
“About what?”
“About everything I warned you against. What did your humanity cost you? What did you exchange to become an abomination?”
“Definitely not my soul,” Lily snarled and pulled her blade out of her bag.
Haji jumped back as she drew the blade out. It grew as she withdrew it from her bag, shimmering eerily in the bright sunlight. Around them the world went slow and dark, casting them into that Limbo between the living and the dead. Haji didn’t look surprised as the light faded and time slowed.
He laughed. “I knew you were strong, but this strong?” He shook his head. “You constantly surprise me.”
Lily smiled a cold smile. “Prepare to be astounded.”
She spread her arms wide and allowed the full power of the Death Weapon to manifest inside her. She felt her clothing change and the tell-tale prickle that followed the dark lines that flowed over her face.
Haji’s face froze as he stared at her and his arm jerked up. He shot three shots towards her and Lily saw the pale-blue shimmering bullets cut through the air towards her. She swung the sword up and managed to block the bullets. She shot forward and ducked under his arm. They stood in frozen tableau for a few seconds before Haji swallowed heavily. The point of the sword hovered a hair’s breadth from his throat.
“Death, a necessary end, will come when it will come,” she said softly and Haji looked down at her.
To his surprise she stepped back and sheathed her blade. He watched it disappear into thin air and she replaced it back into her bag, once again back to normal. She thrust her hands into the pockets of her hoodie and looked at him quizzically.
“It always annoys Death when I quote Shakespeare at him, which I do at every possible occasion.”
“You quote Shakespeare at him.”
She nodded. “Only to annoy him.”
“From which play was that one, then?”
“Julius Caesar. One of my all-time favourites, actually. Death, however, thinks otherwise. He said that the man was not quite as legendary as we are given to understand.” She shrugged. “I’m not one to judge, not having met the man personally.”
Haji’s arm dropped to his side and he stared at her in shock. She looked so normal as she stood in front of him, delicate and small.
“Why didn’t you kill me?” he breathed and she shrugged again.
“I’m a Reaper. I only take what has been spent; I do not steal away life.” She gave him a crooked smile. “But if you want to try killing me again you’re free to have another go.”
Lily turned and started to walk away, heart hammering in her chest. She kept her calm, fighting for control over her body. Acting, always acting casual. Keep him off balance, play to your strengths. What were her strengths? She was a good actress and she could play any role needed.
Behind her Haji stared. He lifted his gun again and aimed at the back of her head, but his hand was shaking. She was still walking calmly away from him, her back completely exposed to his gun.
His hand dropped again. He couldn’t shoot her, not when she was so exposed. She was taunting him, but that only made it harder to shoot her in the back. She spoke about Death like he was just another person, just someone to annoy and joke around with.
“What are you?” he called after her and she gave him a radiant smile over her shoulder.
“A Master Reaper,” she said and turned away again. He watched her lift a hand in salute to him as she walked. “If you want to find me again I’ll be at the building site this afternoon, ferrying souls. It’s my first assignment as a Reaper, so wish me luck.”
Then she rounded a corner and the bubble of timelessness popped around him. Haji stared at the corner where she’d disappeared in mute shock. She’d actually told him where to find her, like she didn’t care either way. Then something else occurred to him in his shock.
“A Master Reaper? What the hell?”
Lily leaned against the wall just around the corner, fighting down the growing hysteria that threatened to overwhelm her. She clutched one hand to her chest and the other to her leg, which was throbbing painfully.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” she snarled to herself as she ran a hand over her face. “Why the hell did I tell him that? Do I want to die?”
She straightened up and drew a deep breath, trying to quell the panic that tore through her. She swung around and started on her way towards her classes, trying not to limp as the phantom pain dug through her leg.
“One step at a time,” she muttered as she walked, “leave it to your stupid bravado to jump before you can even crawl.”
Classes went quite quickly that day and Lily realised that she hadn’t fallen as behind as she’d originally thought. It seemed like classes were stopped for a week after the building collapse. They’d decided on what the theme for this year’s play was going to be and she had to suppress a laugh when it was announced.
This year’s interdepartmental play would be Shakespeare’s ‘The Issue of Your Peace’. She was to play Constance because she already knew the majority of her monologues. The auditions for the other parts would open up the following week and anyone was welcome to participate.
Lily mused over this when she stood across the street from the demolished building. Even now rescue workers were still hard at work. They weren’t hoping of finding anyone still alive, but they were still removing bodies.
“If life were merchandise that gold could buy,” Lily muttered as she pulled her sword out of her bag.
In front of her hovered dozens of spirits, begging the people watching, the rescue workers, the passers-by to notice them. They wailed and begged and pled, but all their voices fell on deaf ears. All but one.
“The rich would live, only the poor would die.”
It was the Reaper’s code, although Lily found it amusing that the Reapers themselves were paid in Time. Time given after they retired to live out their lives in the real world. Again the image of her grandfather sprang into her mind, a man who had refused the time he was due and settled in Death’s Domain after the loss of his wife and abandonment of his son, her father.
“I guess that’s one thing he’s good at,” she muttered as she turned her sword hilt so that it pointed down, “he’s good at leaving.”
The blue blade shot out and the world slowed. Around her the souls’ wails and pleading grew louder. She walked forward and smiled at a young woman she recognised. They used to be in the same classes and the girl had a singing voice that brought tears to the eyes.
“Hello,” she said and the girl turned to her in surprise.
“You can see me?” she asked and Lily nodded. “Why can’t anyone else.”
“You’re dead,” Lily said solemnly and the girl’s eyes widened.
“No,” she breathed.
“I’m sorry.”
Lily swung her sword and the girl’s horrified expression faded slowly as the thin blue line was cut away.
“Yes,” she said slowly and peace flooded her face. “I died when the building collapsed. Thank you.”
Lily watched as the girl faded and disappeared. She worked slowly through the mass of souls that floated around the site, every one of them pulling at her heart. It was sad to watch them, terrible to watch their fear as she approached and even worse to see their peace as they disappeared. There were so many of them, too many souls that needed sending, but she was going to do it alone. She’d insisted on doing them alone.
“My atonement,” she said when Death had asked her about it. “For being given a chance to live when they were not.”
You feel that you must atone for your life?
“Not for my life,” she’d said slowly, feeling Helandel’s gaze on her, “for theirs.”
I do not understand.
And he hadn’t, how can he? These were people she’d known, laughed and studied with and now they were gone. And she was still here when she shouldn’t have been. Sending them off by herself was her final goodbye to them, a personal debt repaid. A young man stood before her now and smiled down at her in that roguish way of his.
Adam, his name had been, Adam Young. They’d started studying together and were friends. He grinned at her.
“How many are left?” he asked and she shook her head.
“You’re the last.”
He nodded. “Good, you look like hell.”
Lily looked down at her black robes and her hand went to her streaked face. Her fingers came away wet and she stared at them. She’d started crying without even noticing.
“You always were such a softie, I could always see right through your acts.”
He faded then, becoming less and less in the bright sunlight. With a heavy sigh Lily thrust her sword into the rubble and sat down on a large slab of stone. She lowered her face into her hands and sat in silence for a long time.
“You do look like hell,” a familiar voice said and Lily’s head shot up.
She made a grab for her sword, but Haji raised his hands in surrender, showing her that he wasn’t armed. Lily eased back slowly and lowered her head again.
“That last one, did you know him?”
“I knew all of them. They were my friends.”
“I’m sorry.”
Haji carefully picked his way over the rubble and settled down beside her on the slab. Lily glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and saw him lean forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He heaved a heavy sigh as he looked around. People were frozen in mid-action, stones hung in the air as they were tossed from man to man.
“I became a Cleric because my dad is one, so was my grandfather and his father before him.”
“That’s nice.”
“I must have killed fifty Reapers in my time,” he commented and Lily grunted.
“Not something I want to hear right now.”
“I know.”
“Did they fight back?”
Haji shrugged. “Each and every one of them did. Tooth and nail. Not one of them came nearly as close to killing me as you did today.”
She watched as he pulled up the hem of his shirt. A thick scar scoured a line down his ribs and over his muscled abdomen.
“And one got pretty damn close.” He settled back. “Why did you stop?”
“I don’t kill.”
“What do you call what you did today?”
“Their lives were spent, over, complete. Their hourglasses cannot be overturned.”
“Yours were.”
His reply was sharp and cut deeply. Lily breathed a heavy sigh as she looked up at him. His face was serious and cold, his eyes burning into her.
“I’m different. I passed a test that could have killed me just the same.”
“Did they get a choice?”
Lily shook their head. “I don’t understand how the Reapers are chosen. I just understand what must be done. Death chose me, I didn’t ask for it.”
Haji sighed heavily and ran a hand through his blonde hair. In this eerie world of silence he regarded her solemnly.
“Why were you crying?”
Lily ran a hand over her eyes, wiping away the last of her tears. She looked down at the rubble under her feet and thought about the bodies still buried there. Slowly she spread her palm on the slab they were sitting on and concentrated, but no pulse of life came to meet her.
It was something she’d learned from Helandel. A special talent Master Reapers had. The ability to sense a soul. She felt Haji’s soul next to her, burning brightly in this bubble of unreality. She could feel the souls of the workmen and rescuers, the souls of the onlookers, but nothing in the mound of rubble beneath her feet.
They were all gone. All her friends, her precious classmates that helped her study the many rolls she knew. Another sob tore through her chest and she tried to fight it down. Haji stared at her as she curled over her lap, arms pressed to the ache in her chest.
“Why are you crying?” he asked again and she shook her head.
“Because someone should.”
“You’re a Reaper, why should you care?”
“Because I have to say goodbye to them,” she snarled as she swung to face him. “I’m the one who has to look into their fading faces. Do you think that you could do it? Face your friends as they fade from this world? I don’t know what comes next! Death wouldn’t tell me!”
“They go to Heaven,” Haji said and she shook her head.
“I don’t know, but I have to send them anyway. I have no idea where I just sent my friends. They’re gone!”
Lily jumped up and to Haji’s horror saw her leg crumple from under her. He grabbed her when she fell and gently lowered her onto the rubble.
“It was my idea to come and do the rehearsal here that day. They wanted to do dress rehearsal on the lawn in front of the library but I insisted on coming here! It’s my fault that they’re dead!”
Haji stared as Lily cried. All he’d ever been told about the Reapers didn’t make any sense anymore. They were monsters, demons who sold their souls to a Death God. They were to be killed.
But Lily wasn’t a monster, she was crying over her lost friends like any person would. What was worse was that she had to kill them again, look into their faces as she cut their souls away from their bodies.
“You couldn’t have known that the building would collapse,” he murmured and she shook her head.
“I should have kept my mouth shut. I shouldn’t have insisted. They always listened to me!”
“And you sent them to a better place.”
Haji’s mouth was working on automatic, saying things as they came to mind. He’d always been a sucker for tears. Lily looked up at him, her grey eyes filled with them and her face looking hopeful. How could he possibly kill her now?
“You really think so?” she asked and he nodded.
“I really do.”
She smiled at him and wiped at her eyes. “I hope so too.”
They sat like that for a while longer. Haji was staring out into the distance and Lily just sat staring down at the rubble under her. He was still holding her and she liked the feeling of security he radiated.
“So,” he asked after a while, “what do we do now?”
Lily looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
“I mean; I still have to kill you.”
Lily froze in his arms, terror gripping her suddenly. There was a sudden burst of soul blue and Haji fell back. Burning pain rushed up his arms and there was the smell of burning fabric.
With an audible pop the strange non-world vanished and time resumed. Birds started singing and the sun baked down on him.
“Hey you, get down from there!” one of the workers yelled.
Haji looked around wildly, but Lily was already long gone. He cursed as he started to pick his way down the rubble.