Daydreamer

Felix

“I think they may even have branded Felix the worst assistant they’d ever encountered,” Lucy said through a wide smile.

“I told you he’d be rubbish,” snapped Emily as she struggled to contain Maisie, her squirming baby, on her lap. “He’s always been an arrogant, pig-headed, weasely ba—” She glanced at Hetty who was holding out her swear jar, then down at her own daughter before she rolled her eyes, “—banana-brain.”

“Good insult,” I said with a smirk.

“Eff off, Moretti,” she snapped just as Maisie decided to launch herself forward out of Emily’s arms. Luckily, I was close enough to swoop down and catch the baby before her head could hit the wooden table. I scooped her up and secured her on my hip. Maisie, totally unaware of the near-miss she just had, gave me a gummy smile and then patted my face fairly aggressively (like mother like daughter – I’m sure Emily would hit me again if it was socially acceptable).

“Oh well done, Felix,” said Hetty as she bustled around me and Maisie to boil the kettle. “You’re always such a good boy.”

Emily rolled her eyes and made a gagging motion behind Hetty’s back whilst Mike let out a grumbly laugh.

“Ugh,” Emily groaned. “Now we have to put up with some sort of hot-guy-baby Levi ad scenario. It’s too early in the morning for this, Felix.”

I smiled down at Emily as her baby continued to pummel my face. It was the first time she’d called me Felix instead of Moretti since I’d been back in Little Buckingham, which I considered progress. I glanced at Lucy to see her staring up at me with a slightly glazed expression and decided this baby could beat the shit out of me all she wanted if it got that sort of reaction from Lucy. But then the moment was broken by the shrill doorbell ringing, followed by pounding on the front door.

“Felix Moretti!” Mum shouted in between banging. “I know you’re in there. You come out here and see your mother!”

“Christ,” I muttered as Hetty bustled past me to get the door.

“Now then, Bianca,” Hetty said in her firmest tone. “Let’s stay calm, shall we.”

“Calm my arse!” Mum said. “Jimbo told me he saw Felix two hours ago. It’s been like this for weeks. Why am I always the last to know when my son’s home? And why do I have to hear it from an inebriated bartender at the post office?” Mum appeared in the doorway then, her normally meticulously styled hair all over the place and her mascara smudged.

“Hi, Mum,” I said in a resigned tone. Unfortunately, with Mum, sometimes you just had to ride out the drama. She glanced at me then at Maisie who was still bouncing in my arms, her gummy smile now aimed at my harassed-looking mother.

“Oh my God,” Mum breathed, her face paling. “Whose baby is that?”

“Not to worry, Mrs G,” Emily put in, getting up from her chair and coming over to take Maisie from me. “This one’s mine. You remember me? Emily? My husband Geoff fixed your back fence three months ago.”

Mum put her hand flat to her chest in a gesture of relief. “Oh yes, thank God for that.”

Emily looked up at me, gave me a little eye roll and a small smile, tinged with a bit of sympathy. “Catch you later Lucy, Felix. Thanks for the tea, Hets.” She patted me on the arm and mouthed “Good luck”, and then practically ran out of there. I didn’t really blame her – I would have done the same if I could. I sighed.

“Mum, honestly what did you think? That I’d had a secret baby?”

“Well, how would I know?” Mum snapped. “You never tell me anything anymore. I barely see you. You could have had five children and left me none the wiser.”

I opened my mouth to answer but was interrupted by Legolas trotting into the kitchen straight to Mum. He head-butted her side, and she absently stroked his nose. My eyebrows went up in surprise. Mum was a very anxious person, and she worried a lot about germs. She used to avoid touching Hetty’s dogs back in the day. I wouldn’t have thought casually stroking a pony was in her repertoire of behaviour.

“Right, come on, Bianca,” Hetty said in her firm, let’s get on with this tone. “In you come to the kitchen. We can make a cup of tea. Maybe you can convince Legolas to go outside. He does tend to listen to you more than anyone else.”

Legolas the pony listened to my mum? The most uptight human I knew? I was having trouble processing this. Hetty’s no-nonsense tone did seem to snap Mum out of her frozen state though. She moved into the kitchen and to me. I reached for her to give her a hug and kissed both of her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, Mum,” I said. “I was going to come and see you. But we only just got back from London.”

Mum looked between me and Lucy, her expression going from hurt to hopeful in a heartbeat. “Have you sorted it?” she asked softly. She was talking to me but looking at Lucy.

“Mum,” I snapped. “We talked about this, okay? Don’t make Lucy uncomfortable.” I’d told Mum the bare facts about what happened with Lucy but warned her not to go overboard. I made sure she was aware that although I was in love with Lucy there was no guarantee that Lucy would forgive me, and the last thing I needed was my mother harassing her. Mum was very pro the idea of Lucy and me as a couple. In her mind I think she saw this as the ideal way of dragging me back to Little Buckingham more often. What she didn’t understand was that, however much I was back in the village, I was not going to be playing happy families with my father.

“You’ll sort it,” Mum said, then shocked me by moving into Lucy and giving her a kiss and a tight hug. “Hello darling,” she muttered into Lucy’s hair before letting her go.

“Er… hi, Mrs Moretti,” Lucy said softly, darting a confused look at me.

“Oh my goodness. Honestly, Lucy, I’ve known you since you were a baby. Call me Bianca, please,” Mum said as if she was some beloved aunt rather than the previously rather distant ex-employer of Lucy’s mum. “Oh!” she clapped her hands together. “This is perfect. You can both come over tonight! I’ll pop to Waitrose. It can be a proper family get together. Hetty, Mike, you should come too.”

“Will Dad be there, Mum?” I asked gently. I was suddenly feeling exhausted. Mum was getting this manic light in her eyes that didn’t bode good things. She was desperate to see more of me. Desperate for me to come home more. Five years ago, when I would agree to family meals with dad, she used to pull out all the stops – cook elaborate meals, buy champagne and make a huge deal out of it. But she got so worked up, wanting everything to be perfect that it was almost unbearable. And my dad was invariably an absolute prick, so we’d start arguing. Cue Mum crying uncontrollably, having full-on panic attacks while I had to try and calm her down – just like I had done my entire childhood. As I hadn’t set foot in that house in over five years, I had no doubt that she would be even more full-on than before.

“Yes, of course,” she said, feigning ignorance.

“I’m not seeing that man,” I said, my tone as firm as I could make it. Mum needed boundaries, and Hetty was right: she needed to calm down.

“He’s your father, Felix,” she said, her voice taking on that pleading quality that I just couldn’t bear to ignore. “Were you…?” she paused and to my horror her eyes filled with tears. “Were you going to leave without seeing me again?” I felt the familiar guilt wash over me and felt myself giving in.

“Mum, I—” I paused and took a deep breath, feeling emotionally drained. After being happily repressed for decades, this heart and soul business was proving to be exhausting. I glanced at the others before leading Mum a little further away. My voice was low, but I was aware that they could probably still hear me. “Don’t you remember what happened last time? It took you weeks to calm down. And I—” The truth was I just didn’t want to deal with my father. He wasn’t around much when I was a child. When he was he found every chance he could to criticise and berate me. It was more the shouting and putting me down that got to me than the occasional backhander he dealt out. I only ever put up with him for Mum, but after what happened five years ago, I wouldn’t tolerate the man for any reason. But the desperation in Mum’s eyes was now cracking my resolve.

“Felix, please,” she said, and I closed my eyes slowly before giving a quick nod. Mum threw her arms around my neck, and I gave her another hug.

“I’ve got to go!” she said, her tears now dried and her expression full of excitement. “Beef Wellington? That’s your favourite darling. And Hetty, Lucy, you’ll come?”

“Mum, they don’t have to. I can⁠—”

“We’ll be there, Mrs Moretti,” Lucy said in a firm tone that I barely recognised from across the kitchen.

“Bianca, please,” Mum put in.

Lucy nodded and gave her a smile. “Bianca.”

“Right!” Mum said. “I’m off to Waitrose. See you all at eight.”

As soon as she’d swept out the door I turned to Lucy. “You don’t have to come. I have to, but you don’t. They’re my problem.”

“I remember,” Lucy said softly, and my back straightened. It was so long ago, and she had been so young. I didn’t realise how much Lucy picked up on. She always had her head in the clouds, or at least it seemed like she did. She might have been in her own world, but that didn’t mean she didn’t notice important things. She was one of the most observant people I knew. “And you’re not going alone.”

“Well, that’s decided then,” Hetty said firmly. “Luca will have to put up with the fur babies as well. I can’t leave Frodo on his own, he vomited earlier.”

“You’re going to take the dogs?” I asked.

Hetty frowned. “Well, of course I am. Oh, I better take Legolas as well.”

My eyebrows went up, and I actually cracked a smile. “You’re going to take two massive golden retrievers, one of whom has gastroenteritis, and a small pony to my dad’s house?”

“It’s not just your dad’s house, Felix Moretti,” Hetty told me. “And your mother loves the animals.”

“Since when has mum been spending time with animals?”

“A lot’s happened in the last few years, Felix. After I moved here and the animals started breaking through the fences I’ve been spending more time with your mum. She’s good with the animals.” She moved to me then and laid a hand on my arm. “They calm her down, love.”

I swallowed and then nodded, as my smile faded. “That’s good,” I said in a rough voice. “Not sure what Dad’ll say, though.”

“You leave that dad of yours to me,” Hetty said, and before we could respond to that ominous statement, she bustled off to the back door and shouted for Mikey.

“I guess we’re all going then,” I said as I shot an uncertain glance at Lucy. “Luce, you know that Dad can be…” I trailed off, and it was her turn to squeeze my arm.

“We can handle your dad.”