Daughter of Dusk

I lean against the stone walls with my face in my hands and sink to the floor, unable to stop the tears from falling down my cheeks as my heart pounds in my throat. It’s as though I’m drowning on the inside within a river of darkness, blocking the air from entering my lungs, suffocating me from the inside. My eyes can’t focus on anything for more than a second as I get thrown around in the eye of a storm, circling me with all the confusion and fear and guilt one could possibly hold, crushing me in its dizzying grasp.

Father attacked me.

Not just mentally and verbally like he has my whole life, but physically now too.

It just makes me hate him even more. That he’d want to hurt me.

Why is he treating me like this? Even if I am illegitimate, even if I’m not really a part of his family, I’m still his daughter, as much as he’d hate to admit it. Does he even care about what just happened?

Even despite that, a part of me knows I brought this upon myself. I shouldn’t have pushed. I should have known to stop when he said to.

This is all on me.

Suddenly, the library doors creak open, and I feel a soft hand on my shoulder. The sensation breaks through the void surrounding me, but only for a fraction of a second.

“Luna, what happened? Are you okay?”

I don’t have the strength to look at Soren, curling further into my knees. “It – it’s nothing. I’m fine. You can’t be here right now, Father could see you, and . . .” I can’t bear to think of it, let alone finish the sentence.

He sits down at my side and puts an arm around me, holding me close. I jump at the action, ready to resist it, ready to push him away, but instead . . . I can’t help but let myself lean against him, letting his goodness surround me, even if it can’t quite reach my heart right now. His presence is enough to ground me, to slow down the swirling tornado of confusion and guilt enough for me to make some sense of it.

The tears keep coming as I listen to his heartbeat against my cheek. It’s as though my body is desperate to get every disgusting emotion out of me, to rid itself of the parasite that took over me; one that replaced my blood with darkness.

“We’re safe where we are, I promise. I’m right here,” he coos, kissing the top of my head. “Just cry. Scream if you need to.”

Through the whirlwind, one collection of thoughts suddenly arises within me as Father’s voice echoes in my mind.

I could have left you behind with your dying mother.

She didn’t want you.

My mother is gone, and worse, if she was alive, it wouldn’t help anything.

I cry harder, balling Soren’s shirt into my fist.

Part of me isn’t surprised, but there was a part of me that wished, that hoped, that somewhere out there, she was alive. That she’d be able to take me away from the waking nightmare that exists in this Manor. That she’d protect me from Father and Nox and Melinoe. That I could leave here and just be with her.

But I suppose that can never happen, regardless of if she was here or not.

The realization is like a knife twisting into my heart.

How did she die? How did Father find out?

Why didn’t she want me? Was I just a mistake to her too?

Soren trails his fingers through my hair, gently pulling me out of my downward spiral, and I take a deep breath.

Slowly, but surely, I let him push away the darkness in my heart, filling it with warmth, with light. Cutting the puppet strings.

Helping me find the light Father stole away.

As he holds me close, my breath slowly returns to some sense of normalcy and the tears dry on my face, and I’m able to meet his icy silver gaze, just as I have in moments past. They still pull me toward him, even after looking into them so many times.

“Better?” He runs his thumb along my shoulder.

I nod, wiping my cheeks with the sleeve of my sweater. “Somewhat. Thank you.”

“Of course.” He gives me a squeeze, pulling me closer to him before he continues. “Can I ask what happened? You scared me a little.”

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine, cry all you need to. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m okay, I promise.” My lips tug up into a small smile before my face falls as I remember the events of the hour.

Before I can stop myself, I tell him everything that happened, while at the same time just trying to make sense of it all. He doesn’t say anything the entire time, just listening, letting me process.

But as I speak, I’m more aware of the lapses in my memory. I lose count of specifics, the words, the thoughts. It’s as though nothing and everything happened at the same time, that the interaction simultaneously lasted an eternity and the blink of an eye. Every moment is blurred together, one bleeding into the other with no end. The only thing that remains clear is the feeling everything evoked. The complete and utter fear coursing through my blood when Father attacked me. The guilt of me disobeying him. My heart breaking for my mother.

When I finish my story, Soren’s eyes are misty, and he pulls me into such a tight embrace it’s a wonder I can still breathe.

“God, Luna, I . . . I’m so sorry.” He lets out a shaky exhale. “I wish I could just take this away from you somehow.”

“You being here right now is more help than you could ever know,” I whisper as I pull away, looking down. “Besides, I know this is my fault. I’m the one that pushed.”

He tips my chin up with his fingers. “No. This is not on you, it’s on him.”

I avert my eyes. “You’re a servant under him. You can’t say such things.”

“Luna, look at me.”

I do as he says, his icelike eyes welling with emotion.

“I don’t care if I’m working close to him. I don’t care that my thoughts oppose his. What he did to you, what he said to you, sending you to the dungeons because you ‘dared’ to ask a question, is wrong.” His voice breaks. “He has no right to treat you that way. Please tell me you know that.”

Realization hits me as I take in his words. Maybe I pushed a bit, but that shouldn’t have warranted a violent response. I didn’t make any threats. I didn’t use power to try and gain the upper hand in the conversation. I just wanted to know the truth about my mother; I have a right to know who she was.

I nod. “I think I do, yes.”

“Good.” He kisses my forehead. “After what happened with Mel, and now this . . . I can’t just keep watching you go through this stuff.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry. I just . . .” my heart aches as the winds of the storm pick up their speed again.

“Hey, no, come here.” He holds me tight again, and I let the rise and fall of his chest fill me, slowing down the whirlwind before it can gain momentum. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s not your fault. I’m just saying all that because I want you to be happy. And I want to do anything I can to make that happen.”

“Soren. . .”

“I mean it. I know talking to Darius about all this isn’t an option, but I swear we’re going to find a way to get you far away from all this, where you can be safe.”

“Hmm.” I smile as I lean my cheek against his chest. “How are you so optimistic, even in a circumstance like this? Father found out I healed your mother, he found out I left, and now I discover my own mother didn’t even want me.” It’s hard to hide the bitterness in my voice.

He runs his fingers through my hair again. “I guess I’m just hopeful. I think things will work out in your favour, in one way or another.” He pauses. “But, amongst all the truly disgusting things he said to you, there is one thing we know for sure now.”

I glance up at him. “And that is?”

“He said your mother is the reason why you can heal. Which means, if your friend is right about the Aether thing, which I think she is, that confirms you got your Aether powers from your mother.”

My eyes widen. Oh my God.

But if my mother was a Shadow Wielder, how did I end up with Aether powers?

Unless . . . she wasn’t.

And suddenly, it hits me.

A middle ground between Darkness and Light.

The Darkness of Zala, and the Light of Enas.

Two worlds coming together as one.

I gasp, covering my mouth as I separate from him. “You don’t think . . . no, how could that be?”

“What is it?”

“I was just thinking, what if I have Aether powers because my mother was from Kera?”

Soren thinks for a moment. “I mean, if it follows that prophecy you told me about, that interpretation makes sense. But is something like that even possible? People from Zala and Enas don’t really cross paths, aside from what you’ve been doing. But you also have an amulet. Darius didn’t.”

I shake my head with a sigh. “Even without one, he’s strong enough to have survived there for an hour or two, but I don’t know.” I pause. “I’m going to be confined to the dungeons, so there’s not much I can look up for now.” I shudder at the thought, but I take a deep breath, sending the negativity away.

“Why not go to Enas right now? It’d probably be the safest place for you right now.” He averts his eyes. “You might even be able to make it a permanent move.”

I shake my head. “No. I’m not going to just run off with your amulet. But more than that, Father already suspects we’re working together, and if I mysteriously disappear without a trace after everything that’s happened, you’re going to get the brunt of it. You’d lose your powers if you came with me to Enas at this point. Or you’d be on the run for life if you stayed in Zala. And if any of those things happened . . .” I run my hand through the top of his soft, whitish-blonde hair. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

He takes my other hand, lacing his fingers in mine. “Luna . . .”

“I mean it. I’m not just going to leave you here. Not without a plan. But I need to know more about my own powers and what they mean before we can do that. There might be some kind of loophole I don’t know about that could help us. But I won’t know until I look on Kera. And . . .regardless of if she wanted me or not, I need to know who my mother really was, and why I am the way I am. And if Father won’t tell me, I’m just going to have to find the answers myself. But I have to get there before the spar in a few days. Otherwise I might die without knowing the truth.”

After a moment of thought, he nods.

“Use my amulet for as long as you need.” He runs his hand along the silver chain before cradling my face in his palm. “And we’ll find a way to get you out of the dungeons so you can get back to Kera before the match. I promise.”

I lean my cheek against his cool fingers as my body finally begins to relax.

Even if I don’t want to think about what could happen if we were seen together, his support means more to me than I could ever put into words. We’ve had a close call, but we’ve evaded discovery thus far, and I think with a little luck, we’ll be okay.

With his help, I think I can get back to Kera to find the answers I seek.

No, I know I can get there again.