Darkness

Natchez

Ben

I know that Sam is sorry to leave this morning without me, but this is really for the best. He won’t have to worry about whether I am feeling uncomfortable and left out as he spends time with his family. I won’t have to feel awkward trying to find people to talk to, when I find talking so hard in the first place. I’ll congratulate Moses the next time I see him. I don’t need to actually be at his wedding to wish him well.

Besides, I’m still very tired. I would never admit it to Sam, or to Gregor, but I have never really managed to get my usual energy back after my bout of yellow fever. I was very glad to get the chance to rest with Sam all day long yesterday at home. We hardly did anything. We both enjoyed a couple of long naps, we read a book together, we chatted quietly about what we hoped to happen for us over the next few years, we gossiped about people in town. It was wonderful.

But even with all that rest, I’m disappointed to still be feeling very tired this morning, practically groggy. I see Sam off, tell him to have a good time, and walk slowly Under-the-Hill. The walk seems longer than normal.

I get to the boarding house extension early. Gregor told me that there could be more patients arriving, and left instructions about what to do. We aren’t outfitting the place as an infirmary yet - we just got everything cleared out yesterday. But the beds are there, the linens, the kitchen. If we really do have to start using it as a sick ward again, we can fetch everything back when Sam returns from Homochitto. But Gregor wanted to wait to see what happens, whether more patients really do arrive, before committing to that. I know he wants to get this place open as an inn for the steamboat travelers. Although I don’t suppose he’s in a frantic rush for it - if we miss the next steamboat trip, it’ll be back in another two weeks.

Almost everyone in the crew is out at Homochitto for the wedding, which I’m sure is nice for them after spending several days building the cabin out there. Without my help, I think sourly, while I wasted time being sick. Next time I go out there, I’ll have to make sure to get a look at it.

When I get to the boarding house extension, David and Polly are here, which doesn’t surprise me since they’ve pretty much been managing it this whole time.

“Hey Ben,” David greets me when I get in. He and Polly are just lounging on the furniture in the parlor together, waiting to see if there will be anything for them to do today.

“Hey,” I say, and drop onto an armchair next to the end of the sofa that David’s lanky form is draped over. “Polly,” I nod to her.

David squints at me. “Are you feeling okay? You look beat.”

I reach over and whack him in the back of the head. “Shut up. Have you looked in a mirror lately? I think we’re both just getting old.”

He laughs at me. I don’t think either one of us is even twenty-five years old yet. I’m actually not sure how old I am, I lost track at some point.

David says, “I see you got out of going to the wedding. Didn’t want to face a crowd of people you would have to talk to?”

“Yeah,” I shrug. “I’ll give Moses my best wishes next time I see him.”

“Me too,” David says. We both got to know Moses pretty well, back when Gregor was holding the reading groups almost every night for a while. Before he had to shut them down.

“Anyone else working today?” I ask.

“Yeah, but I told them don’t bother coming over unless we send for them. No point in half a dozen people sitting here bored out of their minds all day.”

I nod. Actually, I’m already about to nod off, if I don’t find a way to stay awake. A long day waiting for patients that might never show up is going to be very dull. Maybe conversation can keep me awake. It’s not hard with my oldest friend. “So how’s this building working out?” I ask him. “Now that you’ve had the chance to give it a try all week. Did we build it right?”

“It’s good,” he says, and looks at Polly. “Don’t you think so? Did we make any mistakes building it?”

She gives a little smirk. “Not that I’ve found yet.”

“Ha!” he shrieks in pretend outrage. “I’ll bet you can’t find a single thing wrong!”

“Oh yeah?” she returns. “What do you want to bet?”

I have to smile a little. They’ve been bantering back and forth like this ever since they met, months and months ago. Everyone knows that they are a couple, I’m just wondering if he’ll ever get up the courage to just ask her to marry him. He’s stopped going to the brothels, or at least he had before I moved up the hill. He quit as soon as he met her. I don’t think they could offer him anything appealing once he saw her face for the first time.

Of course, they never appealed to me. I close my eyes, listening to my friend flirting with his lady love, and wonder what Samuel is doing. He will have arrived at Homochitto, and the wedding ceremony must be happening. How on earth can Gregor find the ability to perform a wedding ceremony for anyone? The idea of speaking smoothly in front of a crowd sounds as impossible to me as flying.

I am flying, the river beneath me, and I see the steamboat, but it is shaking, and there is an earthquake, and…

“Ben!” I realize David is shaking me. “Wake up, buddy!”

I open my eyes, startled, and realize that my mouth is hanging open with an embarrassing line of drool coming out. I wipe it away with the back of my hand.

Polly is staring at me with an amused expression on her face. David puts a scowl on his. “Listening to you snoring is definitely not helping with the romantic setting here, Ben. Just go home, go back to bed if you’re that tired. We obviously don’t need you here. I’ll send someone up the hill to fetch you if we end up getting any patients and need your help.”

I’m ready to argue with him, but I feel a sudden sharp pain in my stomach, and realize that I’m really not feeling well. “Uh, yeah, all right,” I say, and stand to go. I guess I stand up too fast, because it makes me wobble for a second, and David puts his hand out to steady me.

He looks at Polly, then back to me. “Yeah, Ben, just go. You need to rest.”

I nod, and don’t say anything else because I suddenly feel queasy too and don’t want to tempt fate by opening my mouth. I just walk out the door.

Climbing the hill feels harder than it ever has before, and by the time I get to our building I feel so bad that I have to lean heavily on the banister along the staircase to make my way up to our door. When I get inside it is all I can do to make it to the bed. I don’t even manage to get my shoes off before I return to my dreams.