Darkness

Rosy’s

The past day has been an unending sequence of surprises. I have known for some time that my beloved’s husband is a Seer, due to a conversation I overheard him having with the little Seer months ago. His Guardian spoke to me briefly after that, assured me of Gregor’s love for Rosy, made me understand why I could not hear their thoughts.

But not since then. I have watched in silence as the Seer and my beloved live their lives together, often wondering what he is thinking, hoping to gain insight through observation.

I never expected this to change. Her child’s Guardian has joined me in understanding Gregor’s nature, by accessing my perceptions due to our constant closeness, but we are the only two who realized before yesterday. Most Guardians are essentially incurious, I have realized, focused exclusively on their own Guarded, not inclined to puzzle out mysteries or investigate their surroundings. The other Guardians all noted Gregor’s strange inaccessibility, accepted it, and returned to focusing on the soul they are Guarding. If they had tried to access my thoughts, they would have known, but none had considered doing so.

Therefore, when the Seer’s Guardian lost control of the shield erected over this lifetime to conceal him, it was an utter shock to the entire community. Although I knew the basic facts, even I was shocked. When the gates of knowledge opened, and all of us were flooded with the awareness of the Seer’s extraordinary life, it was utterly overpowering.

The awareness lasted for a short time, during which myself and all the nearby Guardians were able to learn everything about the Seer. We were all absolutely entranced, probably neglecting our own humans, as we goggled at the Seer whose presence was so unexpectedly revealed to us, under the most horrifying of circumstances. A Seer is a being of mystery and power and love, one who is deeply inspirational to Guardians, a human who we feel almost compelled to adore. To have this unveiled without warning, and to realize simultaneously that the marvelous creature was being violently tortured, was catastrophically momentous. The community of Guardians was basically in a silent uproar, each Guardian absorbing the previously hidden knowledge, and grieving for the Seer’s pain.

The humans felt it, much more strongly than they normally feel the presence of their Guardians. The situation of the Seer was so unsettling, and the Guardians so deeply upset to discover it, that the emotional response of our kind was perceived by many of our humans. Most of them were left confused and emotional and afraid. They had already been sensing the engulfing grief and agony of the Seer, which was baffling to the watching Guardians, when they were then battered by our chaotic reaction to the revelation of his nature. The resulting emotional tumult led some people to flee in terror, some to weep broken-heartedly, and a few to fall to their knees with a sense of religious fervor, interpreting the rush of energy as being a godlike presence.

The humans and their Guardians spent a very overwrought hour, flooded with unexplained feelings, overwhelmed with the rush of despair and then energy in the air.

Then it ended, as mysteriously as it began, when the Seer’s Guardian resealed the shield, ejecting us again from their thoughts. It cannot be as though it never happened, of course. Guardians never forget. All those watching yesterday will always know of Gregor’s status, will always observe him, will always attend to his actions and words. No longer being able to hear his thoughts, or those of his Guardian, will never change the perception that occurred, however briefly. And this will constantly affect the humans around him as well, as their own Guardians watch over him with interest and love. Some humans will always react to this, some positively, some negatively. The anonymity which he craved has been lost to him.

Things have changed for him forever.

And they have changed for me. Simply knowing more about my beloved’s husband is not the only thing that has happened. Hearing my own dear one suggest that I, myself, be asked to participate in the conversation about yesterday’s events is overwhelming. She has known of me for nearly two months now, and has simply adapted to the knowledge, realizing that I am here, but inaccessible to her. It was with deep sorrow that I heard her long to be able to speak to me, over and over yesterday during the incident at the whipping post, wishing that I could explain to her what was happening. I longed for the same, but of course it is impossible.

But here is a way for it to happen, and she herself has devised it. With her characteristic practicality, she simply suggests that Gregor’s Guardian ask me about it.

The Guardian turns to me, and addresses me directly again, for the first time since I first realized that Gregor is a Seer. Wryly, the Guardian says, “Well, you’ve heard our conversation.” I did, or at least I heard the words that Gregor spoke to describe it to Rosy. I can no longer hear what the Seer and his Guardian speak silently to each other, and now it brings a touch of sorrow to be excluded from this. “Can you provide me with a description of yesterday’s events from your perspective, which I can relay to my Seer?”

I feel … honored… to be allowed to participate in this, to be of assistance to them. Of course I always wish to be helpful to my own beloved, but I feel a deep reverence for the Seer. I will make every effort to do what I can to fulfill his wishes.

“I will certainly provide my perspective, but please remind our loved ones that because I was already aware of Gregor’s status, and also of course because my own beloved was so closely involved with the incident, my experience would have been different from that of other Guardians nearby.”

The Guardian relays this to the Seer, who then repeats it to my beloved. What a strange circumstance this is, to know my words are being repeated twice over, and then for them to actually reach the ears of my darling Rosy. I feel a rush of intense love when Gregor tells her what I have said, and I realize that for the first time she is actually hearing my words.

And it is with joy that I see her recognize the same, and witness her brush her hand across her eyes which have become filled with moisture.

“What is it?” Gregor asks, clearly concerned to see his wife’s tears. “What is wrong?”

“Nothing,” she says, her voice thick with emotion. “I’m only … what you just said, that was from my Guardian? Those are words that my Guardian said?”

His eyebrows lift as he realizes the implication. It is so much a part of his existence to converse with his Guardian that it must feel utterly normal to him. But he seems to suddenly realize that for his wife, this is a momentous occasion. She has heard the actual words of her Guardian for the first time in her life, and she is reacting to the profound meaning of the moment.

Their child has drifted off to sleep, lying between them on the bed, and the Seer leans across the infant to take Rosy gently in his arms. He kisses her head, and waits a moment for her to compose herself. “Yes, darling, that’s what your Guardian said. I’m sorry I didn’t think about how strange this must be for you.” She nods against him, and he caresses her cheek before leaning back again. “You know,” he adds, “your Guardian is always watching and listening to you. If you ever want to talk to your Guardian, or ask questions or anything, you can just think it, and Wolk can tell me what the answer is. It’d be slower than how it works for me and Wolk, but you could talk to your Guardian this way.”

She considers this, filled with a deep emotion, then, tremulously, I hear her think directly to me, “Hello?”

I sense a hint of amusement from his Guardian as I answer.

In a moment, Gregor smiles, and tells her, “Your Guardian says hello back to you.”

She is too practical to allow this to become overwhelming to her. She wipes her eyes again, shakes her head slightly to clear it, and accepts it with the charming placidity that characterizes so much of how she approaches life. She will get used to this too. In the meantime, she wants to get back to the original question. “Well,” she says, “let’s hear about what happened yesterday.”

Gregor holds her hand and turns his eyes to Wolk, who watches me as I compose an answer. “It was a very unusual event,” I say. “I have never experienced, or even heard of, an incident when every Guardian became instantly focused simultaneously on something other than their own Guarded.”

Wolk says, “It was much like that when my Seer was born.”

I consider that while Wolk relays my words to Gregor, who repeats them to Rosalind. Yes, witnessing the birth of a Seer would no doubt create much the same reaction, except that in this instance, it was not a birth but torture which comprised the circumstances under which the Seer was introduced to the community.

“I believe that the fact that the Seer was being whipped when the shield fell contributed to the import of the moment for the Guardians,” I point out. “A birth would be a joyous occasion. This was certainly not. We were all filled with both wonder and horror to have the scene suddenly become clear to us.”

He agrees, and relays this as well.

I go on. “As you know, Guardians possess a certain level of power, or energy, which we harness to whisper to our loved ones, or to form images. This was all utterly diverted in one direction, all flowing directly to the Seer, at the instant that he was revealed. I know that my Rosalind felt this, she has described it as being a windstorm without wind, or the energy before a lightning strike. These are very apt analogies. Our matter and our energy might not be able to manifest physically in the world, but combined and flowing in one direction, it was certainly a powerful event.”

Wolk conveys this to Gregor, and both humans try to absorb this information. It is difficult to describe, and difficult to understand, but we are all trying.

After some additional discussion which I observe between Wolk and Gregor, I have one thing to add. “I believe that in addition to sensing the flow of power, the humans felt something else that contributed to the disturbing sensation they were experiencing. Each person sensed the diversion of their Guardian’s attention away from them. Every human, even though they do not realize it, senses the devotion, the constant concentration, of their Guardian, every second of their life, from the moment they are born. At the instant that the shield fell, and every Guardian felt the shock of realization, every human felt bereft of that regard for the first time in their lives.”

Wolk conveys this as well. None of them had considered this before. My beloved says, “I am not sure, but I think I felt it. It felt like I was all of the sudden very alone. In the middle of the crowd, during all of the chaos, I felt lonely on top of everything else.”

“I am deeply sorry, beloved, for abandoning you, even if only for a moment,” I tell her, not really even intending this to be something for Wolk to repeat, but he does, and it means everything to know that she has heard that as well.

“It’s all right,” she whispers, “it wasn’t your fault. And I don’t feel that way any more.” I glow with love for her, and hope she can feel that.

Gregor is lost in thought. “This is going to make it worse, isn’t it?” he muses. “On top of everything else, all the people are going to remember that they felt lonely and forsaken while it was happening. I fear it will cause resentment towards me too.” He sighs.

Wolk nods.

There is probably more to consider about the situation, but it seems that we are to be interrupted. I realize that a visitor is arriving, and apparently Gregor’s Guardian notifies him of this, for he turns to Rosy and tells her, “Samuel Duncan is on the way here to check on me.” His face quirks in a little smile. “And apparently I have some explaining to do.”