Darkest Before the Dawn (male/male)

Felix

For all the fight Peter and Charlie had put up, their questionings went smoother than I had anticipated. As soon as Akiya was brought into their individual rooms, they both felt compelled to answer all of his questions quickly, their stories lining up with each other’s and Madeline’s. They admitted to the killings and how they joined with Madeline because of Richard wanting them to experience demon blood. It took less than two hours for everything to come out. I hated admitting that it probably went quicker without Mew being there to blow up on them.

“You’re looking at 97 years each with monthly rehabilitative services,” the reaper had told them, never once having taken a seat despite me offering him one. “Should you behave and comply, we may look at decreasing those terms, though I will warn you that it isn’t likely to happen. I don’t take well to the murders of innocents.” Golden eyes scanned Charlie from head to toe, and Akiya shifted his weight from his right foot to his left. “Don’t think about making an escape. You’ll make it about fifteen feet before you’re restrained and set out for daily sun treatments.”

“I love when you do that,” I complimented, grinning. “Are these two set for booking then?”

“They are. I’ll send in two guards to escort them downstairs. There’s two cells that are distanced from each other and from Madeline’s.” Akiya started for the door of the interrogation room, tossing a look back over his shoulder. “I would inform Madeline of what’s happening to excuse these two from any further meetings. They certainly won’t be going back for a while.”

“I’ll head down now, then,” I said, quickly standing. I had told Marigold that if I finished questioning early, we could meet up for a drink. She and Mew were staying on the island for the night after having helped me bring these two and Madeline in. Unfortunately, given the amount of people in the hotel room the night before, I wasn’t able to sit and talk with Mew like I had the last time we were in a hotel together. I had made it Marigold’s private mission to see if he would come out with us that night.

Either way, I was excited to hang out with Marigold again, someone who was quickly becoming one of the best friends I ever had. The thrill of being able to gossip with her and talk about more human-like topics always got me, and it left me rushing down the hallways of the Council Hall, headed towards the vault door that led to the underground prison.

I swiped my badge, then had my eye scanned and my finger pricked for blood. It was difficult to get into the prison, let alone out. Downstairs, deep into the caverns of the island, there were hundreds of cells built, but they weren’t normal jail cells. The sides were cement, but the fronts were made from large slabs of reinforced Plexiglas with holes for ventilation and talking. The lights were LED light bulbs, so it didn’t blind anyone, and each prisoner had a comfortable cot with their own desk and dresser and area for hygiene.

They resembled college dorms more than prison chambers. Colin had been the one to create this, using data from Sweden and Finland where these were more common. It was all part of the rehabilitation plans for inmates, which is partly why I was so enthusiastic about joining MMES. It spoke to the pacifist in me.

Madeline’s own room was in row 27, chamber 8. It took a while to find it, and when I did, I already heard talking coming from that area. I almost stepped into the aisle until it clicked that this was Mew’s voice that I was hearing. Carefully, I backtracked my steps, making sure to tread lightly. I positioned myself close enough to listen to them, yet far enough away so that they wouldn’t detect me, hopefully. Eavesdropping is wrong, yes, I will own up to that. But these two had never had a private moment together, and my curiosity of their interaction was getting the best of me.

“Remember to keep me posted about any new meetings. You and Felix did a pretty good job at the last night’s, although you could definitely learn a thing or two from him about making sure you’re not obvious that we’re listening.” I heard the tapping of keys, like Mew was adding notes to his records. “Besides that, make sure you introduce Felix to Adrianna and Layla at the next meeting so we can try to see what they know about Richard, plus with Peter and Charlie gone, I’d like to know their thoughts on that. I know you guys couldn’t yesterday, given the circumstances.”

“You mean how you almost ended up dead?” Madeline’s voice was cold, a slight echo to it due to her chamber.

“Go fuck yourself,” Mew responded in a sing-song voice. “I didn’t almost end up dead. I would’ve been fine without you two showing up.” The sound of his laptop closing, then a large sigh. “That’s it for our debriefing. Felix should be done with those two upstairs, so they’ll be charged and booked. Do you have any questions for me?” He sounded bored, like he would have preferred to be anywhere else but there with Madeline.

“Didn’t you think Felix looked so good with me yesterday?” Madeline almost sounded mystified then.

“You definitely looked like a couple from the eighties.” There was a pause, and I almost started walking towards them until Mew cleared his throat and started talking again. “I’m not used to seeing Felix dressed up like that. It was weird. He’s usually in cardigans and those booties and things like that.”

“I hate how he dresses now. He used to dress much nicer in the twentieth century. I used to help dress him so that he always complimented my outfit.” Which she used to love doing. If she wore a yellow dress, I was expected to wear either a yellow shirt or pants to match her, like I was her doll. My creativity and sense of expression was dulled with her, I remembered. It wasn’t anything like how it was now.

“This is really fucking personal and super nosy,” Barty started, voice lower as if he knew he shouldn’t be saying anything. “I want to know what you did to him. I’ve seen that guy look at pictures of dead bodies and not flinch, but with you, it’s like a beaten dog seeing its abuser. I mean, what the fuck, Madeline? What did you do to him?”

“You haven’t asked him?” she teased, pride in her voice.

“I don’t want to upset him. He’s probably fucking traumatized by you.” To say the least. I almost wanted to leave then just to avoid hearing her descriptions, but I wanted to know how much she was willing to tell him. Some part of me also wanted to know Mew’s reaction, to just find out how protective over me he could get.

Madeline hummed, something that I was started to notice more ever since Marigold had told me Mew hated when I did that. “Well, I’m sure he’s told you that we met at a peaceful protest for the Vietnam War. I am a pacifist regarding physical issues. But I also like to be in control, you must understand that. I love control, especially in my relationships. I used to be a sex worker in the 1800s before I was turned into this, so I learned how to take control in the 1900s. So Felix comes along, this timid, intelligent, stubborn man, and I decided that he was absolutely perfect to just break him down so much that I could build him from nothing. From nothing, I created something.”

“You’re disgusting,” Mew hissed. “Did you psychologically torment the guy? What the fuck?”

“Oh, absolutely.” She didn’t sound ashamed, enthusiasm lacing her words. She had never experienced guilt for what she did to me and put me through, not once. “I’d remind him that everyone he loves would die before him. I’d call him names. I’d make him stay awake during the daytime, just to see how far I could push him. One time, I even caught a deer to drink from and let the deer bleed out while keeping Felix chained up so he couldn’t drink from it.”

That was torment. What she didn’t tell him was that she had also kept me in those chains for two weeks prior to prevent me from hunting, so by the time she had that deer ready, I was almost savage. It was still two more days before she finally let me have blood, which, by that point, I was working purely on instinct alone. It took me about three weeks to recover and act like myself again, not a starving, deranged animal.

“Towards the end of the relationship, I started sleeping with other people and made him watch so he could learn to appreciate me more. I think one time I even made him join, even though he—”

“Even though I didn’t want to,” I choked out, slapping a hand over my mouth when I realized I had finished her thought for her. Too late now since Madeline stopped talking and could only giggle. Stepping into the corridor, I decided to just face it and tell Mew everything. His face was one of disgust, thankfully not towards me. “And it wasn’t just one time that you made me do that. You had me join you and another man about four times, every time ignoring that I didn’t want to.”

“You always acted like you hated it, but you were so much more protective over me when we finished. I loved that.” Madeline was in a chair that faced Mew and me, her head tipped and a smile on her lips. “What else did I do to you, Felix? You had no issue last week telling me how awful I was, so why don’t you tell Detective Palmer?”

I had tried for years to move past this, visiting therapists and trying to convince myself that I didn’t need her as badly as I thought I did. “She also thought it was fun to make me research what happened to my family over the years to see how each of them died. If they were still alive, she enjoyed telling me the ways she would kill them if she wasn’t opposed to drinking human blood.” My hand stung worse than my eyes, my nails nipping into my palms. “Then she wonders why I would never want to be with her again after all of that. Nobody in their right mind would want to subject themselves to that.”

“Let’s go,” Mew growled, shooting up from his chair. He reached out to grab my wrist, then thought better of it, given the topic. “You’re a fucking disgusting person, and I hope to Hell that your guilt will catch up to you. I’m going to make your life a fucking nightmare down in Hell when you die, you can be damn sure of that.” He smacked the glass of Madeline’s cell before stomping off, motioning for me to follow him.

I checked my hands, finding smears of blood on the skin, wiping them on my pants, thankful I was wearing navy that day. My stomach had tightened up in such an old way, something I hadn’t felt in a while. Spotting myself in the reflection of the glass, I noticed the fear and worry that had crossed my face, and beneath the reflection, the face of the woman who had caused this much grief for almost fifty years. There was a new emotion bubbling up inside of me, one I had never associated with her until then, until she had enthusiastically described her actions to someone she barely knew.

It was hatred. I hadn’t felt this for her, not in a way that I could pinpoint, but I realized now, as I quickly caught up to Mew, that this was hatred that I was experiencing. This was strong, deep, unforgiving, a buried emotion that made me lose my own train of thought and left me forgetting my morals. A raw feeling that I had tucked away because I didn’t have the energy to express it in decades, not since I had worked in Europe.

We were already halfway up the stairs back to the Council Hall before Mew stopped and turned halfway towards me. “Sorry for prying and bringing up old shit like that. I didn’t want to ask you because I didn’t know how you’d take it, but I also didn’t expect you to be listening in on my conversation.” A raised eyebrow, allowing me to explain myself.

“Akiya sent me down to talk to her. I didn’t expect you to be here, too.” I gave him a weak smile, dropping it almost as quickly and dipping my head. “I should have told you what happened with her. I was embarrassed by it for years because I know I should have left when I had the chance, not go back to her as often as I did. If I had left her when she first started doing this, I could have had a normal life for the past fifty years. It’s my own fau—”

“Don’t start that,” Mew interrupted. His voice was tender. I imagined that was how he talked to his sister or parents or someone he cared about. At least I could pretend he cared about me. “It wasn’t your fault for going back to her. You’re blaming yourself, but it’s common in abusive relationships. It’s sad because she made you dependent on her and probably made you feel like she was the only one who could understand you.”

“Exactly! I had tried seeing other people in between my times with her, but she completely wrecked me and tore me apart from the inside so that I never thought I was worthy of anyone except for her.” My arms were wrapped around myself now, both of us standing a few steps away from each other, neither wanting to move from this almost-cathartic venting session. “I still haven’t been in a real, loving long-term relationship since I was a human because of her. I’m scared to. I don’t want to go running back to her.”

"I wouldn't be a good subordinate if I let you go back to her. I'll make sure you won't." He smiled then, one that wasn’t forced, the same one he reserved for his sister and Marigold. It was nice on him. He had really beautiful lips. “How are your hands?”

Holding them out for him to see, I realized how much I was enjoying this because he wasn’t putting on a front. It was easier to pretend he liked me when we were standing like this, his eyes lingering on my sticky, bloodied fingers, at least appearing like he was worried about me. “They’re healed now.” He raised his hand again like he wanted to touch them, then once again thought better of it. He had been doing that recently, where he would start to do or say something, then stopped. I wished he wouldn’t. I wondered how warm his hands were, knowing demons naturally had higher body temperatures because of their magic. Underneath the coffee and vanilla fragrance of his, there was heat, like a hot summer day in Paris.

“Wash your hands upstairs, and I’ll call Goldie to let her know we’ll meet her for drinks. Did you go to Harmonia’s with her and Cade?” He started up the stairs again, not privy to my thoughts of wanting to stop him in his tracks to just hug him and see what he felt like so up close.

“Yeah, I think that’s where we went last week. It was neat,” I quickly covered, averting my eyes from how good he looked in his jeans. “Marigold said that’s where you guys always go, right?”

“That’s the place. We go there before getting new assignments and after closing a case. Also whenever shit gets a little too crazy.” We got to the top of the stares, Mew sliding his badge into the door and going through the biometric security checks to get the door to open. When it pricked his finger for blood, the fragrance was fleeting, but sweet, and in the very dark, deep recesses of my mind, the thought that I never wanted appeared:

His blood smells divine.

Marigold was already at the bar, waiting for us, a sly smirk on her face when I sat next to Mew in the booth, completely ignoring how unusual that was for me. “You two came from work?” the nymph asked, touching her foot to mine beneath the table.

“Yeah, some of us work for a living,” Mew teased before taking a sip of his whiskey. “Felix, if you want a glass of blood, I’ll buy you one.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, surprised at the kind gesture. Maybe he felt bad for me for what happened back in the prison. I sort of hoped so, wanting him to take pity on me and show me the sort of kindness I knew he was capable of. He invited me to open up more like a fresh wound, and now he was trying to heal it.

“Yeah, man. You’ve had a rough night.” He flagged down the server at the same time Marigold scrunched her face at me, confused. Subtly, I tapped my watch, indicating that I would talk to her about it later. “Do you have a preference for blood type?” Mew asked. It was the first time since meeting him that he didn’t show any disdain towards my vampirism, accepting it as part of who I was. His new treatment of me was welcomed, albeit a tad unsettling for all the months he spent avoiding me or glaring at me.

“Uh, O positive, if you have it.” The response was meek, not wanting to push my luck with his acceptance. “Thank you, Mew. You don’t have to pay for it.”

He shrugged and took a long drink of the whiskey Marigold had waiting for him when we had arrived. “Madeline was being horrible to him, so I wanted to be nice,” he grumbled when his partner kept looking between us. “I can be nice to the guy every now and then if someone else is being a dick to him. He doesn’t deserve constant hate.” He had no filter, saying things regardless if I was there or not. I could definitely get acclimated to this side of Bartholomew Palmer.

Hades was thrilled when I finally made it home that next evening, falling onto my couch as soon as my front door was locked behind me. The black cat hopped onto the arm of the couch and mewled loudly, the same thing he did every time I came home after multiple days. Whenever I was away for a few days at a time, my elderly neighbor was kind enough to feed him and give him attention, something I had anxiety over when I first got Hades.

He was recommended to me by a psychologist, like a therapy animal of sorts. During those times when things got dark, when I doubted if any of my friends or past loved ones had ever truly enjoyed my presence, Hades was there to show me that it wasn’t so bad in the world. Growing up, and even as an adult and a vampire, I never owned an animal. I was traveling around too much as a kid, and Madeline wasn’t a fan of animals in the house.

“I missed you,” I whispered to the cat, who had taken his place on my chest. As long as nobody ever saw me making kissy faces at my cat, I would be okay. I think I would freak out if Marigold saw it and die if Mew did. “Did Ms. Sapperstein take good care of you? Did she give you your treats?” Golden eyes slowly blinked at me, then closed from a big yawn. “Oh, such a big yawn for the big baby.” My fingers went to poking his full cheeks.

Yeah, I think I would find some way to kill myself from embarrassment if Mew ever saw me like this with the cat.

Bartholomew. When I agreed to work this case with him and Marigold, I hadn’t expected to enjoy his company as much as I was or for him to feel the same. At least, I hoped he was enjoying me being around since he outwardly seemed like he was. I know he had been annoyed when I joined up with him at first, but he was laughing around me and talking to me and asking for advice. In most careers, this is probably what it was like to have a normal work relationship. All it did for me was make me like him more.

Still, there was apprehension due to my own feelings about myself and having convinced myself for years that I wasn’t good enough for anybody, except for Madeline. Madeline could always take me back if nobody else was willing to, which, yes, was ridiculous, I know. I had several therapists tell me my worth was more than Madeline, and I knew they were right and that Mew was right but breaking myself of decades-long habits was harder than I expected.

“Would you like to go for a walk?” I asked the cat, bringing awareness to how empty my house was and how alone I felt sometimes. In the past, these were the times when I’d go crawling back to Madeline, begging for her to take me back, only for me to plead for her to let me go months later.

Right now, though, I ignored those past thoughts and looped Hades’ paws through his harness to go for a walk. I had already lost him once in the woods, where he had been found in one of the pine trees, and since then, we had an understanding that it wasn’t okay for him to run off whenever he felt like it. The woods were unsafe for seventeen-pound domesticated cats.

The woods were also my place of focus. Even when I was a kid growing up in Europe, I found all the best patches of forests and clusters of trees, just big enough to hide in. It didn’t matter where my family traveled to, I’d already be pinpointing where the nearest collection of woods was, something my mom always teased me about. She would call me her “little pillywiggin”, an Irish fairy that was tiny, enjoyed traveling, and took cover in the woods of Ireland.

It had been a long while since I felt a longing to see my parents, but there in my little section of the Georgian woods, at midnight, I missed them more than I had in about two decades. “You ready to go home?” I asked to Hades, who just mewled in response. “I thought so. Come on.”

For two days, I was able to keep with a normal life, going on nighttime walks with Hades in the tepid air, the lake providing a slight chill whenever a breeze washed over it. The new month of September was the following day, and happened upon me quicker than I anticipated, already coming up on one month since the initial murders of Penelope and Louis. It bothered me how close we were to being done with this case, yet still so far since we hadn’t ultimately caught Richard, only his pawns. I wanted to be done with this by the end of September, but with how things were moving, it my not have been a possibility. There was a meeting the day after tomorrow, but it meant having to confront Madeline again, something I wasn’t excited for.

Marigold must have known my feelings because she called me the evening before the meeting, just when my anxiety was at its peak. “I wanted to update you on something Madeline told me last night,” the nymph said after our formalities. She had been on Mazerene since we had gotten there to take in Charlie and Peter, serving as my messenger since Mew and I wouldn’t stand to be around Madeline. “I was going to three-way call Barty, too, since he’ll want in on this.”

“You’re making it sound bad,” I murmured, mentally shooting down any hopes of having Richard locked up within the next month.

“Just. . .hang on.” The line went silent for a moment, giving me time to grab my laptop and open it, ready to add any new updates to my document. “Alright,” Marigold started when she got back onto the phone with me. “Barty, I was telling Felix that Madeline gave me some updates last night when I went to go check on her.” She didn’t sound too pleased, though I'm sure Madeline hadn't been too compliant with her these past two days while she was on Mazerene.

“Did she say anything actually worthwhile or was it more bullshit?” Mew asked begrudgingly. His tone was sleepy, like how it had been when we were alone in the hotel two weeks before. I didn’t know how much I could enjoy a voice so much.

“It’s worthwhile. She said she spoke to Adrianna about the meeting for tomorrow, and Adrianna mentioned she thinks they’re being followed by the police,” Marigold explained, a sigh following. “She said Adrianna knows that the police in Dahlonega and Cummings had launched an investigation since it would be a murder trial, but now she’s thinking the police are conducting a hunt for a serial killer around Northern Georgia, which isn’t wrong.”

“She's just now thinking the police are onto them? She's not very clever," I mumbled.

“Well, yeah. But Madeline said Adrianna told her they were still going to hunt around the area, and she asked if Madeline would take over with introductions at the meetings so that they can recruit other members. Apparently, there’s a plan for Adrianna and Layla to bring in a demon to their next meeting, so they’re spending the next few days tracking a full-fledged one in Central Georgia.” The sound she made was half-sigh, half-groan, irritated at the news.

“Sounds like we’re breaking up into teams, then,” I commented, putting the two of them on speakerphone so I could add my notes. “Madeline and I will go to the meeting tomorrow, and you two can track down Adrianna and Layla.”

“You’re not going with Madeline,” Mew grumbled, once more surprising me at how protective he had gotten regarding me and my ex. There was always the overwhelming need to hug him when he got like that.

“I’m with Barty on this one,” Marigold agreed before I had the chance to argue. “You two are the strongest out of the four of us, and I prefer surveillance, anyway. Madeline and I can go to tomorrow’s meeting in Atlanta, and you guys can go in search of Adrianna and Layla. If push comes to shove, I'd rather y'all handle those two than me.” She laughed airily, then let silence fall over the call.

“Fair ’nough,” Mew mumbled. “Felix, text me your address, and I’ll be there tomorrow. You’re driving.” He talked around a yawn, and there was shuffling, like he was rearranging something near his phone.

“Are you in bed already?”

“I’m tired, leave me alone. Your call woke me up.” He started to mumble his words, and my fingers stopped moving across my keyboard so that my hands could cover my face, as if he could see the blush the had crept up onto my cheeks.

“It’s ten o’clock on a Saturday. Is Cadence in, too?” Marigold chided.

“Yup. We worked on the backyard today because Cadence wanted some new grass put in, and I almost thought about how easily I could just dig a hole and bury her underneath the new sod.” Another yawn. I wondered if he was in that tight gray shirt from the hotel and if his cat was in the bed with him the same way Hades was in mine. I grew curious about what his room was decorated with and what color of sheets he had on his bed, thinking they would have that coffee and vanilla scent that clung to him. “Are you and Madeline flying back to the states tonight?”

“Yeah, in about an hour. Colin gave me full permission to use any force on her if she starts acting out.” The zipper of possibly a suitcase sounded on Marigold’s side. “I’m going to get in as much driving as I can tonight when we land, which should put me right outside of Atlanta so that we’ll be ready to go to the meeting tomorrow night.” A soda’s carbonation fizzed in the background. “Barty, you’re going to hate me for this, but I think you and Felix should head towards Atlanta tonight and get a head start. Adrianna and Layla are heading towards Central Georgia, so I think if you start in Atlanta and follow their smell, you should be able to find them fairly quickly.”

“Goldie,” Mew groaned, voice muffled possibly by a pillow. “I’m literally in pajamas, my lights are off, Skippy had made himself comfortable, and I want to sleep.” He exhaled loudly, the springs of his bed squeaking some. “Felix, you’re driving. Send your address. I’m sleeping on the way to Atlanta.”

“That’s a trooper,” Marigold teased, giggling. “You two be safe, and maybe I’ll run into you in Atlanta. Text me with updates.”

“We will,” I responded quickly before bidding them goodbye, head swimming with how quickly it was agreed upon that Mew and I would have our own mission together. I never thought he would agree to something like this, not when he had the option of going with Marigold. Had she plotted this on purpose, knowing how I felt about her partner? Either way, Mew had my address and was going to be at my house soon.

Suddenly, I felt self-conscious about my cabin and my furniture and my car and everything else since it could come under scrutiny. My hair was a mess from my pillows, having been in bed, watching Mad Men for the third time, and I was also in pajamas. “Looks like I have to leave you again for a few days, pal,” I said to Hades, throwing blankets off myself. “I’ll make sure Ms. Sapperstein comes by tomorrow for you. Wish me luck that I don’t act like a complete idiot around Mew.”

Because I was going to need every drop of luck that I could get with all the time I was about to spend with him.