Cyber Love

I was sitting on my sofa, a blanket wrapped around me. I decided to torment myself and wrap the blanket Zeke had for only moments last night. If I closed my eyes tight enough I could smell his aftershave. I was tempted to cuddle my Teddy Ezekiel, but that would be pure torment. My eyes were hurting and red raw, I don’t think I slept a wink last night and just cried myself into oblivion. What hurt the most was that he didn’t try to call me. Which is stupid because I told him to leave. I turned on my PlayStation but I bit my bottom lip to stop it from trembling. Even this, my favourite thing in the world made me think of him. I opened up a random game I hadn’t played in ages, hoping it would take my mind off it. How I felt right now, I didn’t even know I could go into work tomorrow. My eyes flicked to the right of my TV as my notifications came up.

Zeke236 is now online.

I groaned, putting my head back, would it be completely out of line to unfriend him? I tried to ignore it and continue to play, my concentration completely whacked. I threw my controller down when I died groaning. “Why is this so hard?” I said out loud, not sure if it was the game or my life at this point. I slammed my eyes shut when another notification came up.

Zeke236 invites you to play online.

“Oh god,” I said as I opened them. I had no idea what to do but I wasn’t rude so I clicked accept and held my breath. Our avatars came into focus and I clicked on Zeke's, the little red sign above the head told me he wasn’t connected to a microphone. My messages popped up on the side and my stomach dropped.

Zeke236: ‘Any thoughts on tactics?’

I blinked at the screen, unsure how to respond. I wondered for a minute if he knew it was me. I shook my head, of course, he chose my name. I wrote out a response and deleted it a few times before finally sending him a response.

MaskedS: ‘Whatever you want. I was thinking slow and hiding’

I reread my message and hated it. I was actually going to say hard and fast but I thought that would have too many sexual connotations. We both started playing, no further communication between us until Zeke died again. A message popped up and took a breath in.

Zeke236: ‘Put your microphone on’

The message was a demand and I felt sick as I turned it on and put it on my head.

“Sasha," Zeke breathed out and my heart jumped.

“Hi,” I said quietly.

“I wanted to check in on how you're feeling”. His words were soft and it made my heart ache.

“I’m not great," I breathed out, throwing my controller next to me. “You?” I asked.

“Not great. I’m surprised I didn’t crash to be honest.” I blinked a few times to try and get rid of my tears.

“Sash," Zeke breathed out and I completely broke down, sobbing into the microphone. “Baby please." Zeke's voice was nearly as bad as mine and it was making me sob harder. “You don’t want this, I know you don’t.” He was right, I didn’t want it but I was scared and knew my mind would run with me every day.

“How was work, did you see her?” I asked, trying to be funny.

“I actually did. I can also assure you I made it very clear I have a girlfriend which she understood”.

“You don’t have a girlfriend though”. I whispered.

“I fucking do.” Zeke breathed out and I imagined him on his sofa, shirtless. “I’m sorry Sasha.” I nodded, chewing my bottom lip off. “Come and see me please". I threw my head back onto my sofa. I couldn’t think of anything else I would rather do than see Zeke right this second. I was really starting to regret chucking him out of my house.

“I have work," I whispered my eyes shut.

“Friday, drive to me on Friday please.” Zeke paused and I opened my eyes, staring at my TV. “Baby?” he spoke softly.

“Yeah" I breathed out.

“I love you". My heart stopped for a second as I nearly fell off the sofa.

“Wwhatt?” I stuttered out.

“You heard me.”

“You're just saying that so I’m not angry anymore”. My heart was beating so fast I thought I was about to have a heart attack. “I’m not because you still have every right to be angry. Text me if you're coming on Friday.”