CUSP

My ex-boyfriend broke my virginity, after him I had one more fling that didn’t go anywhere and so I cut things off. But none of them ever made me feel the way Obrien makes me feel every time I am with him, there is certain soreness to my body that makes me feel alive. That kind of pain that is bittersweet, how he turns my body in all directions making me feel as light as a feather. We are soaked in the bathtub with him behind me, he is lovingly rubbing my back and it is only now that senses are coming back because how can this be normal? It shouldn’t even feel okay because I am well younger than him and he is my friend’s dad for crying out loud.

‘Block the thoughts away.’ He says kissing my cheek as if reading my mind

I choose not to respond, I am about the biggest fool I know because I keep allowing him close each time even though I tell myself that it will be the last time.

‘How are the exams going?’

‘They are okay, yesterday’s paper did a number on me.’

‘Financial accounting?’

‘Yes.’ I respond

‘Books balanced I hope.’

‘They finally did after giving me hell.’

He passes his hands so that he is touching my bosom on each side.

‘You will do just fine.’

‘I need that kind of faith right now.’ I respond with a smile

We finish showering and he carries me out of the tub, we have our meal together and go and get some rest. By the time we are waking up it’s after 3PM and I know I have to go home before Nancy starts calling. I dress up and meet him in the living room where he is drinking his whisky.

‘I am leaving.’

He puts his cup down and opens his arms.

‘I need to go.’

‘I just want a hug, nothing else.’

I move close and get into them.

‘Don’t be scarce, you know I always miss you when you are gone.’

I have so much to tell him, so much. But I am too sexually drained to start a physical fight so instead I kiss his cheek and get the car keys.

‘You know you just have to tell me and your car will be in yes?’

I look at him not sure I even want to respond to that.

‘Why can’t you just accept where we are and what we have? You know it would be simpler like that yes?’

‘You are hearing yourself right?’

He sighs making a face, he usually does this when he doesn’t want to argue.

‘Wane you know I am in love with you, you know I only have your best interest at heart and I just want to be able to help out when I can. But you keep making this hard for me.’

‘Obrien honestly I don’t have the energy to argue with you, you are my bestfriend’s father, your wife is like a mother to me and it’s not like I am realizing this now but.’

‘It’s fine baby, it’s fine.’ He says kissing my forehead before pulling me in his arms and holding me tightly, we stay in this position for a few minutes until I pull out. I need to get going because Caleb might start asking me questions and I don’t have the strength.

‘Is there anything you need?’

‘I am fine.’

‘Let me transfer something, you can use it when the need arises.’

‘You gave me money in the morning.’

‘For your hair yes.’

‘Obrien.’

‘You have been turning down all my offers for the past months, how have you been surviving and just the thought of it gives me sleepless nights. I mean why should you be in financial hiccups when I am there?’

‘I have been fine.’

‘Just wait here.’ He says going to the bedroom, he returns with an ATM card.

‘What now?’

‘Get this, the pin is 4520. Whenever you need something just use it.’

Knowing there is no winning this I get the card.

‘Take care of yourself and don’t be too scarce.’ He says kissing my lips one last time before I walk out of the house.

He opens the gate from inside the house and I drive off, I pass through Lewanika Mall and get some bread and snacks from Shoprite before going home. I am shocked to find Besa there, he hasn’t been to our home in months and usually he and Caleb meet elsewhere when they want to hang out.

‘Hey.’ I greet Caleb

‘Hey.’

I greet Besa too before putting the car keys where they are supposed to be.

‘Nancy is home?’

‘She went to the mall and now has a tire bust, Besa here was even about to give me a lift there but since you are here I can use her car whilst he eats.’

‘You are sure?’ Besa asks him

‘Yeah I will be back soon.’

He stands up and gets the car keys, when he leaves the house and drives off it’s now Besa and I. I don’t even feel chatty, I just want to get some rest.

‘I thought you ladies were going to the salon.’

‘Something came up, we had to part ways.’

‘Your boyfriend you mean?’

‘What is your issue Besa?’ I ask shaking my head

‘Nothing, I am just concerned.’

‘About?’

He raises his hands in surrender.

‘And shouldn’t you be with Astridah?’

‘So this is what this is about?’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘You are mad at me because of her?’

‘Wait what?’

‘Nothing.’ He says quickly

I look at him intently for a good minute, what in God’s name is he talking about.

‘I heard something about food, should I serve you?’

‘If you are eating with me.’

‘I had something on my way here, I will eat later.’

‘With your boyfriend?’

‘When did you become this irritating being?’ I ask before walking out and Obrien chooses that moment to call.

‘Hey.’

‘You home?’

‘Just got here.’ I say getting into my room and closing the door.

‘Alright, just wanted to make sure.’

‘And guess who I found here.’

‘Who?’

‘Your son.’

There is silence for a minute.

‘You are quiet.’

‘I am sure he is there to see Caleb.’ He says and I don’t argue because why else would he be here

We talk for a few more seconds before we drop the call

..

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Winnie

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