Crimes of Cupidity (Heart Hassle Book 3)

I have to help break up the orgies.

There are quite a few more going on since I first went into Belren’s room. He sighs at the sight of all the fae still thoroughly enjoying themselves with a look of wistfulness. “Okay, you get those ones, I’ll get the beached kelpies over there.”

I watch as he makes his way over to the pile of bodies with green seaweed-looking goo leaking out from their orifices. Eww.

I march over to the opposite corner where some other fae are getting it on. I feel a little bad about breaking it up, to be honest. I like to start orgies, not end them. The closer I get, the more my cupidy senses start tingling.

When I reach them, I clear my throat. I also try to avert my eyes since, you know, I’m mated and stuff. The orgy participants don’t react at all. They just continue sucking and thrusting and making a lot of noise.

“Excuse me?” I say, my head pointed up to the dirt ceiling.

Nothing.

I clap my hands loudly, which makes them finally look over at me, but also makes my cupid mark start glowing again.

The one with antlers looks me up and down and stops slurping at the dangling bits between another fae’s legs. “You want to join us?” he asks.

He’s currently on his knees, propped behind another fae who has four legs and a back pouch. Huh. I bet a back pouch really comes in handy when he’s shopping. Oh. Wait. That’s not a back pouch.

“Enjoying the view?”

I quickly snap my eyes back up to the ceiling. “Umm. No. Yes. I mean, it’s interesting. But no, I would not like to join you. I have mates. Plural,” I explain. “One of them has super strength. Another one does something weird when he whistles. I don’t really know. But he’s a super good whistler. The third one—”

“Oi! Break it up!”

I flinch at Belren’s booming voice, since he somehow came up right behind me without me noticing. He also sort of shouted right into my ear. Probably on purpose, the jerk.

The other fae start scrambling to their feet. There’s a lot of…squelching that goes on as they disentangle. Also, a lot of wet spots. I turn my back on them as they quickly dress and disappear out the door.

I turn to Belren. “Do they know how to get off?”

Belren opens his mouth to make a dirty joke, but I roll my eyes and cut him off. “I meant get off the island.”

He grins, but drops it. “Yes, of course they do. They’ll go through the barrier doorway that the princess made. Ready to go?”

“Yep.”

He looks me up and down. “You should change.”

“I didn’t exactly have time to pack a change of clothes,” I say, looking down at my dirty dress.

“Darling, I’m a thief. I have everything you could ever need or want, and if I don’t, I can sure as hell get it.”

He flicks his wrist and for a moment, nothing happens. But after a few seconds pass, something comes zooming out of Belren’s bedroom and launches itself at me. I barely catch the clump of fabric with an “oomph” as it slaps into my chest.

“Put those on.”

“You could say please,” I grumble as I look through the bundle. There are thick brown pants, a white blouse, and a pair of sturdy leather boots. “Do you have any real arrows?” I ask.

He eyes the red and pink ones in my quiver. “And those are…?”

“Love Arrows, obviously.”

He grins. “Obviously.”

Another moment passes, and then arrows come hurtling towards me. And they’re going fast. When they’re about to pierce my face, I squeak in surprise and hit the ground.

Belren laughs, and the sound bounces off the room’s dirt walls. I glare up at him. “That wasn’t nice.”

The arrows are hovering inches above the spot where I was. “Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.”

I stand and pluck the arrows from the air, quickly stuffing them into the quiver.

“Now stop dawdling and go get changed.”

He saunters off to the other side of the room before I can volley a string of curses at his face. I quickly go into Belren’s bedroom to get dressed, leaving my dress and silk slippers in a pile. When I get back out to join Belren, the other fae are all gone, and he’s waiting for me out in the tunnel and doing some fancy wristwork.

“What are you doing?” I ask, looking around.

“The last of the fae just left. I’m just opening the passageway for us. Ready?”

Am I ready to go break out the princess from an un-breakout-able prison? No. “Yep,” I say. “I’m a super good spy. I can do this stealing people out of prisons thing, no problem.”

His mouth twitches, and he turns to the direction of the stone door while I follow behind him. “How did you all stay here without Arachno finding you?”

“Magic. Princess Soora wasn’t just able to make a door into the barrier. She also glamoured this part of the mountain with a cloak. Our old cannibalistic spider friend doesn’t know anything is amiss on her island. Besides, the princess ensured she had a…delivery to keep her occupied.”

I stop, horrified. “Princess Soora dropped fae off here to be eaten?”

“Nothing quite so dramatic,” he says over his shoulder. “She dropped off a cart of serpentinal skins.”

“What the heck is a serpentinal?”

He shakes his shoulders like he has the heebie-jeebies. “A particularly ugly fae who shed their skins once every few years. It’s a gruesome process, but their skins are actually quite valuable. Once they’re dried and set, you can use them for all sorts of things. Healing tonics, fabrics, even aphrodisiacs.”

“Huh.”

“Indeed. But to Arachno, there is power in the pieces of fae. Somehow, she’s able to ingest power from it. She’ll be quite busy with her gift as she goes through the tedious process of drying it. It can go badly wrong if the temperatures aren’t exactly right.”

The thought of Arachno drying some fae’s skin turns my stomach. I still remember when she took that banshee tongue and chewed it like a piece of gum. I gag a little just at the memory.

Belren hears me and chuckles. “With four mates, you’ll have to work on that gag reflex.”

“My gag reflex is perfectly fine,” I defend. “In fact, Sylred told me that I exceeded his expectations,” I say smugly.

“Well he’s the nice one, isn’t he?”

I frown at his back. “Yeah, but…”

“Exactly.”

My steps falter slightly. “My gag reflex is great. Just ask the other ones!”

He shrugs, like it’s no matter to him. I mean, it is no matter to him, but I don’t like being accused falsely.

“This discussion isn’t over,” I warn him.

He looks over and shoots me a grin. “By all means, please bring it up again when we find your missing mates.”

“I will,” I say, tilting my chin up obstinately. He just laughs like that’s the funniest thing ever.