Credence

I rest my head against Jake’s back, my face turned up to the sky. Small puffs of white clouds dot the blue, and the cool air fills my lungs with water and wood. I don’t remember ever being so relaxed.

I didn’t get much sleep after he sent me to bed last night, but I’m not missing it. Everything seems lighter now.

“Stop taking the reins,” Jake snips.

I smile, my arms tight around him as I grip the leather straps.

“But I like to steer.”

“That’s not how you steer a horse,” he chides over his shoulder. “Thought you knew how to ride.”

“I thought I did, too, but you won’t let me ride one on my own,” I tease, resting my chin on his shoulder.

Our rifles bob against my back as we ride around the barn and back up the driveway to the house. After chores this morning, Noah drove all the girls back to town, and Jake took me into the forest for target practice. I hadn’t seen—or heard—Kaleb since last night.

But as we ride past the large pile of gravel Jake had dropped off to recover the driveway this morning, I look over and see Kaleb, standing up on a ladder and fixing the pane of glass in the ceiling of the greenhouse.

He doesn’t look back.

“You hungry?” Jake asks.

He stops, climbing down, and I take his hand, letting him help me off.

“Yeah.” I’ve been hungry since breakfast, and I ate something then, too. A lot, actually. I could eat like three—

“Cheeseburgers!” I hear Noah scream all of a sudden.

I whip my head around and see him step out of the barn, holding his fists in the air.

I smile and then look back at Jake.

He shakes his head and pulls his keys out of his pocket, dropping them in my hand. “Go,” he tells me.

I start for the truck but stop and swing back, planting a quick kiss on Jake’s cheek.

He freezes, giving me a look.

I whip off Noah’s flannel and tie it around my waist as I back away, smiling. “You said I should do things that make me happy. You told me to find my bliss.”

“I’m pretty sure I would never say that.”

But I spot the little smile playing on his lips as he turns and grabs a rake to start spreading the new gravel.

Opening the door of the truck, I climb in, but Noah is suddenly there, forcing me over. I scoot down as he takes the keys from me.

But as I slide over to the passenger’s seat instead, that door opens and Kaleb is there. We lock eyes, and he jerks his chin, ordering me to make room. My nerves fire. I settle in the middle.

Both boys take their seats with me in the middle, and Noah fires up the truck, Kaleb’s arm resting on the seat behind me.

I cast a look over my shoulder at Jake through the rear window, trying to recapture the ease I felt just a few minutes ago.

“Don’t take forever!” he shouts and pulls off his shirt, stuffing it into his back pocket as he picks up the rake again to move the gravel. “I need help with all this!”

I hear Noah scoff as he starts the truck, and without a word, he speeds off, probably determined to take as long as possible now.

We wind through the forest, heading down the mountain on the narrow roads as the sunlight flashes through the trees and Noah reaches between my knees to shift the old truck.

I keep thinking about Jake’s last words last night.

Especially all winter.

They’re living it up now, because they know they’ll have to go without, but…

If Jake hadn’t pulled away last night, we wouldn’t have stopped.

I mean, I guess he’s right. We’re both lonely, and we acted out. I need family a lot more than I need sex, and going through with what we were doing last night would’ve complicated everything. He was right to stop it.

Right? I still taste his whisper on my mouth. You are beautiful and pulling my body away from yours was the most pain I’ve ever been in.

I rub my palms together in my lap as little butterflies go off in my stomach.

I don’t know. I felt great waking up today, knowing I didn’t do something I might’ve regretted, but… If it happens again, I still don’t think I’ll be the one to stop it.

“So, are you and my dad okay?” someone asks.

I blink, realizing it came from my left.

I look at Noah. “Huh?”

Why wouldn’t his dad and I be okay? Does he know something?

He glances over at me, trying to keep his eyes on the road, too. “The little thing…” he hints, “in the truck last night?”

It takes me a moment, but then I remember. The argument. When he threatened to spank me.

“He’s a pain in the ass,” Noah continues. “Seriously. Don’t let him get to you. I’m continually surprised he ever got hard enough to make us.”

And then he laughs, shifting into a higher gear as the truck cruises down the road and the wind breezes through the cab.

A smile pulls at my lips, and I put my head down, trying to hide it. He didn’t have any trouble last night.

I bite my bottom lip to keep the smile from spreading.

Reaching over, I turn on the music, “Gives You Hell” playing as we pick up the town’s radio station. Noah turns it up, Kaleb rolls down his window, and I start to relax as we listen to the music.

The green leaves of the deciduous trees mixed amongst the conifers show yellow tinges that will soon turn to oranges and reds before the violent winds of winter rip them free. The highest peaks in the state have already gotten snow, but here, the air just smells of hay and smoky, earthy food cooked over bonfires that kind of remind me of the fallen apples left to decay under the trees back at Brynmor. It feels like the anticipation you feel when you’re waiting for something to happen.

I tip my head back and close my eyes as Noah sings and the breeze caresses my bare arms.

But then the truck comes to a sudden stop, I lurch forward, and something slams into my chest. I wince at the pain, my eyes popping open as a car pulls out right in front of us.

“Aw, come on!” Noah barks, the truck idling in the middle of the road.

The car backs out of a driveway and pulls forward, taking off down the road as if we didn’t almost crash into them.

I draw in a deep breath, suddenly aware of the ache in my chest again.

I look down and see Kaleb’s arm is shot out in front of me, keeping me from diving head first through the wind-shield. There was no seatbelt for me in the middle.

I look over at him as he scowls at the car disappearing down the road.

Without sparing me a glance, he drops his arm and goes back to looking at his phone.

Hm.

Noah takes off again, but I steal glances at Kaleb every few seconds. So he does know I exist.

We head through town, turning into Ferg’s Freeze on the left and pulling into the drive-through.

A woman’s voice comes over the speaker, and I check out the menu quickly.

“Cheeseburger,” I tell him as he hangs out the window.

“Okay, seven cheeseburgers,” he calls out.

Seven?

Noah turns back to me. “You want bacon on yours?”

I nod.

“All with bacon,” he tells the cashier. “Three—no, four—large fries.”

“I don’t need fries,” I reply.

“I’ll eat yours,” he tells me. “And four milkshakes—two vanilla, one strawberry, and…”

He looks at me over his shoulder.

“Strawberry, too,” I answer.

“Make that two strawberry and also add a Coke.”

She tells him his total, and I sit back in the seat as we pull up behind another car, waiting our turn.

Glancing over at Kaleb, I see he’s still scrolling, and I look down to see what has so much of his attention.

I smile.

“I’ve been there,” I tell him, gesturing to the images on his screen. “It’s this whole hotel in Oregon that’s a treehouse. I love the lights in the trees—it’s pretty. Kind of magical.”

He looks over at me, staring silently.

He’s probably mad that I got nosy. I’ve made his breakfast every morning this week—which he scarfs down—but for some reason, I’m barely on his radar unless he wants to…eat.

“Have you ever been outside of Colorado?” I broach.

But of course, he doesn’t answer.

We pull forward, and I hear a chirpy voice.

“Hi, Kaleb,” someone says.

A pretty girl with a shoulder-length shaggy cut and bangs peers at us through the window, her blue-and-white-striped uniform shirt adorned with a name tag that says Marnie.

Kaleb doesn’t acknowledge her as Noah pays her. She opens the windows again to give him his change.

“You know the offer still stands,” she says, looking at Kaleb as she hands Noah the bags of food. “Sure you don’t want to tuck me away up on the peak with the rest of the necessities you need for winter? I could keep you warm.”

I can tell she’s only teasing, trying to play.

But Noah laughs, taking the milkshakes and passing them to me, which I hold on my lap. “Yeah, only if he puts you back into the pantry the twenty-three hours of the day he’s not using you.”

“Noah!” I burst out, my eyes wide.

But the chick is way ahead of me. She flings her hand into the Coke sitting at the window, its contents spilling all over Noah before the windows swing closed again, leaving him in the dust.

Splashes land on me, soaking into the seat, and I gasp at the ice and cold as Noah growls.

“Seriously!” he whines, flinging soda off his hands. “What the hell?”

I laugh, barely noticing Kaleb lifting me up and moving me over, out of the mess.

“You deserved that,” I tell Noah, but I’m still laughing.

He groans, pulling napkins out of the bag to dry himself. “I was just joking.”

“Well, I like her,” I tease.

A horn honks behind us, and Noah scowls as he pulls off, probably pissed he didn’t get that Coke now.

Kaleb wipes my arm down with a napkin, and I stop laughing, realizing I’m sitting in his lap. I look down on the red seat, seeing a dark pool of Coke where I was sitting.

He throws the wet napkin down and picks up another, pressing it to my thigh to soak up the mess on my jeans. My breath catches, and I put my hand on his to stop him.

“I’m…”

He looks up at me, and the last time he was this close was when he had me on the hood of the car.

“I’m…I’m okay,” I assure him, sopping up my jeans.

He removes his hand, letting me do it as he circles my waist like a seatbelt and goes back to playing on his phone, holding it with both hands around me.

“I can sit back down.”

I try to move off him, but he stops me, not taking his eyes off his phone as he pats the seat to remind me it’s wet.

Continuing to scroll, he keeps his arms firmly in place, and my pulse races.

And as we drive home, all I’m aware of is him. Noah’s not in the car. There’s no music. Despite the breeze, the truck is hot inside.

At some point I look over at him, and he raises his eyes, holding mine again.

And I know then that I was wrong. I’m on his radar.

“No!” I bellow, twisting my legs away before he can get a proper hold.

But I’m not fast enough. Jake grabs my ankles as I grapple for the rip in the mat to hang onto and try to kick free of him.

He yanks me down, and I scream in the garage, breaking out in a laugh I can’t hold back.

It’s been almost two days since our episode in the kitchen. We’ve worked, cooked, jarred some fruit, stocked the pantry with supplies for winter, and bottled up some water, since I’m told the pipes often freeze.

They’ve forced me to watch the entire first season of their karate show, and I made some new popsicle treats I found on Pinterest for the horses and chickens that Noah made fun of me for, but the animals loved. I watched them for a solid hour picking at the frozen corn. It was so cute.

“Come on,” Jake barks, gripping me hard. “You should’ve caught onto this by now.”

“It’s been two days! Gimme a break.”

I stop trying to kick and shoot up, swinging both of my fists right for his face. He rears back, but I clip his nose.

He releases me, and I scramble to my feet, facing him with a ready stance.

He holds his nose, his eyes watering. “Ouch,” he grunts.

Yesterday, he decided I needed a little more raising than the boys, since I’d found myself up at the lake alone with Terrance several days ago, and wanted to teach me some self-defense. Kaleb is off hunting, and Noah’s watching TV.

Jake sniffles and shakes it off, putting up his hands to go again.

“Why not just give me a gun?” I ask. “Isn’t that the mountain-man answer for everything?”

“Sure, once you put down your avocado toast.”

I laugh, shoving him in the chest. “I don’t eat that.”

I feel his chuckle as he whips me around and locks me in a hold.

“What are you going to do?” he taunts, tightening his arms around me as I squirm. “Come on. What do you do?”

He only hesitates a moment before he releases me and digs his fingers into my stomach, tickling me. I curl up, trying not to laugh as both of us fall to the mat, my back crashing on top of his chest.

“No, no, no…” I hug myself against his onslaught, squirming and wiggling as I chuckle. “Stop!”

He finally does, placing his hands on my waist as I drop my head back to his chest and we both try to catch our breaths.

“Pretty sure you’ll all just need to chaperone me everywhere, because this is useless,” I tell him.

His chest shakes with a silent laugh, and within a moment everything is quiet as I lie there.

My body starts to warm, and my smile falls as I feel him under me, aware of every ridge of his muscles. Every bulge of his… body.

I turn my head, looking at him, and I see the embarrassment in his eyes, because he knows I feel it.

I made him hard.

My skin tingles under his fingers, and as he caresses my hips with just the barest touch, my eyelids flutter.

His eyebrows pinch together. “What is this?” he murmurs.

And I feel his fingers slip under the string of my panties.

He follows the fabric over my hip where it sticks out of my jeans all the way to the back where there’s almost nothing.

He knows what kind of panties I’m wearing, and his breathing turns labored.

“I got some in town today,” I tell him.

I like how they feel. How they look. The girls at school were wearing sexy underwear years ago already.

But he looks at me like he’s scared of me, and I rub my nose, seeing his Adam’s apple move up and down.

I didn’t mean to unnerve him. It’s not about sex. I just like feeling different and buying something Tiernan de Haas would never buy.

This is what comes with raising a teenage girl, Jake. He’ll see them in the laundry at some point.

“Tiernan?” Noah calls. “Your phone is ringing!”

I draw in a breath and slide off Jake, hearing him clear his throat as we both pull up to our feet.

Running into the house, I grab my phone off the island, seeing Mirai’s name light up on the screen.

I answer it. “Hey.”

“Tiernan,” she bursts out, sounding relieved to reach me. How long had the phone been ringing? “So good to hear your voice,” she says. “I haven’t heard from you. I was anxious to see how you’re doing.”

Jake steps into the kitchen, closing the door and catches my eyes as he walks for the fridge.

My pulse still races. “I’m good,” I tell her.

“You like it there? Everything is…fine?”

“Yeah.” I linger around the island as Jake cracks open a beer. “They keep me busy. Lots of sun and fresh air.”

“That’s good.” Her voice is gentle. Sweet. Had it always sounded like that? “As long as they’re kind to you.”

“Yes,” I say, knowing Jake is listening. “They’re kind to me.”

I meet his gaze, smiling as he rolls his eyes and smirks.

“Listen, I didn’t want to bother you,” she tells me, “but your parents’ funeral will be the day after tomorrow.”

I blink, looking away from my uncle. The funeral. Guilt overtakes me. I hadn’t thought about it in days.

I actually hadn’t thought about my own parents’ funeral.

“I’m really sorry about the rush,” Mirai continues. “With certain attendees, we were pressured to work around their schedules.”

I nod. “Of course.”

I feel Jake watching me.

“You don’t have to come,” she informs me. “Everyone will understand.”

My stomach sinks at the thought of getting on a plane. The idea of leaving here—going there… It’s the last thing I want to do.

But I don’t hesitate.

“Get me a flight, okay? Tonight is fine.”

“Are you sure?”

Jake sets his bottle on the counter, planting both hands as he stares at me.

“Yes,” I tell her. “Talk soon.”

“Okay,” she says. “Give me an hour.”

I hang up, and Noah must’ve heard, because he’s walking over as soon as I set the phone down.

“You’re leaving?” he asks.

But I look at my uncle. “My parents’ funeral is the day after tomorrow,” I tell him. “She’ll try to get me a flight tonight. I hate to ask, but can you give me a ride to the airport?”

“You sure you want to go?” He narrows his eyes. “You don’t have to do anything. You can stay. Or I could come with you.”

“You can’t,” I say. “The McDougall customization is behind. I’ll be okay. It’s fine.”

He pauses, the wheels in his head turning.

After a moment, he walks to the wall and grabs a set of keys.

He pushes them over the counter to me. “Take one of the trucks,” he says. “Park it at the airport, so it’s there when you come back.”

I stare at the keys.

There’ll be things to deal with at home. The house, the accounts, Mirai, the condolences, obligations they had with charities and fundraisers and…

“You’re not coming back,” Jake finally says when I don’t take the keys.

I open my mouth but nothing comes out. My throat fills with a softball-sized lump that hurts so much. I don’t want to leave, but I don’t…

“I don’t know what’s going to happen. For sure.” I finally look up at him. “There’s a lot to deal with there. I can’t say how long I’ll be.”

He stares at me, and Noah has nothing to say for the first time since I’ve been here.

Jake sighs and picks up the keys, shoving his beer over to Noah before walking off without another look in my direction. “Let me know when you’re ready to leave.”