SWNOVELS Compelled: Chapter 30
When it was my turn to dance with Carter, I stepped up into his arms without hesitation. Lucien had told me to treat this as a job, and I was going to follow his advice.
“I’m not the monster you think I am.”
Carter’s opening sentence took me by surprise as I tilted my head back to meet his gaze. “I’ve never said you were a monster. I just don’t appreciate being dragged into a selection that I didn’t ask to be in. Every other invitee had the option of refusing, but I’ve been forced. I don’t really know what you expected.”
That appeared to stump him for a moment, his brows creasing as his lips thinned. Finally, he shook his head. “As I told you before, I promise not to force you. If in the end you decide that I’m not the mate for you, I’ll respect that. But to decide, you need to give it a proper chance.”
“What if I don’t want a mate?”
I wasn’t anti-mate, but it also wasn’t the sole focus on my existence.
Carter leaned in, and for once his voice was gentle. “I had a mate. She was the most precious being in the world to me while she was alive. I would have died for her in a heartbeat. Killed for her without hesitation. Bled so she didn’t have to. You deserve a mate just like that.”
My throat grew tight as I nodded. “Yes, I do. But see, you’ve already had that with a vampire. I would always just be second place. I’ve always been second place in the lives of those who were supposed to love me.” He opened his mouth, but I went on before he could interrupt. “I’m not saying that for sympathy. I came to terms with my truth long ago, but when it comes to a mate, I want to be first. The same way they would be for me.”
Carter was watching me so closely that I felt almost naked under his gaze, but I wasn’t quite done yet. “You talk of dying and fighting and loving your mate,” I said softly, “and I have no doubt that every day of her life was amazing. I’m sorry she’s gone now, and I hope for your future happiness. But I’m not the one for you.”
Carter’s smile was sudden and brilliant… and completely disconcerting. “That’s why I called you to this selection,” he said. “You are perfect for me. A true partner.”
Was this vampire for real? “What part of I don’t want to be second didn’t you understand?” There was more bite in my tone now. Some dudes apparently needed to be hit over the head with the truth to actually hear it. “I won’t compromise on that, not now or ever, so you might as well focus your attention on one of the others.”
Carter stopped moving, even though the music wasn’t quite done. “I need you to understand, Simone, that when my mate died, I did as well. My heart and my soul and the parts of me that gave a fuck about anything died. It wasn’t until you touched the stone, sent out the burst of energy, and shocked me back to life that I was reborn. The way I see it, this version of Carter can make his new mate number one. This is my rebirth, and I plan to embrace it fully.”
He lowered his head and pressed his lips to my cheek, the heat of his energy tracing delicately across mine. “Give this a chance,” he murmured.
I didn’t even know what to say. This stubborn asshole was clearly not going to give up easily, so I needed to figure out another way. “I’m here aren’t I,” I said to placate him for now.
Carter nodded. “You are, and I’ll see you tomorrow for the first round.”
When he was gone, I forced myself to breathe deeply a few times, needing to clear my head. “Simone.”
Lucien appeared beside me, and he must have seen something odd in my expression because his hardened immediately. “What happened?” he snapped, looking around for Carter, no doubt.
Grabbing his arm, I shook my head. “No, nothing. Carter was just going on about true mates and being number one… I’m just all caught up in my thoughts.”
Lucien muttered under his breath but didn’t leave me to go kill the other master. We were both making progress, apparently. He did reach out and pull me into his arms, and I settled against him as if we’d been dancing together for years.
Our bodies moved in sync, always so compatible, even when both of us might have wished differently.
“Carter could be using a subtle compulsion on you,” he told me as we moved.
I blinked, not having expected that. “I mean, it’s not like I want to be his mate now or anything. I still actively tried to talk him out of choosing me, but… I was rather relaxed, now that I think about it.”
Lucien nodded, muscles tensing under my arms. “Yes, that’s what I was worried about. He will start slow and low before trying to force more of his will on you later. You have to learn to block his energy.”
“How do I do that?” I asked, a little pissed about how easily these vamps could take another’s will away.
Lucien tightened his hold on me, hand completely splayed across the bare skin on my lower back, touch burning me like a brand. “Normally, I’d suggest your wolf,” he murmured. “But she’s too weak at the moment. Your best option is for us to finish what we started earlier. You need to feed from me again, take my blood and use it to strengthen yourself.”
Thoughts of what we started earlier had moisture pooling low in my center. My thong was definitely not adequate coverage to handle my need tonight. “Won’t that weaken my wolf more?” I rasped.
He spun me, our feet moving faster in time to the beat as we settled in with the other dancers. “Your wolf will always be part of you,” he told me. “Feeding from me now shouldn’t create more of a bond than the one that’s already formed. Certainly nothing worse than finding yourself mated to Carter because he clouded your judgement.”
Leaning back, I stared up at Lucien, about to ask a very personal question. Maybe it was the wine talking or maybe I just had to know if Len’s guess was right. “Why are you so against true mate bonds? You’re not like Carter, having lost a true mate already, so why?”
Lucien let out a dry laugh, but to my surprise, he answered. “I don’t really talk about it because it’s best to move forward and not dwell on the past. But I feel I owe you some truth. My parents shared a blood call, the true bond I told you about. The problem was they could never extend that love to any other. I was their only child, born to keep my mother happy, but ultimately ignored.
“Then she wanted another child, and another, all of which was impossible due to the very rare nature of vampire pregnancies. My father was killed by a rival enclave when he attempted to take one of their young. Destroying them both. For with a blood call, one cannot survive without the other.”
His sigh was so low I almost missed it. “From where I stood, that sort of dependency on another did more harm than good—especially when children were involved. It’s why I made the decision to avoid serious relationships.”
Len had some of the story right and other parts wrong, but it really didn’t matter since the end results were the same: Lucien did not want a true mate.
He swirled me again, but I barely noticed, so focused on him. “What do you think of Shadow and Mera? Or Reece and Angel?” I asked. The first of their brotherhood to break the eternal bachelor cycle.
Lucien’s expression brightened. “I’m truly happy for them. My damage is my own, but I see their joy and contentment. I mean, I barely recognize either of them these days, and it’s all for the better. What is written in my future is not for them.”
“You know your future can change at any point you want it to,” I told him. “And you are not your parents. If we don’t learn and do better, than what is the point of living at all?”
I’d learned to step away from my parents at a young age, and it was one of the most freeing things I’d ever done. He sobered. “At times I find it hard to believe you are so young when your soul is so wise. I’ll think on your words, Bee.”
Tonight had been a mess, but this part felt kind of right. Lucien and I had taken a step forward in our relationship, and maybe now, the future wasn’t quite so defined.
For either of us.