Collided (Dirty Air Series Book 2)

My parents are disgustingly in love. They experience a life of daily sex, breakfast in bed, cute nicknames, and lustful looks. It was all very gag-worthy while growing up. Their type of love challenges any movie or book, a nauseating display resulting in me finding them in multiple compromising positions over the years.

I spent a week worrying about bringing Sophie over to their house because my parents can sniff out love like a shark smells blood. They’ve been curious to meet the girl I’ve spoken about for months, wondering who captured my attention while helping me stay out of trouble.

They put together a small outdoor birthday party for me in the house I grew up in. In a few days, I turn twenty-nine, which means I’m one year closer to the dirty thirties with Noah. My parents set up a makeshift dance floor because they love to dance together. Thanks to their endless dancing at parties, I was the victim of one too many lessons.

I mingle for a while with some old friends. Jax comes soon after and catches up with my parents, knocking back a beer with my dad while my mom fusses over him and his recent PR disasters. Despite Jax’s terrible decisions, my parents treat him like a son. They ignore his public blunders because he’ll close himself off like a vault.

Maya and Sophie get to the party last. I’d know, seeing as I scanned the patio every five minutes, waiting for them to arrive.

“Fashionably late. A timeless excuse no one ever questions.” Sophie stands on the tips of her toes and gives me an innocent kiss on the cheek. It shouldn’t make my heart beat faster in my chest, but it does.

Her curled blonde hair frames her face, ditching her usual braids or messy buns for my special occasion. She dresses up in a light pink cocktail dress with fluffy layers.

I bend over to check out her glitter Vans. “Beautifully late. No excuse needed.” I grab her hand and twirl her in a circle, spinning her around as she laughs and the material swirls.

“You flatter me. Give Maya a spin so she doesn’t get jealous.” Sophie lets go of my hand and pulls away.

I offer an extended hand to Maya, but she smiles while shaking her head side to side. Maya walks off to say hi to a McCoy employee she knows.

“So if this isn’t the girl we’ve heard so much about?” My mom comes up to us with my dad following behind her like the lovesick puppy he is.

Sophie pushes her hair behind her ear. “Hopefully all good things. Although, I wouldn’t put it past Liam to say embarrassing stories about me. We get arrested one time…”

My mom’s eyebrows shoot up as her head snaps in my direction.

“She’s joking. Good God, you actually thought I got arrested? I don’t know if I should be insulted. Sophie, these are my parents, Jakob and Lily.” I look at my parents.

My dad fights a smile as he tugs Sophie into a hug, shocking us both. “I knew I’d like you from the moment Liam said a girl wouldn’t give him the time of day.”

Sophie’s widened eyes find mine once my dad lets go. “Well, someone had to take a needle and deflate his head. His ego was so inflated I’m surprised he didn’t suffer from a brain aneurysm.”

My parents both laugh.

I roll my eyes while fighting a grin. “Please ignore her. Sophie’s jokes get worse the more nervous she gets.”

Sophie hits me with an icy glare I want to kiss away.

“Please don’t be nervous. We wish we could spend all night getting to know you, but it’s a busy one with everyone coming to visit Liam. Maybe we can spend time with you both before you leave. Liam’s always too busy to visit during his breaks, so we need to take advantage.” My mom sends me a heavy dose of side-eye.

“I visit when I can. You know, like Christmas?” I try to hide my annoyance.

Sophie’s eye bounce between me and my parents. “I heard Christmas in Germany beats every Hallmark movie combined.”

“You’re always welcome to come and visit. Christmas is amazing. And don’t get me started about New Year’s. Our town has a huge firework show to celebrate. Maybe if you come, it would give Liam a reason to stay.” My dad’s telling glance is enough to set off alarms in my head.

Sophie blinks up at me. “Oh, yeah. Maybe depending on school and if Liam and I…” Her voice trails off as she taps her sneaker nervously.

“Liam’s welcome to bring a friend for the holidays.” My mom smiles at Sophie.

Fuck, she really is bringing her A-game today. Never in my life have my parents been so obvious.

“Right, his friend. Well, I’m going to go grab drinks to make it through the night. Be right back!” Sophie glides through the backyard, leaving in a rush of pink and glitter.

My dad grins at me. “So, she’s nice.”

“A real gem, that girl.” My mom nods along.

“And you got that in the few minutes you spoke with her? I’m surprised you could speak with all your Cupid-level scheming.”

My mom pinches my cheek. “You’ll thank me for it later. You used to love coming home for the holidays.”

“Yeah, things change.” I take a chug of my beer.

My dad excuses himself with a wary glance, leaving me alone with my mom.

She nudges me in the ribs. “Lukas told me you planned a day with him at the track tomorrow.”

Blame Sophie and her fake therapy sessions for my bravery. I can’t deny my fear of spending time alone with him after years of circling around each other, never talking about Johanna or spending more than the necessary amount of time with him and my nieces.

“My brother duties are long overdue. He’s going to love what I planned.”

“He told me about it multiple times this week. I haven’t heard him sound this excited to spend time with you in a while. And we’ll all be there on Sunday to cheer you on. Your dad tried on his old shirt to make sure it fit over his recent weight gain, but I told him beer bodies are still in.” She waves at my dad across the patio. His eyes follow her everywhere, still obsessing over her after thirty-one years together.

I lift a brow. “I think you mean dad bods. You know I can send you all new gear.”

“We don’t like to fuss over those kinds of things, especially if you may not be there for much longer. Any news about next year?”

I’d rank her transition as smooth as driving an F3 car.

“Some news.” I leave it simple, not sure if now is a good time to talk about it.

My mom tugs on my earlobe like I’m three years old again. “Spit it out.”

“Ay. No need to get physical. McCoy offered me an extension with similar pay.” I battle between a smile and a scowl.

“Then why don’t you look happy?”

“Because the stipulations include staying away from Sophie.” I let out a deep breath, the heavy weight of my secret sitting against my lungs, accompanied by guilt.

My mom looks at me with wide eyes and pursed lips, making soft wrinkles on her face more apparent. “Didn’t you tell me she’s going to go back to school anyway?”

I don’t know what to make of the burn in my chest when I think of Sophie leaving. Spending time with her has kept me sane this season, providing me with a steady friendship and a fuck ton of laughs.

“Right. She is. But…I mean, I don’t know. I can’t help feeling bad about signing a deal with that type of expectation. Sophie isn’t some dirty secret, she’s my friend…”

“And more.” My mom says it like a statement rather than a question.

“I don’t know. Maybe? I have no idea what to make of the feelings I’m experiencing. But Rick hasn’t mentioned anything about other teams, so it looks like McCoy or bust for the next season.”

“Sounds like you need to speak to your agent and keep an open mind. You still have plenty of races left, so teams can contact you and offer better deals if you hold on a bit longer. McCoy can wait. You’re one of the best out there, and you need to remember that. Maybe you need to follow your heart rather than a paycheck.” My mom wraps her small arms around me, tugging me in for a hug.

That’s the problem. I don’t understand my heart enough to follow it blindly.

She goes back to drinking in a corner with my dad, giggling at things he whispers in her ears. Both recently turned sixty and they still act like teenagers.

I stare at Sophie like a creeper across the yard. She dances around with Maya, switching between old eighties dance moves that should be long forgotten. Her terrible running man makes her shoes sparkle under the string lights.

I go up to them and ask Sophie to dance. She looks over at Maya for saving, but her best friend walks off toward Jax, leaving us alone. Next time I see Noah, I need to smack him because Maya’s a cool chick who takes our shit with a smile.

“Just so you know, I have two left feet. Seriously. There’s a reason I don’t dance at the galas.”

“All 100 pounds of you can step on my toes. Doubt I’d feel it.”

“One: I love pasta way too much to weigh 100 pounds. And two: you asked for it.” She grabs my stretched-out hand.

A familiar buzz runs through me as I grip her hand. It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced before, accompanied by a constant itch to be near Sophie. I wrap my other arm around her. She doesn’t take me up on my offer to step on my feet, but she lets me lead her around the dance floor. We sway to the melody playing from the speakers.

“You’re not too terrible. Maybe you had bad dance partners, kind of like with everything else.”

Sophie looks up at me. “Don’t tell my dad that. He thinks he’s got moves like Michael Jackson.”

I surprise her with a turn. She releases a throaty laugh that hits my dick at the same time. It’s how things are between us, with her turning me on at the simplest things, cursing me with a permanent semi around her.

I’m not surprised when my mom changes the song to Coldplay’s “Yellow.” My parents like to meddle because they think life is all one big movie, with happy endings and fairy-tale stories. Sophie’s head tilts up at me when she recognizes the lyrics. I shrug because I didn’t pick a perfect song about stars, love, and a color that reminds me of her and that damn bikini she wore all those months ago in Monaco. My mom clearly listens to my stories a little too closely.

I pull her in closer, prompting her to lean her head on my chest.

“This isn’t how the young ones dance at parties.” She stifles her laugh.

“Keep cracking jokes about my age. You won’t like what happens.”

“Will you hold good on the threat? Because I bought you a birthday present that may or may not include a subscription to a life-alert necklace.”

I chuckle into her hair, taking in a fresh inhale of her coconut shampoo. “When a clumsy person buys you a necklace about falling over…”

We break away from one another after a few songs. She scurries away toward Maya, claiming she needs to tell her something. Soon after, my parents bring out a ridiculous cake with a photo of me aged about thirty years. Sophie cackles at the sight and mouths something about my life-alert present.

I stand behind the table with no one by my side. For the first time, I notice how empty it feels, unlike my brother who has his kids or my parents who have each other. It pisses me off how my gloomy thoughts color my mood, awareness running through me at how isolated I’ve made myself over the years. Instead of feeling proud of being untouchable, it fills me with disappointment.

My eyes connect with the one person who ripped at my mental walls. Her green eyes assess me, reading me like no other.

Everyone sings “Happy Birthday,” but I remain enthralled by Sophie. I find it difficult to ignore the growing sense of guilt at hiding McCoy’s deal from her. After my parents sing their German rendition, I blow out the candles and make a wish about my contract. I regret it a second later. I’m pathetic to wish for something minuscule and small in the grand scheme of things. Some people wish for love or good health, but selfish fucks like me wish for better career choices because I dislike choosing between two things I want.

I can’t help resenting part of myself. Here I am getting older, and I’m still as self-centered as ever. But I can’t change the course of my life no matter how much I want to.

And man, I’m really starting to want to.

I wake up the next morning to my dad cooking breakfast. We chat, catching up on the past few weeks since our last call.

“Son, I don’t mean to pry about the girl.”

“Of course, you do. I’m shocked you lasted five minutes without bringing her up.”

He runs a hand through his blonde hair, looking like an older version of me, except he ditched the short beard about ten years ago. “What the hell are you waiting for with Sophie? Girls like her don’t come around often.”

“We’re just friends.” I clench my teeth together.

“Right. Who believes that lie more? You or her?” A smile tugs at my dad’s lips.

I don’t like his level of insight into my problem. He passes me a plate of food before leaning against the counter.

“It’s not a lie. We’re friends who happen to hook up on the side exclusively. There’s nothing more to it. I took her out on a double date, and she slapped a label on it when the night was over.”

“You’re that bad of a date, huh?” My dad’s chest shakes from laughing.

“No. It looks like my reputation and the standards I set with women precede me. So, we’ve ended up doing everything as friends.”

“And how’s that working out for you?”

“We upped the relationship to friends with benefits a month ago.” No use withholding information when he used to be an absolute asshole back in his day before he met my mom.

“You know, that has to be the stupidest decision I’ve heard you make.”

My eyes narrow at him. “Gee, thanks.”

“Let me give you some advice. This thing with Sophie may happen once in your life. If you keep burying your shit deep inside of you, then you’ll have to deal with her leaving you in the end. For your own good, you need to let go of the negativity you have about your brother and Johanna. If you don’t, you’re going to be so stuck living in the past that you won’t be able to see your future. I watched how you and Sophie look at and act around each other. I sure don’t act like that around my friends. Your mother would hang me by the balls like a Christmas tree decoration if I did. So you need to ask yourself if you can deal with her walking away.”

“Who says she will?”

“You accept that contract with McCoy, and you might as well pay for her flight back home.”

“Ma told you?”

He tilts his head at me. “You bet she did.” Leave it to my mom to tell my dad about Rick’s deal. They’re tight like that, never having a secret between them.

I ignore the way my throat closes up. “I think they’ll agree to my exclusion of the Bandini clause. It’s ridiculous and archaic.”

“And if they don’t?”

“I don’t know…”

“Your mom’s supportive of your career and the decisions you make. But I think you’re a fucking idiot if you agree to a stupid term like that.”

My lungs burn at the thought of losing everything I’ve labored over for decades. Ever since I was a young kid, karting at three years old before moving up the Formula phases. It’s all I’ve known. Can I really risk my livelihood for another person, despite how she makes me feel, whether it’s lust or love?

Lukas shows up at the track at 10 a.m., ready to spend some bro time together. I’m not sure who was more shocked about the invitation, him or me. Since I keep my visits to Germany short, I rarely spend one-on-one time with him and his two little minions, Kaia and Elyse.

I ignore the sharp pain in my chest at the sight of them, happy and laughing while my brother chases them down the pit lane.

I hate to think I was wrong all this time, putting my brother in a category of widowed and depressed when he really was coping the best he could. In other words, I’m scared to admit I’ve been a shitty brother who distanced myself to save me from the pain of our past. Admitting I’m a coward doesn’t sit well with me.

Sophie’s words of wisdom bounce around my head, accompanied by self-doubt. Maybe she was right after all when she told me the only person losing from my lies is myself.

My nieces run around the garage, blonde ponytails bobbing while they pick up random tools. They don’t listen for shit. It reminds me of Lukas and myself, getting into trouble during our younger days.

“The sitter couldn’t come and help today so I don’t have anyone to watch the girls if we go out on the track.” He chases after his mini-monsters and wraps an arm around each of them, securing their tiny bodies to his side.

I planned for us to race two older F1 cars. Lukas loved karting when we were younger, and he remains an avid fan of my racing career despite my crappy evading techniques. A lack of a sitter throws a kink in my plan. The McCoy crew can’t watch two kids below the age of five because it’s a safety hazard and all.

I text the next best thing, knowing she’ll save my ass. A few minutes later, Sophie barrels into the pit garage, rocking a beers not tears shirt with ripped jeans and Nikes. Her blonde hair hangs loosely around her, layers framing her flushed face. Stunning without trying.

God, I need to get a handle on myself.

“I heard someone needs a babysitter.” She drops a huge bag on the garage floor. A few loose crayons and snacks roll out.

My brother glares at Sophie. “What qualifications do you have with kids?”

I run a palm down my face at my brother’s formalities because his touch with females is long gone. “Would it kill you to start with a ‘Hi, who are you?’”

Sophie takes his gruff attitude with grace. “Besides the fact that I’m cool and am two feet taller than them? Nothing. But I think the kids will love me.”

Her personality brings a grin to my face.

“Oh, and I brought snacks because I know bribes work well.” She flashes me a telling smile.

I laugh. Kaia eyes Sophie curiously while Elyse goes up to her and runs a chubby hand across the ripped holes in Sophie’s jeans.

“You have holes. Are you homeless? We take her home, Daddy?”

My eyes widen. Not hard to guess where Elyse gets her bluntness from.

Sophie lets out a cackle. “No, tiny human. It’s called fashion. And what about you?” Sophie kneels next to Kaia on the floor. Elyse follows behind, staring with wide eyes.

“Prinzessin Rapunzel?”

I erupt from laughter at Kaia’s question. Since I’ve been a grade-A dick with my nieces, I forgot how funny and honest kids are.

“It doesn’t take a genius to guess what she said.” Sophie smiles.

“Sei nicht sprechen Deutsch.” I shake my head at Kaia who switches to English as she talks to Elyse. Sophie looks at me with wonder, and I can’t help smiling at her.

“I haven’t heard you speak German before.”

I raise my brows. “You think it’s sexy?”

“I refuse to answer that.” She hides her laugh with a cough before addressing the kids. “Anyway, I’m not Rapunzel but we can watch her on YouTube. Your daddy is going to go have some fun while we hang out together. Don’t tell him, but we’re going to have a better time.”

Kaia and Elyse each grab one of Sophie’s hands and they spread out on the McCoy floor, no longer paying us any attention.

I can’t help the way my heart clenches at watching Sophie with my nieces. An unsolicited image of her hanging out with a kid who looks like me flashes through my mind. It’s a complete mindfuck out of nowhere. Since I don’t know what the hell to make of it, I pretend the thought never happened.

Seems easier than admitting I’m growing attached to Sophie.

I show my brother the two cars I picked out for us to drive, leaving behind Sophie and the girls, wanting to put some distance between us.

Lukas runs a hand across the glossy paint, smiling at the attendant who passes him the flame-retardant gear and a helmet. “I’m surprised you invited me here. You’ve been so busy over the past two years; I didn’t think you’d have time.”

“I thought some sibling time was overdue. It’s been a long time.” I take a good look at my brother, facing him head-on for the first time in too long. Lukas looks healthy, his eyes no longer sunken in or his skin uncharacteristically pale. His smiles reach his eyes. They have a sheen to them I haven’t seen in some time, no longer plagued with the hauntings of his past.

I’m envious of him. For the first time, I’m the one being held back while he moves forward in life. It’s a sick cosmic joke.

“I miss you. You can call me every now and then, you know? It’s not like I do much besides work and take care of the girls.”

Guilt scratches away at my nonchalance. “I should. I’ve been an idiot, and I’m sorry.”

“No need for apologies. Just be better. You’ve skipped out on Kaia’s birthday for the past two years and it’s so obvious to everyone why you do it. I’m not mad at you, I’m just concerned.”

“I’m fine. You and our parents always worry, but I love my life.”

“That’s good. I sure hope you do with all the sacrifices you make. I don’t know how you handle all the traveling and snooty people. You couldn’t pay me enough to trade in my family and my home because life on the road sounds like my personal hell.”

I hate the way his words pick at my doubts. Seeing as I’ve done enough self-reflection this season to last me a lifetime, I brush aside his comments. “Why don’t you stop talking and hop in the cockpit? I’ll show you how great life is behind the wheel.”

“Let’s go, hotshot. You always did talk a big game.”

“At least I back it up with trophies.” I shoot him a goofy grin.

We both hop into our cars. I show Lukas how it feels to live my life, how the adrenaline high I chase beats nothing else.

I can’t help questioning my life choices while driving around the track. The kernel of something growing in my chest is tough to ignore. Lukas commenting on my life on the road adds to my rising distress about my contract next year.

It’s difficult to fight the urge I have to return to the pit, hug Sophie, and save her all for myself. I want to seal us off from the world and the screwed-up people in it trying to keep us apart. How the hell am I supposed to pretend I don’t want to keep her after the season and not let her go back to Milan?

And damn if that thought doesn’t scare me more than anything else.