Colder

When Jasper returned me to my apartment an hour later it seemed like the light was just too bright, too harsh for the conversation we were about to have. Standing on my doorstep he reached for my hand, “You understand why I have to do this don’t you, Amelia?” he asked, his voice in a flat melancholy.

I shook my head, “No… I don’t. I want to be with you, Jasper. In every way inhumanely possible. I don’t see what is wrong with that. You wouldn’t be ABLE to hurt me then. Don’t…Don’t you want that?”

He turned his face in shame, “Of course I want that… But it would be incredibly selfish of me to ask that of you when you can’t possibly understand what consequences come with that choice.” He sighed deeply, “You’ll hate me for it…in the end. A part of me hates Warren for it.”

“Now you are the one who doesn’t understand, Jasper. I will take any and every consequence that comes with being a Vampire. I don’t care what they are, monster and all, if it means I get to spend eternity with you, rather than an eternity without you. Heaven is nothing compared to forever with you.” I said seriously, looking directly into his Amethyst Seas.

“Amelia… I’m so sorry but I need to go. I can’t… I can’t do this. It’s too intense. There are too many ways for me to hurt you.” His face tightened and he swallowed a lump in his throat.

“Nothing could hurt me more than what you are doing right now…” I whispered softly as tears rolled down my cheeks.

He reached up and cupped my face in his hands, his thumbs brushing my tears away. He brought his face right close to mine and whispered, “I love you, Amelia” before brushing his lips softly against mine. His face twisted into agony as he felt the wave of pain from both of us combined, he turned to walk away.

“Jasper, wait!” I called, “I…”

He paused.

“I want you to promise me something.” I said

He turned and looked up at me, his face curious.

“Promise me that… That you’ll never love anyone else, that no matter what…You won’t forget me and… you will remember that you will always be mine, and I… will always be yours.” I said, choking back the tears.

“Amelia,” his voice cracked, “when God created this Universe, for every person he built, he meant to give a spark of life, but on his first attempt, something strange happened and that spark split in two, one half went into one person, and the other half to another. Those people became what is known as soulmates. You are the other of half of my spark and I will never forget your light in my thousands of years of darkness…” he turned and was gone in a flash, leaving me standing at the top of my stairs, tears streaming down my face.

I turned and went inside, collapsing in a fit against the front door as it closed behind me. I cried out in agony, sobs wracking my body as I rocked back and forth. After what seemed like hours, all cried out and in a state of comfortably numb, I stood up.

I walked in a daze through my apartment. First I headed to the bathroom in a vain attempt to clear my head. After I was finished my shower, I went to my closet and found a large sweater of Jasper’s that he’d left here one night. I pulled it over my head and then collapsed onto my bed, barely remembering to pull the blankets over top of me.

When I finally woke it was to the sound of pounding in my head. No, my ears. Someone was at my door. I could hear a voice, screaming for me and beating down the door like a mad woman.

“AMELIA!” Jo screamed at me. “Amelia?! Are you ok? Girl, wake up and answer me! Don’t make me break this door down, I’ll do it! I swear I will!”

I got up from my bed groggily and hobbled out to the door, twisting the deadbolt and pulling the door open. “Yes?” I yawned. “What is it?”

“Oh, thank the Lord!” exclaimed Jo as she pulled me into her arms and hugged me tightly. “Honey, you’ve been asleep for about 36 hours now. You missed your shift yesterday and when you didn’t show up for work today, I got all worried and called Jasper’s cell. He gave me his number before he left in case anything happened to you while he was off on vacation. Sweet boy.” She mused before remembering her train of thought, “He said you’d gotten hurt while you were out with him and were probably at home sleeping it off! He would have told me about it, but he’d assumed you already had and oh my I’m just so glad you’re alright!” she threw her arms around me again.

I winced as her hug pulled at the stitches in my back and her words pulled at the fraying strings of my heart. “Jasper…” I said softly. I fell to my knees and screamed as I clutched my chest. My wails of despair bringing on new rounds of wracking sobs and a flood of tears.

Jo knelt down beside me and wrapped her arms around me holding me tightly as I screamed. “Shh, shh, shh” she shushed as a mother would. “That’s ok sweetheart, just let it out. You go on and cry. You take all the time you need my dear, the diner will be there for you when you’re ready.” She called Jasper a cruel name under her breath. This odd act of meanness from what was probably the kindest woman in the universe is what snapped me out of my fit.

I stood up and nodded, rubbing the tears from my eyes as I swallowed the sticking feeling in my throat. “Thanks for coming to check on me, Jo. I appreciate it. I’m alright I promise. I’ll be in to work tomorrow.”

Jo shook her head, “No, no. Take as long as you need, J…” she caught herself, “I was told you’d gotten hurt. What happened?”

“Oh, I fell down and a shard of glass stabbed me in the back. I’m ok though, I promise. It doesn’t even hurt anymore, I’m all stitched and bandaged up.” I smiled too convincingly.

Jo eyed me warily, “Well if you’re absolutely sure, that’s fine you can come back to work tomorrow. But I don’t want you overworking yourself you hear!” she told me firmly.

I nodded, “Yes, Jo I understand.”

“Well… OK Then. If you need anything don’t hesitate to ask. Rest up today and take care of yourself, ok kid?”

“I will. And thanks, Jo. Really. I’m glad I have someone like you, looking out for me.” I smiled and gave her a big hug.

She hugged me back tightly, “Aww you’re welcome, dear…. See you later.” She let go and headed out the door, turning back to give me a short wave before trudging down the front steps to my apartment.

I spent the rest of the day sitting on my couch, not really watching television and eating double chocolate chunk ice cream, right out of the bucket. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, about him.

The next few days dragged by in a slow haze. I poured endless coffees and served endless meals to the sea of empty faces, people that I knew, but no longer recognized. Perhaps they didn’t recognize me. I certainly didn’t feel like myself. It felt like I was there, but not there. My body was there but my mind, my soul was somewhere far away down in Texas with an impossible dream. Everything seemed surreal to me, like the world around me was out of focus and Jasper was the lens my eyes needed to see with crystal clarity.

The people of the town looked at me with concern and pity on their faces. I loved them more for it. It was nice to know that people cared about my happiness. But their pity was wasted, there is no point in pitying something that you cannot change. Without him… I could never hope to be happy again.

After work I’d go home every night, forget to eat and crawl straight into my bed and scream myself to sleep. My aching soul could get no relief from its black sorrow, not even in my dreams. They were all of him, his smiling face. That crooked, half-grin that turned my knees into jelly, the dazzling rainbow of his skin in the sunlight that took my breath away and that voice…. That sweet, southern voice that I could never forget, the voice that filled my head and made my ears burn and my heart thump a million miles per minute. Just as I fell asleep screaming, I’d also wake up screaming.

Jasper has no idea what he’s talking about…. This is what it means to be damned, to have known the deepest, most eternal love that you can possibly imagine and to have it ripped away, gone forever. It leaves this large void of emptiness and agony that’s crushing your soul at every moment and you can’t bear to hold it up any more. The walls of your sanity are made of glass and beginning to crack and you are slipping ever further into the comforting mists of the twisted kingdom.

After a week of this torture, my life stretched before me and I saw nothing but years and years of this agony and never tasting happiness or love again. I slid into bed that night, having made a decision. I wasn’t going to live the next 50 or 60 years of my life feeling nothing but this aching despair. If I couldn’t have a life with him, I wasn’t going to have a life at all.

That night though, the dream changed. It wasn’t Jasper and I standing alone in the meadow bathing in the sunlight as it was every other night. Tonight I was standing in what looked like a dungeon, a large room built out of stone with beautiful gothic era archways and sculptures of gargoyles and naked women being held by men who looked like they were about to suck the life out of them, like something from a museum. The only light in the room was the flickering torches sitting in metal hoops along the walls. A crimson carpet formed a walkway from one end of the long hallway to the other.

Tonight, like the different room, it wasn’t Jasper’s face I saw, it was a face I didn’t recognize. This man was young, maybe 18. He had thick waves of short black hair, brushed back from his face. A face that was beautiful and terrifying at the same time, he had a strong jawline and thin, red lips that were set in a firm expression of displeasure. His thick eyebrows were knotted together and his dark eyes swirled like pools of deep purple ink against his paper white skin. Instantly, I knew who this was.

“Elliott.” I said, only it wasn’t my voice, it was Jasper’s “Why are you here?” I asked.

Elliott’s mouth turned up in a wicked grin, “To kill you of course…” when he spoke, his voice sounded like the evil hiss of a snake.

“I suppose I deserve that. What happened to Clara was my fault and I’m so, so sorry for that… I loved her too you know… I miss her too and it kills me every damned day that I can’t be with her.” I said, my voice cracking at the end as tears welled in my eyes.

“Jasper…Jasper…Jasper…” Elliott hissed. “I do not care to hear your apologies. You killed my love, your own daughter and now I shall kill you.”

A smile flickered across my lips, “Good… please do. I want to be with her again, I miss her.”

Elliott chuckled at this and shook his head, “Oh no, no, no my old friend. Clara was sweet and pure and will now be in Heaven with her mother, while you… you are condemned to an eternity in Hell.”

“I’m already in Hell. It can’t get any worse than this. Go ahead, Elliott. I won’t even fight you.” I said, my voice filled with aching sadness.

Elliott’s head cocked to the side curiously, “Is that sadness for Clara I hear in your voice or has my old friend finally found a lover?”

I swallowed, trying hard not to react to his question. I couldn’t let him know about Amelia. It would put her in danger. It appeared my non-reaction, however, was confirmation enough for him. He stepped closer to me and sniffed the air around me.

“You smell like the Winter.” said Elliott, “Is your new love up north somewhere? Washington perhaps?” he sniffed again, “No… No somewhere else… Alaska maybe?” he raised his eyebrow knowingly at me.

My eyes widened slightly and I took a deep breath.

“Ahhh yes. Perhaps then, death would be too kind for you. I can smell her on you. I think taking from you, what you took from me will be a far more pleasant way to exact my revenge.” He leaned into me now, whispering into my ear, “I will drain her dry, this love of yours, and you will have to live without her for eternity, just as I do.”

My eyes opened in shock and rage quickly overtook me. I reached out instantly and clasped my hands around Elliott’s neck. He grinned at me and grabbed at my wrists. With one sweep of his legs, he had me on my back on the ground. Too quickly, he had me pinned to the marble floor. I pushed him off and charged at him again, knocking over statues in my furor to save Amelia.

Elliott, pleased that I was actually going to fight back, came at me with full force. His hands and feet kicking and punching at me wildly. His jaws snapping violently at me as we grappled. It was a constant assault, throwing each other against the marble floors and walls, leaving long gouges and giant cracks in what used to be smooth, polished stone. Elliott’s foot connected with my face and I heard a sickening crack as my jaw broke. Dazed, I fell to my knees and he was instantly behind me. He grabbed my arms, yanking them behind my back. He placed one foot between my shoulder blades and began pulling my arms straight back. I screamed in agony as my arms were ripped out of their sockets and severed from my body.

His arms wrapped around my head and began to pull upward and I knew it was over. I had lost the fight and I was going to die. I couldn’t save Amelia now.

My body slumped to the ground and Elliott tossed my severed arms and head on top of the pile. I watched as he grabbed a torch from the wall and held it out towards the pieces of my body. My field of vision was filled with fire as I burned.

I woke up screaming in terror, thrashing around on the bed, trying to put out the imaginary flames that engulfed my body. Once I realized I was not in fact burning and it was just a dream, I sat up on the bed, hugging my knees to my chest and rocking back and forth, sobbing loudly. That was the most intense and realistic dream I’d ever had. It felt like I was inside Jasper’s body, like I was watching through his eyes and feeling everything he felt. I had this nagging, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that it had really happened. That it wasn’t just a dream.

I quickly got out of bed and tossed on a pair of jeans and a random sweater. I grabbed my backpack out of the closet and started shoving random clothing into it. I didn’t care what it was, I threw it in. I grabbed my brush and toothbrush, threw it in the pack and zipped it up. I checked the clock, it was 6 am. Jo would be at the Diner by now. I slung the backpack over my shoulder and headed out the door, locking up behind me. I raced down the stairs and through the dark alley, I burst through the back door.

Jo looked up, startled at my sudden appearance, her face and hands covered in flour. “My dear girl! What happened to you?!” she asked, her eyes filled with concern.

“It’s Jasper. Something’s wrong. I don’t know how I know this but Jo… I swear, something is wrong with him. I have to go to Houston, I have to find him.” My eyes welled with tears as I gave her a pleading stare. “Jo, please… I need your help, I have to get to the Airport in Anchorage.”

She dropped the ball of dough she had been kneading and ran over to the sink, running the warm water and quickly scrubbing pieces of dough from under her fingernails. She grabbed her keys off the hook by the door and turned to me, “Let’s go!” she said and rushed me out of the door, locking it behind me. The bread dough was still lying uncovered and half kneaded on the counter.

Ten minutes later we were out of town and on the highway for the two hour drive to Anchorage that was taking far too long already even though Jo was going well above the speed limit. She handed me her cell phone. “Call Newf, would ya? Put it on speaker phone.”

I dialed the number and hit the speaker button. “Jo?” a man’s voice answered. “Why are you calling me from your cell?” he asked curiously.

“I don’t have a lot of time to explain, honey. Amelia needs our help. I’m taking her to the airport in Anchorage, we’re already on our way. I need you to do a couple of things for me.”

“What do you need?” he asked seriously.

“I need you to go online and book a plane ticket from Anchorage to Houston, Texas. Try and get one with no stops if you can, she needs to get there as fast as possible. Put it under Amelia’s name and she’ll pick it up at the desk. When you’re done that would you mind heading down to the Diner and turning off the deep-fryer, I left it on. Oh! And put a letter on the door saying we’re closed today and will reopen tomorrow morning, please?” the words all came out in a jumbled rush but Newf understood what she was saying.

“I will get on it right away. Oh, Amelia?” he asked, knowing he would be on speakerphone.

“Yes?” I answered

“Be safe, honey.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

“I will, Newf… Thank you so much.” The line went dead and I pushed the end call button.

I turned to Jo, “Really, Jo. Thank you. I don’t know what I would do without the two of you.”

She smiled at me, her big stomach rubbing against the steering wheel as she drove. She reached over and patted my hand. “You are more than welcome, my dear. You’re the closest thing to a daughter we have and Newf and I both love you very much. We’re glad to help.”

I sniffled back some tears and smiled at her. She really was the kindest women in the universe. A half hour later her cell phone rang, the number showing was the diner so I answered, hitting the speaker button as I did so. “Hello again, Newf.” I said.

“Amelia, Jo.” He replied, “The tickets are booked, you can pick them up at any customer service desk under Amelia Van Rybroek. I was able to get you a red-eye all the way to Houston so you’ll be here in just a few short hours.” Newf said happily. He was clearly pleased with himself.

“Oh thank you so much Newf!!” I gushed.

“Yes, thank you, dear. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Said Jo.

“You’d probably forget your head on a mountaintop somewhere.” He chuckled. “I’m at the Diner now, Jo. There were customers waiting outside when I got here and everything was already turned on, so I let them in. Won’t have any baking today or anything but I am capable enough to flip a few burgers and fry a couple of eggs, I think.” Jo’s face turned into a smile as she listened to him talk.

“Thank you, sweetheart. You didn’t have to do that for me.” She said, he voice filled with gratitude.

“We’re partners, Jo. I’m happy to help where I can. Now, you make sure our girl gets on that plane to Jasper… Anyone who isn’t blind can see that they belong together. I love you both.” The line went dead again.

Jo and I both sniffled this time. “I am married to the most wonderful man in the world.”

I nodded, “Yeah… you really are lucky, Jo. Newf is amazing.”

A while later, with a little less than an hour left in our drive, Jo looked over at me curiously, “I was wondering, Amelia. What brought this sudden urge to go to Houston on? You’ve been completely out of it all week and then this morning, you come barreling in like you’re on fire. What happened?” she asked.

I took a deep breath, “It’s going to sound silly… I…had a dream last night. About Jasper… he was being…hurt…killed…by someone in Houston. Only it wasn’t just any dream, it was too real. Like I could see and hear and feel everything that Jasper felt. When I woke up, I knew that something was wrong that I had to get to him before it was too late, before my dream became reality…” I trailed off, looking sheepishly at my feet.

Jo just nodded, “Intuition is a mighty powerful thing. I’ve always believed that you should trust your gut. If you have a feel deep inside that something isn’t right, then in my experience, it usually isn’t.” with that she pressed her foot to the floor and the car shot forward.

Forty-five minutes later I was standing at the customer service desk in the airport, my eyes widened in horror, “What do you mean there are no tickets booked under that name? Check again! Van Rybroek. R-y-b-r-o-e-k. He booked them an hour and a half ago! How did they just disappear?!” my voice raised to a frantic pitch and my eyes welled with tears.

“Ma’am I’m very sorry but there just isn’t anything under that name. Would he have put it under another name maybe?” The woman behind the counter asked, looking very nervous at my delirious state.

“Kingsley. Try Amelia Kingsley” she said quickly. “My husband, Gerald was the one to book the tickets.”

“Oh! Yes, here we go, Amelia Kingsley. One ticket, red-eye to Houston, Texas. Your flight leaves in 10 minutes.” The lady smiled, a look of relief on her face as she handed me the tickets.

I turned to face Jo.

“I told you, you’re the closest thing we ever had to a daughter….” She said sheepishly.

I threw my arms around her neck and hugged the big woman tightly as tears flowed freely down my cheeks, “Oh Jo! I love you both so much! How can I ever thank you enough?”

She hugged back and smiled, “We love you too. Now go get on that plane and get your man back! You can thank us by being safe and checking in often ok?” she asked, her chin trembling as she sniffed back the tears.

“I will. I promise.” I gave her one last hug and a big kiss on the cheek before I headed off to the gate listed on my ticket.