SWNOVELS Class Act: Chapter 15
bought a car on the way home yesterday evening. I couldn’t wait to show Abe. At first I hadn’t wanted to spend so much money, but not having a car was an inconvenience, and I’d more than made up for the expenditure with last night’s video. It had been one of my best tipping nights.
I headed for his office like I usually did at seven in the morning. Since I still had his spare key, I let myself in. Then I waited in his chair. This had become our routine. We saw each other before classes began and late in the evening after he finished football practice.
Normally, he wasn’t too far behind me, but today he was running late. I checked my phone to see if he’d texted or called me. Sometimes I put my phone on silent so the notifications wouldn’t piss off my dad. He’d been away from home more often recently, and whenever he returned, he was too drunk to even make it to his bedroom before he passed out.
I didn’t want to think about what he was doing when he was out. As long as he didn’t swing at me when he came home, I didn’t care. I just needed to keep my head down and graduate without letting anyone figure out I was in a relationship with Abe.
Then what?
Pain stabbed me, and I rubbed a hand over my chest. If only I could soothe the longing in my heart. I wanted all Abe’s attention and love. I’d told him it didn’t bother me he was with his wife as long as we were together. But the reality was, I hated it, though I’d never tell him that. If I did, he would only break off our relationship to spare me. He would never leave his wife for me.
Then why are you still hanging around?
I’d never met anyone else like Abe. He wasn’t judgmental about my needy behavior. In fact, he seemed to love how much I needed his affection. And although I sucked him off, he didn’t treat me like a fucking flesh sleeve for him to dump his cum into.
I tapped out a message to Abe. I tried not to call him when he was at home in case his wife or Mandy were around.
Me: Where are you? I’ve been waiting for you.
Was he still mad about our argument last night? I worried my bottom lip with my teeth and drummed my fingers on the desk. He hadn’t sounded upset with me. I was the one who’d been angry he wanted to offer me money. If I took money from him, then the lines blurred. At least this way, no one could say I fucked him because I got material shit out of it.
I knew how to work for money. What I didn’t know was how to get someone to look at me the way Abe did. Hell, I didn’t want anyone else to look at me that way.
It had to be Abe.
He didn’t send me a message back. Had something happened? Abe always answered my texts as soon as he could. Why was he late for work? I could call Mandy, but I didn’t know how to ask her without it being too forward or making her suspicious. I couldn’t jeopardize outing Abe like that.
At five minutes past eight, I could no longer wait. I was already late. Should I scribble a note and leave it on his desk? No, I’d better not. If someone else found it, he could be in serious trouble.
Thankfully, I didn’t run into a teacher in the hallway, and Mrs. Plum was facing the whiteboard when I slipped in.
I couldn’t concentrate on anything Mrs. Plum was droning on about. I doodled in my notebook. Why hadn’t Abe come to his office, and why hadn’t he responded to my texts? While Mrs. Plum wrote something on the whiteboard, I fired off a quick text to Mandy, asking if everything was okay. Surely if something was wrong with Abe, she would have told me.
Mandy: Yeah. In class. C u at lunch.
Nothing was wrong with Abe, then.
My heart rate picked up, and I closed my eyes, concentrating on my breathing. Now wasn’t the time to panic. For all I knew, Abe had lost his phone or something. Whoa, that would be even worse. I’d sent him so many pictures of me. Did he delete them after looking at them? Maybe from now on, I should only send them using vanishing mode.
Something poked me in the back. I turned to my classmate.
“What the fuck, man?” Justin whispered. “I thought you were gay. Why do you have the hots for Coach’s daughter?”
“What?”
He pointed at my notebook. Alarm bells went off in my head. I’d scribbled all over the page. My first name with Abe’s last name. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. How stupid!
Luckily, Justin was even stupider.
“What I am is none of your business,” I said.
“You can be a fucking mean bitch, you know that? It’s your luck that’s what I’m into. You.”
I ignored him, ripped the page out, and stuffed it into my bag. I started taking down the notes from the whiteboard.
“You heard what I said, Emery?” he whispered fiercely.
“Shut up.”
All through class, he tried to get my attention from throwing things at me like we were in fucking kindergarten to pulling on my hair. As soon as the bell rang, I climbed to my feet and swiped everything off my desk into my bag.
“Emery, wait up.”
I rushed from the classroom. I knew how this would end. Straight-appearing guy harassed the gay guy because he wanted to experiment so he could boast about the gay guy sucking his dick. Straight guy got offended, though gay guy had the right to say no. Straight guy fought with gay guy to save face.
But I’d promised Abe I would stay out of trouble, so I walked away.
Thank god for Abe.
Now if only I could find him.
Throughout the day, I sent Abe countless messages, but he didn’t respond to any of them. I even totally disgraced myself by double-texting him. Over and over. By the time I arrived at cheerleading practice, I was at my wit’s end. A sense of relief and dread hit me when he walked out onto the field with the football team.
Why was he ignoring me?
Tears prickled my eyes, and I looked away. None of this made sense. During practice, I replayed our conversation from yesterday in my head. Maybe he was upset that I’d gone to bed when he’d wanted to carry on talking.
At the end of practice, Mandy came up to me. “Em, are you all right?”
“Yeah, why?”
“You seem awfully distracted.”
“Just family stuff on my mind.”
“Is your father being an asshole again? Do you want to stay with us tonight? I’m sure my parents will let you.”
“No, it’s not that serious.”
Nothing to see over here. Just your father giving me the cold shoulder and breaking my heart.
“Want to go grab something to eat with the rest of the team?”
“Nah, you all go ahead without me. I’m behind with some schoolwork.”
“Are you sure?” She studied me as if trying to determine whether I was lying to her.
“Yes, you worry too much.” I smiled and gave her a little push. “Let’s hit the locker room.”
After the cheer squad left, I snuck my way to Abe’s office to wait for him. I noticed nothing seemed to have been touched. It was almost as if he’d avoided his office all day—avoided me.
Hurt developed into anger. If I’d done something wrong, I deserved to know what. How dare he treat me this way, like I was a little kid he could ignore. Did he think I was too easily distracted to realize?
I hurried from the office and locked the door behind me, then ran along the hall. The football team was heading toward the locker room. Abe was nowhere around.
I made a beeline for the parking lot. Thank god his car was still there. He’d have to come for it, eventually. I didn’t want to confront him like this, but what else was I supposed to do? At least most of the extracurriculars were already done for the evening, so hardly anyone was around.
The wait felt like years, but at long last, Abe came rushing toward his car, his phone at his ear, a bag in his other hand. I wanted nothing but to run into his arms and wrap my legs around his waist. I wanted his kisses and his reassurance that we were fine and whatever the hell this was, it was nothing but a misunderstanding.
I wanted an explanation, and by god, I was going to get one.
He shoved his phone into his pocket and glanced up, his steps faltering when he saw me. He stopped walking and stared right at me for a few seconds, then averted his gaze as if contemplating an escape route. Yeah, I wasn’t about to let that happen. I jumped down from the wall where I’d been sitting and approached him.
My throat worked, but no words came out. My eyes filled with tears and, to my complete horror, spilled.
“Shit.” He held up his hand. “Emery, don’t do this here. Please don’t make a scene.”
“I’m not making a scene.” I scrubbed at my eyes. “You’ve been ignoring me all day. Why?”
The tortured expression on his face got to me. Whatever it was, he wanted to be with me. I just knew it.
“I deserve to know why after everything we’ve done.”
“Or else what? You’re going to report me?”
The tears came faster, and my bottom lip trembled. “How could you say that? I’d never do that to you.”
“Now’s not the time nor the place to do this.”
“I waited for you at your office. You didn’t come. I didn’t have a choice.”
Abe swore under his breath. “Go back to my office and wait there. I’ll store my gear in my car, then meet you.”
“Why can’t I wait for you?”
“We can’t be seen together like this, Emery. Do you want to get me into trouble?”
I took a step back and glanced around us. “I’m sorry. It’s just that—”
“The office, Emery.”
At his hard tone, I nodded and ran back to his office. I checked the corridor was clear, then used the spare key to let myself in. What if he didn’t come? I paced in front of his desk. He wouldn’t be so deliberately cruel as to mislead me, would he? Avoiding me was one thing, but sending me to wait for him when he had no intention of meeting me was another.
The door opened, and Abe slipped inside. He turned the lock. I clenched my hands behind me to not reach out for him.
Something was wrong.
Abe was always in a pleasant mood around me—sweet and kind. This stoic man with the blank expression was not the Abe I knew.
“What did I do wrong?” I whispered. I needed to know so I could fix it.
“You should’ve just forgotten me, Emery. I didn’t answer your texts. You should’ve gotten the message.”
“I did, but I didn’t want to believe it. The least you can do is tell me why. I deserve to know.”
“You’ve been keeping secrets from me.”
“Secrets?”
“Don’t.” He shook his head. “Please, don’t pretend. You’ve always been honest. At least about the things you don’t omit. Don’t lie about this.”
My heart skipped a beat. I hadn’t kept anything from him except… Oh my god, how did he know?
“You know.”
He nodded.
“But how? I’m always careful. No one can recognize me. I don’t even show my face.”
“You sent me a picture of you in bed last night. It’s the same bed as the one in the last video you uploaded.”
Oh shit. I took a step back and another until I collided with Abe’s desk. I turned away from him, heat burning my cheeks and my eyes watering again. Abe was the last person I would have expected to see those videos.
“Emery, don’t be ashamed.”
“Really? Because why else would you have stopped talking to me if you weren’t ashamed of what I did?”
“I’m going to be honest with you. I struggled to figure it out. What you’re doing for money—I don’t like it. I can’t support it, and it makes me feel awful because I care about you so damn much. And I know I should be more open-minded, more accepting. Sex work is popular and an honest way of making a living. I know all that, but I can’t stop myself from feeling hurt to see you in front of that camera, performing for thousands of viewers. It hurts too much, and that’s why I avoided you. Because I have no high moral ground from which to judge you.”
“I-I don’t have a choice, Abe.” I turned to face him. “My dad stopped taking care of me, and I had to earn money. Decent money. I stumbled upon it online, and I’ve been living off my camboy money for a while now.”
“If you had another way of making money, would you walk away from it?”
“Yes.”
“Emery.”
“I swear to you I would. I’m not married to the camera, Abe. It’s not something I love to do, just something I’m good at and have to do. When I’m on camera, I try not to put my feelings into it. It’s nothing but business.” I slowly made my way to him and grasped a handful of his shirt. “You’ve got to believe me.”
“It doesn’t change our circumstances.” He cupped my face in his hands gently. “I have a wife and a family. Who am I to stop you from making decisions to better your life? It’s selfish of me to make demands of you when I’m still clinging to my old life. I can’t have expectations of you while I’m climbing into bed with my wife at night. So how can I tell you to give it up, even though I desperately want to? You don’t see how fucked up this is, Emmy?”
Tears slipped down my cheeks, and I sniffled. “So you just leave me? Is that what you’re going to do?”
“This isn’t the right way to go about things.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, we both have a lot to think about. Until then, a little space is for the best.”
He dropped his hands, but I clutched them. “I’ll stop my cam show. I swear I will. Just don’t leave me, Abe.”
“Sweetheart—”
I flung his hands away as if stung. “No! No, don’t call me sweetheart when you’re breaking up with me.”
“We aren’t breaking up, Emery,” he said softly. “We weren’t really in a relationship. Just fooling around, and that’s why I need to end this right now. I’m already expecting things from you when I have nothing to give you.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Wipe your face. Don’t cry.” He pulled me into his chest. “Please don’t cry. I wish things were different. I really do, but this isn’t fair to you.”
But it wasn’t fair for him to break up with me either after I’d fallen in love with him.