Chapter 18
A waiter dressed in an impeccable, crisp tux asked me with a polite smile on his face! Jeez, even the waiters here have the manners and grace of a friggin CEO.
“I would, monsieur!”, I tried to use the little french I knew to the best of my ability and it wasn’t a lot of French I knew. Just a few snippets from a couple of French movies I’d watched with my Aunt Louise who had a knack for the french people’s wines and sophisticated cuisines.
I took a glass from his tray, suddenly remembering that I’d left my clutch inside only. Darn it! I chugged down the wine in the most unladylike manner and placed it in the waiter’s tray. Soon, I was flying through the crowd to get to the bar, a couple of s****l innuendos were uttered to me by several men but I just very politely pushed them out of my way.
I let out a sigh of relief when I spotted my shrewd little clutch sitting there on my seat next to the bar counter where Dennis was still sitting.
I swiftly made my way to my dear clutch who had everything I would need in the near future, my passport, my driver’s license…..just everything! I felt like punching myself in the face for deeming it necessary to walk around with such irreplaceable documents on my person.
“Oh! You’re back”, Dennis was startled to see me, he’d probably thought I wouldn’t come back inside.
“Forgot my clutch ”, I sweetly informed him, picking up my clutch from the seat previously occupied by me without chancing him another glance.
“You wanna get another drink?”, Dennis hesitantly asked me. At first, I was inclined to tell him, no but then thought the better of it. After all, drinking was the only way for me to pass this night.
Dennis’s gaze dropped when I didn’t answer him but he immediately brightened up when I took a seat next to him at the bar counter.
“I’ll have a s*x on the Beach”, I gave my order to the hefty, glum-faced bartender, making him roll his eyes. A girl can’t even drink to her full wishes around here without being judged. Double standards! Ugh!
“I’ll have the same drink as the lady’s having”, Dennis said, making me scoff at him. He was trying too hard. Couldn’t he see I wasn’t interested?
“Looks like your boyfriend found his old plaything”, Dennis sardonically says, looking at something behind me.
“What are you…..” I start, confused as to what he was trying to say. That is when I turned around to see where his gaze was focused. I spotted Gabriella’s annoying, bright blonde hair and then my eyes widened to slits when I noticed a man holding her up against the wall by her waist. Even from afar and only the dark lights of the club lighting up the whole place, I could see that Gabriella was completely and utterly lost, caught in the spell of the man.
Well, good for her! But then my emotions turned from boredom and dullness to anger and horror when I noticed who the man holding her up was. It was Azriel!
My shot glass drops down from my hand and onto the floor, breaking into pieces but I don’t hear the crinkling sound of the glass breaking or notice the bartender glaring daggers at me.
It wasn’t what I felt at that moment that puzzled me. It was why I was feeling what I was feeling.
“I….I need to go”, I say out of nowhere, not looking at Dennis or anyone else for that matter I rush out of the club, making my way through the drunk crowd with a war waging within my mind!
I felt betrayed and hurt and a very unfamiliar ache in my heart! I hated the feeling because it was foreign to me.
Almost at the entrance. I stumbled through the crowd, getting shoved into people and pushed by the crowd. But I was almost there.
And how could I have the right to feel betrayed by him? I had known the guy for less than two days? I didn’t own him and nor was he my ‘boyfriend’, contrary to what he told his elite friends.
I ran out of the club and into the parking lot where it was all dark and no one was there. Just the type of place I needed right now!
I force myself to take in deep breaths and count to three! It didn’t work like it usually did. It failed to calm me down. My brain hammered against my skull, making my head hurt like hell. I vigorously rub my temples, trying to soothe the pain but to no avail. This was a pain like I’d never experienced before.
How could a man I’d know for less than 2 days cause me so much pain? I’d always been so strong in the most dire of situations but what happened to me now?
My mind feels numb….just numb to everything. Wishing I could just f*****g disappear, not to be seen by anyone else. I needed to be alone. Just goddamn alone.
Out of my anger-laden daze, I hear the faint sound of water trickling, like a flowing river.
Without giving it another thought, I walk away into the dazzling streets of Paris, dimly lit up by street lamps. There were only one or two passersby on this side of the city, no one to see how broken I was for reasons I myself didn’t understand.
I don’t know how long I’ve been following the noise of the trickling stream, in fact, I didn’t even care how long I would have to walk in order to reach my destination. All I knew was that I had to keep walking.
I wasn’t normal, that’s for certain. Exaggerating little things that people do, finding reasons to inexplicable things, controlling people was what I was used to doing, that was my mindset……nothing could change that. Not even me.
I thought I had everything under control….how wrong was I? Thinking that I could control how I felt or keep my emotions at bay was a very wrong presumption I’d made. I was human after all. No matter how much I wanted my feelings not to come in the way of my ambitions and my path to achieve my dreams, they would try to tear me down. I had my demons……demons I kept buried inside me.
My own decisions had turned me into an emotionless, cold-hearted b***h. So in the face of a wave of crashing motions had me drowning and gasping for the air of acceptance.
I suddenly realized that the sound of the river had gotten significantly loud. Looking around, I notice that the path ahead of me had been quite brightly lit up and well kept. I widely smile, realizing that I was at Pont Marie, the most famous bridge in Paris as well as France. I immediately recognized it because of its characteristic intricately built arches.
As a kid, I’d dreamed of being proposed to here under the stunning lights of the dazzling city that Paris was by my one true love. I can’t help but laugh at the irony.
I strolled ahead, the atmosphere was quiet and peaceful, the only sound that could be heard was the sound of the river flowing. The quiet made me look down upon myself, forcing me to make up my mind about him.
I walk to the middle of the bridge and lean against the arch railing which came just below my waist. I can’t help but hope for the answers to my innumerable questions to suddenly appear in front of me out of thin air. Wishful thinking is depressing.
My hands tighten by my sides on the brick arch as I look ahead to the moon, everything else around me dark.
I’d made the mistake of letting my feelings get the best of me. ‘Get a hold of yourself, goddamn it’, my subconscious acidly yells at me, making the fog of indifference around me disappear.
All I needed to do was do what I’d come to do here, get my money, and head over to Harvard to build an enviable future for myself! Yea, that’s what I needed to do. That would be the sensible thing to do! The last thing I needed to do was ruin myself and my life because of some man!
I’m just in the midst of waging a battle with my subconscious when I suddenly hear the shrieking of a car coming to a stop.
I quickly turn around, almost jumping out of my skin! The shiny Mercedes pulls up a little distance away from me. I see the shadow of a man stepping out of the car but it’s too dark for me to see who it was driving around through the lonely streets in the middle of the night.
I am at the ready to beat the crap out of any creep who would come for me. I’m very surprised when I discover it’s Dennis stepping out of the car. How did he know I was here?
“You followed me, didn’t you?”I angrily asked him, really flippin ‘mad at him for following me here but to be honest, it would’ve been much more dangerous for me to stay here alone for long than in the company of a moderately nice man.
He hesitantly approached me, hesitant to open his mouth to argue with me. But reluctantly, he swallowed the coarse words he was about to say to me. Well, good from him. Because I really didn’t have time to take s**t from him now, my own problems were enough for me tonight.
“Look, you rushed out of there in a wild haze and I was just worried that you might do something that you shouldn’t and…..” He justifies himself, keeping a respectable distance from me as I leaned against the railing of the bridge. The crinkling of the little brook flowing under this bridge had now created a very solemn aura around here, a peaceful but sort of lonely atmosphere. So some company was definitely welcome.
“It’s fine”, I cut him off, irritated by his rambling.
“Listen, about what happened in the club…..”, he started, riling me up again.
“I do not want to discuss your wife and Azriel right now. Azriel is not my boyfriend and is free to f**k anyone’s wife he wants.” Dennis is taken aback by my sudden outburst but quickly retains his composure. I feel like slapping myself in the face when I realized I’d let the lie Azriel had woven slip out of my obnoxious mouth.
“Okay.” He simply said, puzzling me even more. I’d expected him to get angry for the way I spoke about his wife but he remained indifferent. Wow! He actually didn’t care who his wife slept with. Nor that Azriel had lied to him about me being his girlfriend. I guess he already knew the truth.
“You wanna sit? All that walking must’ve made your legs ache. Aren’t you tired?” He politely asked, no genuine concern showed over his face but I didn’t really care if he was being sincere or not. I didn’t care if he cared about me because I didn’t care either. I was just using him to reduce the ache in my heart. An ache that refused to go away.
I nodded at him in agreement. Walking in heels had not been the best idea of mine. If I’d walked any further, my feet would’ve given out and I would meet my grandmother in sweet heaven.
We both sat down on the bench in silence, me staring daggers at the moon who chose this day to shine brighter than even the Sun when my heart was trapped in the darkness of misery. My metaphors just keep getting better. Huh! I could probably have managed a joke in the World War. But the sad truth was, I actually used humor to keep my emotions at a distance from myself.
“You deserve better than him, you know”, Dennis suddenly said out of the blue, making me turn my head to look at him.
“You know what, you’re right”, I softly say, giving him a sad, pitiful smile as I bit my lower l*p and swiped my tongue subtly over my upper l*p. His eyes dilated as his gaze became lustful.
He actually looked pretty good for his age, even handsome I must say. His blonde hair went well with his fair complexion and he obviously worked out.
I knew what I was doing when I c****d my head at him and gave him a dewy-eyed smile. I was luring him in and he was taking the bait. It was wrong and I knew it. Using him was wrong and the fact that he was using me too did not bother me in the least.
I wanted to forget all my worries just this once and Dennis could definitely do that for me. He could make me forget, even if just for a moment.