Chapter 108
He pulled out and tried to go in again, slower, but I just winced, still bone dry.
Then he pulled out and flipped me over onto my back and ripped my blouse open and then pinned my arms with one hand and covered my mouth with the other.
“I don’t want to hear another f*g word out of your mouth,” he spat.
I was shaking and it felt like we were back where we started.
Me afraid, him being horrible but worse because I knew he didn’t have to be like this but he was choosing to be.
I hated this.
This wasn’t a game; this was something else, something hideous.
This was so hideous it was going to take me back to when I first met him and would erase the moments we’d had together that had made me go from feeling like my life was over to feeling like I could fall for him, fall hard.
In Mexico when he held me and washed me clean.
In the hayloft when we danced and he told me he was in love with me and played the song I’d dreamt of dancing with my future husband to.
In the hospital when he was so worried about me and showed me that he would look after me, when he slept all awkwardly in the chair holding my hand all night long.
On the floor in the bedroom the morning when we were shot at, when he’d been a human shield to keep bullets from hitting me.
Something inside of me was shriveling up and it, whatever it was, was dying.
He let go of my wrists and my mouth and then let out a big exasperated-sounding sigh.
Then he leaned over me, “Stop it,” he said, looking me in the eye.
His eyes were so cold.
I was sobbing so hard I was starting to hyperventilate.
“Stop…” he repeated, angrily.
I couldn’t stop.
I’d probably need to breathe into a paper bag before I could stop.
“Shut up!” his hand came down over my throat and he squeezed.
I think I stopped breathing out of shock as much as him cutting my airflow off. Tears froze in their tracks on my face and my mouth and eyes were wide as I gasped and then he loosened his grip.
He stared at me.
He stared at me with such an angry hateful look. He still had my throat but he’d loosened his grip. I swallowed and felt the lump in my throat touch his palm.
He got up and opened the door. I stayed where I was. I was just lying there with my shorts down around my knees, my ripped blouse, and my tear-stained face.
He was back with a glass of whiskey.
He stood there, his pants undone.
He drank from it and then threw his t-shirt over his head and then dropped his pants.
I closed my eyes and held my breath. He took my shorts and underwear the rest of the way off me. I just laid there.
“Sit up,” he said.
I sat up. He pulled my ripped blouse off and undid my bra and then took that off. He did these things almost clinically.
“Up,” he muttered and I stood up.
He pulled the blanket back, “In.” he said.
I lay down and he got in beside me then climbed on top of me.
“Open your legs,” he said.
I shook my head.
“Please, Azriel.” Enough.
Please enough.
Now!” he snarled and my legs obeyed but I was whimpering.
He leaned over me and took his c**k and started gliding it up and down and up and down between my folds, against my clit. I just laid there staring at the ceiling.
“Look at me,” he demanded.
My eyes met his.
“You’re mine,” he said.
I felt my eyebrows furrow. I tried to relax them. I didn’t want to provoke him further.
“Never run from me again.”
More rubbing, especially on my clit. I was trembling.
“I’m the one in control,” he said.
He leaned down and took a n**e into his mouth and sucked. Then he took his ck and repeated the process of stroking it up and down. After several strokes he rammed into me to the hilt.
He did this not taking his eyes off mine.
“I own this p***y,” he declared coldly.
I couldn’t hide my disgust and tried to look away.
“Look at me,” he demanded.
“f**k you,” I whimpered.
“Oh, it’s back on, is it?” he asked and he looked sickeningly pleased.
He leaned down and tried to k**s me. He actually tried to k**s me!
I reached up to push his face away but he caught my arm and then pinned both arms and started to pound into me, f**k me and use me like I was a piece of meat and then kissed me hard, painfully, and then grunted.
“Try to slap my face again and I’ll slap your face. In fact, I think I still owe you a black eye and a fat l*p, don’t I?”
My whole body went lax, I didn’t try to fight. That threat was his winning move.
He threatened to hit me while his c**k was inside of me and I was just done fighting. I just stayed there, letting him push into me over and over until he leaned back over and started to k**s me, hungrily, roughly, his hand back around my throat.
I tried to float away in my mind, I saw the sky over the field back at his farm and imagined his beautiful face looking at me with love and I tried to feel that love.
But I couldn’t.
I just wanted to float away.
He finally came, but not inside me; he pulled out and came all over my stomach, marking me like I was his property.