City of Boneheads: A Parody of City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments Book 1)

 “You really don’t need to help me get ready for the party,” Clary said, as Isabelle positioned her in front of a mirror.

“I most certainly do,” said Isabelle. “You’ve never been to this type of party before. Here, wear these.”

She handed Clary a saggy turtleneck sweater, baggy sweatpants, and bunny slippers. Clary put on the outfit and realized that besides her face and hands, no skin was showing whatsoever.

“Perfect,” said Isabelle. “Now we’ve got to fix that hair.” She began putting rollers in Clary’s hair.

“Can I ask you something?” said Clary.

“Sure,” said Isabelle.

“Is Alec gay?”

Isabelle paused for a moment, then continued working.

“No, he’s bi,” said Isabelle. “He’s ashamed, though, so he doesn’t tell people.”

“Why is he ashamed? So what, he’s bi. Who cares?”

“He’s not men and women bi,” said Isabelle. “He’s men and werewolves bi.”’

“Oh,” said Clary. “I can see why he doesn’t want anyone to know.”

Isabelle brushed some of Clary’s hair and began putting another roller in it.

“Can I ask you something else?” said Clary.

“Sure.”

“Is Jace gay?”

Isabelle paused again.

“Um, why do you think that?” said Isabelle.

“He hasn’t tried to hook up with me yet. So he must be gay.”

“I don’t think he is, but I guess you never know,” Isabelle said.

Isabelle picked up the last roller from the case of rollers and placed it on Clary’s head.

“Can I ask you something else?” said Clary.

“Oh-kay…,” said Isabelle.

“Are you gay?”

“Huh?” said Isabelle.

“Well you’re kinda athletic, and you seem to really like The Ellen Show.”

Isabelle shrugged. “I think I might be bi. But normal bi, not weird werewolf bi. Ok, all done.” She put aside her hair tools and stood up.

“How long should I leave the rollers in before we take them out?” said Clary.

“Oh, we won’t be taking them out,” said Isabelle.

When Clary and Isabelle came down the stairs, the boys were already waiting in the foyer, wearing their party outfits. When they saw Clary’s sweatpants, baggy turtleneck, and hair full of rollers, they gaped in astonishment.

“Did you let another girl dress you?” said Jace.

“Uh, yeah,” said Clary. “I figured it was ok ’cause it was Isabelle.”

“Never let another girl dress you who’s going to the same party,” said Jace. “You’re her competition!” He walked up to Clary, took out his demon-hunting knife, and cut off large portions of the turtleneck and sweatpants. Clary now looked like she was wearing a really short skirt and midriff top. Jace then started pulling out the rollers, but it was taking too long so he just cut them out as well.

“One last thing,” said Alec, and he handed Clary a dagger.

“Really?” said Clary. “But I don’t know how to use it.”

“It’s simple. Just twist off the top like this…”—Alec twisted the blade and the handle came off—“…and you pour the booze in here.” Alec grabbed a bottle and filled the blade with vodka.

“Are we ready?” said Isabelle. “I really wanna get there before they run out of mixers.”

Jace nodded. “Let’s party!”