Children of Chaos - Book 1

Images. Those words bring images to my mind. Painful, colourful, twirling and twisting! “I remember”, I whisper, and I wish I didn’t.

The girl in the mirror looked back at me with big green eyes. They knew what I knew: this night was going to change my life. I closed my eyes and sighed, and as the breath left my chest I felt some of the tension leave my body. I opened my eyes and faced the girl in the mirror again, taking her in this time. First I met my own eyes int he mirror. Green and almond-shaped, slanted ever so slightly. One of my favourite features by far. My eyes wandered to my small, straight nose, my pointy chin and my lips that I always wished to be just a bit fuller. My eyes left by face to take in the rest of my appearance. Black locks fell loosely over my shoulders and almost down to my waist. I liked it short, it was more practical for fighting that way, but Mom had always liked it long. So I couldn’t quite bring myself to cut it. Even now, after all these years. The loose white robes, traditional for the placing ceremony, were tinted orange by the torchlight outside, flickering through the walls of the tent. The robes, combinded with my slender almost boyish frame, made me look like a little girl playing dress-up in her mother’s clothes. A bittersweet memory.

The sun was setting outside of the big white tent, and I could see the shadows of the torches, lining the path outside, flicker against the tent walls. I gave the girl in the mirror one last glance. Those vivid green eyes were still full of apprehension, but there was something else there too, something like excitement. I was equally excited and afraid of what was going to happen tonight.

The ceremony wasn’t something to be afraid of, not usually, but I had this feeling in my gut. This feeling of dread, that no amount of comfort from my friends seemed to ease. That was why I had put it off for so long. It was unusual for a child born outside of the clans to show signs of the gift, but when they did, they were usually placed within the first two years at the Reservoir. I, on the other hand, had been here for six. Six years without even the smallest hint to indicate where I truly belonged. And that was why I needed the placing ceremony.

But there was more to it than just that. Everyone living on earth was a member of one of the clans, a child of the gods. This was humanities divine inheritance, forgotten by all but a few. Over time, many had drifted away from the original clans, forgetting their history and in the end, their divine potential. I knew therefore that I had to belonged to one of the clans, but that wasn’t what I was so worried about. Once again I went over the stories I knew concerning the Gods.

The clans were named after their patron God or Goddess, of which there were six, conveniently called the Six.

Olea: goddess of the moon, keeper of magic. It was she who would reveal my inheritance.

Kokob: goddess of the stars, love and the spirits of those who were lost.

Eretz: god of the earth.

Mayim: goddess of all waters.

Shemayim: goddess of the air.

Esh: god of fire.

Once there had been seven. Shinehah: goddess of the sun. She didn’t have a clan, she didn’t have descendants, she was the demon no one ever spoke off. The traitor.

The gods didn’t interact much with their descendants, but every once in a while they would deem one of us worthy. They then bestowed some of their power on that person. Those who had been “kissed by the Gods”, as it was called, were called the gifted.

Tonight I was going to find out if I was among them. I was going to stand before Olea and ask her to tell me where I belonged. Markings, black as ink, were going to appear on my body and reveal who my Godly ancestor was. Those markings would only last a few minutes and then fade. Unless I was gifted. If that was the case, then one mark would remain, a mark of my clan proving that my Patron had deemed me worthy to carry his or her gift. It would give me power, and it would give me responsibility.

The gifted were the protectors and teachers of the clans, it was their job to use their power for the benefit of the community. Often the clan you were bron into was the clan you would belong to for the rest of your life. But in my case, because I hadn’t been born in the Reservoir, no one knew which clan I belonged to, or even which one was most likely. So tonight I wouldn’t just find out whether or not I was gifted. I would also find out where my home was. And I was afraid of the answer. I didn’t care so much about whether I was gifted or not, but I cared a great deal about the family that I would belong to.

I had spent a couple of days with each of the clans, trying to get a feel for them, as every unplaced child did, but I hadn't felt anything. I had felt most at home with the clan of Kokob, but I assumed that had to do with the gentle and loving nature of the clan, and maybe because I felt closest to those I’d lost when I was with them. The fact that they were a dreamy bunch helped as well. It meant that they didn’t pester me with questions about how I was feeling about their clan. Ethan, one of my best friends, desperately seemed to hope that I was a child of Eretz, the god of the earth, but that one I could deny with certainty. The only connection I felt to nature was that everything I touched seemed to shrivel up and die. Not exactly what you would call a green thumb.

“Are you ready?”, a voice asked from behind me and I spun around to see Morgain standing there, a gentle expression on her face. She had taken me in six years ago and become the closest thing to a mother I had left. She was the matriarch of the Reservoir, ruling it together with the six clan leaders, the tie breaker. As such, one would think that she wouldn’t have the time to take care of a single person like me, but she somehow always found the time. Just the sight of her calmed me down and I nodded. “I think so…What if I’m not gifted?”

I hadn’t really meant to ask the question, I already knew the answer, but the words had escaped me just the same. It wasn’t often that gifted were chosen outside of the Reservoir, as the powers were mostly concentrated in the original clans, in those living according to the old ways, but if by chance a child outside of the clans was gifted, it was a big deal. It was Morgain’s job to find them, that’s how she had stumbled across me. She said she had felt something special when she had found me. I wasn't entirely sure what that was supposed to be, but hey, who was I to doubt her?

“I’m not wrong”, Morgain said and gave me smile. Something in that smile wasn’t quite right, there was a sadness in her eyes that I just couldn’t place. She must have noticed something on my face because she said it again, with more conviction.

“I’m not wrong Kyra, but if I were, then you would continue to live here. You are a part of our family now. And if you’re not gifted you’ll still be placed among the clans. You’ll have a family, a home.” She gave me a warm smile and I smiled back at her, willing her to be right.

The Reservoir, the place where the gifted were taught and trained, was my home. The only home I had left. It was the one place on this earth that was still full of magic, untouched by the outside world of doubt and disbelief. That’s why it was called the Reservoir, a place where magic was stored. If I would have to leave that behind, I didn’t know what I would do. But to know that I would always have a home with Morgain, no matter which clan I belonged to was a comforting thought. Still the nagging feeling in my stomach wouldn’t go away. I shoved the feeling to the back of mind, putting it off as nerves. It was time to go. I straightened my shoulders, unclenched my fists and looked Morgain in the eye, a nervous smile on my lips.

“I’m ready.”

She smiled and nodded. “Alright. Here we go”, and with those words she pulled back the entrance of the preparation tent and I stepped out onto the path.

The ceremony was held in a sacred clearing in the woods, and no one but me would be there. I had to follow a direct path that went from the preparation tent into the forest. As I followed the path I was not allowed to look anywhere but straight ahead, my mind and body focused on the destination. This was a path to be walked alone, a journey that no one could help me with.

I walked past the people lining the path on both sides, trying not to look at them as I went by. Still I saw familiar faces out of the corner of my eye, saw them smile at me encouragingly.

There were Lynn and Ethan, their hands clasped tightly just as they had been six years ago when I had first met them. It amazed me how two souls could just find each other like that. There was shy little Megumi, whose ceremony was going to be in a month and she was probably thinking about what was to come. I could almost see her big brown eyes, wide with anxiety, as she bit her lip the way she always did when she was nervous. And finally there was Aidan, as handsome as ever. He was standing just a little bit apart from the others as if he wanted to stand out. Not looking at him was the easiest, I had trained myself not to do so, but my heart still clenched when I passed him, a wave of resentment washing over me. I clenched my fists and forced myself not to look, forced myself not to care. He was my past and this was my future. Still I could feel his eyes on me all the way into the woods, and even after, it felt as if his gaze still lingered there, on the back of my neck.

The forest was deadly silent and black as ink, and yet it was easy for me to see my way. I had discovered my gift when I was six. I had been at home with Caleb and there had been a blackout. Only when Caleb said that he couldn’t see anything and that it was always that way for him without lights, did I realize that I was different. To me the world didn’t disappear at night, it just changed its colours.

I had never told anyone about it, not even Morgain. Seeing in the dark was not something specific to any of the clans, if anything it was a bad omen, and I didn’t want her to speculate. The clans didn’t like darkness, which was why the path was so dark before me. Darkness was something to overcome, not to feel at home in.

The thought of Caleb sobered me, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth as it always did. He would have been twelve two days ago. As old as I had been when Morgain had found me. It seemed like a lifetime ago and yet when I closed my eyes, I was right back there, among the flames. Maybe that had been the reason for my attraction to Aidan, who bore the flame of Esh, the fire god. The flames that had failed to consume me the first time, while they had robbed me of everything I loved, seemed to hold a fatal attraction for me. I tried to shake off the morbid thought, but the quiet around me was making it hard. It’s in complete silence when dark thoughts seem to be screaming the loudest.

Finally, I could see the clearing up ahead and my thoughts turned to other things. The process had been described to me so thoroughly that I was sure I could do it in my sleep. It was actually quite simple. I carefully walked into the clearing, my head held high, and onto the silver rocks let into the ground. The rocks showed the creation story as we knew it, including Shinehah's betrayal and banishment.

There was a full moon in the sky, right above me, as was required for the ceremony, and I could feel its silver light caress my skin. My skin was now tingling with Olea’s magic and I shivered. Olea, one of the mother goddesses, always scared me a little. It was she who was in charge of the ceremony, but whereas the other gods’ powers were natural somehow, her magic made me feel uneasy.

I was almost in the middle of the clearing and stopped short. Before me was a perfectly round pond in which the moon reflected her face. I stopped right to the edge where my reflection would have shown on the surface of a normal pond. That would have to wait for later, I thought as I knelt down. The grass was cold and damp through my robes and I shivered.

I closed my eyes and waited, my hands folded neatly in my lap, my head bent reverently, and my heart pounding a million beats per second. It was hard to tell how long I sat there, unmoving, before anything happened. Then I felt my skin tingle again, stronger this time, as the symbols began to appear, like ink running over my hands, arms and face. As fast as the sensation had begun it was over and I opened my eyes. Slowly I rose to my feet, ignoring the stiffness in my knees, and stepped forward, looking into the silver surface in front of me.

What happened after that felt like a dream. The second I saw my reflection, I knew that my life was over. In the middle of my forehead, clearly visible against my pale skin was the sun with seven rays, the symbol of Shinehah. She and her children had betrayed the other gods by joining Ereb, the personification of chaos and destruction. They had tried to enslave the other Gods and had stolen the city of the gods. As a punishment, she and her descendants had been banned, cast out, into the shadows or killed. She was the demon everyone knew about, and no one spoke off. And here I was, wearing her mark on my forehead. Shinehah’s kiss. It may as well have been a kiss of death.

For a second the thought of running away and waiting for the markings to fade, crossed my mind, but I knew that it would be futile. The mirror in front of me had a twin sister which allowed the clan leaders to see the markings at the exact same time as the person looking into the mirror. This meant that they already knew who, or better what, I was. I quickly stepped away from the shining surface as a single tear ran down my face. That was all I would allow, one tear, then I would walk out of these woods with my head held high and wait for their verdict.

It’s not fair, I kept thinking, as I slowly walked through the woods. I was in no hurry to get there because I knew it would not be pleasant. I wished there was a way to change my heritage, to make it undone.How was this even possible? Shinehah’s descendants had all been banned! They shouldn’t exist anymore. A million thoughts kept running through my head and I nearly walked into Morgain, who seemed to have appeared on the path before me out of nowhere.

I’m not sure what I expected from her. Hell, I didn’t even know how I felt! But her calmness surprised me. She stood there, a soft expression in her face and looked at me, not saying a word.

“How?” One word, and yet a million questions. How was this possible? How was I going to survive this? How would this change everything? She looked at me, a deep sadness in her eyes. “I don’t know.”

And that’s how I knew that things were bad. Morgain always knew, she knew everything. She had answered every question I had ever asked her, but this time, she had no answer to give. All my resolve about not crying, about accepting my fate with dignity, left me and I broke down sobbing. I didn’t want this! This wasn’t fair! Why was every good thing in my life taken from me? I threw myself into Morgain’s arms and cried while Morgain just stood there and held me. When I finally stopped, I felt numb, and strangely calm. I knew that if I stayed I was going to die, or sent to the shadow world, which was even worse than death. My sheer existence was an insult to the gods. I wiped my eyes and stepped away from Morgain. “It was my mom, wasn’t it? That’s why she had to die”, I said, looking at her calmly.

She nodded, deep sorrow in her eyes. “Yes, I believe so. I had hoped that you carried your father’s traits, whatever clan he was, but it seems I was wrong to gamble with your fate. I’m sorry Kyra, I never should have brought you here.” There was so much pain and regret in her voice, that I found it hard to blame her.

“Did they kill her?”, I asked, feeling pain rise in my chest. “Did they kill my mom because of who she was? She wasn’t gifted! She didn’t even know! And Caleb! He was a child! He was only six!” I yelled as tears ran down my face. I wanted to break to the ground right there, curl up and never move again. Morgain grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to look at her.

“I am sorry Kyra! We don’t know any of this for certain, you hear me? But we do know that they’ll come after you now. You need to run, somewhere where they can’t hunt you down. You threaten everything they stand for, you’ve lived amongst them, learned all about the ways of the clans. I came here as fast as I could, but I don’t doubt that they’ve already sent someone after you. I’ll help you escape, but first I have to ask you something. It is important that you don’t lie to me Kyra. Are you gifted?”

The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind; I had been too preoccupied with what my claiming meant to even care. Was I gifted? And what would it mean if I was? Slowly I turned my left wrist. What I saw there, made no sense at all. There was the mark of Shinehah, the seven-rayed sun, but that wasn’t the only thing there. Around it was a circle, with eight two-sided arrows distributed along it. I had never seen anything like it.

I looked up at Morgain questioningly, but her face was full of pain and something else, something I couldn’t quite place, but I knew that I didn't like it. She gently stroked my cheek. “I am so sorry Kyra… I thought I could protect you from this… I hoped that I had been mistaken, but it appears that I was not. I will tell you everything, but now we don’t have time. We need to get you out of here before they find you.”

She flicked her wrist and the air in front of us started to shiver and change. Suddenly there was warm sunlight streaming into the darkness surrounding us.

“Go”, she said, pointing at the opening before me. I looked through and saw a beautiful forest, with blooming flowers and trees. There was something magical about this place, but not the same kind of magic that pulsated through the Reservoir, this magic felt… wild, free somehow.

“It is where I grew up. I have friends there who will take you in. I’ll explain everything to you there. Now go before they find you!” Her voice was urgent and so, with one last glance at her, I stepped through the opening, once again leaving behind my home.

As I stepped through the opening something strange happened. I felt a sort of tug, a pull, and the world around me dissolved for a split second. When it returned the blazing sun hit me like a hammer after the cool darkness of the forest, and its light blinded my eyes. I blinked, trying to adjust to my surroundings, and when I did I realized that this was not the scenery Morgain had shown me. I was not in a beautiful forest but in the middle of the desert. Miles and miles of sand stretched on either side as the sun beat down on me mercilessly. Something had gone very wrong.