SWNOVELS Chasing Us: Chapter 34
The club incident happened over a month ago now, and nothing has changed.
Lex flew to London for two weeks, only returning yesterday. I’ve yet to see him, the only reason I know he landed was the ever-so-warm text simply stating, landed.
I keep myself busy with the black and white gala our firm is hosting in conjunction with a cancer charity. Nikki and Eric came up with the idea, and by some miracle, they managed to get Adriana involved.
Adriana is far from being her normal self, but slowly, she’s starting to function as a human being again. She’s been over twice this week, so Andy and Amelia can play. We chat briefly, and she even eats some lunch, a huge step forward in my eyes as her thin frame worries me.
The realization that life will never be the same is the biggest hurdle our family is struggling to come to terms with. Whenever I can, I try to help lessen the burden for Adriana, but all it does is mask my own pain.
My own family, as I know it, has fallen apart, and nothing I say or do seems to fix it. Work and Amelia are all I focus on. I don’t have a choice in the matter. Work demands don’t stop because my marriage is failing, and opening a new office brings on a new type of workload forcing me to hire more staff.
And, of course, my daughter is my world needing the most attention. Amelia deserves a mother, and that’s what I concentrate on being despite her father being a complete and utter asshole.
Rocky and Nikki have planned to fly in tomorrow with Will. I welcome the presence of more family praying they will help me make some tough decisions weighing heavily on my mind.
Thankfully, Emily being the fantastic woman she is, offers to babysit all the kids tomorrow night, so we can enjoy the event.
The saddest part to all of this, I have to send Lex an invite via his new assistant, Montana.
Don’t even get me fucking started on that.
I lay in bed, wide awake, listening to the sound of my breathing. It’s slow, almost stopping momentarily, followed by a tightness inside my chest. I turn to face the clock noticing it’s just after two in the morning. Lights hover over the window, the engine of a car turning off.
Lex never called or texted to say he would be late. Instead, I worry, but more so, my insecurity drives me to madness. My imagination conjures up multiple scenarios, all involving a certain assistant.
I close my eyes, pretending to be asleep as he crawls into bed. I’m surprised he chose to even sleep beside me, given he has opted for our guest room on more than one occasion.
As he settles, I ask him of his whereabouts, not surprised he chooses to make up some excuse about meetings. Rather than arguing, I express my worry only for him to respond by being a complete asshole. He turns over with his back toward me, switching the lamp off, and with every morsel in my body, I hold back the tears.
This moment cements what our marriage has become. And in the dark of the night, the truth unfolds, and I have nothing left in me to fight. There is only one way to carry on, and only one way to stop the hurt and pain killing me slowly, I have to serve him with divorce papers.
For the sake of our daughter, I can’t allow our toxic marriage to affect how we raise her in this world.
I wake the next morning to find him at the breakfast table with Amelia sitting in her highchair. They are laughing, and I can’t help but notice how happy he is, his eyes sparkling again, but the moment he sees me standing in the doorway, his demeanor changes. He becomes cold and distant. If I knew what I had done, then this would be easier to deal with, but like every time we have been in the same room, the sharp knife is stabbing me every which way I turn, the bleeding impossible to stop.
“I have the black-tie event tonight for my firm. Will you still be able to make it?”
“I said I would, didn’t I?” he responds coldly.
Refusing to entertain his behavior toward me, I work in silence, void of emotion as I pack my things for the day. Emily offers to take Amelia early as there will be no chance for me to stop at all.
With Amelia resting on my hip as I carry her, I lace her bag over my shoulder, grabbing my keys without a goodbye.
The drive to Emily’s house is only fifteen minutes, and during that time, I crank the radio up without disturbing Amelia and immerse myself in the music until they switch to a ballad, forcing me to turn it off. I don’t need a reminder on love, nor the cruel reality when someone breaks your heart.
“Here’s my girl!” Emily removes her from the car, carrying her in her arms with a proud smile.
“Everything is in her bag. I’ll pick her up first thing tomorrow morning.”
“Charlie,” Emily says, her smile disappearing. “I can take her for longer to give you time.”
I shake my head, pursing my lips.
“I don’t need time, Emily, what I need is a husband.”
Emily knows well enough not to continue this conversation with me. It isn’t just me Lex hurt with his actions. His parents are feeling the blow of them as well.
I kiss Amelia goodbye before jumping back into the car and making the tedious trip to the office.
The day flies by rather quickly, and I find myself on my feet. Last-minute details need confirming, and the party planner has some catering issue which I make her sort out. Eric’s excitement becomes rather annoying, reading out the guest list to me as celebrities accept their invites. Our tables are completely sold out, and although I should be proud of this achievement, inside I am dead.
With an hour to go before I have to head home to meet a stylist and change, I sit at my computer staring at the document.
For the past few weeks, I have lived in denial, replaying our entire marriage in my head to understand exactly where it went wrong. Ultimately, Elijah’s death had a ripple effect, but it’s one thing not to have intimacy in a marriage and another to be looked at by your own husband with defiance like this is somehow all my fault.
This quickly turns into anger.
Lex continues to act like a jerk, and no matter what I do, it’s never right. My emotion turns heavy with blame, rage, and cynically dissecting events in our marriage.
I suppress my anger which leads to hostile and vindictive decisions like the night at the bar. We were both hurting but for two different reasons, and our relationship turned into a complete disconnect.
I love Lex and always will, but this pain is unbearable, and for the sake of our daughter, a decision needs to be made.
Saving the document onto the server, I shut down and head home to get ready for tonight.
***
Standing in front of the mirror, I gaze at my reflection. The dress I’m wearing is black, couture Dior, stunningly beautiful with a bustier top and ethereal skirt.
The stylist works wonders with my hair and makeup, using a dramatic ruby red lipstick to accentuate my lips. My hair is curled and styled toward the side, showcasing the Tiffany pendant Lex gave me.
Touching the pendant with my fingertips, I swallow the giant lump inside my throat, willing the hurt to disappear if only for tonight. Aside from my wedding band, I don’t need a reminder of a time in my life when he promised me the world. And so, I remove the necklace and replace it with a diamond heirloom my grandmother gave me before she passed away.
The event starts in one hour, and his tux still hangs waiting for him to come home. His phone rings out several times when I tried to call, but he doesn’t text or call me back, so I leave with a heavy heart, trying to make sense of how I can put on a façade tonight without everyone thinking something is wrong.
“Charlie!” Eric calls out, his sun-kissed tan looking fabulous against his tux.
“Hey, E.” I manage to smile.
“He’s not with you, is he?”
I shake my head, mustering up the strength to remain calm and levelheaded while I greet our guests. Tonight means so much, and a lot is riding on its success, and it must be my only focus, not my absent husband.
“Well, I need to meet me a man tonight. Charlie, my sex life is drier than the Sahara Desert.”
“Eric, I thought you were seeing that actor… the one who’s in that soapy?”
“Yeah, well, kinda. Turns out soap actors are drama queens.”
“You don’t say?” I laugh, enjoying his dramatic realization.
Nikki makes her entrance with Rocky who immediately walks to the bar. I ask her what’s wrong, and she rambles on about how he’s complaining he has blue balls. Like he can talk. I have a blue fucking vagina from no sex in months. I hit up my rabbit any moment I have alone time. Good old faithful bunny hasn’t been used for over a year, and suddenly, it’s rabbit season.
I mingle in the crowd, saying hello and doing the social thing, but in body, my mind is elsewhere. I lie through my teeth when asked about Lex. Thank God, I’m a lawyer and know the art of showing no emotion. I’m on my fifth champagne when a familiar voice calls my name. I turn around, and it’s none other than Julian Baker.
“Julian?”
He stands before me, and I’d be lying if I said he has no effect on me whatsoever. He hasn’t changed one bit, his looks on par with the ever-so-dashing Christian Bale. Maybe his hair is cut a little shorter, his chiseled jaw freshly shaven, and he smells so fucking amazing, my blue vagina may just have skipped a beat. The tuxedo on him is sexy. God, it’s like a blast from the past knocking the wind out of me.
“If it isn’t the gorgeous Charlie Mason.”
“Edwards… Charlie Edwards,” I correct him.
Yeah, but for how much longer? Stop right there, Charlie.
“Right, of course. So, tell me, gorgeous, how have you been?”
Fuck, did I slightly melt at him calling me gorgeous? No, you didn’t, Charlie, you are just mad at your husband.
“Good. And you? Are you still living in New York?”
“No, I moved to LA not long ago.”
Oh.
We chat about his move, and surprisingly, it feels just like old times. We laugh about life in general, and not once does he ask about Lex. Thank God. And maybe it’s my paranoia, but he’s standing awfully close. I don’t push him away, welcoming the feeling of being wanted. There’s always a place for Julian, but tonight his importance has stepped up a notch.
“Dance with me, gorgeous.”
“Julian… I don’t think it’s such a good idea.”
“Why? Your husband didn’t care enough to attend this event and celebrate this milestone of yours. Why can’t an old friend celebrate with you?”
“Because we were more than just friends, Julian.”
He holds out his hand, and reluctantly, I take it. There’s something comforting and familiar about his touch, something I crave so desperately, intimacy.
Our bodies become flush, and inside his arms, we dance slowly to ‘If It’s Over,’ the song setting the mood. We remain quiet for a few minutes, just enjoying the moment. I know I’m playing with fire here—I mean I was going to marry this guy. I’d planned to have kids with this man. I did things to him in the bedroom that could only be described as ferociously kinky. I need to back away now before it’s too late, the voices in my head are screaming at me.
But Lex doesn’t love you anymore, Charlie.
It’s over.
It is almost like he knows, pulling me in closer and whispering, “Gorgeous, I’ve missed you.”
With a pained stare, my body is in turmoil, fighting off past memories of a time when this man gave me the world. The second my eyes close, unwillingly, I breathe in his scent and question my choices. I’m at a loss of what to do, my head telling me to run with my vows still intact, but the hurt Charlie, the one yearning for her husband who pushes her away, is enjoying this moment with this unbelievably sexy man who once called me his.
“I should have fought harder for you. I let him win.”
“It wasn’t a game, Julian.”
“But he won.”
“Did he?”
Fuck, I didn’t mean for that to come out. I’m hurting, wanting Lex to feel the same way. I want him to feel the pain of giving up on our marriage, on us. Julian will always be the dark cloud hanging over Lex’s ego, and perhaps, that alone pushes my senses to a place of irrationality.
“Gorgeous, I still love you.”
Julian’s stare is boring into me, causing a wave of emotions only adding to my confused state. He says the words every part of me wants to hear, the weight of his intention resting on my shoulders inducing a tightness in my chest.
But I crave to hear these words from my husband.
“Tell me you still feel the same,” he begs me with his eyes.
“Julian… I do still love you, but I’m not in love with you, and certainly not in the way you deserve to be loved. You can’t erase the past, and for a while, we were happy.”
“And now… leave him, Charlie. He doesn’t deserve you.”
“Maybe he doesn’t, Julian, but I made a commitment. I made vows… I carried his child. I can’t just let go of that.”
Julian remains quiet, his lips only inches from mine, and I know that if I don’t do something drastic at this moment, my marriage will be officially over. I move my head sideways and gently rest it on his shoulder. We continue to dance, our bodies so close that I’m heavily ignoring his hard cock pressed up against me. Like seriously, fucking kill me now.
My mind wanders to a future with Julian. How easy it would be to have a rational man by my side without the tainted past and trauma which hovers over my marriage. It would be easy and nice.
But he is not Lex.
He isn’t the father of my child.
And he will never own my heart the same way.
My stare moves toward the bar, and I see Lex standing there watching me intently, but this time his stare is of pure rage, the shade of his eyes dark and vengeful. It’s the same stare he gave me the moment he saw my engagement ring the first time we ran into each other at the restaurant—wide eyes, his neck muscles straining against his skin. His arms are folded flat against his chest, intimidating me with his controlling stance.
“Julian, I need to go…”
“Gorgeous, please stay. I need this,” he pleas, his hands wrapped tight around my waist refusing to let me go.
I reach down, removing them. “I can’t… I love him, Julian.”
“Don’t… please, just stay.”
I pull away as he holds onto my hand before I reluctantly let go.
With every step I take, my heart buries itself deeper into my chest. In true Lex style, his words will be callous and hurtful, sealing the fate of our marriage. I have never felt so alone despite being surrounded by family, friends, and colleagues. This journey to free myself from a man who no longer loves me will be the start to endless suffering, but perhaps, endless suffering in solitude is better than it being in the flesh every time you wake up.
“You’re late.”
“Does it matter?” he growls, nostrils flaring as his eyes widen. “Old habits die hard.”
“They certainly do, don’t they, Lex?”
He takes a swig of his bourbon, then grabs my wrist, pulling me toward the exit. I drag my heels, begging him to stop as I’m on the verge of tripping, but he doesn’t listen. Instead, he leads me down the path of the garden until we find ourselves in the parking lot. I recognize his car immediately, parked in the dark corner.
“Let go of me!”
He refuses to listen as he just stands, his eyes flashing with molten rage.
“What, Lex? Now you’re jealous? Tell me, does it hurt? Does it hurt to know that someone else wants me? Does it hurt that for a moment it made me come alive, another man’s words made me feel alive? The same man you hate with every fiber of your being?”
“Charlotte…” he bellows.
“What? You gave up on us… our marriage is on the verge of over, and I don’t even know why!” I throw my hands in the air, frustrated he chooses to have this conversation tonight. “You won’t fucking talk to me… you don’t even want to see my face.”
He pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket, and I recognize it immediately.
“Tell me what the fuck this is?” he yells.
“You can read,” I say calmly.
“You want a fucking divorce?”
I clutch my stomach, bowing my head, willing the pain piercing every inch of me just to stop. This isn’t the life we planned, and I refuse to settle for anything else.
“Lex, I can’t do this anymore. It’s killing me.”
His nostrils flare like a bull ready to attack. In a quick move, he pushes me onto the hood of the car, the metal touching my skin as the shock stills my breath.
With force, his lips crash onto mine, and I try with strength to push him away. He deserves to be pushed away, but I miss him so much. I don’t know what this means, but right in this moment, do I care? For a moment, he is mine again, and I’ll take it while I can.
Lex pulls away, and I sit up struggling to catch my breath.
His eyes, that stare.
I wait for what seems like forever.
Is this it? Are we finally over?
He turns me around in a split second and pushes me back onto the hood. I let out a small whimper, the force scares me. It feels wrong on so many levels. I should feel degraded, but I’m so far from it. He’s my husband for crying out loud.
The sound of his belt clicks, and without warning, he rams into me. I bite my lip attempting to muffle my moans. I’m not sure if he takes this as an invitation, but he does it harder. I cry tears, a mixture of happy and sad, feeling the salty liquid run down my face because I miss him in every way possible. It’s pleasure and pain all rolled into one fucked-up ball.
“You belong to me, Charlotte. Do you understand? Every inch of this body belongs to me. I’m your husband. I own you.”
I struggle, the ache in my belly forming. I’m close, the build-up is quick, and I know if he speaks again, I will come undone.
He leans over and pulls me in harder and faster, his pleas driving us both to an explosive finish.
“Mine…” he cries out. “You are my wife, Charlotte…”
And then we are done.
Somewhere in our heated moment, he pulls away.
I can’t do this.
I miss him so much and know having this moment, having a chance to feel him again, I just know I can’t go back to the way he treated me. I miss being loved and desired.
I miss being his entire world.
“Lex… I can’t do this anymore. Please just let me go,” I beg, shaking my head.
“You can’t leave me!” he cries, running his hands through his hair in desperation. “I saw him, I saw you look at him.”
“Julian is—”
“It’s my fault. All this is my fault. I was terrified, Charlotte, of losing you the way Adriana lost Elijah. Her pain… it’s unfathomable. So, I did the only thing I know how… I pulled away. Distancing myself from you because I was terrified that if I continued to be this happy, the hurt would kill me if anything happened to you. I would die a slow, excruciating death just like Adriana.”
“You’re my husband,” I sob, my body shuddering. “You’ve hurt me beyond comprehension, but I can’t imagine life without you. You’ve left me no choice.”
“I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am. I didn’t know how to deal with this. I was so angry, at everyone, at the whole world.”
“The grief, Lex, swallowed all of us.”
The truth hurts more than anything, and no matter what, we can’t erase the pain we all feel over losing Elijah.
He wraps his arms around me, burrowing his face into my neck, but I pull away, desperate for distance as anger sweeps through me like a gust of wind, now remnants after the wildest of storms. I can’t deny the hurt, but I refuse to give him back so easily what he wants.
All of me.
“You got what you wanted, Lex, you needed to fuck me, and it’s done.”
“What do you mean I got what I wanted? Charlotte, I—”
I raise my hand toward his face, shutting down his plea before it even begins. He expressed his feelings, showed some sort of remorse for his actions, but I need time to process, not throw myself back at him like everything is somehow now okay.
“I need to go back inside,” I tell him, unable to look into his eyes as my gaze wanders over the ground. “You might have unloaded your baggage, but mine is still packed and ready to leave.”
“No…” he bellows, shaking his head while running his fingers through his hair in obvious denial of what we have become. “You cannot leave me! I won’t sign those papers.”
“I need time, okay? You can’t just ambush me tonight, of all nights, after months of treating me this way and expect me to fall back into your arms like all is right in the world. You want to fix what you broke? Then don’t push me.”
I turn around, taking steps away from him as my chest tightens from the overwhelming emotions all brought on by his presence. So easily, I could have fallen into his arms and pretend like this never happened. But I want him to feel my pain, understand what it means to be in a marriage. To respect your partner, through sickness and in health, even if that is comprised due to someone else in your family.
“Are you going back inside to be with him?”
The despair is his tone halts my movement. Jealousy is a curse so powerful it can tear even the strongest of people apart. It’s relentless in its fight for attention, cunning like no other in manipulating your thoughts into scenarios your imagination conjures up with sometimes no substance. And I know Lex all too well. His thoughts are misplaced because he sees Julian as a threat, rather than having faith in me despite my earlier admittance when I told him that Julian may have been an easier choice, but easy doesn’t mean it’s right.
Easy doesn’t validate what the heart wants.
What my soul needs.
Refusing to turn around, I keep my back toward him. “Goodbye, Lex.”
I don’t validate his question, nor give him another spiel on love or vowels. Instead, I continue my walk back into the ballroom to finish what I came here for.
After a quick restroom stop to fix my hair and makeup, which make me look presentable again and not like a train wreck of a wife who just got fucked by her screwed-up husband, I make the rounds talking with as many people as I can.
Shortly after, I call our team onto the stage to make a speech, mainly to thank everyone for attending.
“On behalf of myself, my partner, Nicole Romano, and our team, we thank you for joining us this evening to raise money for this great cause.”
A round of applause erupts, and despite my resistance to speak in front of such a loud crowd, the outcome outweighs my own insecurities. As my eyes wander across the room with a gracious smile, they stop at Lex, who’s standing beside Adriana. Despite our earlier fight and his desperate plea for me to not leave him, there is a different expression on his face. Almost proud if I care to be honest.
I remember, a few months back, as our business began to grow here in L.A., Lex warned me of my attention needing to be redirected to other areas, hence hiring more staff. I recall asking him questions, and it led to discussing his presence in the business world. The more he spoke, the more I became fascinated with his alter ego, Lex Edwards—billionaire mogul. His confidence is never misplaced, and when it comes to conventions, summits, or anything involving public speaking—he is an absolute natural.
At this moment, in front of a few hundred guests, I beg some of his confidence to rub off on me. Taking a deep breath, I find the strength to get through this. If I can handle everything life has thrown at me up until this moment, I can handle this one speech.
“Three months ago, our firm was approached by Marjorie Adams, community leader, at a women’s shelter downtown. Marjorie is an integral member of the community and has devoted years to rebuilding families.”
Marjorie is sitting at the table in front, encouraging me with her warm smile as do the team surrounding her.
“Both Nicole and I did not understand the severity of problems that existed at the shelter. However, with countless hours spent on-site, spending our time with families forced to seek housing at the shelter, we slowly began to grasp the enormity of the situation.
“The message is clear… our shelters are not only giving broken families a place to sleep and eat, but are also giving them hope. Children are educated, mothers are taught how to take care of their families. And so, our team at Mason and Romano are pleased to announce your contribution tonight will help Marjorie and her team continue to devote their time to those in need, and expand the premises to cater to more families in need.”
The crowd stands, raising their hands in applause. With a proud smile, I welcome the support. We, as a team, have done an amazing job, and this boost will provide the shelter with help for those in need. Aside from the free legal services we offer the women on-site, this extra financial aid will boost help in so many more ways.
Nikki makes a small speech, thanking everyone before we step off the stage and allow the festivities to continue.
“You guys did it,” Rocky cheers, embracing me tightly, almost to the point of suffocation.
“We still have some hard work ahead, but this will give us the financial backing to do so.”
Marjorie joins us, wrapping her arms around me for a tight hug. “Charlie, you’ve done amazing things for our families.”
I pull away, smiling as I watch tears glass over her eyes. “Hey, no tears. Come Monday, we’ve got a lot more work to do, okay?”
She nods, willing a small laugh before saying goodbye.
The night carries on with guests dancing and mingling.
Eric tries to chat to every celebrity he can lay his hands on, and a few times I see his phone come out for his much-needed ‘selfie’ collection.
Adriana calls it a night, tired from her first child-free outing in months. I thank her again, hugging her goodbye before reminding her of our lunch next week.
It’s evident Julian disappeared after our dance, and I knew well enough to close the book on that chapter of my life. As much as I wanted to make sure he was okay after my blatant rejection, some things are better left unsaid.
The clock has just ticked after midnight, and now the exhaustion is seeping in as my limbs begin to feel like lead weights.
“We’re heading over to Melrose to continue drinks. You coming?” Eric asks, busily texting on his phone while half paying attention to me.
“You know what… you go have fun. I’m tired, and—”
“And your husband is waiting for you.” Eric nods toward the bar, where Lex is talking with Marjorie.
I thought she had left earlier, but with curiosity growing, I walk over, wanting to know why he’s still here.
“My dear, I know, I know… I said I was leaving an hour ago, but your lovely husband has been a pleasure to talk to.”
I force a smile. The words ‘lovely’ and ‘husband’ should never be in the same sentence, especially when you’re married to Lex Edwards.
Marjorie says goodbye again, leaving the two of us standing here alone. I’m not at all surprised he’s still here. Lex is probably keeping tabs on Julian because his ego can’t take the hit.
“I’m heading home. Come with me, please?”
Letting out a sigh, I turn to face where Eric is standing with Rocky. Their conversation is animated, and Nikki is standing with them, arms crossed while rolling her eyes. No doubt Eric and Rocky are planning something adventurous for tonight, of which Nikki doesn’t approve.
“Um… sure.”
With my clutch in hand, I wave goodbye to Nikki, who purses her lips in return. She knows what’s been going on, and Lex has made it onto her naughty list, and he’s currently sitting right at the top in red marker and a gold star.
I walk beside Lex toward his car. Both of us remain silent, which is exactly what I need. Exhaustion has hit at an all-time high, and I’m grateful Lex has chosen not to bring up anything, especially Julian, and has allowed me the solitude I crave.
When we reach the car, the memories of Lex taking me on the hood flashes before me. Not wanting to throw my body into turmoil, I do my best to shake it off. Nothing good will come of me giving him what he wants right now.
The car ride is quiet, only the soft melodies of Lex’s music humming through the speakers is keeping me awake. He always had great taste in music, and I welcome the tunes of Coldplay as we drive home from a long night.
With Amelia staying over at Emily’s, the reality of being alone with Lex will be a true testament to my willpower. It would be easy to ask Lex to come to bed, make sweet love to him, and listen to him promise me this will never happen again, but stubborn Charlie wants to think, alone.
“So…” He drops his keys on the countertop, removing his bow tie and unbuttoning the top of his shirt.
Yeah, I’m not immune to his sex appeal. So, I purposely turn away trying frantically to ignore its magnetic force.
“Amelia is at Mom’s?”
“Yes.” It’s all I manage, not being sure which of Lex’s personalities is about to emerge.
He nods his head, raising his eyes to meet mine. “Do you want me to sleep in the guest room?”
“It’s your house, Lex, just as much as mine,” I say, defeated. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” I begin to walk out of the kitchen until Lex calls my name, prompting me to stop and turn around.
“I’m proud of you… for what you’re doing to help Marjorie. It takes a lot of strength and willpower to fight for what’s right and when it comes to family. You’re the strongest advocate any mother or child could ask for. You’re a warrior, Charlotte, and you deserve to know that.” Lex walks past me, leaving me with those words.
Lex heads off to sleep in the guestroom while I lay wide awake unable to clear my thoughts. Lex’s words run on repeat…
“You’re a warrior Charlotte, and you deserve to know that.”
I’d never considered myself a warrior. I’ve fought many battles alone, but only because I had no choice. And now, I’m married, yet the person I should be standing with, in the frontline, is sleeping in our guest room. Countless nights over the past few months I’ve laid in this bed alone.
The only difference now—I’m controlling the situation.
It’s all on me.
A blessing and a curse.
I’ve managed to sleep a few hours despite my predicament. Before picking up Amelia, I decide to shower, change, and get some work done. With my breakfast and coffee sitting beside me in my home office, I’m interrupted as Lex knocks on the door. My gaze lifts, to see him dressed in a pair of jeans, a white tee, and sneakers. How this man goes from tuxedo to sneakers and still looks like Adonis is beyond me.
“Working?” he asks, keeping his distance.
“Yeah,” I huff, slipping my glasses off. “These numbers are… frustrating, to say the least.”
“Do you mind if I take a look?”
I push the papers toward him, wrapping my hands around the hot mug of coffee and taking a much-needed sip. Perhaps I’ve been overanalyzing, or my brain is tired from crunching numbers. Either way, I feel like I’m getting nowhere.
“Suggestion?”
“Go for it.”
“If Marjorie can move the budget toward this column, you’ll see a rise in losses. However, if you look over here, the return on investment will increase.”
I carefully look over the numbers and his direction. Lex is right. Marjorie and her team need to find a way to sustain the everyday running of the shelter and still pay rent despite the increase because of greedy investors. The plan is to raise enough money to be able to purchase the land, plus renovate the building to make it more accommodating and functional.
“That makes sense. A lot of sense…” I trail off. “I’m going to work on this now before I pick up Amelia.”
“I was thinking of picking her up. You know… spend some time with her, plus give you some hours to work?”
I raise my eyes to meet his, offering him a smile. “I’d appreciate that. Thank you.”
***
I present the numbers to Marjorie and her team. She nods her head, agreeing all the while appearing somewhat relieved. The shelter runs on sponsored funding, with many of their staff volunteers. Any penny saved will make a difference to the future of the shelter.
“You’re an angel sent from above, Charlie.”
My lips curve upward, welcoming the compliment, yet I am quick to remember it had been Lex’s intelligence, not all mine.
“Actually, you can thank my husband. He’s the brains behind numbers.”
“As I’ve said before, you’ve got yourself a good man. He loves you very much.”
Unsure of what to say, I express a “Thank you” for her kind words.
“You know, he reminds me of my Clifford before he passed,” she says, reminiscing fondly. “Marriage is never easy… you’ve got to work hard all the time. We make mistakes, sometimes we hurt, but with the right love, it will burn into your soul forever.”
Unable to hold back a smile, I thank her again before saying goodbye and walking out of the office. As I step past the small communal room, there’s a teenage boy sitting at an old piano. Marjorie’s son donated the piano to the shelter when they discovered many women could play. It wasn’t fancy, nor grand, but it looks good enough for this boy to run his fingers along the keys and play the tune.
A girl who appears to be the same age sits beside him. They both laugh, a joke between them I can’t quite hear, from where I am standing. At the same time, their faces brighten, grinning like two teenagers on the verge of falling in love. The boy nudges her shoulder with his own, playfully, before he rests his fingers on the keys again and begins playing a tune.
Each note becomes familiar, and like a blast from the past, it’s the same song Lex played the day we sat at the piano together for the first time. I’m drawn back to Charlie from high school—young, naïve, and unfamiliar with the power of love. I’d fallen in love with Alexander Matthews, all of him, despite his marital circumstances. I had been foolish enough at that time to think we would never break, yet my innocence led me to believe our love would last forever.
And this will never change.
There is no choice but to start the journey of healing our marriage. We aren’t completely broken, just bent over something we are both struggling to navigate through. And despite it all, the pain and suffering, keeping Lex away at an arm’s length because of my own fears, will only hurt us more right now.
We are a family.
It isn’t just about Lex and me either, Amelia also deserves my complete and utter devotion in joining Lex by trying to make us whole again.
I drive through the streets at record speed until Dreamteam Studios is directly in front of me. Parking my car, I run toward the entrance, almost out of breath as the receptionist greets me. I haven’t been on-site for months and have no idea who she is, surprised to see Lex has hired a brunette for once.
“Can I help you?”
“I’m here to see Lex.”
“I’m sorry.” Her fake smile irritates me so much, along with the way she stares at my attire.
I would let her know I’m wearing Valentino, but my fashion choice is of no importance right now.
“You’ll need an appointment.”
Frustrated, I shake my head. “I’m his wife. Now, tell me where he is, or I’ll hunt him down myself.”
The receptionist is taken aback by my threat but slowly connects the dots in her air-filled head.
“He’s in an important meeting in Boardroom A. You can’t interrupt him… there’s a strict no interruption rule. He will fire me if you go in there!”
Screw that rule.
I’ll make sure he doesn’t fire her.
My Louboutin heels click on the porcelain tiles, searching the nameplates on the doors until I see Boardroom A. There’s a glass wall, and Lex is sitting at the head of the table appearing uninterested while an older gentleman is talking. Lex’s jacket is removed and hanging on the back of his chair, he’s wearing his vest and tie, and looks dashing as the ever-so-powerful CEO.
With his body leaning back in his chair, his expression appears conflicted with his phone in his hand. His eyes wander to the screen, then his fingers are typing rapidly, only to press his lips together in a slight grimace before pressing send.
Seconds later, my phone vibrates in my purse.
Lex: I love you, Charlotte. Forever. Always. I’ll wait as long as you need me to.
His words evoke the emotions I’ve forced myself to bury. I had grown accustomed to impatient, demanding, and controlling Lex, but I can see his repent for the mistakes he’s made.
I open the door wide, every face in the room glances my way, and with my heart beating incredibly fast, I ignore everyone beside Lex.
With a concerned expression, he immediately rises from his chair, his neck muscles straining as he walks over to where I am standing. “Charlotte, is everything okay?”
“Yes, no… I need to speak with you,” I rush out.
Lex excuses himself before closing the door behind us, grabbing my hand, he walks me toward his office. Once the door is closed, he let’s me go and asks, “What’s wrong?”
I bury my head in his chest, welcoming his quick embrace while allowing the suppressed emotions to run free, sobbing loudly as the weight of our actions has come to the surface.
“I love you,” I cry, swallowing the lump inside my throat. “It hurts, but I love you.”
Raising his hands, he cups my cheeks, forcing our gaze to meet, and almost like a chameleon, I swear, even in the darkest of times, his eyes morph into emerald green.
Just like always, they blanket me with love and warmth, but still, there’s a part of me that’s scared to allow him access to all of my heart if the only purpose is to break me until there’s nothing left.
You have to learn to trust him, Charlie.
Love will never survive without it.
“If I have to spend my entire life earning your forgiveness, I will do just that. I can’t… we can’t be apart. I cannot let you go.”
“I don’t want you to let me go. We promised it was ride or die. I’m standing here, breathing, alive, and want to give our family a second chance to become one again.”
Lex closes his eyes, almost as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, only to open them again moments later. “Charlotte Edwards, I love you.”
He places his mouth on mine, teasing me with a slow and soft kiss, igniting the fire within my belly and comforting me in the way words never can. I refuse to regret my actions or wish the past away, understanding the purpose of the journey is to strengthen our bond.
And in this one kiss, I now know I’m on the right path.
“How long until you’re off duty?” I whisper, pushing my hand through his hair and relishing in the soft strands falling between my fingers.
Lex grins, running his nose against mine before letting me go. “Give me fifteen minutes, and I’m all yours.”
“You’re all mine or… I’m all yours?” I tease.
Pausing at the door, he lifts his gaze to meet mine. With a cocky grin, Lex tilts his head slightly then bites his bottom lip. “As long as I’m inside you, take it any which way you please.”
And that’s what we do, all night until the sun rises, my husband makes love to me. Devouring every inch of me, in our bed, in our home.
Thankfully, Adriana offered to take Amelia, which came as a surprise as well as convenient for us. Of course, I couldn’t refuse. We needed some bonding time without the biggest cockblocker crying in her crib in the room beside us.
In the morning, I awake with his body curled into me. My phone beeps. I reach over, but Lex grabs my hand and places it on his cock. It’s throbbing, and it only means one thing.
I don’t have time to even finish that thought. He slides inside me, and I moan, my body sore and tender from being ravaged on the car and the all-night sweet loving.
“I can’t get enough of this, Charlotte. Being inside of you… my beautiful wife.”
We come in sync, out of breath. I lean back, unable to move my muscles.
“Go ahead, you can check your phone now.” He chuckles.
“I forgot… whoever it is can wait.”
“I bet he can’t.”
“Lex…”
“If that phone beeps in the next minute, I get to fuck this pretty little ass of yours right now.”
“And if you’re wrong?” Please don’t be wrong!
The phone beeps.
“Show me the text,” he demands.
I grab my phone and slide the screen, two texts in a row, and they’re from Eric.
Eric: OMG Charlie, Matthew McConaughey is working out at Venice Beach! Meet me there in ten minutes.
Eric: Hurry up woman! My wank bank is in need of a refill!
“Looks like you won, Mr. Edwards, what a shame…”
“If you weren’t soaking wet again, I would somehow think you were trying to weasel your way out of this. Now shut the fuck up and bring your beautiful ass here.”
And in the morning sunshine in the light of day, he takes me in our bed, again.