Chapter 67
I can't help but to space out when I went home after spending time with that man. The vivid memory of how Evan Zendejas have kissed me passionately was playing repeatedly in my mind. It's been hours ago ever since that happened but I can still feel his soft lips on mine. I breathed heavily and shook my head, stopping myself from thinking about that kiss we have shared a while ago.
Damn it! He's still screwing up my mind! That's what he's good at! I brushed away that memory in my mind and tried to calm my heart. It's been beating so loud for the whole day now and it's not calming down a bit.
"Where have you been, sweetheart?" I heard my grandmother's voice in the living room so I went there to check on her before going upstairs.
She's sitting on her usual chair and doing her daily cross stitch session with all smiles on her face. I smiled at her and kissed her forehead.
"I went to the airport to say goodbye to Chandria and Sei," I replied before I looked down to her craft. "It's almost done, grandma. Great job..."
She chuckled a bit. "Yes, sweetheart. I will try a more detailed design once this one is finished. Anyway, the Tagbilaran airport is just around thirty-minutes away from our house. Why did you go home late? Did you go somewhere else?"
"I also went to Panglao, grandma Helga..." I replied with a hint of hesitation in my voice. Her eyes narrowed as she looked me carefully. I swallowed hard and cleared my throat.
"You went there alone?" she asked curiously.
I bit my lower lip. It's kind of difficult to tell lies to my grandmother. She knows me very well. I tried to think of a right word to say... and to filter it as much as I can but it seem like my mind is still tangled because of Evan's kisses. In the end, all I could do is to shake my head... an indication that I didn't go to Panglao all by myself... and that someone was with me. I held my nape and looked away.
I heard my grandma chuckle once more. It appears that she already knew the details even if I didn't tell her.
"So you went to Panglao with Evan Zendejas, hmm?"
That made me cough awkwardly. I looked at my grandmother again. She only giggled like a child and shook her head. My lips parted as I watched her reaction. Sometimes, I don't really understand her... I mean her mood swings always surprised me.
I thought she's mad at Evan... or she's not? I remember how she scolded him and Sei yesterday... she acted like a tiger in front of them and didn't even show a little bit of mercy but she became really different a few minutes after. I don't really get her mood swings at all but I think her age has something to do with it. Now, I'm wondering if I would be like her once I get older.
"He asked me to go with him so, I mean he insisted and I had no choice..." my voice became so small and tried to remember if Evan really insisted the idea of going to Panglao.
Damn it! He didn't even insist it. He didn't even beg me to go with him! I pursed my lips when I remember how I hopped into his car that fast when he asked me to. I didn't even react hysterically when he said that he would kidnap me. Holy cow, Nathalie! Why am I following his order easily? An wholeheartedly? I want to hit myself in the head for being so weak when it comes to him!
"You don't really need to explain yourself, sweetheart. You look very happy though... Like a teenager who still has a hangover from her boyfriend." My grandmother eyed me maliciously. "That's not true, grandma! He just forced me to go with him, alright? I didn't even enjoy it!" I hissed but of course it's a lie.
You didn't enjoy it, Nathalie? Who are you fooling though?
My grandmother continued to glance at me and gave me a genuine smile. I didn't know why my face heated so bad. I remember how Evan kissed me and that made me swallow so hard. Shit... calm down, Nathalie!
"That's totally fine, sweetheart. I believe that a negative experience can still be turned around. You just have to give that person a second chance so that he can make a better move this time..." grandma stated that made me clear my throat. "If you know that you will be happy about it, you don't really need to stay from all of it."
I gasped heavily. This is happening a bit faster. I don't think I understand what she's trying to say or maybe I am just too scared to understand her point because I might follow her advices. I don't really know...
"I am not so sure yet, grandma Helga..." I mumbled softly.
And yes, I am telling the truth. I am not really sure about this. I can't really tell how I feel about everything because they are new to me... And I didn't expect this from happening. I didn't expect that Evan would show up, and that he would tell me the whole truth... I didn't expect that my world would suddenly change, and that the light would guide me back to the reality and I would leave the darkest space of my past. I didn't expect that all of my unanswered questions will be answered this time....
I never thought that light would still come out to save me from my darkest world. I can't deny that I got drowned into the sadness and trauma reason why my personality and my way of thinking has changed... leading me to be blinded with negative thoughts... leading me to forget all the happy memories.
Everything fell apart the way I didn't expect to happen and just when I thought that I was already helpless, he came back, and was determined to fix things up for me...
I am not sure yet about what is bound to happen in the next coming days. And I am not sure if I need to think of it right now... to anticipate everything. But one thing is for sure, I just want to be genuinely happy.
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Sorrow have filled me up that led me to forget the genuine feeling of being happy. But now that the light has finally come and I finally realized that there is still a chance for me to see things in a positive way just like how I used to be, then I would love to hold on to that.
"We're always unsure at first but eventually, your heart would be able to get a grasp of it. You will know what your heart wants to happen," grandma smiled and held my hand. "Nathalie, at the end of the day, you just have to choose what would make you happy."
I nodded slowly. I can't help but to feel emotional with our conversation. My grandmother is too pure and I can really feel that she loves me so much reason why she wants me to be always happy and see the brighter side of this life... that I can live despite how negative the past could get, and it's still possible to turn things around.
"I appreciate your advices, grandma Helga..." I said with a genuine smile on my face.
And because of this conversation, my heart already calmed down. I became at ease knowing that there is still a chance...
***
"Good morning!" I greeted Jameson happily when I entered into the Hall of Justice.
I saw the evident shock from his eyes. He stopped walking reason why I did the same. My forehead started creasing but the smile on my face never fades.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked him curiously.
His lips parted as he looked at me. He blinked twice and licked his lower lip.
"Are you okay, Nathalie?"
I nodded and laughed a bit. What's wrong with him? I looked at him even more and can't help but to feel amused because he looks shocked and confused. "Really, Jameson? You are creeping me out." I commented and started walking. I felt him following me though.
"You look strange today..." he commented carefully.
I only smirked at him. I can't blame him if he felt that way. I've been aloof and emotionless for the past year. He saw everything... how I suddenly change and became a different person. I didn't hide it from him. Thus, if he sees me smiling widely, it's understandable if he feels surprised about it.
Well, I guess I'm done. I decided to embrace the happiness and positivity this time. And it really feels good knowing that I don't need to dwell against my own demons. I think they were all gone by now. I just want to be purely happy and I want to stay like this as much as I can.
I entered in my office and sat on the swiveling chair. Jameson followed me all the way here. I can see the curiosity in his eyes as he leaned his back on the door. “Yes?” I asked and raised an eyebrow on him.
He shook his head. "Your smile is a breath of fresh air, Nathalie. I missed that kind of smile from you."
"Okay?" I chuckled and grabbed some documents on my desk. I don't really know what else to say... I am just happy, that's it.
"Should we go on a lunch together later on?"
I looked at him and I can't help but to narrow my eyes a bit. His eyes are almost begging for me to say yes. I sighed in defeat and just nodded at him in the end. "Yes!" he punched in the air and then looked at me excitingly. "I'll pick you up here, alright?"
"Sure," I replied.
And then he went out of my office with a smile plastered on his face. I only shook my head and started working my ass off... with a smile on my face too.