Chapter 48
Panglao Island is truly one of the best beaches I've visited. The blue sea is calm and majestic while the waves are crawling gently on the shore. I looked at the far left side of the island and from where I'm standing, I can hear the waves hitting the rock formations on there.
The salted air is refreshing too. It is not sunny today but the sky is slightly turning gray but it didn't lessen the beauty of the beach. The whole place is still fascinating. I also noticed that there are only a few tourists having fun in this place which made me feel comfortable. Maybe some of the tourists went to the other island to do water activities.
Chandria sat on one of the sun loungers available on the beach front. She raised both of her arms and inhaled the salted air. She's pretty adorable in her black two piece. Her white skin is also exposed which made some of the guys turned their heads on her a while ago.
She smiled widely, obviously happy like a kid who visited a beach for the very first time.
"You know this is what we called a pure heaven!" She exclaimed with her sweet voice.
She leaned her back on the sun lounger and wore her sun glasses even though it is not that sunny in here. I can't help but to watch her enjoy this moment like she always does when we were hanging out before back in Manila.
A waiter came and served our food and drinks. He talked to Chandria to ask if she has any other request and then when my best friend shook her head, the waiter left us in a polite way.
"Hey, what are you doing? Are you going to stand up there for the whole day?"
"I think I want to walk around the beach, Chandria." I told her and stepped forward on the white and soft beach sand.
"Oh, I see. Sure! I'll follow you after fifteen minutes. I just want to power nap a bit," she chuckled and did a flying kiss on me.
"Alright, Chandria. Thank you," I replied and then started to walk on the beach sand.
The salted air blew my hair gently as I walked near the sea. I am wearing a nude color maxi dress with a two piece underneath it. The air is also blowing my dress that made my legs partially exposed as I walked around.
I looked at the sea. The humming sound of the waves is giving me the peace I need. I continued to walk while gawking at the beautiful sea, the perfect gray sky and the tall coconut trees on the other side of the beach. Everything in here looks perfect that somehow I felt the warmth and peace. It made me so relaxed even for a bit.
I was walking slowly while enjoying the view and I didn't realize that I am already far away from the beach front where I left Chandria a while ago. I turned my head and I can barely see her and the other people.
I looked in front of me and the rock formations I saw earlier got my attention. I walked towards these big rocks and touched one of it gently. My lips parted as I felt the thickness of the rock. I assumed these rocks are way older than me.
I settled in there and sat beside the big rock formation. The little waves are crawling into my feet. I sighed. I can't help but to hug my knees and gazed blankly at the blue sea.
How can you fix everything when you can't even fix yourself, Nathalie? That question has been always in my mind. It bothers me the most. God knows how I want to get everything right but I am not sure how to do that when I am also suffering in searing pain. It's excruciating that I can't even fight back. My heart can't move on from that pain.
They said that time will heal everything but that's not the deal for me. That's just a mere fallacy. There is no way time can ever omit the pain I kept deep inside my heart. It doesn't even blur all the bad memories! If that saying was true, why can't I be freed from this pain?
Why am I still dealing with it?
Now I started wondering. How can he sleep at night knowing that he ruined me and the high hopes my family once had? He only destroyed my parents' dream and brought nothing but just misfortune into our lives.
Why did he do this to me? I asked the same question to myself for several times. This has been bothering me every night that made me so restless.
I felt my warm tears running down my cheeks. All of a sudden, I felt the familiar sadness that started to eat me up all over again. My body shivered when I let myself cry in despair. I hugged my knees even more. With tears pooling in my eyes, I saw his face in my mind.
What did I do for him to punish me this way? Do I even deserve this kind of hell?
I saw a wood stem beside me. I took it and wrote something on the wet white sand next to my feet.
I wrote the only thing I would tell him if ever I get to see him again. I wrote what is inside my heart in stenography script.
'I miss you but I shouldn't be because you only made me the saddest person ever.'
The rain has started falling heavily but I remained in my position, crying my heart out as I stared at the wet white sand where I wrote what's inside my heart. I looked at it as if that's the only thing I can hold on to. I looked at it with an unwanted hope that he'll be able to read it. How fool of me to even hope for something he won't be able to do. Even if he sees this, he won't be able to understand it.
I cried and leaned my head on my knees. I didn't mind the rain at all. Even though I am getting drenched, I still cried my heart out.
And then I felt that the rain is no longer pouring at me. I looked up slowly and saw a young girl behind me. She's holding a white umbrella that protects me from the heavy rain. I gasped and wiped my tears away. I don't want this kid to see my sadness.
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"What are you doing here? Where are your parents?" I managed to ask with my cracked voice.
The young girl did not respond. Instead, she gave me a little piece of paper. My forehead creased but I accepted it. My tears are still falling so I had to wipe it all away and then gazed at the little piece of paper on my hand. I opened it and read what was written inside.
'Please don't cry. It breaks me.' -vnedjs
"Who..." I gasped and then looked at the young girl once again. "Who asked you to send this to me? Where is that person?"
She didn't respond. She only shook her head and handed the umbrella to me.
"Hey, wait up!" I called her but she ran away so fast.
My hand is almost shaking while holding the umbrella she gave. My lips parted as I gazed down at the message on the piece of paper.
If I am not mistaken, this is the same person who sent me the bouquet of white tulips. The same person who doesn't want to be named and hiding himself or herself behind a pseudonym.
"Seriously, who are you? Why are you doing this?" I whispered to myself.
I can't help but to feel curious about this person. I swallowed hard and bit my lower lip.
"Nathalie!" I heard the familiar voice of my best friend calling my name.
The rain is still pouring heavily but I didn't mind it. I am still holding the umbrella but I am already dazed. The question in my head kept on bothering me. Somehow, it breaks my inner peace that I had been protecting for the longest time. Who is this person? I am still looking at the paper on my hand when I felt Chandria's hand in my arm.
"Nathalie!" She's almost out of breath when I felt her presence behind me. "What are you doing here? This place is way too far away from the beach resort!"
I turned to her. She's still trying to catch her breath, already drenched but she didn't care that much. I swallowed once again and then shared the umbrella with her, afraid that she might get sick due to this heavy rain. All of a sudden, her forehead started creasing when she realized that I already have an umbrella and her gazed turned to the paper on my hand.
"Where did you get this?" she asked curiously as she held the umbrella for me. "What was written on that paper?"
"A young girl gave me an umbrella and this letter," I explained and then let her check the letter for me.
I saw how her eyes widened when she read the message of the paper. She cleared her throat and looked at me, smiling from ear to ear.
"You didn't tell me that you have a secret admirer, babe..." she stated playfully.
I can't help but to roll my eyes at her. Secret admirer? Why would I even have one though? I can't really tell if this person who sent this is a man or woman. I shook my head and made myself believe that it's probably a woman.
"What made you even think that way? What if it's a woman? Based on the penmanship, it looks like the one who sent this is a woman." I hissed even though it's not really obvious that a woman wrote this if I only based it on its penmanship. She tilted her head. "And how sure are you that it is a woman? And tell me, why would a woman send you a letter? I mean... It's not making any sense unless that woman is a lesbian... I don't know." she laughed a bit. "Whatever, Chandria..." I shrugged my shoulders and let out a heavy sigh. "Whoever sent this letter... whether it's a man or a woman, I don't care at all. It's none of my business, alright?"
My hand formed a fist. Because of what I did, the letter in it got crumpled. I know that Chandria is not that convinced but I don't really care. In the end, I just walked passed through her and decided to go back to the resort. "Wait, Nathalie!" I heard her chuckle. Her sweet tone is kind of annoying though.
The last time I heard that familiar tone from her, I had to tell a story. That only means she's getting curious about me and I don't like it. I have nothing else to tell anyway as there's nothing special happening in my life. "Come on! I am just curious!" she exclaimed and then walked beside me.
I rolled my eyes once again. I sighed and then handed her the umbrella and then walked faster. I won't let her interrogate me. That's final!