Chasing His Kickass Luna Back

Abby

Our feet are sore as we make our way down the quaint market street, but my entire body feels loose and relaxed after the full day of hard work.

It seems as though the first snow yesterday has led everyone to get into the holiday spirit, and the stores are all bursting with people excitedly doing their gift shopping. The storefronts are all festively decorated with vibrant green wreaths and bright red ribbons, and people in equally festive outfits are standing on street corners ringing donation bells.

“I should do some gift shopping while I'm here,” I say, holding my warm cup of hot apple cider between my hands as we walk.

I stop and peer into a chocolate shop window, looking at all of the tantalizing sweets on display. There's a couple with a little toddler inside, and the toddler is excitedly pointing his tiny little finger at a chocolate rabbit in the case.

“That actually reminds me,” Karl says, following my gaze, “I haven't even thought about what I'll be getting for people this year. I was thinking I should treat the staff at home to something nice.”

As he speaks, it reminds me of what Elsie had said earlier. It's yet another reminder that maybe, just maybe, Karl has changed from the gruff and cold Alpha I used to know into someone who's a bit warmer and more open

Karl and I continue walking side by side, weaving our way through the crowds. I steal a quick glance at him as we walk, his profile illuminated by the warm glow of the street lamps.

He looks content, relaxed even, which is a rare sight for the Alpha I used to know. I find myself wanting to break the comfortable silence that has settled between us.

"So, why did you change your mind, Karl?" I finally ask, my voice soft but curious.

He turns to look at me, his expression thoughtful. “Change my mind about what?” he replies, feigning innocence.

I raise an eyebrow, knowing he's just playing coy. “About volunteering,” I say, not letting him off the hook so easily. “I thought it was “below your pay grade’, wasn't it?”

Karl lets out a sigh. “I know I said that all those years ago,” he says quietly. “And honestly, the only reason why I volunteered today was for publicity before the election.”

I wait patiently for him to continue, knowing that he likely had a change of heart throughout the day.

He takes a sip of his cider before continuing. “But today, I think I realized that it was actually kind of... fun,” he admits. “Helping people, making a difference in their lives, even if it's in a small way. It felt... fulfilling, to say the least.”

“It's not just about approval ratings or good press,” I say. “It's about making a difference and connecting with your community. And it seems like you realized that today.”

He nods. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Who told you, by the way? About the approval ratings?”

I can't help but smirk. “Marcus.”

“Always Marcus,” Karl says, rolling his eyes although I can tell there's no real heat in it.

We continue our walk, passing by shops filled with holiday shoppers searching for the perfect gifts. As we approach a cute boutique with a display of baby clothes in the window, though, it makes my heart ache just a little.

I stop in my tracks, my gaze fixed on a tiny pair of shoes in the window. They're a bright red color, perfect for winter. And they're, so, so unbelievably small. I'm instantly transported back to the Alpha gathering, when I saw those two adorable kids.

In a way, I'm glad that Karl and I never had kids together because of the divorce, but I do still wish we had. Finding out that I might not be able to have kids of my own was so heartbreaking.

Karl notices my change in demeanor and turns to me with concern in his eyes. “Abby, is something wrong?”

I sigh, my gaze still fixed on the baby clothes. “It's just that,” I start, my voice wavering slightly, "seeing those baby clothes reminds me of the Alpha gathering and all those adorable kids.”

Karl's expression softens, and he places a comforting hand on my shoulder. “I can tell it's been on your mind,” he says gently.

I nod, a lump forming in my throat. “Karl, what if... what if I really can never have kids of my own?" I finally admit, my voice barely above a whisper.

For a while, Karl says nothing. We just stare into the shop window, our faint reflections staring back at us. I'm not sure which we're really looking at: the shoes, or the two of us standing side-by-side. “Do you ever wish we had kids?” he suddenly asks, the words coming out so fast it seems as though he didn't intend to say them.

I'm a bit taken aback by his sudden candor. My lip quivers a bit, and suddenly, I'm glad for the mask covering half of my face. But my sunglasses have been off for a while now, and now I can see my eyes in my reflection, and I can see how sad I look beneath my facade of strength.

"I..." I stammer, unsure of what to say.

Karl suddenly shakes his head. “That was rude of me,” he says, turning away. “I shouldn't have said that.”

He turns to continue walking, but without really meaning to, my hand involuntarily shoots out and grabs his wrist. He pauses and turns back to look at me.

“It wasn't rude,” I find myself saying. I drop my hand back to my side and avert my gaze to the ground so I don't have to look into his brown eyes. “I, um... I guess I do wish we did, sometimes,” I murmur. “But... With the divorce...”

Out of the corner of my eyes, I can see Karl nod. “I know,” he says gently. “I can't imagine how tough that would be, not just on us, but on the kid. But...”

He pauses, and it's then that I finally lift my gaze to meet his. “But?” I whisper.

“But,” he continues, running a hand through his hair, “sometimes I wonder if things would have been different if we had just done it. If we had done the treatments, or hell, if we had adopted.”

His words catch me by surprise. Karl has never expressed this to me before, and part of me wonders if he's right. I want to respond, but I can't. My voice is caught in my throat, and besides, I'm not even sure what I would say.

Before I can come up with a response, Karl suddenly offers a reassuring smile. “Abby, you're an amazing person,” he says. “And when the time comes, you'll have your baby, and you'll be the best mom ever. I'm sure of it."

As he speaks, tears come to my eyes. I find myself quickly looking away, looking back at the little red shoes in the window.

And I can't help but imagine, just for a moment, a world in which Karl and I are walking into that store and buying those shoes for our baby.