Chasing His Kickass Luna Back

Abby

Elsie and I are sprawled out on my king-sized bed, a movie playing on the TV.

But we're barely watching. I'm trying on one of my new dresses in the mirror while Elsie is watching me, a glass of wine in her hand. For the first time in what feels like forever, I finally feel as though I can let my guard down.

At least here, in the privacy of my old bedroom, no one is gossiping. At least here, I don't have to justify myself just for being here.

Or at least, that was what I thought.

"Abby," Elsie says, taking a sip of her wind with a mischievous glint in her eyes, “can I ask you something?”

I raise an eyebrow, turning my attention away from the mirror. The dress I'm trying on is red and hits me mid-thigh, and it's tight all over; Karl would have hated it when we were married. But now, I think he'll like it. Not that I should care.

"What's on your mind, Elsie?” I ask, digging into one of my shopping bags for the black cardigan I bought earlier. I think it'll go with the color of the dress.

She hesitates for a moment before leaning closer, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "What's really the deal between you and Karl?" she asks. “You said it was casual earlier, but... you never explained.”

I sigh, my shoulders slumping as I contemplate how to answer. I'm tired of all of the questions, but Elsie is also a friend and I know that I would be asking the same things if I were in her position. "We're... hooking up,” I admit, slipping the cardigan on and turning back to face the mirror as though that will somehow deflect Elsie’s gaze. “But that's all it is. Really.”

Elsie raises an eyebrow, a knowing smile playing on her lips. “Is that so?” she asks. “That's really all it is? Just casual?”

I feel my cheeks heat up, and I quickly avert my gaze, hoping Elsie doesn't notice in the mirror's reflection. "Yes, it is,” I reply, my voice coming out more defensive than I intended. “End of story.” Elsie chuckles softly, her gaze unwavering. “Abby, you're blushing,” she points out.

I blink in surprise and touch my cheeks, feeling the warmth beneath my fingertips. “Am 1? I hadn't noticed,” I mumble, avoiding eye contact. “Must be the wine.”

“You've hardly touched yours,” she says, nodding her head to the mostly-untouched glass of red wine sitting on my bedside table. It's true; I've only taken two sips.

She then reaches over and gently takes my hand, giving it a squeeze. “Abby, you can tell me anything, you know. I know we don't get to see each other much anymore, but I still consider you my friend. Even though it's been three years.”

I sigh, my shoulders sagging as I sink down onto the bed.

"Okay, fine,” I murmur. “Look, I just don’t know what I want from this, Elsie.”

She shoots me a confused look. “Explain.”

Another sigh escapes my lips, and I run my hand through my hair. “I miss him, yes, but I'm scared that if we try to be more than this...” I pause, licking my lips. “I'm afraid we'll just fall into our old patterns, and it will all end in disaster again. Is that crazy?”

Elsie shakes her head and gives my hand another reassuring squeeze. “It's not crazy at all,” she says gently. “Sometimes, you have to follow your heart, Abby. But it's also okay to test the waters for a while, see how it feels before you jump into anything.”

I nod in agreement, grateful for her understanding. I love all of my friends equally, but Elsie saw my relationship with Karl on a daily basis, and she saw all of the ins and outs. From that aspect, she’s always gotten it more than Chloe and Leah did. And right now, I think I need that level of understanding from a friend.