Celestials

I was so cold. My body was shuddering from the cold. Every time a tremor ran through me the pain in my body intensified. My back was a pulsating point of pain. Somewhere near me I could hear obscenities being shouted. I must still be in Hell, but not a demon yet. Unless demons spent their time in this much pain. God, I hoped not. I didn’t think I could handle an eternity of this blistering pain.

Would something happen because I used God’s name in Hell?

I tried to open my eyes but they wouldn’t budge. It was like concrete held them shut.

“What are we going to do?” I heard someone mumble over my head.

“Appollyon?” I asked. He was the last person…or being, I remember seeing.

“Did she just say something?” the voice asked again. “She said a name or something.”

More obscenities screamed from farther away. Then another voice spoke up.

“It was hard to hear her over all the other…distractions.”

I felt a cool cloth being put on my head. I tried to move my head away. I was already freezing. Was this part of the torture? Involuntarily, I moaned. I didn’t want Appollyon to think I was weak. As soon as I could move or open my eyes or breathe without pain, I was going to stand up to him. Until then, though, a moan was about all I could muster.

I felt myself slipping into the darkness once again.

“Fucking bitch!”

The words roared through my ears causing pain to shoot through my temple. My body was on fire and my torso was pulsating with injury. What the hell?

I tried to peel my eyes open. When I did I caught blurry images. It was dark but there were things hanging over me. Blinking, I tried to clear my vision. I was in a tiny space, too tall to be a coffin, but it fit around the length of my body the same way. There was light coming from the right side of my feet. I took a deep breath, pain rippling through my body. Note to self: don’t freakin’ breathe.

“Hello?” I weakly called out, my voice strained and dry.

“It’s about fucking time! Release me and take your place in the legions of Hell!” The shouting was coming from the wall on my right. When I moved my hand to touch the wall, it swayed slightly. It wasn’t a wall. They were doors. Doors. I was in a closet. Why did Appollyon have me in a closet?

Slowly, I slid the door towards my feet, creating an opening a few inches wide near my face. I peered out, the light hurting my eyes and amplifying my headache.

“Hello?” I said again. It wasn’t brilliant, but my body hurt in so many places and I really had no idea what was going on.

“Untie me! Angel’s fucking lightning, I don’t know how you escaped!” the voice said again.

This time I saw where it was or should I say who it was coming from. Willa. But she looked strange. Her tiny body was tied to a chair with some sort of net. It looked like one of the nets Jerrick used when he was fighting the Regnum, but I couldn’t imagine why he would ever tie her down. Her face was wider than usual and her hands were enormous and manly. Her hair was grown out a few inches from its pixie cut and had blond tips floating around her head. Oh, shit. Belial’s energy was still inside her. How was that still possible?

“Are you a fucking idiot? Get me the fuck out of here, so you can take your rightful place!” Willa shouted at me in a strangled, mannish voice.

I leaned up cautiously onto one elbow. The pain almost leveled me again. Gritting my teeth I pushed through the pain and made it to a sitting position. I weakly leaned my forehead against the doorjamb, trying to get the pain under control.

“Un-fucking-tie me!” Willa raged again.

Without moving my head, I eyeballed her. Clearly, Belial’s energy was still inside her. And I wasn’t in Hell, but back in the safe house. Where was everyone else? Why weren’t they here with us?

Fear leapt into my body. What if she had done something to the others while I was out? What if I was alone with Willa/Belial? She would destroy me. I couldn’t even sit up without whimpering. There was no way I would be able to stop her from taking me back to Hell or killing me.

“Willa,” I called to her.

Willa’s face contorted in pain and something else. I was watching Willa and Belial fight for control. Finally, her distorted features settle into concern.

“Rory! You’re awake! How are you?” she asked, her voice almost normal.

“It hurts,” I whispered, my throat still dry. I would give anything for a glass of water. “Where are the others?”

A smug smile rippled across Willa’s face and her voice lowered. “Worried no one will be coming to save you? Don’t worry little one, you will be where you belong soon.”

“Willa!” I called as best as could. “Where are they?”

“Barricading,” she screeched out. “Belial used me to take down the magical barriers of this place.” Her face contorted again, her voice turned menacing. “Shut up, bitch!”

I used my left hand to slide the closet door open farther. Light shown in and I could see I was dressed only in someone’s large t-shirt. I could feel my entire torso, practically from shoulders to crotch, wrapped in bandages. Already, the t-shirt was dotted with spots of blood where it was leaking through the bandages. How was I not dead with this much blood loss?

“Get me the fuck out of here, goddess,” Willa/Belial sneered at me. I had to assume she was talking to me, though why she was now addressing me as goddess I didn’t understand.

“No,” I told her, trying to conserve as much energy as I could. Bracing myself on the closet door and the wall, I tried to get into a standing position. The pain made my head swim and I was only kneeling. I closed my eyes and pressed my head against the wall, trying to steady myself. “Willa,” I tried again.

“Rory, you need to use – shut the fuck up!” She interrupted herself. I could feel the anger radiating off Willa/Belial without even opening my eyes.

I leveled my eyes at her again. Her face was bright red with anger. At least, Willa seemed to be getting somewhere with Belial. His energy wouldn’t be this pissed if she wasn’t telling me something helpful. I grabbed onto the door and the doorjamb, lifting one leg into a 90 degree angle. With a deep breath, I pulled myself to standing. An anguished cry ripped from my lips. I’m pretty sure a few of my cuts broke open too. God, the pain. I closed my eyes and leaned heavily against the wall, trying not to fall back down.

“Bitch, you need – Stop!” I snapped my eyes open. Willa was back in control. “The amber! In your pouch!” she shouted at me. Her face contorted and her body tensed with rage. “I said shut the fuck up or you will pay!”

Amber? What amber? What pouch? My eyes searched around the room for whatever she could be referring to. Then it hit me. I fumbled for the protection pouch Willa had made for me. She slipped the amber crystal in there before we left Hell. Hopefully, it transferred back in there.

My hand felt the communication crystal. I moved it aside and felt something else. Quickly, I pulled it out and held it in front of me. When Willa/Belial laughed smugly, I looked down. It was a smooth white rock in the shape of rectangle, with black veins running through it. Where did that come from and why was it in here?

I sighed. It didn’t really matter. Probably some other type of protection. I shoved it back in the pouch and dug around herbs until I felt another solid form. When I pulled it out, the familiar amber color gleamed in the ceiling light. I noticed the etchings, but still didn’t understand what they meant.

“Fucking bitch!” Willa/Belial screamed.

I leaned heavily against the doorjamb. My legs didn’t want to support my weight anymore, but I couldn’t go back down. Holding the amber in my palm, I looked at Willa’s raging form.

“Willa, I don’t know what to do with it,” I told her.

Willa/Belial laughed the smug, ugly laugh again. “The goddess fails herself. This is too rich!”

“Stop calling me that!” I spat out. Now I was just getting pissed. I couldn’t even see straight. Willa was alternately blurry or there was two of her. This was bad and Belial’s bipolar behavior wasn’t helping. “Willa,” I tried again. “What do I do?”

“Absorb – bitch!” Willa tried before Belial cut her off. “Goddess, join us. It’s only a matter of time. I can make it painless.”

“No,” I breathed out. The word was barely a sound. I needed to absorb Belial’s anger, I remembered that much. But how? Willa never explained how and I certainly wasn’t any sort of witch.

“Goddesssssssss,” she hissed at me. Then her face settled into worry. “Hold the chain-“ She was cut off again. “Goddessssssssss…”

“Stop…calling….that,” I breathed out. It was getting harder to breathe. Was I dying? No. I couldn’t be dying. I just needed to rest. Not now. Can’t rest now. “Not….goddess.”

“Yes, little one. You are,” Belial’s gleeful voice ripped out of Willa.

“Wha…?” My labored breathing was making the pain in my torso amplify. In my shaking hand, I moved the crystal so I was holding it by the chain.

“You are the goddess. Jesus was the son. You are the – “ Willa took over just when Belial was saying something good. “Direct his anger at you.”

Just what I needed - I closed my eyes tightly to the pain - Belial’s anger forced on me. I tried to breathe normally, but I couldn’t. The room was getting blurrier and darker. I took a deep, painful breath. Opened my eyes. At least, I think they were open. It was dark, blurry and I could just barely make out Willa’s face.

“Belial…I…will…never…side…with you,” I breathed out. I felt like it took all the energy I had to tell him that.

“You will join us!” Belial raged from Willa’s small frame.

I managed to make eye contact with Willa’s murky eyes. “No.”

“You have no choice!” I could feel Belial’s anger boiling over. I must have some sort of choice or he wouldn’t be getting so angry. I held the crystal in front of me as best I could.

“Never,” I told him. “Appollyon…will…never…have…me. Humans…win.”

“We will have you! You will be ours! The world will be ours!” I could feel his rage seeping out of him. It was bubbling and boiling over. It was like I could feel it filling up the space in between us. I tried to lift the crystal higher and think of something to bring him over the edge. Then it hit me. Both the evertos and angelus’ weakness.

“Jude…will win,” I told him. Willa’s eyes widened with fear. “Jude…will…have…me…has…me,” I amended.

“NOOOOOOOOO!” The shout ripped from Willa’s body. It was full of real fear that I would be Jude’s. He seemed more scared at that thought, than that I would be the angelus’. I didn’t have time to think any further because Belial’s angry energy was hurled so quickly toward me, that when it hit the crystal, both the crystal and I slammed into the back of the closet.

Pain shot from every part of my body and burned its way around me. I think the wall broke every bone in my body because I felt shattered. I saw Willa’s worried face melting in and out of my vision.

“Jude,” I mumbled. Why wasn’t he helping me?

Thankfully, everything went blissfully black.

“I don’t know,” a teary voice interrupted me. “I don’t remember much but fighting Belial’s energy.”

“How in Satan’s gates did she end up thrown into a concrete wall?” An angry and very loud voice asked. “Her body is already broken! She didn’t need this too!”

There was a sniffle or two. “I think she was trying to save me,” the tearful voice answered.

“She’s trying to save everyone! Angel’s lightning, can’t she just try to stay alive?” the loud voice raged.

“Jude?” I moaned. It sounded like him. Was he here?

A warm hand touched my cheek. “Baby, I’m here.”

Baby? Not Jude. Not Jude at all. “Baby?” I repeated. Who was calling me that?

A giggle erupted from someone else, as I tried to tell my eyelids to open. “Like she would respond to baby. Who are you and what did you with Jude?” the voice asked, giggling again. Willa?

“Will…” I mouthed.

A smaller, cooler hand touched my cheek. “It’s me, Rory. And Jude, not that you could tell. We’re here. Open your eyes.”

Open my eyes. Easier said than done. I pulled them open slowly, light filling my vision completely. I blinked, the light giving me a headache. That complimented the pain all over my body. It was like I was lying on a bed of knives all sticking through me.

“Ow,” I told them. Then blinked again. Jude and Willa’s worried faces peered over me. I blinked a few more times but they still hovered there. “Hi.”

Jude smiled in relief, while Willa moved around. She looked like she was going to hug me but settled on patting my head.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she gushed. “Thank you for getting that disgusting demon out of me.”

Right. The past few hours or however long it had been, flew back at me. Belial’s energy was inside Willa. There was something about what he said that didn’t sit well with me. What was it?

“How do you feel, Rory?” Jude asked, concerned.

“Hurt everywhere,” I told him.

“You must. I can feel it.” He grimaced and then held out a cup with a straw sticking out of it. “Drink,” he ordered.

The water felt incredible sliding down my throat. Slowly, I drank the cup, basking in the cool liquid on my dry throat. While I did, I looked around. Someone had moved me from the closet to a bed. I think I was still in Willa and Jerrick’s room. It was hard to tell since all of the safe house rooms looked alike.

“Where’s everyone?” I asked when I finished.

“The rest of the boys are still securing the perimeters,” Willa explained. “Jude came when you called him. He’s the one that released me from the net and then I set the magical boundaries again. But they have some…uh, cleaning up to do.”

I nodded, sort of. As much as my fuzzy head would nod without pain ripping through it.

“What were you thinking?” Jude bellowed, staring down at me.

“Jude –“ Willa tried.

“Don’t defend her. She almost died!” Jude’s voice rose and started pacing the room. I couldn’t even defend myself. I did almost die. Hell, I’m pretty sure I was still one step away from death. But I would do it all again if Tanaka and Willa were safe. Jude turned toward me again. “What in angel’s lightning were you thinking?”

“Tanaka and Willa are safe,” I told him simply.

“But you’re a mess, Rory!” he cried. His face paled and all of his anger suddenly dropped. “You don’t have much longer.”

Squeezing my eyes tightly against the pain, I struggled to sit up. Willa saw what I was doing and her cool hands moved to help me. Finally, I settled back against the pillows, breathing heavily. The pain was exacerbated with each breath.

“I know,” I told Jude. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine.” The pacing started back up. “We haven’t figured out how to fix this.”

“I know.”

“We need more time.” Jude stopped at the end of the bed and looked down at me sadly. I opened myself up to him and then quickly closed off. The sorrow emanating from him weighed me down too much.

I smiled sadly at him. “We don’t have more time.”

“Rory! You’re awake!” Jerrick’s voice came from the door. Behind him Tanaka and Marco had their arms around each other. The three of them filed into the room, unaware of the tension between Jude and I.

“Hi,” I said carefully. Jude was still staring at me sadly. Tanaka and Marco both rushed to my side. Tanaka took a strand of my hair in his hand and pulled on it lightly.

“You are a stupid, brave idiot,” he smiled. “And I love you for it. Thank you.”

Marco took my hand and looked at me solemnly. “You shouldn’t have done it. But thank you.”

“All…in a day’s…work,” I told them breathlessly. My joke would have been a lot funnier if it didn’t sound like I was dying when I said it.

“You shouldn’t have done it,” Tanaka amended. “Look at you.”

I smiled weakly. “I’m dying anyway…what’s a few…less days?”

“Everything.” Jude’s breath released in one anguished word. The weight of his sadness crept from his body and wrapped around my heart.

Jerrick looked between the two of us and grabbed Willa’s hand. “I think we should let Rory rest.”

Marco nodded and gave me a quick kiss on the forehead. He leaned close to my ear. “Don’t give up, yet. And Rory, let him in. He’s been miserable.”

“Thanks, Marco,” I whispered back.

He took Tanaka’s hand and they both left the room. Willa gave me a quick kiss on the forehead and Jerrick followed. Then the two of them also left. I stared up at Jude. There wasn’t anything I could say. Even though I was in more pain than I could ever imagine, I would do everything I did over again. I wouldn’t apologize for helping Tanaka and Willa.

“I know,” Jude said. At my confused look, he supplied, “That you wouldn’t change anything. I know. You want them, us, all to be safe and if it speeds up you’re…demise,” he choked out, “then that’s okay with you.”

“I’m sorry.” Not for what I did, but because he was upset over it.

Jude shook his head and smiled sadly. “Don’t be. It’s brave and admirable. If I wasn’t so selfish, I would be telling you how proud it makes me.”

“You’re the least…selfish person…I know.” It would be really great to have full lung capacity right now.

Jude chuckled mirthlessly and then gently sat on the bed. “I was. Up until a few months ago, I was the least selfish person. But right now….satan’s gates, right now I would trade Tanaka or Willa or any of them for a few more days with you.”

My eyes filled up. Tears of sadness for him, for us…tears of joy for what he was saying. “Lancelot, you wouldn’t…do that….because you care…about them,” I reminded him. I was happy to see I got a genuine smile out of him when I called him ‘Lancelot’.

“We just need more time.”

I shook my head and then winced at the pain. “We don’t have…it. The…solution…is here.” It had to be. It’s been here all along. The Oracle said I had to look at the prophecy in a different way.

“I don’t know if it is, Rory.” Jude sounded like a doctor breaking bad news about someone’s dying relative. If his hand didn’t feel so good running through my hair, I would have told him to stop being a downer.

I just needed to look at the prophecy in a different. Everyone thought I had to choose to be an angelus or an everto. Staying alive clearly wasn’t an option.

I looked at Jude, thinking about all he had tried to do for me. The first time I saw him for who he was, even though I didn’t realize it at the time, was in Hell. He fought to save me from Appollyon – his stunning, feathery, black wings unfurled and ready to stand up to a legion of demons. The man even risked himself in Heaven – going to a place he didn’t think he could even get into – because I needed him. Jude was ready to be tortured by angels for all eternity just to get me out safely.

And then it hit me. Jude. Jude was the incomitatus. He wasn’t an evertos or an angelus. He could go both places and was accepted by neither. I could choose Jude.

I looked up into Jude’s worried face. “You.”

“What?” he eyed me suspiciously.

“I choose you. That’s my choice.” My voice was growing stronger with conviction.

He shook his head, still not getting it. “You’re choosing demons?” he asked, his voice pitched with worry. I’m pretty sure Jude thought I’d lost all my marbles along with all the blood.

“No. I’m choosing YOU,” I repeated. “You are both angelus and evertos. And you’re sort of…neither. You can go both places and your wings are…unique. Kind of a mix of both.”

Jude shook his head again. “You can’t choose me. It’s impossible.”

“Yes, I can.” The idea was growing on me. Not just because I thought I was right, but also because it meant a way out of it. “The Oracle said I had to choose but that everyone was interpreting the prophecy the way they wanted to. Everyone thought because there were ONLY angelus and evertos that I would have to choose one of them. But there isn’t just two groups anymore. There’s you. The incomitatus, the alone, the one who can travel both places. So I can choose you.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Jude answered cautiously. But I could feel the hope creeping up in him. He didn’t want to believe it and then be crushed if we were wrong.

“We won’t be wrong. We aren’t wrong,” I answered him unintentionally. “That’s why Belial was so scared.”

“What?”

“When he was trying to control Willa. The thing that got him the most angry was when I said that I was yours, that you already had me.” I couldn’t help matching his expression when Jude smiled at my statement. “But it wasn’t just anger. I didn’t understand it at the time but he was scared. I think they suspect this could happen and they’re scared we’ll figure it out.”

Jude took my hand gently in his. “It sounds like a good idea, but what if we are wrong. What if it doesn’t work?”

I shrugged and then winced. When I opened my eyes fully again, I pointed a look at Jude. “Then we’re in the same place we are now.”

“But you could become a demon!” Jude argued.

I sighed. “I am going to become…something. A demon or an angel if we let this happen…naturally. I don’t have…a lot of time. At least this way, we…tried.”

Jude took a long, deep breath and let it out slowly. “I don’t know.”

I smiled lightly. “You just don’t want to have sex with me, huh?”

His face suddenly became deadly serious. “If we did it, we wouldn’t have sex.”

“Why?”

Jude gestured to my body. “You’re not in the condition to be doing anything, let alone that.”

I squeezed his hand as hard as I could. “If I’m going out, at least let me go doing something I’ve wanted for a while now. And if our plan doesn’t work…well, at least I died my way. Give me that.”

“No.”

I threw my hands in the air and gasped at the pain that ran through my body. I gritted my teeth. “And why not?”

Jude moved his arms on either side of my hips, so his eyes were completely level with mine. “You can barely move without being in pain. I will not hurt you further.”

I leaned forward until our foreheads were touching. “Then be gentle because this is happening.”

Jude sat back and sighed heavily. “There’s something that I need to tell you.” His eyes were closed and his expression pained, like it was physically hurting him to say this. “With all your celestial travelling, I’m surprised that you haven’t heard about it already. But I want you to hear it from me. It’s important and I think I need to tell you before you decide anything.”

“I’m listening,” I told him. “I can’t imagine anything you would say could change my feelings, though.”

“I’ve never talked about this with anyone,” he revealed. He tucked me into his body, careful to keep his arms away from where I was tearing. My head popped off his shoulder to look him in the eyes.

“Never? As in, never in two thousand years?” That seemed like an awful long time to bottle things up.

His voice was thick with emotion and his eyes were desperate. “Never, as in, never in two thousand years. There are rumors and people have asked me about it, but I just…couldn’t talk about it. You….” Jude’s voice trailed off.

I waited patiently. What could he possibly need to tell me? I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to bottle something up that long.

“You…I used to look at Marco and Tanaka or Willa and Jerrick and know that I would never find something like that. Never find anyone that I wanted to spend eternity with. I never let anyone close enough to find out. But you…you were always different. I couldn’t escape the way you made me feel. And you need to know everything about me. I want you to know everything about me.”

I couldn’t believe what he was saying. I knew that’s how I felt, but to know that the depth of feeling was just as much as mine was – it was incredible. Nothing would make me happier than spending forever with Jude.

“I feel…really heavy things for you,” I told him.

He shifted uncomfortably. “You say that now and I hope that it’s true. But just listen to what I have to say. You should know everything about me before really deciding eternity is something you want to spend with me.” He looked at me sadly. “I should have told you before, but…I was a coward. And I figured you would end up with the angelus or evertos and I would lose you anyway. I’m still not sure I won’t, but at least this way, you’ll have all the information. It’s not an excuse, just my thought process.”

“You’re scaring me,” I whispered, starting to freak out a little. “What do you need to tell me?”

He closed his eyes tightly for a moment and then pinned his gaze on me. With a deep breath, Jude started his story. “My name is Judas Iscariot.”

“Judas Iscariot?” I sputtered in shock. “Like betrayer of Jesus, Judas Iscariot?”

Jude shifted uncomfortably. “Some believe that.” He took a deep breath again. “My name is Judas Iscariot. I was born over two thousand years ago.”