By Sin I Rise : Part One (Sins of the Fathers Book 1)

It was dark in the windowless room they had dragged me into after I’d killed my uncle. The stench of piss and blood culminated in an overwhelming odor of despair. I wondered how many had died inside these walls, broken apart by Vitiello’s capable hands. Now there were two Vitiellos, and I couldn’t tell who was worse, the father or the son.

My hands were still sticky with my uncle’s blood. I had killed him on Marcella’s request without hesitation. I’d do it again, even if it had brought me here into this hopeless prison and not into the arms of the woman I couldn’t stop thinking about. Maybe I should have known she wouldn’t forgive me as easily. Even killing my uncle didn’t change the fact that I’d kidnapped her and had been unable to protect her from my uncle’s cruelty. She’d carry the marks of my sins all her life.

I lost all sense of time, not that it mattered. I often caught myself wishing for death.

The door creaked open and the light from the corridor hit my face, momentarily blinding me. I squinted against the brightness to see who’d come to see me. Marcella to say goodbye before her father ended it? But the form that took shape was too ginormous to belong to anyone but Luca Vitiello himself. It took several seconds before he came into focus.

His expression was pure steel, his eyes the merciless pools I remembered from many years ago. He didn’t say anything. Maybe he hoped to see me beg for mercy, but it would have been a waste of both our times. He didn’t grant mercy and I’d cut my own dick off before I’d ever ask him for it. Maybe I had killed my uncle and helped Vitiello save Marcella, but I sure as fuck hadn’t done it for him. Everything I’d done had been for Snow White.

I still wanted him dead. Maybe that would always be the case.

“Is it time?” I croaked. My throat scratchy from too many hours without something to drink.

Luca’s face didn’t so much as twitch. He was probably imagining all the ways he’d dismember and torture me. He hated my fucking guts, for what I’d done to Marcella—and I whole-heartedly agreed with him on that point—but also for who I was, a biker, my father’s son, the man who’d touched his daughter. If Marcella told him how I’d taken her precious virginity, he’d probably kill me just for that transgression.

Fuck, dying with that memory in my mind might be worth dying over and over again.

“You kidnapped my daughter, risked her wellbeing and safety, only to save her weeks later. I wonder why you did it? Maybe you realized the Famiglia and I would catch up eventually and you saw it as your only chance to save your fucking hide.”

I shoved to my feet but regretted it as a wave of dizziness overcame me, so I sat back down on the ground. Vitiello regarded me without emotion. I was less than dirt in his eyes.

“The same reason why I didn’t ram my knife into your eye. For Marcella.”

“Because you feel guilty?” he scoffed.

I felt guilty, but would that have propelled me to destroy the club? “Guilt is only a tiny part of it.”

“Then why?” Luca growled.

“Because I love her.” I laughed, realizing the absurdity of the situation. “I love the daughter of the man who destroyed my life.”

Luca waved me off. “Many people lose someone. That’s part of our world.”

“I’m sure many kids watch their father’s bowels being strewn about like fucking confetti,” I muttered. “What I’ve been wondering since you slaughtered my club is if you noticed me that day?”

Luca stared me down as if I’d grown a second head. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

I pushed to my feet, even if they felt like rubber. I couldn’t have this conversation sitting at Vitiello’s feet like a dog. “I’m asking if you noticed that terrified five-year-old boy cowering under the couch while you maimed the people he considered his family?”

Luca’s face remained the impassive, harsh mask I knew. Marcella too had a chilling poker face but it was nothing in comparison to that of her old man. “I didn’t see a boy that day.”

“Would it have changed things or would you have killed me alongside my father and his men?”

“I don’t kill children or innocent women,” Vitiello said.

It was difficult to believe he could spare anyone. Marcella’s story of her father simply didn’t fit the image of the man that I had.

“So you would have turned on your heel and left if you’d known I was there?”

It was a rhetorical question. The look in Vitiello’s eyes hadn’t been that of a man capable of turning his back on bloodshed. He’d thirsted for violence and rampage. Nothing, not even a little boy could have stopped him.

His penetrating stare gave me the answer I’d expected.

“What would you have done to me then?”

“Locked you in my car so you wouldn’t have to watch in an ideal world.”

“Your kind of ideal world includes locking a young boy in your car so you can slaughter his father and his men?”

“I doubt your ideal world is filled with sunshine and rainbows.” He narrowed his eyes. “And you kidnapped an innocent girl, so you certainly don’t have a right to judge me. My only judge will be God.”

“You believe in God?”

He didn’t reply.

“You’re forgetting the law authorities. They might one day judge you too.”

“Unlikely. But that’s not the point. You kidnapped my daughter.”

“Which would have never happened if you hadn’t slaughtered my father and his club!”

I breathed harshly, losing myself to the anger of the past again. Fuck. I still wanted to kill him.

“You deserve death and I want nothing more than to kill you, but I can’t because I love your daughter!”

Luca took a step closer, glaring. “You deserve death as much I do, and I want to kill you more than anything for what you let happen to Marcella, but I can’t because I love my daughter.”

We stared at each other, trapped with our hatred and reined in by our love for one girl.

“And now, here we are,” I said wryly. “You could let one of your men kill me and stage a suicide scene. Tell Marcella guilt wrecked me over getting my club brothers killed.”

“That’s an option,” Luca said. “Are you feeling guilty about it?”

“Most of them had to die for Marcella to be safe.”

Luca didn’t say anything for a long time. Maybe he really considered the suicide plan. “My daughter thinks you are loyal to her.”

“I am,” I said. “I’d do anything for her.”

Luca smiled darkly. “I think she’ll test both our love for her. I don’t know if I should hope you fail or not. Either way, Marcella will face obstacles I never wanted for her.” He tilted his head in consideration. “I don’t have to tell you what I’ll do if I think you’re messing with her.”

“I’d have put my life down for her. I won’t ever hurt her.”

“If that’s the case, you should leave and never come back. Go to Texas and ride into the fucking sunset with your brother but allow Marcella to have the future she deserves and had always planned for herself before you destroyed everything.” He tossed a book at me that read bullet journal. “Look at the first page.”

I opened the book and squinted down at the paper. It was a sort of bullet journal and Marcella had listed her plan for the next five years. Get a degree at twenty-two, marry the same year, create marketing plans for Famiglia businesses, first child at twenty-five…

“Life can’t be planned like that,” I muttered, but seeing Marcella’s hopes for her future hit home. Her life plans weren’t in line with my life choices so far. “You sure those aren’t the things you wanted for her?”

“She wrote them down. You really think you and her could ever be together? Marcella is educated and socially adept. She thrives on social events. She’s always been careful to protect her public image. If news got out that she’s with you, everything she’s built for herself will crumple. Do you really want to ruin her?”

I couldn’t believe he was paying the guilt card, and I couldn’t believe he was actually making an impact on me. “Would you have let the woman you love go?”

Luca smiled darkly. “I’m selfish. Maybe you want to be better than me.”

“You’re not doing this for her.”

He grabbed me by the throat and in my weakened state, I couldn’t fight him off. My back collided with the wall. His eyes burned with pure fury. “Don’t tell me that I’m not doing this for Marcella. I’d die for her. I only want the best for her and that’s sure as fuck not you.” He released me and stepped back, breathing harshly.

I rubbed my throat. “Marcella isn’t a child. She can make her own life choices.”

For a moment, I was sure Luca would kill me right on the spot but then he turned on his heel and left. I wasn’t surprised that he didn’t approve of me being with Marcella. We came from different worlds, there was no denying it. I wanted nothing more than to be with her, but I wasn’t sure how our worlds could ever merge.

A few hours later, Marcella came in, followed by her brother, who looked at me as if he wanted to smash my face in. The feelings were mutual. She looked like the girl from before the kidnapping. High heels, tight leather pants, silky blouse, and a diamond earring over her missing earlobe that probably cost more than my Harley.

I wondered why she was here. Her expression was pure control, beautiful perfection that taunted and tantalized me as I sat in my own stink, waiting for the end.

Marcella turned to Amo. “I want to talk to Maddox alone.”

“I’m supposed to keep an eye on you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Amo. Maddox killed his uncle and biker brothers for me. He won’t hurt me.”

Amo gave me a look that made it perfectly clear what would happen if I touched her.

“Can you get Maddox something to drink and eat?”

My last meal?

Amo gave a terse nod, then he left. Marcella closed the door after him before she turned fully to me.

I shoved to my feet, trying to hide the fact that I was dehydrated and starving. I didn’t want her to remember me as a weakling.

“Is this goodbye?” I asked.

“My father doesn’t trust you. He doesn’t think you are loyal.”

I moved closer, every step sent a twinge through my body. I was fairly sure I had several broken bones that needed treatment. “Didn’t I prove it when I betrayed the club for you?”

I would have given anything for this woman, for a taste of her lips, to hear a declaration of love from those red lips.

“I thought so, yes, but then you tried to kill my father. I saw the stab wound in his leg and the cut on his head where you missed.”

“Missed?” I echoed, then laughed. “I didn’t miss anything, Snow White. I chose not to kill him because I couldn’t do it to you, and that’s exactly what I told him. I suppose he didn’t mention that detail?”

She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully but didn’t say anything, still not willing to stab her father in the back. “You gave up revenge for me?”

“I did.” But after my conversation with Luca today, I wished I’d gone through with it.

“What about the next time you get the chance to stab my father? How will you choose then?”

I wanted to kill him, no doubt, but going through with it? I chuckled. “I think you don’t understand. There’s always only one choice, and that’s you. Unless you want me to kill your old man, which probably will only happen in my dreams, I won’t try to kill him again. I’m not sure he can say the same.”

“So you want to kill him and he wants to kill you, but you both don’t go through with it for me.”

“More powerful than any queen I know.”

Marcella sighed and touched her elbows with newly manicured fingers. Fuck. I wanted her in my arms. It was physically painful to have her so close and not touch her. “What do you want, Maddox?”

“You.”

“But I come with baggage. I’m a Vitiello. I’ll always be a part of my family and I’ll even join the business. If you want me, you have to figure out a way to become part of them too.”

I laughed, couldn’t help it. “Look, I’m all for dreaming and setting high goals, but your old man won’t ever accept me as part of the business.” I paused, realizing what else she had said. “You want me as part of your family?”

“My family is part of me, so if you love me, you’ll have to try loving them as well.”

I shook my head, sagging against the wall. “I only recently gave up revenge for you. Going from hating your father’s guts to love is a far leap that might take several lifetimes. Even if I’m lithe like one, I’m not a cat.”

Marcella rolled her eyes and moved closer until she was right in front of me. I wasn’t sure how she could stand the stink, but I was glad for her closeness. “What my dad did to you as a child was horrible, and I understand your hatred. Forgiveness takes time. I’m just asking you to try to overcome your anger.”

I wasn’t sure that was an option, for either Luca or me. “What about you? How long will it take for you to forgive me?”

“I forgive you,” she said quietly.

“You do?”

“But I don’t trust you fully yet. I can’t, not after what happened.”

“If you don’t trust me, your father definitely won’t.” I smiled wryly. “Then this is goodbye after all.”

“No,” she said firmly. She peered up at me, fixing me with those blue eyes that haunted me. Eyes that made me want to believe in the impossible. “I didn’t tell him. That’s between you and me. I want you in my life. Now it’s up to you to decide whether you want that too.”

I didn’t want to lose her. “Forgiving your father is torture,” I murmured and Marcella’s face flickered with disappointment. “But I’ll gladly suffer for you. I’m going to prove my loyalty to you a million times if I have to, Snow White. I’ll earn your trust. I’ll bleed for you. I’ll kill for you. I’ll do anything until you trust me absolutely.”

“Absolute trust is a rare thing.”

I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but I could only imagine how vile I looked.

“What we have is a rare thing too.”

“For you to win my trust, you’ll have to make peace with my father, with my family. You’ll have to let go of your hunger for vengeance. You need to be on my father’s side because it’s the side I’m on, and that won’t change. Can you really do that?”

“For you, yes.” I was willing to try. I wasn’t sure I could succeed.

Amo returned, eyeing us critically. He really carried a tray with food and water, though I was wary of the contents. “Time to head home,” he said.

Marcella nodded slowly but didn’t move.

“You look like a million dollars,” I murmured.

“More than you can afford,” Amo growled.

“Amo,” Marcella hissed before she turned to me again. “Make the right decision.”

She turned, every move full of elegance, and left. Amo shook his head at me before he too left and threw the door shut.

“If only I knew what that was.”