By Frenzy I Ruin (Sins of the Fathers Book 5)

I stared at the man I hoped to spend my adulthood hating, the man I’d spent my childhood and teenage days loving with such abandon that I’d overlooked his many faults, the man I still loved and hated in equal parts.

Nevio had broken my heart with little care, and I doubted he’d ever be willing or ready to mend it. Despite all of this, he wanted me to take care of his child.

He trusts you enough with his child, a small voice amended. But I shushed that voice immediately because it was the same one that had made me fall for him in the first place.

“Not for long, just until I figure something out. You’re moving into your own place soon. It’ll be easier to hide the kid there than in my room in the mansion.”

He stepped closer, too close. I tilted my head back to meet his gaze. His dark eyes captured me like they always did.

I hate him. I hate him.

But part of me loved him, every twisted, psychotic part of him. Nevio was a lost cause. Everyone knew it.

“Rory, I need your help and so does he. Your internship with our doc will give you enough time to take care of him.”

“Don’t,” I growled. “Don’t play the emotional card, or the best friends card. You’ve lost either privilege.”

“Then don’t help me! I’ll drop him off in front of a hospital like I should have done right away. He’ll be better off without me.”

“You mean you’ll be better off without him. Be honest, you don’t want the responsibility.”

We both breathed harshly. I swallowed, trying to control my emotions. I wasn’t sure how much a child that age could understand but he’d definitely pick up on our raised voices. “What about all the times when I’m working in the clinic? He’s not a dog. You can’t leave him alone for a few hours. He needs constant care.”

Why was I even discussing this? I couldn’t take care of a little boy. I was eighteen. I wasn’t ready for this level of responsibility. This was Nevio’s responsibility, not mine.

Nevio shrugged. “I could watch him on occasion.”

“On occasion? He’s your son!” The boy winced against me, and I cleared my throat. “If I help you, I expect you to step up and really make an effort to take care of him. And this can only be a temporary thing. You’ll have to figure out a way to tell your parents. You’ll need their help with this.”

Nevio briefly glanced at the boy, his reluctance obvious. “If that’s what it takes. I can sleep at your place now and then to help you with him. I had every intention to keep a close eye on you anyway.”

Fury raced through my veins. “Carlotta will be there. I’ll have to tell her. I need her help for this.”

God, was I really agreeing to this nonsense? I had to be out of my mind. And having Nevio sleep over was definitely a very bad idea. The boy shuddered against me, and I focused on him. His well-being was top priority right now. Everything else could wait. “We should take him to a doctor now.”

Nevio opened the back door of his car. I glanced at Dinara’s pickup, which I’d driven here.

“I’ll tell Massimo or Alessio to pick it up.”

With a nod, I sat down in the back with the boy on my lap while Nevio googled pediatricians. The boy was silent and still against my chest, breathing very low.

“Is he asleep?” I asked when Nevio slipped behind the steering wheel. He glanced over his shoulder. “No, he’s just staring straight ahead. But he looks like he might be falling asleep soon.”

“Drive carefully. He’s not in a child seat.”

Nevio did drive more considerately than his usual style but my heart was pounding madly in my chest when we finally came to a stop in front of a pediatric practice. It had been a longer drive than I would have liked, over an hour.

It was two minutes after their closing hours and I could see a nurse closing up the door.

“Let me go in first. I’ll give you a sign when it’s okay to come in,” Nevio said and slipped out of the car before I could argue. There was only one reason he didn’t want me inside with him right away. He would be threatening the doctor and nurses, and knowing Nevio, he’d succeed.

Fifteen minutes later, Nevio opened the door again and waved for me to come. Getting out of a car with a child in your hold was harder than I’d thought. Nevio jogged over to me and grabbed my arm to steady me. When I was safely on the ground on my own two feet, I pulled away from his grip and headed into the practice. Nevio stayed close to my side.

Inside, a middle-aged male doctor with salt-and-pepper hair waited for us. Behind him stood an obviously terrified older nurse. The doctor also appeared apprehensive but was better at keeping his composure, for which I had to applaud him, considering Nevio’s talent for scare tactics.

The little boy clung to me when we stepped into one of the treatment rooms. “What’s his name?” he asked.

I glanced at Nevio. This was a mess. The boy needed a name, preferably his real name, if he even had one. The situation was horrible. Maybe his birth mother had never bothered to actually name him. My eyes burned, considering the possibility.

“Battista,” I said the first name that popped up in my head. Nevio raised an eyebrow but didn’t argue.

Of course, the boy didn’t react when the doctor called him by that name. He took his time weighing and measuring the boy, checking his body for injuries and how many teeth he had. Battista was calm throughout it all. Maybe he’d already cried all his tears before. I stayed right beside him, hoping my presence would calm him even though he didn’t know me.

Nevio perched on the edge of the doctor’s desk, watching everything with crossed arms.

My anger for him had taken a back seat, not because I wasn’t still furious, but because my brain was busy trying to figure out how I was going to take care of a child without anyone finding out the truth. I’d have to come up with a good story. My future would be filled with lies, all for Nevio.

I could already imagine what Carlotta would say. We’d fought so hard to move out from our homes and share an apartment, for this slice of freedom. Caring for a baby would definitely take away from the life we’d imagined.

“His weight is on the lower part of the chart but still okay. He’s dehydrated, though. You need to get him formula. He’s around nine months, so that’s still his best form of hydration.”

Nine months. Still a little baby. He probably still woke at night for his bottle. My life would be completely upended in the next few months. I didn’t believe in fate, but it was strange that I had decided to postpone college to have more time to figure out what I wanted in the future, and now I had a little human full-time job.

“The rash on his bum will go away if you change his diapers regularly.”

I nodded.

“Are you done?” Nevio asked.

The doctor nodded, but I could see that he had a myriad of questions he wasn’t asking. Nevio pulled out a wad of cash from his back pocket and handed it to the doctor. He began shaking his head, but Nevio simply shoved it at him.

I put a fresh diaper on Battista. Luckily, they had a stash in the room, but I still didn’t have any clothes. Or anything else to take care of a little child. I could have asked Dinara. She’d probably kept a few things, but that would have raised questions I couldn’t answer. My early leave of the racing circus would already be met with surprise.

Nevio and I left the practice with Battista in my arms. And for the first time, the question “what now?” really hit me. How could we return to race camp? Even if I had my own small mobile home, everything was close together and people might notice if I tried to sneak in a child. Not to mention that baby cries would definitely alert people.

Roman was the only other kid there, and he wasn’t that small anymore.

“This won’t work,” I said. This was too big for me. “We can’t return to the race circus, not even for a night, and I can’t move into the apartment yet. Dad has the codes for everything, and I don’t have any stuff there yet…” I took a deep breath, overwhelmed.

Nevio’s brows pulled together as he stared straight ahead, obviously lost in thought. “We could find a motel for you for the night. And tomorrow, we could make up a lie about why you have to return to Vegas and move into your apartment early.”

“People will ask questions,” I said. Mom and Dad, in particular, though they were probably glad that I’d return to Vegas. Still, another change in plans. Mom would continue her prodding, insisting emotional distress was a catalyst for my sudden behavioral changes. She wasn’t wrong of course. I hated the idea of having to add even more lies to my already long list of recent lies. I loved my parents and didn’t want to deceive them.

“I’m supposed to eat dinner with Adamo, Roman, and Dinara. They’ll wonder where I am.”

“You’re with me. Having dinner with a friend.”

The way he said friend made it clear he didn’t think that was what he thought he was, a friend. And he was right, we hadn’t been friends since that night. At times, it had felt as if we were enemies. “Frenemy, then,” I said with a shrug as if it didn’t matter to me.

Nevio touched the small of my back, surprising me. “We’re not enemies, Rory. Not friends either. Friends don’t want to do what I want to do to you.”

Heat traveled up my neck. “Eat me and make me watch.” I meant it in the Hannibal Lecter kind of way, but Nevio’s answering smirk said he didn’t.

“All night long,” he murmured. Goose bumps rose all over my body, and I took a step away from him so his hand dropped from my back. S~ᴇaʀᴄh the FɪndNøvel.ɴᴇt website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

“We need to buy stuff for Battista. It’s getting late, and he needs food and sleep.”

He looked at me with an expression that made sweat trickle down the nape of my neck before he gave a nod. “So it’s Battista now?”

“It’s the only name I came up with on short notice. But it’s your choice. He’s your son.”

Something passed his face, but it was gone too quickly for me to grasp. “Then let’s go shopping and find a motel for us.”

“Us?”

“I won’t let you stay in a fucking motel in the middle of nowhere by yourself, Rory. End of discussion. Now get into the car.”

“You realize you’re acting as if you’re the one helping me when you’re not.”

“Get in,” he said in a softer voice.

I climbed into the car. Battista was sucking his thumb. Now that he wasn’t crying, he was awfully quiet.

“If my parents find out we spent the night together, even in a platonic way, there’ll be hell to pay.”

“Our families think we’re too close, like brother and sister, so they won’t suspect any dirty deeds.”

Not all of them. I was sure Kiara had watched our interactions with worry on occasion. After our shopping trip and another thirty-minute drive, Nevio finally pulled up in front of a motel. By now, I had completely lost my bearings. I wasn’t sure if we were in Arizona, Utah, or Nevada.

Battista was asleep. I’d given him a big bottle with formula in the car plus another fresh diaper and dressed him in a cute romper, and he’d fallen asleep right after.

Nevio and I walked into the reception building of the motel. The guy behind the desk glanced from me, to Battista, then to Nevio.

He nodded at me. “She legal?”

I wasn’t sure if he meant if I was of age or if I was a prostitute. Nevio flashed his teeth at him. “A room for us.”

The man looked at Nevio for several seconds before he nodded slowly, obviously deciding he didn’t want trouble. Considering this place wasn’t really inviting, he probably had suspicious-looking customers on a daily basis.

“Do you have a bed for the baby?”

The man gave me a look that suggested it was stupid of me to ask. Something in Nevio’s eyes told me he wouldn’t mind having a private chat with the man, but I didn’t want more trouble than we already had. I gripped his arm. “Let’s go.”

Nevio finally picked up the keys, and we headed toward our room. The moment we stepped inside, my belly tightened with nerves. There was only one bed in the motel room. It wasn’t even king sized. The last time I had spent in a bed with Nevio had burned itself into my brain, and I wasn’t keen on a repeat performance. Not like that.

Not at all.

“Where are you going to sleep?” I asked when I walked over to the bed. The scent of a strong cleaner hung in the air, which wasn’t the worst thing because it gave me hope this place was cleaned regularly.

“In the bed just like you,” Nevio said, one eyebrow pulling up in a challenging way. “We’re both adults, I think we can handle it.”

“Your actions of the past and even today suggest otherwise,” I muttered. Nevio was many things but not trustworthy, at least not in that regard.

He perched on the bed and took out his phone. “I’ll give Alessio and Massimo a heads-up, so they can fill in Adamo.”

I put Battista down in the middle of the bed so he wouldn’t accidentally roll off and hurt himself. The bed wasn’t very high but if he landed on his head…I didn’t want to risk it.

“I assume you won’t tell them the truth?”

Nevio’s dark brows pulled together. He and his cousins were close. Closer than close. The secrets they shared were more than an average human could stomach. But I had a feeling Nevio didn’t want anyone to know about his son, not even his best friends. This made me feel special, even if I knew I had been the convenient choice. Alessio and Massimo were hardly nanny material.

I gritted my teeth, my annoyance for Nevio on the rise once more.

“Not yet. I need to wrap my mind around everything,” Nevio said quietly, surprisingly reflected and reasonable.

“What are you telling them? Everyone will wonder why we’re both gone.” My cheeks heated when I thought about how this would look. “After the scene in the hospital tent, Adamo will definitely be suspicious.”

A sly smile pulled at Nevio’s mouth. “He won’t share his suspicions with our families. There’s a reason he prefers to stay at the races. A controlling family is annoying as fuck.”

It could be but I didn’t mind Dad’s protective ways most of the time. Of course there were instances when they were very inconvenient.

“Adamo will ask questions.”

“We’ll deal with him tomorrow.” Nevio rose to his feet and pulled his T-shirt over his head.

“What are you doing?” I asked after my eyes had done a quick scan of Nevio’s marvelous body as I always did. It was impossible for me not to check him out, but I made sure to only skim the tattoo on his back because I simply didn’t want to see it grow.

“I’m grabbing a quick shower.” The way he said it made heat rise into my cheeks.

“You could sleep in the bathroom. Maybe there’s room in the tub.”

Nevio moved into the bathroom with a low chuckle. “Are you scared of sharing a bed with me, Rory?” He threw me a look over his shoulders, his dark eyes full of challenge.

I held his gaze. “No,” I said firmly. “I simply don’t want to.” It wasn’t the truth. Part of me was scared of being in a bed with Nevio, not because of what he might do—no matter what Nevio was, he’d always respect my no—but of what I might want him to do. I didn’t want to go down that rabbit hole again. I felt like I was finally making some progress with my emotions and didn’t want to ruin it all. Nevio disappeared in the bathroom but left the door about an inch open.

I wasn’t sure if he did it because he was vigilant or as another way to unsettle me.

I sank down on the bed, suddenly tired. Battista rolled over on his belly in his sleep but didn’t move apart from that. He’d definitely have to sleep between Nevio and me so he wouldn’t fall off the bed and also to act as a barrier between us.

I took my phone out of my purse, which I hadn’t done in almost two hours. I had gotten eight texts. Three from Carlotta, one from Adamo, one from Alessio, two from Mom and one from Dad.

I replied to Dad first because he was the one who’d send out the cavalry if I didn’t. Like Mom, he was just generally checking in like he did every day. Adamo’s and Alessio’s texts had arrived after Nevio’s message to them. And Carlotta was worried Nevio had done something because I hadn’t replied to her first text from almost two hours ago.

I wondered how much I should share with her, but a message or even a phone call seemed too risky for the news. She would eventually find out, and I knew she wouldn’t be impressed. I simply messaged her that I was okay but needed to talk to her urgently tomorrow regarding our move into our shared apartment, then I put my phone down on the nightstand.

I didn’t have any spare clothes to change into. They were all in the campervan, and there was no way I was going to sleep in my underwear next to Nevio, even with a baby between us.

Not going to happen…

Since there was only one cover and Battista was lying on top of it, I’d probably just sleep with today’s clothes on top too. It wouldn’t be a restful night I supposed. I wasn’t sure what Battista’s rhythm was but I assumed he’d wake for a bottle at least once at night.

Not to mention that Nevio was in a bed with me.

I slipped off my sneakers, then stretched out beside Battista. This felt surreal in a way I could hardly describe. When I’d thought I might be pregnant, I had been terrified of the responsibility of raising a child. Now I was in the same situation, only it was another woman’s child.

I turned my head to Battista who had his chubby cheeks turned to me as he slept on his belly. It was hard to believe that Nevio was a father. He was responsible for this boy. I didn’t think he really understood what that meant yet.

I closed my eyes, allowing myself to rest even as my nerves were too frayed to fall asleep right away. The creak of the door told me that Nevio was done showering and had entered the bedroom again.

“I really hope you’re decent,” I muttered, keeping my eyes closed just in case.

“I’m many things, Rory, but not decent,” he said, and from his voice, I could tell he was coming closer. My pulse spiked as it always did when he was near.

“There’s nothing you haven’t already seen.”

“For your information, I didn’t really pay close attention to that part of you.”

“That’s a great loss.”

“Your drunkenness and obnoxiousness were kind of distracting.”

The bed dipped. Definitely on my side and I felt a light pressure against my hip where some part of him touched me. “Then why did you have sex with me?”

My cheeks burned. I had asked myself that question hundreds of times since that night. It wasn’t even that it had been my plan to sleep with him. Not that night. I’d always wanted to be in a relationship with Nevio and take one step after the other. I opened my eyes and glared at him. “Because I thought—”

Nevio perched on the edge in his boxers and nothing else. His muscled back was turned my way and he was twisting around to look at me. His dark eyes weren’t mocking as his tone had suggested. They were curious.

“You thought?”

“Never mind,” I said with a shake of my head.

Nevio braced one arm beside my other hip, leaning half over me. “If you wanted to have a good time, you could have asked.”

I pursed my lips. “You would have never touched me if you’d known it was me that night. And what we had was far from a good time, so no thanks.”

Nevio chuckled. “You’re right. You were off-limits. And I’m usually a hell of a good time.”

I wondered if his use of the word “were” meant I was no longer off-limits in his mind, and if he would have sex with me if I asked. What had changed? “Why was I off-limits and am no longer? Is this some sort of the present was already opened so now it doesn’t matter anymore?”

I hated the idea that it was like that. I wouldn’t have pegged Nevio the old-fashioned type, but maybe I was simply delusional when it came to him.

Nevio’s brows snatched together, and his mouth built a hard line. “What a heap of bullshit.” He bent down so his face was right above mine. I froze. “Aside from the fact that I doubt I really opened your present that night, considering I passed out on the first push, you were off-limits for a myriad of reasons that had nothing to do with the state of your hymen.”

He had that directness from Massimo, and it still flustered me every time.

I didn’t say that considering how much it had hurt, I doubted the present wasn’t opened. “Name one,” I dared him.

“You are Fabiano’s daughter.”

I rolled my eyes because it was the obvious one, but for some reason, I doubted it was the main one. “You’re not someone who lets social rules or conventions stop him from something he wants. I was just one of the guys for you. That’s it.”

Nevio didn’t contradict me. “I don’t think you’re one of the guys now.”

I swallowed. “It’s irrelevant. I never wanted and still don’t want anything casual. I want a serious relationship.”

“Then you picked the wrong guy.”

“So you can stop stalking me now since we both agree there won’t ever be anything between us. I should be free to look for someone who wants to be in a serious relationship with me.”

The thunderous look in his eyes gave me an answer before his mouth did.