Burnout (The Holland Brothers Book 1)

He lingers in the doorway while Coach Weaver and one of our trainers check my ankle.

“I’m fine,” I tell them as I sit up. “I think I just rolled it.”

It scared me more than it hurt. As soon as I came down on it wrong, I panicked. Too aware of how every injury could take months or years off my training, maybe even end it.

My nerves are shot, and I can’t stop my hands from trembling, but I don’t think I injured it. It hurts, but it doesn’t feel broken. Thank goodness.

Adrenaline is still surging through me as I try to relax and let them look me over. I hold out my hand toward Knox and he rushes forward like he’d been waiting for any signal from me to move closer.

“Hi,” I say quietly as his fingers wrap around mine.

“Hey, princess.” His deep voice and that familiar nickname soothe something inside of me. “You scared the crap out of me.”

“What are you doing here?” I ask him.

Before he can answer, the trainer jumps in. As I thought, it’s not broken, but he and Coach Weaver think it would be best if I sit out the rest of the meet.

“No.” I shake my head and move to stand.

Everyone moves toward me at once like they think I’m going to fall over. I ease myself down on my left ankle to test it out. It’s tender and there is some pain, but I can put weight on it.

“Beam is our last rotation. I’ll be fine by then.”

Coach Weaver’s brows pull together in the middle, and she studies me closely. Whatever she finds must convince her I’m telling the truth because she nods. “After it’s wrapped, test how it feels with some light warm-ups, and we’ll decide then.”

I smile, knowing she’s going to let me. I won’t push it if I think I could make it worse, but I need to go back out there for reasons I can’t explain.

Knox holds my hand, squeezing my fingers tightly while his thumb brushes over my knuckles the entire time the trainer works on me.

When I’m ready, Knox helps me to my feet, and we walk back out to the floor. A few of my teammates send questioning looks, but I hang back with Knox a few seconds longer.

“I thought you’d be back in New Mexico,” I say.

“Me too.” He faces me, meeting my gaze head-on. “I had to see you before I left.”

My heart wants to shatter into pieces at his feet. He’s here to say goodbye. We never did actually say it before he left the last time. I know it’s going to hurt to watch him walk away, but at least I told him how I felt. I don’t have any regrets. I’d do it all again even knowing the outcome.

“Thanks for being here.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I better test out this tape job.”

“Yeah, right. Of course.” He clears his throat. It seems like something is bothering him, but maybe this is just the weirdness that’s going to be present between us now.

“Are you staying until the end?”

“Yeah. I’ll be here. I was hoping we could talk.”

My pulse picks up speed. “About what?”

“I, uh…after would be better. I think.”

“Tell me now.” I can’t wait another hour to hear what he has to say. I’ll drive myself crazy.

“It’s no big deal. Go focus on kicking ass.” He tries to smile but it isn’t at all convincing.

“Knox?”

His lips fall into a thin, straight line and his jaw tightens. If he’s worried about hurting me worse than he has, I don’t think that’s possible.

“Avery.” Coach Weaver calls my name. We’re about to move to our third rotation and I really need to rejoin my team.

“Just tell me, Knox. It’s okay. Whatever it is. I’ll be fine.”

“I love you,” he blurts out, then squeezes his eyes shut. “Fuck. Wait. No. That’s not right.”

Everything around me seems to move slowly as my brain processes his words and the adorably frustrated look on his face. “So, you don’t love me?”

“No, I do. It’s…Dammit. I’m fucking this up. I had a whole speech.”

My heart pounds in my chest and I fight a smile.

“I’m sorry for being a coward. I should have told you how I felt sooner, but I didn’t think it mattered. Maybe it doesn’t now. I wouldn’t blame you if it’s all too little too late, but I couldn’t leave without telling you. I love you, Avery. You are the most impressive person I’ve ever met. You’re beautiful and smart, and so talented. You work harder than anyone I know, chasing your dreams, and yet you still always have time to help everyone else with theirs too. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for the people you care about. Quinn, Colter, Hope, Flynn, me…” One corner of his mouth lifts. “It’s been a long time since I’ve let anyone in, but you didn’t give me any choice. You pushed and pried your way in just by being you, and I was a goner. Maybe I didn’t do a great job of showing you that I was already all yours, but I was. I still am. I want you to be mine. Not just when we’re in the same zip code, but all the time.”

He stares at me, waiting for a response. Adrenaline courses through me, and my heart feels like it’s going to beat its way out of my chest.

The announcer gives the lineup for the next event, and I know I need to go. There are so many things I want to say, but all I can do is hug him quickly like I’ve thought about doing all week. My eyes sting with tears and I let them spill over as I smile at him and take a backward step toward my team. “I have to go. I’ll find you as soon as it’s over.”

A flicker of worry and doubt creases his forehead, and he nods. I track him as I take my place on the floor, and he sits in the bleachers with Brogan and Hope. She waves at me, clearly excited to see I’m not out for the rest of the meet. She gives me a questioning thumbs-up as if to verify, and I return the gesture, making her smile grow bigger.

I cheer my teammates on during floor with a renewed spirit. I try not to glance up at Knox too often, but every time I do, he’s watching me. And as much as I try to push all distractions away, I keep hearing his words all over again. He loves me. Knox Holland loves me. I think I already knew that he did, but I never thought I’d hear him say it.

By the time we get to beam, I am an anxious, excited ball of energy. I feel like I’ve been waiting to do this routine for years. I’m the anchor today, so I have to stand by and watch everyone else go ahead of me.

The other team is on vault, and they finish before us, so when I salute the judges, all eyes are on me.

I close my own eyes briefly and let out a breath, then I place my hands over the beam and pull myself up. As I do each skill, I have brief flashes of all the times Knox and I worked out together. What a pain in the ass he was, how much he pushed me, the way he was with Hope, and the ridiculously hot image of him shirtless and sweaty, muscles pumped from an hour of working hard.

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I fell in love with him. It happened in all those moments, little bits at a time.

When I do the triple wolf turn, I can hear Hope screaming louder than anyone else. I go into my acro series next, side aerial layout stepout. I feel like I’m floating above myself watching. My chest lifts proudly and I smile bigger than I ever have. I never want to take this feeling for granted again. Up on the beam is my favorite place to be and I know that every opportunity is a gift.

I land my leaps cleanly, no wobbles on my turns, and my dance movements are graceful. Hours of practice and it all came together. The only thing that’s left is my dismount. I test my ankle as I lift my left foot and point. Only a small ache is left, thankfully. I want to do this, but not at the expense of the rest of the season.

I have practiced the new dismount for a couple of weeks now, landing it more often than not. But it’s always different in front of a crowd. I swallow the tiniest bit of doubt trying to throw me off and focus. Knox’s voice plays in my head. You’ve got this, princess.

Once I start the acro series toward the end of the beam, everything goes quiet. The doubt in my head and the crowd too. I don’t know if they really fall silent or if I just stop registering everything else, but when I explode off the end and go into the full twisting double tuck, I swear there’s an audible collective intake of breath in the gym.

My feet land on the mat, my chest a little lower than some of my practices, but I quickly stand, snapping my feet together, and throw my hands over my head.

The silence lingers a second longer and then noise explodes around me. My Valley U teammates scream my name, and the crowd cheers and claps loudly. I jog off toward Coach Weaver. She has a relieved expression on her face as I throw my arms around her.

“Thank you for believing in me,” I say as I squeeze her so tightly she struggles to respond.

“Good job, Avery.”

As soon as we part, I’m surrounded by my teammates. We hug and high-five, and when the judges come back with a perfect ten score, we scream in delight.

Tristan approaches me with a look that’s somewhere between smug and proud. “Nice work, Ollie.”

“What was that?” I ask, holding a hand up to my ear.

He rolls his eyes. “Way to not back down. You’re back.”

“I was never gone.” I bump my fist against his and then take off into the crowd toward Knox. He hasn’t moved yet, so I race up the bleachers to him.

Hope attacks me first, hugging me while she bounces around. “A perfect ten?! I can’t believe it. You are so cool.”

“Thanks. I’m glad you made it.” I glance over at Knox. I don’t think I’ve ever seen his smile so big.

“Congratulations. That was…I’m speechless.”

“A rare thing for sure.” Brogan steps closer. “You were dynamite.”

“I had a little inspiration,” I say to him, and cut my gaze back to Knox.

“I’m glad you found it inspiring because I was freaking out. What kind of idiot tells a girl he loves her for the first time before she competes in front of a big crowd?” His expression goes sheepish.

“My idiot.” I wrap my arms around his neck. “I love you too.”

I’m about to kiss him when I hear Brogan say, “Wait? You already told her? What happened to the plan? He had a whole speech prepared for after you won.”

Knox’s lips twitch with a smirk.

I arch a brow at him. “I can’t wait to hear it.”

“Later,” he says and then crashes his mouth down onto mine.