Bubba And the Aliens

Sesterisia

I was surprised to see Janet in the kitchen when we returned. I thought the evening had come to an end. She did not move towards me for an embrace or even give me a look of encouragement. She pointed towards the living room. I walked back over to the couch and sat down. She pulled in a chair from the dining room and sat a bit away from the four of us.

“Tell me the rest,” she said as she looked at me, her eyes red and puffy.

I gathered myself for a moment, looking around the room. “The other shuttle took off towards Sesterisia. We went back down to the surface, redonned our space suits, and picked up the Janet’s Lair’s shuttle. We left the other shuttle there and made our way back to the ship. Then we too turned for Sesterisia.

“We hailed the other shuttle when we were close to them and offered to take them on board to make their return quicker, no hard feelings, but they refused. We went on to the spaceport and met up with Osned, Dahlia, and Bipodecus. Bubba and Mikimo were talking in his cabin about what their next move might be. We decided to go down to the planet to have dinner and discuss everything that had happened to us.

“Weren’t you worried about another attack from the Elvi?

“Not really,” I answered. “Their numbers were greatly reduced. We didn’t think they would attack us again on the planet, or in the space station. We assumed Hello was leading the group. She had died, unfortunately. Arlo was mourning her with mixed feelings. The rest of us weren’t sure how we felt about the whole thing. We wanted to catch up with everyone and decide what our next move would be. Osned and Dahlia were planning to return to earth and fall back into their old lives, hoping the Pilifin government would leave them alone. It was at this point we got their full history. They had been on vacation in America when this whole thing started so no one would think anything amiss if they returned a few days late

“Bubba and Mikimo came with us to the surface. We were even able to coax Bipodecus and Danny Boy to join us. We thought it was the end of things. There were still some details to be worked out of course. Mikimo wanted to remain with Bubba. Bipodecus would have to report her last known whereabouts to the King on Lakanica and the council. He would not attempt to force her to return. The person who had been in league with the Ozkerians would have to be discovered. We all wanted to get back to earth to give ourselves some decompression time and see what our next move would be. Danny Boy was having second thoughts about returning, knowing how much time had passed and listening to us talk about things made him feel it was a much different world now. Going back to Lakanica to get the money was complicated by Mikimo being on the ship with us, but we hoped she and her father could work something out.”

“Did they?” Janet wondered.

“We don’t know,” I answered. “Perhaps they have, or perhaps they will in a couple of months. It is back to the whole-time continuum thing. Either way, we decided to spend the night on the planet. We got hotel rooms. Osned and Dahlia went back to their ship at the spaceport. The rest of us wanted nothing more than a good night’s sleep and a bit of time to consider things. The real rub was getting the money from Lakanica. We could get it transferred to Sesterisia, but it would take a few days. I still had about forty thousand from the casino gig on Elva, so we weren’t desperate for money, but it would not last long. The other eighty thousand for the rescue would give us breathing room until we firmed up our plans.

“The next morning, we went to the bank Arlo had gone to previously and talked to them about transferring money the way Arlo had requested. They said they could do it. As a matter of fact, they were able to release twenty-five hundred units to Arlo. Transferring all four accounts would take several days as they sent forms back and forth between the planets. It took about two hours to get everything set in motion.

“Danny Boy, Bipodecus, and Mikimo stayed at the hotel while we went to the bank. We left the bank and hailed a taxi since the heat of the day was rising. We were eager to get back to them. The driver nodded noncommittally as we climbed in and squished together in the back seat. When we were settled, he locked us in and took off without asking for a destination. One of our own canisters of sleeping gas was tossed into the back with us. I recognized it from the raid at Carminelli’s.”

“We were wrong about the Elvi not attacking us again,” Bubba said nonchalantly.

“What happened this time?” Janet asked him.

“They took us to an abandoned warehouse. They kept us under guard until the leader of the group showed up. It was Big Tony. He told us how sorry he was about having to kill us, but there were consequences for what we had done. He was kind of interested in how we would fare against a hundred vacuums. He was going to tape it for some illegal fighting group, and for Carmenelli.

“I told them I was sorry for all the trouble, but they never should have kidnapped the princess in the first place,” Bubba explained.

“We were thrown into a pit in the warehouse floor; it was about twenty by twenty and twelve feet deep,” I continued. “As the group of Elvi stood around watching, a couple of them started releasing vacuums from cages and tossing them into the pit with us. This included a few industrial size machines with four-inch hoses. The little ones we weren’t as concerned about initially.”

“Initially, we thought it was some kind of joke,” Dingo stated. “I mean really, we had seen what the vacuums had done to Arlo, but how much harm could a few vacuums really do against the four of us?” The question was rhetorical.

Janet looked at me, locking her gaze to mine.

“They began to attack in waves. We were beating them back, mostly just tossing them aside, grabbing the hoses and swinging them away from us into the walls, or up over the edge of the pit. The Elvi above were just shoving them back over the edge though, so we abandoned the tactic.

“We had probably destroyed twenty of them when they attacked in a rush, all that remained. Eight of them had overpowered Arlo in the galley of the Elvi ship, so we knew we were probably going to be overwhelmed. I saw Arlo fall. Bubba went down on one knee when a couple of hoses wrapped around his legs. It was almost like fighting a variety of snakes. The hoses had teeth or fangs to lock onto you with. Through clothing, they could not get good suction, but on exposed skin, they locked on tight.

“I was struggling towards Arlo, yelling for everyone to close ranks back-to-back and form a fighting circle when Arlo and a few vacuums disappeared.”

“Disappeared where?” Janet inquired.

“Osned,” Arlo answered. “Danny Boy contacted him when we didn’t come back from the bank. He couldn’t get in touch with us through the communicators. His buddy who was the computer whiz,”.

“What was his name?” Janet interrupted.

“Theo,” I answered. “He had been able to track us through DNA profiling. We were the only earthlings on the planet. They pulled us out of the pit, one by one, to limit the number of vacuums transported onto the ship. Arlo had been in the most danger, so they got him first.

“There were four other members of Osned’s crew. They dispatched the vacuums on the spaceship. Osned sped away from the surface of the planet. He sent a message to Danny Boy to wait for us. As soon as he was clear of the planet, he did an illegal space jump and took us to Keebler indirectly. It took about twelve hours of travel time, with Arlo in the medical suite, but Osned said he thought he needed more personal care. Once we got to Keebler Six, we were taken to the elves.”

“Keebler Elves, I believe you said earlier,” Janet proposed.

“Exactly, but in another odd twist of the universe, the elves on Keebler Six have turned baked goods into medicine. I mean, what are the odds? Who would believe there are Keebler elves who bake their own cookies, cakes, and pastries, come on! While Dingo, Bubba, and I were given chocolate chip cookies to kill our aches and pains, Arlo was receiving more intense treatment. This was his second go-round with the vacuums. They had known to attack the same spots as before. He was given donuts.”

“This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard,” Janet stated.

“Well, there are some really dumb things in the universe, but Keebler Six isn’t dumb, it’s just different,” Arlo responded. “I, for one, would much rather eat a chocolate glazed donut than take a pill. They have done amazing things with coffee and tea also, simply amazing.”

“Of course, we didn’t know the baked goods were medicine at first,” Dingo supplied. “When we went in to check on Arlo, we saw the box of Boston cream donuts, and everybody grabbed a couple of them and some coffee to enjoy while he was recovering. We all kind of overdosed on whatever was in them. Nothing bad, but it gave me a good high.”

“The elves found us, realized what had happened and began giving us an antidote for the overdose. We were still in the hospital the next day when Theo called from Osned’s ship and told us an Elvi ship just jumped into the solar system and was cruising towards Keebler Six.” I picked the story back up. “The elves told us Arlo was okay to travel, so we headed back to Osned’s ship and took off in the opposite direction.

“On the cruise out, we talked to Osned and Dahlia about how absurd this whole thing was. Bubba said he wished we could just go back to that morning on the golf course and not hit the slice which drove his ball into Osned’s head. Theo explained we couldn’t do it exactly but going back in time was not a bad idea altogether.

“We kicked around ideas about different things, trying to prevent the princess’s abduction and such. It’s when Osned and Theo explained about being unable to alter our own timeline. We could go back in time and hide, but we would not be able to make any changes which would affect the outcome of what we had already been through.

“It’s when we kind of settled on coming back here. Theo said he thought he could get us pretty close, somewhere between six and twenty hours after we left on the Pilifino ship after we were abducted on the golf course.” I wound down. “It’s what we decided to do.”

“That is supposed to explain everything? You were late because you had to get Bubba back from the aliens?” Janet stated for me.

I looked around the room for a moment or two. I could see by the looks on everyone’s faces they agreed it did.

“Danny Boy, Bipodecus, and Mikimo are all on Sesterisia?” She asked. I nodded.

“Michael, Sven, and George are on some farming planet?”

“It’s second hand, but yes,” Arlo offered.

“Gilfoy and the rest of the Herpes?” Janet inquired.

“They were on Lakanica, last we knew,” Dingo supplied. “I doubt they would stay long though. Once they were paid, they probably took off for another world.”

“You were late getting back because you had to save Bubba from the aliens,” she repeated thoughtfully.

I was considering walking over to her to embrace her, maybe comfort her somehow. I did not know what effect it would have. I watched her face and searched her eyes for a hint of what should come next.

“The waitress was not an Ozkerian spy,” Janet said to our dismay.

“How do you know?” I asked a bit shocked.

Janet quickly pulled a small weapon from behind her back and pointed it towards me. “Because Hello was my cousin,” she said firmly. “And my family is getting a little sick and tired of people from Kansas killing us off.”

“I’m from Idaho,” Dingo proclaimed.

“I don’t care what ho you are from,” Janet replied icily. She turned the weapon towards Arlo. “Who got you out of the cell on Oz?”

“I don’t know,” he answered, upset at having my soon to be ex-girlfriend pull a weapon on him.

“You should be able to remember who was on the ship with you, and who took you to Sesterisia. Now, who was it? I need a name.”

Arlo glanced at me for a moment and then turned back to Janet. “No one gave me any names, but I heard someone mention Wilton and Vestil. They said to let them know it was done.”

Janet let a look of surprise pass over her face before it settled back into a look of hatred for all of us. “I can’t believe it.”

“Who are they?” I asked in confusion.

“Two of my uncles,” she answered. “Part of a family tiff I don’t have the time or energy to explain to you morons.”

“Your sister’s not having a birthday,” I said belatedly. It was a nonsense accusation. It had forced its way out of my mouth somewhat proving her point. “Your parents aren’t at her house.”

“They probably are,” she answered with a sigh. “I suppose we are all going to have to go now. Of course, I could just kill you and say you tried to escape,” she said flippantly, waving the gun around. “Do you have any idea how much your planet sucks?”

“If magic doesn’t work here, how are we getting to Oz?” Bubba asked.

“Magic does work on earth,” she answered. “It’s just very weak at ground level. However, it’s springtime. I’m sure we can reach a tornado and get to a higher altitude and purer magic.”

“She’s crazier than you are,” Arlo directed towards me.

“Do not call me crazy!” she demanded. “Besides, if you had been stuck on this insipid world for eight months you would be a little stir crazy too.”

“Eight months,” I said, still flummoxed.

“I jumped in front of your truck Jack, okay. We knew who you were from when we questioned Arlo. We knew you had screwed up the deal with the princess. We knew we couldn’t do anything about it until you met Osned. So, I went back in time on Oz and then came here. I inserted myself into your life, for just this moment.

“We didn’t have all the details. God, I can’t believe Hello was right! You’re just a bunch of stupid earthlings! You screwed up years of planning. It was supposed to be a simple job. We just could not fathom the reports Hello was sending us. Even with the whole story, I have a hard time accepting it. You’re a bunch of idiots!”

“It’s not really our fault,” Bubba defended. “Why do you need the methetac, metha card, the stuff Lakanica makes anyway? Why don’t you just cut back on the magic use like California has to do with their power during the summer?”

Janet swung the weapon towards him. “I want you to know what is going to happen. I want you to understand. You won’t be able to do anything about it, but you will be aware the whole time.”

She closed her eyes and began to mumble something under her breath. I really could not understand her. I started to lean forward to hear her better and realized I could not move. A few seconds later she opened her eyes slowly and looked at me.

“Why couldn’t you clean out the garage Jack? It would be so much easier to load you into the back of my SUV in the garage. But no! You have got your motorcycle torn apart out there with grease and oil all over the place.

“I’m taking you back to Oz. There will be no escape this time. The family elders will decide what to do with you. If they let you live, I suspect they will turn you over to Carmenelli. They will probe your minds. Not the gentle touch of the Darfons either. I would warn that you would end up as babbling baboons, drooling, and scratching yourself, but you are not far from it now.

“Maybe I’ll suggest Carmenelli just drop you off on Kelvekia, after we send them a video of your fight in the arena. We could wash our hands of you. Maybe skip Carmenelli altogether, since we do not want him to know we were double-crossing him,” she said as she rose from the chair.

She pulled out a little wand and pointed it at Bubba. A few soft words and he floated up off the couch. She walked over to the front door. She turned and directed Bubba’s floating form to a position just behind her, and then opened the door to look outside. It was pushing three in the morning My house is on five acres a couple of miles out of town. There should have been no one around.

I saw her stumble backward and let out a scream. She fell to the floor with a tranquilizer dart sticking out of her chest.

Osned walked in and looked at us for a moment. “Hey,” he said, “did any of you know she was an Ozkerian?”

I answered mentally, but found myself unable to move, or speak. Osned looked at us for a moment and then nodded his head He noticed Bubba hovering above the coffee table

“I guess we are going to have to wait for it to wear off, or maybe,” he said thoughtfully.

He carried us out to his ship one by one. He left Janet lying on the floor of the living room.