Brothers By Design

It was past noon when they got back to the house. Kane had asked but gotten no answer when he asked who their new “parent” was supposed to be. He was suspicious of that, but decided not to press the issue too hard yet. Give it a day or so. If nobody would tell him by then, though, he would find somebody and make them tell. He hadn’t made himself stronger for nothing.

Albert had ensured the staff was nowhere to be seen as the boys first ate lunch and then went upstairs. Neither was tired, but they had been warned to stay indoors and inactive for at least forty-eight hours following release. After everything they had been through, Kane was going to follow those orders. The last thing he wanted was to go back to that hospital.

Kane decided they should hit the playroom and see what they could do other than the racetrack. Soon they were each caught up in an activity. Kane was building a model of some kind of large ship. Devin had found a pad of paper and pack of colored pencils and was drawing. They were both content to be in the same room without interacting. The room was quiet save for the sounds of their work and the arcade games that chirped and talked to themselves.

Devin was too caught up in his drawing to notice when Kane left the room. When he looked up to find himself alone terror crawled over him. He looked around the room again. He got up and walked around as he looked for a third time. Kane had to be here. Kane wouldn’t leave without telling him. Kane took care of him, protected him.

“Kane?...Kane?”

No response. Kane was gone. Kane hadn’t said anything about leaving. Somebody had taken him. Taken Kane. Kane was going to be hurt. Gone and hurt, Kane wouldn’t be there to protect him. Panic ensued and he called for Kane again, louder, his voice full of panic and grief.

Kane wasn’t used to being hurt. People weren’t supposed to hurt Kane. They were supposed to hurt him. Except when Kane was there. Kane protected him. That was why they’d taken Kane. To keep Kane from protecting him. He screamed for Kane.

Hearing his name being screamed in obvious terror, Kane streaked back into the playroom from the bathroom. He found Devin huddled on the floor between two video games. Devin’s arms were over his head and he was rocking as he continued to call Kane’s name. Panic rose in Kane’s throat. He crossed the room in less than a heartbeat.

“Devi? Devi, what’s wrong?”

He dropped to his knees in front of the panicked child, reaching out for him. Had somebody come in and hurt his boy while he’d been washing his hands? He shouldn’t have left, should have known somebody would try to hurt his Devi…

Devin’s head came up at Kane’s voice, his eyes blank with horror. An instant later he was knocked backwards as a tear-soaked Devin surged into him, sobbing and clutching him. Kane held the semi-hysterical boy as best he could in his awkward position. Relief replaced his own panic. Devin had not been hurt, just scared.

“It’s okay, Devi. It’s okay. I’m here. Don’t be scared. It’s okay…”

He repeated this several times as Devin calmed. The sobs turned to hiccoughs of tears and the tremors subsided. Kane made a face at the thought of his tear- and- snot-covered shirt, but forced it aside. The shirt could be washed, no matter how nasty it was.

Devin grew heavier. Kane realized with a start he must be falling into an exhausted sleep. He shifted. He didn’t want to stay like this while Devin napped. He was already uncomfortable; staying like this for awhile would be miserable and put him in a foul mood. He wanted to avoid a bad mood as long as possible.

“Devi? Devi, wake up. Let’s get you cleaned up before you sleep. Come on, now.”

Devin let go, first getting to his knees and then his feet, swaying. His face was swollen and pale, coated with tears and snot and red ribbons where he’d pressed into Kane’s shirt. Kane got to his feet, took the exhausted boy’s hand and led him to the bathroom.

He directed Devin to sit on the closed toilet. He removed his own shirt and Devin’s as he turned on the water. When it was the right temperature he wet a washcloth and used it to clean Devin’s face. Devin leaned into the touch.

Once more taking Devin by the hand, Kane led him into the bedroom. They removed their shoes and got into the new bed. Devin cuddled into Kane’s side at once. With his hand fisted in Kane’s undershirt, he sighed Kane’s name one last time and was asleep. Listening to his boy’s breathing even out, still not sure what had happened, Kane rolled to fold Devin closer to him and let himself drift off as well.

1******

“What scared you?”

It was after dinner. The nap had not been a long one. Devin had refused to talk about the incident, closing his eyes and shaking his head. Upset by whatever had happened, he kept as close as Kane would allow, touching him from time to time.

Now, sitting in a warm bath, he was calm enough to explain. Kane was glad. He didn’t know how much more not knowing he could take.

“You were gone.”

“So? I’ve left before and you didn’t freak out.”

“You tell me when you go. I thought somebody took you, and they would hurt you. I don’t want you hurt. You aren’t used to it.”

Kane stared, flabbergasted. All that because he thought I might get hurt? Unable to think of a reply, he leaned over and hugged Devin -- water, suds and all. Devin giggled that now they were both taking a bath. Kane agreed. He stripped and climbed into the over sized tub. Within minutes they were having a bubble fight, laughing as if there had never been a fright.

They went back to the playroom after the bath, trying the video games. Albert surprised them both with cupcakes--a welcome home treat, he explained. The cook had wanted to do something elaborate, but had been convinced to stick with cupcakes. The boys dug in. Kane declared he would personally thank the cook.

Full, they returned to play air hockey, and then Foosball. Kane decided they should read or watch television for a while after that because the sugar rush was wearing off and they were both winding down. A quick search showed nothing of interest on television, so they went to their room with their chosen books. Turning on some music, they got into the lounge chairs and read until they were ready to sleep.

The next day was even quieter. Kane made sure to let Devin know any time he would be out of sight. The inactivity was starting to get to the naturally over-active boy. He left several times to avoid shouting at or otherwise scaring Devin. In one corner of the playroom he found a VR fighting video game that required him to be active. He played for half-hour stretches, taking breaks between turns to check on Devin. He could have played longer. One day he’d have to see how long he could go.

Devin watched Kane play, sketching as he did. Kane offered to let him play, but he declined, preferring to watch and draw. Anything that let him keep Kane in sight was good enough for him. He was used to watching people. It had kept him safe.

At lunch Albert informed them they were to meet with the principal of their new school on Monday morning, two days’ time. They would meet their new Foster parent immediately prior. Kane made a face. He’d hoped maybe they’d forget about school for awhile. No such luck. It figured. But they were meeting a new Foster parent, which at least meant he didn’t have to worry about Shyla coming back. It wasn’t much, but he’d take it.

Devin asked how he would do school now that his brain was hurt. Kane told him they’d work it out on Monday. Devin accepted this with a nod and pushed two folded pieces of paper across the table toward Albert.

“I… m-made…this…fo…for you.” He was staring hard at the table, pale under an intense blush. “An’…an’…for the…the c-cook.”

“Why…thank you,” Albert said after a moment, stunned. He reached for the papers. Devin buried his face in Kane’s shoulder as his offering was picked up and scrutinized. Albert looked first at one picture and then the other for a long time before lowering them.

“These are exceptional,” the man said seriously. “I shall take Cook her picture immediately.” With that he disappeared into the kitchen.

“You done?”

Devin nodded. Kane took him back upstairs, curious about the pictures but deciding not to ask. Later, maybe.

Devin pulled out a book when Kane went back to the VR game. Tired after a few minutes, Kane lost interest. Not really tired, enough to want to sit down for a while. He didn’t feel like reading. There was a book of mazes he could work on, or maybe some crosswords.. or…

“Hey, Devin! Want to play a game?”

“Kay!”

Devin joined Kane at the table. Kane set up the “Clue” game he’d found, letting Devin read the rules and instructions and going over them again verbally to make sure they both knew what they were doing.

Kane won despite his best efforts. Devin understood the rules, marked his sheet appropriately, but was incapable of using the information to try to solve the mystery. Kane wasn’t sure what to make of that. He made a mental note to mention it at the follow-up appointment Albert claimed they had. They switched to “Uno.”

Devin did better at this game. He had no trouble matching the colors and numbers. He even won the second game. He seemed surprised by this, asking Kane several times if he was sure. Kane assured him that he had won, amused at Devin’s reaction.

“Kane?” Devin was suddenly serious, his expression fierce. Kane schooled his face into a serious expression as well.

“Yeah?”

“How come sometimes you call me ‘Devin’ and sometimes you call me ‘Devi’?”

Kane stopped shuffling the cards to consider. “I…don’t know. Do you mind?”

“Nuh-unh. I wondered.” Devin smiled across the table. “Nobody did it before, is all.”

Kane grinned back, setting the cards down. “Well, I’m gonna. I think I call you ‘Devi’ to calm you down, but I hadn’t really noticed.” He shrugged, grin enlarging. “Maybe I’ll call you ‘Devi’ from now on. Sound good?”

“Really? All the time?”

“All the time,” he confirmed. “Unless you don’t want me to.”

In answer, Devin came around the table and hugged him. Kane hugged back, still amazed at how cuddly Devin had become. Not that he was complaining. Not at all.

******

Sunday they were allowed outside again. Kane took full advantage of the freedom, dragging Devin out into the backyard as soon as they had finished breakfast. They started on the playground before getting into a game of tag. Kane caught Devin easily; the smaller boy was giggling so much he could hardly run. Kane dubbed him “The Giggle Monster” and pretended to be afraid of him, falling over when Devin tagged.

“The Giggle Monster got me!”

Devin dropped to his knees next to Kane. “Kane, are you all right?”

Kane reached out, grabbed Devin and pulled him down.

“Yep! And I’ve captured the Giggle Monster! I’ll be famous. I’ll be on TV, in all the magazines! They’ll make a flick! ‘Kane Captures The Giggle Monster’!” He was laughing too hard to continue, the still-giggling Devin now resting on top of him.

“Oh, no,” Devin moaned between giggles. “I’ve been caught by a Kane! Whatever will become of me?”

“You’ll be famous, too. Not much of a story without a Giggle Monster!”

“But who will play me in the flick.” The Giggle Monster demanded. He raised his head, light blue eyes shining with mirth. “How about you let me go?”

“Let you go?” Kane’s laughter subsided as he looked up at Devin, though he was still grinning. “What’ll you give me?”

“What do you want?” The giggles had faded, the blue eyes intent. Kane realized that for Devin this was no longer a game. The question was in earnest. He didn’t want a serious conversation. Not with Devin. Not now.

“I dunno,” he lied with a casual shrug. “Not sure what a Giggle Monster has to trade.” Devin’s face started to cloud over. “We’re playing, Devi,” Kane reminded. “It’s a game.”

“What do you want?” Devin asked again. “Really? How come you’re so nice to me? How come you want me? I don’t remember ever playin’ and laughin’ an’ not being scared. I know my brain’s hurt, but…you gotta want something.”

Kane released Devin. He closed his eyes and blew out a breath, digging his fingers into his hair. Shit. He’d forgotten, let himself forget, what Devin was used to. He should have known Devin would question, should have been prepared.

“I want you to be happy, and not scared or hurt. I want to hear you giggle and play . I want to be the one to make you giggle and be happy and not scared. I want to call you ‘Devi’ and have you hug me.” He wanted more – much more – but he wasn’t going into that. Not now.

“I want to hug you and wash you and dress you and have you curl up next to me.” He opened his eyes. “I want a lot of stuff, Devi. Right now I want to play with you. Okay?”

Devin got up onto his knees, face still clouded, eyes troubled.

“No. No, not okay. It scares me, Kane. I don’t understand, an’…an’ my head hurts, an’ I don’t know what to do…an’…an’ there’s stuff I can’t do, an’ …nobody wanted me or was nice, an’…” He choked and scrubbed at his eyes. “an’ I know you won’t hurt me or let anybody hurt me, an’…an’ I wanna always be close to you, an’…an’ play with you an’…an’ have you say I’m your good boy, but…I…I …” He was starting to cry harder. “I don’t understand, an’ my head hurts, an’…an’ I’m scared I’m gonna mess it all up, an’…”

Kane sat up fast, pulled Devin to him, rubbing his head. He hadn’t expected this – cats didn’t have reactions like this to kindness. He said nothing, thinking furiously, waiting for the tears to subside. He hated that he hadn’t expected this, didn’t know what to do. Hated that things had gone from silly to serious in seconds, over a stupid joke.

“Let’s get you something to make your head stop hurting,” he said when Devin started to calm. “Then we’ll go lie down a bit and when you feel better we’ll talk.” It would give him some vital time to think. He got to his feet, keeping Devin close. “You hafta tell me when your head hurts; that’s something I need to know right away. How long has it been hurting?”

“It never stopped,” Devin confessed. “Not really. It hurts real bad when I’m asked questions or…or try to think hard or there’s people around.”

They were almost inside. Kane remembered that at lunch one of the footmen, a maid, and the gardener had all come in to talk to Albert. He hadn’t thought anything of it – they had passed through the room – but it sounded like he was going to have to from now on. He pulled Devin closer to him, wishing he had known about this sooner, had been able to prepare.

Kane lowered Devin onto the bench by the back door, telling him to wait there. Inside he found Albert. He asked for the headache medicine and a drink for Devin. Then, he told Albert, he was to call Dr. Nelson and tell him what Devin had said. Albert promised to do so, and to take both the medicine and a drink upstairs. Kane nodded.

“I’m sorry,” Devin whispered when Kane returned and urged him to his feet. “I’m sorry.”

“For what, Devi?” Kane scanned the room before entering. He held Devin close to his side as if he needed help to walk. It seemed that Devin walked as if he were learning, another side effect of the head injury. Devin already seemed to be younger because of his size and mannerisms. The head injury made him seem moreso. It was irritating, but in a way it helped.

“For…for bein’ bad an’ spoiling the game, an’…”

Kane stopped walking. He turned and grabbed Devin’s face in both hands until Devin was looking at him. There was pain, sadness, and fear in his eyes. There was no way he was letting Devin blame himself for this. This was all that mental-bitch’s fault. And if Kane ever got near her, she wouldn’t have to worry about going to a hospital. All she’d need was a morgue. If they ever found her.

“You listen to me, Devi, and you listen good. You are not being bad and the game is not spoiled. You did what I told you to. You told me that something was wrong and that you needed something. I need to know when your head hurts or you don’t understand or are scared. So no more thinking you’ve been bad because you told me something I need to know. You hear me?”

Devin nodded. Kane relaxed. He let Devin’s face go, pulled him against him again. At least Devin knew how to obey. “Good. Now let’s get you feeling better.”

After washing Devin’s face he made him take the headache pills Albert had left,

Someone had pulled the shades in the bedroom, leaving the room dark. Kane nodded to himself. He’d thank Albert later. Kane removed both of their shoes and got onto the bed with Devin. He pulled the black head down onto his chest. Holding his boy close, he massaged the aching head. He didn’t speak. There was nothing he could say to make a headache go away. Besides, he needed to think.

Devin was hurt more than the doctors thought. More than the reports in the file said. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. He couldn’t treat Devin like anormal twelve-year-old; Devin wasn’t twelve. Not inside, at any rate.

It seemed to Kane he’d -- well, now that he thought about it, he had treated Devin all kinds of ways. He needed to be more consistent. Consistency was important. For both of them. It would comfort Devin and give him stability. For himself it would be a relief. He’d had a routine living with his dad. He liked knowing what to expect. It helped keep him from exploding as often.

He thought hard about the way Devin acted now. Any routine would have to accommodate Devin and his whatever-you-would-call-it. His being physically twelve and otherwise not. But it would also have to give Kane plenty of active time so he didn’t start going stir-crazy and ruin everything.

Devin was eager to please. But he didn’t need to be with Kane constantly, as long as he knew where he was.

Devin wasn’t stupid, even with the brain damage. He couldn’t understand numbers above two digits, and even simple calculations or conscious choices were beyond him, but he wasn’t stupid, despite the way he sounded. He sounded young. The stutter when he was nervous only added to the effect.

Devin had relaxed against him, nestling closer. His open hand rested in the center of Kane’s chest – a change from his normal clutching of the fabric. Considering what had happened, Kane was surprised. Devin’s breathing had slowed and evened, but hadn’t slipped into a sleep rhythm. Kane continued the slow massage, wondering if he should speak or keep quiet. He decided to keep quiet a bit longer, give the medicine time to work, the headache to fade.

A knock on the door disturbed the peace. Kane’s arm tightened around Devin, who had stiffened. Muttering a curse, Kane eased himself out of the bed and went to see who it was.

It was Albert with the phone. Rolling his eyes and huffing, Kane accepted it. On the other end was Dr. Porter, demanding to know exactly what had happened and what Devin had said. Kane made a face, returning to the side of the bed. Devin rolled toward him. Kane resumed stroking his forehead and scalp, answering the terse questions with equally terse answers.

“He said his head never stopped hurting?”

“Yep.”

The woman snorted. “Why didn’t he say something before we released him?”

“Gee, I wonder.”.

“We’ll need to have him come in for a follow-up.” She ignored the sarcasm. “I’ll see what we have available.” Music filled the handset.

Kane crossed to the doorway and handed the phone back to the waiting Albert. “She wants to see him again. Put us on hold.”

Albert accepted the phone with a nod and left. Kane shut the door, returning to the bed. He wondered which Government Albert worked for. Not that it mattered, but it would be nice to know.

“Kane?”

“Hmmm?” Kane settled once more with Devin’s head on his chest.

“It doesn’t hurt so bad anymore.”

“Good. But it shouldn’t hurt at all.”

“But…”

“What?”

“But if I don’t hurt, why will I be here?” He seemed genuinely puzzled. “I was born to be hurt.”

Kane’s insides lurched. “That was before.”

“Before?”

Kane thought fast. “Before you became my boy, my Devi. Once you became my boy, you were…” He hesitated, then plunged forward. “You were reborn. Not to be hurt, but to be mine.”

There was a second of silence. “Oh. Why?”

“Because I needed someone who needed me and would let me take care of him.” He squeezed. “And lucky me, I found you.”

“Lucky?” Devin’s voice was disbelieving.

“Yup. Anybody could’ve needed me, or pretended to, but not anybody could’ve made me want them to need me. I don’t like a lot of people, but I liked you, and I wanted you to like me, to need me, even. And you did need me.”

“I like you,” Devin assured him, patting his chest. “You aren’t scary like the folder-Kane they told me about.”

“That’s ’cuz you’re my good boy.” He’d figured they’d told Devin about some of the stuff he’d done, to make sure he was scared of everybody. Wouldn’t be much of a program if Devin came into it thinking he was a good guy.

“I don’t have to be folder-Kane with my good boy. I can be Kane.” He ruffled black hair, realizing it was true. “The only time I’ll be folder-Kane is when I need to protect you. Or somebody pisses me off real bad.”

Devin nuzzled into his shirt, letting out a long breath. Kane readjusted the arm on Devin’s back. He could do this. He could.

“Kane?”

“Hmmm?”

“I’m glad we’re part of that ‘speriment, an’ that I get to be your boy. I’m glad you like me an’ want me. I’ll try really, really hard to be good.”

“I know, Devi. I’m glad, too. Now hush until your head stops hurting.”

“Yes, Kane.”