Brother

Everything suddenly stopped. I didn’t hurt anymore, there was no floating, or fear and silence took place of the constant pounding of my heart. It was there, I was sure it was. I wasn’t dead, so that was a start. Now, breathing. The rush of air felt like it was filled with knives and my instant reaction to it was to start coughing. My eyes burned with tears and opening them, the world was distorted and blurry. I kept coughing, so hard and rough it was kind of like I was having a fit.

“Get her some water!” Danny ordered, as the coughing stopped and instead I was wheezing like a thirty year smoker. “Sarah, you okay?”

Turning left, Danny is there. My vision starts to clear and my arm feels like its made of lead as I try to wipe my eyes.

“No.” Was he blind?

“You’re right. Stupid question, here, have a drink.”

The cool edge of the glass is at my mouth and I do as he says. The water goes down in a rush and I’m so aware of it I literally feel the second it hits my stomach. Then I start to cough again.

“Should I get your Mum?” Rachelle whispers, and looking up at her, I realise I’m still on the floor.

“No.” Michael and Danny say at the same time.

I groan.

“Come on Sar, I’m going to help you up.” Danny tells me softly.

I barely register the fact he has lifted me until he takes a slow step away. My legs feel like they’re about to give out underneath me and instantly Danny is back, waiting for me to regain my balance.

“What happened?” As the seconds tick by, I feel like I just woke up and start to become more aware of everything around me. I can stand on my own now and instantly raise my arms, stretching as each bone feels like it’s returning to it’s right place. My neck cracks and I instantly I feel fine, like nothing had happened at all.

“Not really sure.”

I turn to Michael. “What about you then?”

“Hungry?” He answers instead.

“Well I want to know what the hell is going on!” Rachelle whispers as loudly as she can, daring a look downstairs. “Sarah, you fainted. I came out and you were just laying there. That dickhead practically climbed the whole staircase in one step and then Danny came out of his room to knock both of us out of the way, which then had you waking up.”

She grabs my hand and pulls me over to her side. “You two, sort out your shit. We’re going downstairs.”

I follow her so I don’t fall over again as the grip she has on my arm is lethal and she wasn’t letting go. Luckily everyone is outside, laughing and talking - completely unaware of what just went on upstairs. Well, almost. The second we step outside Mr. Blake looks at us, looks at me and frowns.

“You feeling better, Sarah?” He asked.

“I’m fine. Just a blood nose.” I laugh it off, yet Justin and Joe are staring at me with the same kind of careful judgement. “Mum, do you mind if Rach and I eat in front of the TV?”

“Not at all, there isn’t much room out here. Can you tell Danny and Mike dinners ready?”

“Sure!” I take the plate Rachelle has handed me, loaded up with the food that had been spread out all over the table and we go inside. “Guys, dinners ready!”

I don’t need to yell, or even tell them that, but for Mums sake I do. We sit around the coffee table and Rachelle turns on the TV. She finds something to watch, and keeps the volume at a decent volume. Her head pops over the back of the sofa, looking around for a second before she sits beside me.

“What really happened?” She whispers, taking a mouthful of salad.

“I dunno. Danny wolfed out, Michael came in and stirred him up.”

“I heard the growls.”

“Yeah, well he was set on mauling him, but Michael held him back, asked me to help. I got Danny to back off, and then he said he was testing us and left. I told Danny to change back and went to watch Michael go downstairs and then, then I thought I was dying.” I wasn’t even being dramatic. “Everything hurt. I couldn’t breath, my heart was racing, I guess its what a heart attack must feel like.”

“Shit! Sarah, what if it was, you need to go see a doctor!” Rachelle didn’t try to be quiet now and I quickly shushed her.

“Well, from what you said, it didn’t last very long and once I woke up, it took me a little bit, but I’m fine now.”

“Eat your dinner Sarah.” There was a cold edge to her tone, and looking down she’d already cleared half of her plate, while mine was untouched.

“I was talking, I’m not you. I don’t talk with my mouth full.”

“So. Eat now.”

I picked up some carrot and ate it, before having some of the sausages. “Happy?”

“Two bites isn’t enough. What is going on with you? Seriously Sarah, fainting, body aches, not sleeping or eating - make an appointment tomorrow and see a doctor. I’m worried about you!”

“What are you watching?” Michael sat down in the chair beside me, and I instantly groaned.

This time when I took a bite, I thought cardboard would easier to swallow. “Go. Away.”

“No room out there and I wasn’t going to sit on the floor.” He answered casually, completely at ease as I turned to glare at him.

Rachelle had gone quiet beside me, and it was then I saw what Michael was eating. The piece of steak wasn’t very well done. It was barely seared each side and the rawness of the meat had me captivated. Bloody juices trickled down the fork as he raised it to his mouth and as he took a bite, my stomach growled; I was suddenly starving.

He sliced off another piece, holding it in the air for a moment before looking at me. “Problem?”

“No.”

I turned back to Rachelle, who had gone completely pale and I forced down what was on my plate before grabbing hers and going into the kitchen. She was right behind me, bumping into my back as if I had her on a chain and was dragging her around. I said nothing as we went up into my room, and closing the door, I had to stop myself from locking it.

“Why do the weird ones have to be so attractive? Sorry I keep getting these stupid ideas about you giving him a chance! Danny’s right, stay away from them!” Rachelle didn’t sound like Rachelle; she was scared.

She curled up in one corner of my bed, her eyes wide and constantly looking between me and the door as I moved to sit opposite her.

“They’re not coming back here after tonight. This is my territory, and they need to learn that.”

“What?” Finally focusing just on me, her frown only deepened.

“Nevermind. So, camping?” I changed the subject and after a few minutes, Rachelle began to relax.

-x-

A couple of hours later, I ventured downstairs to get us a drink while Rachelle was on the phone to Peta organising blow up mattresses and other things I had no interest in. Looking outside, the party lights had been turned on casting a soft light over the deck and all the guys were missing, leaving just the adults out there. Instantly I felt more on edge, but after looking around the lower level, I figured they must have gone out.

Opening the fridge I grabbed a couple of cans of soft drink and giving the shelves a once over, I paused at the foil covered plate. I put the cans down and carefully lifted the foil; looking around as if at any second I’d be sprung and instantly I felt my mouth water at the left over, uncooked meat.

It was so pink, and red; juicy with quality and freshness. One of the pieces had a little strip on the side, from where the steak hadn’t be cut quite even and without thinking, gave it a tug and pulled off a piece of tenderloin. It was plump, yet firm between my fingers and I shoved it in my mouth as I quickly put the foil back down.

For someone who only liked their meat cooked well done, this was not right and grabbing the cans, I couldn’t stop the moan of delight; savouring every second as I chewed it. Shutting the door, I hesitated in going straight back up to my room. Maybe I should just take the whole steak since that bit was missing now?

“Sarah?” Startled, I spun around about to throw one of the cans at Danny who quickly put his hands up. “Woah, bit jumpy aren’t you?”

“What do you want?” I groaned.

“Got a sec, I really need to talk to you.”

“About?”

“What’s going on with you, with us. Michael just-”

“If he is involved, no. I don’t want to hear it! Make sure they’re all gone soon. I want them out of our house!” Even hearing myself, I knew I sounded like a bitch.

“Look, you need to-”

“No.” I pushed past him and headed towards the stairs.

“Sarah, stop being so stubborn. You need-”

“I don’t need to do anything!”

“For the smart one, you’re acting really stupid right now!” He argued.

“That’s right. I’m the smart one, the sensible one, the one who does not make our parents worry because I’m home each night and when I’m not home, they know where I am because my brother doesn’t have to constantly lie and cover for me! I’m the one who always knows what to do and carries around a Mum pack in her bag in case of any emergencies and, and, I’m the one who is the designated driver and organises everyones Christmas parents before Christmas Eve and-”

I stop screaming at him as it occurs to me we’re not alone anymore. Slowly turning, the adults and Jake have come inside and Mum pushes past Dad to come over to me.

“Sorry. It’s fine. I just, I’ll be upstairs.” I ran before they could stop me and no one moved or spoke. If they did, I couldn’t hear them and closing my bedroom door, Rachelle is still chatting away on the bed oblivious to everything that just happened.

“Oh Sarah is here now, hang on.” She sits up and takes the can I pass her. “Peta suggested we go to Moons Crossing cause it was so nice a couple of years ago?”

“Yeah, great!” My enthusiasm is believed and Rachelle passes on the message.

This is how the next half hour goes as Rachelle gives the call around to everyone and plans are put into motion for the weekend. I actually have Sunday and Monday off, so we’re going to leave Saturday afternoon. By the time she’s done, I’m nearly asleep and I’m not going to ruin what chance at sleep I have by trying to stay awake for her. I disappear into my wardrobe to change and get into bed. Rachelle gets the hint and does the same.

“I’m so glad we’ve got this all planned. Sure you’ll be right for it?” She sighs, laying beside me.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just, sleep time now okay?”

“Good night Sarah!”

“Good night Rach.”

It feels like I’ve barely closed my eyes, and the time on the bedside table tells me I’m not wrong. Forty five minutes; that’s it. I roll over and try to get comfortable again, but can’t. For another twenty minutes I just lay there, just staring at my roof and the pattern the street light creates by shining through my curtains.

Getting out of bed, the house is dark and quiet. Tomorrow, Mum and Dad will pounce, forcing me to make up some excuse as to why I was going off at Danny. They’d want us all to sit down and talk it out, Danny will get defensive, which will then get him arguing with them and I’ll be left sitting there, wondering why I even had to be there as I’m forgotten.

Danny is behind me before I take the last step into the hall, and turning to look at him, he is just a shadow looming over me. I shiver, and keep walking into the living room. Taking a seat, I curl up in the chair and thanks to Dad leaving the air conditioning on so high, I pull one of the throw blankets over me too.

“Sarah, Michael thinks you’re changing into one of us too.” Danny opens with.

Honestly, I had wondered about that already. Shoving raw meat down my throat and liking it, wasn’t normal for me. Considering I’d seen Danny do the same, in a less controlled and civilised manner once before, it was hard not to think about it.

“He said, you shouldn’t be able to order me around when I’m a wolf. It’s so fucking weird.” He stops, looking at me in the faint light, trying to gauge my reaction. I’m clearly not freaking out, so he keeps going. “It’s like, when the stove is hot, you know not to touch it. You just know; it’s ingrained into our brains that fire hurts, burns, so we don’t touch. When I’m a wolf, if the others are doing something, I just know to go with them, to follow and it’s fine. Unless you’re around.”

I only pull the blanket tighter around me, as I think about what Michael said about testing us.

“Then, I want to be with them, do as my pack leader says, but I have this, confidence I’m not supposed to have, like I don’t have to listen to him and that if you’re around, I’m okay. I trust you, you’re like the voice of reason that tells me not to touch the fire. You know? Am I even making sense?”

“Yes.” I answer him. I’m not entirely sure just yet, but try to listen.

“Good. Cause when it’s just me and the Blakes, I get a similar feelings with Michael, but it’s not as strong. I’m not suppose to go against him, if he tells me no, that’s it. In human form, I’m more likely to argue and process thoughts clearer, but end of the day, I trust him too. But if you’re standing there telling me yes, and he is standing there telling me no, you’re the one I listen to. Wolf or human, I ah, I guess, well, that you’re my leader.”

He starts to ramble, going over it again and again, trying to find the most fitting analogy he can, which is really just annoying me as my eyes still refuse to shut. I just don’t care right now.

“Danny, I can’t sleep. I need to sleep.” I don’t even know what he is saying as I interrupt him.

“Sarah, this is really serious. If the fact we’re twins has somehow transferred some of process of the change to you, come the full moon next week, you need to complete it or, well, I dunno what will happen! What did you feel when you fainted?”

“I was really pissed off with Michael. Then everything just, hurt. I thought I was being ripped apart and my heart was going to explode.”

“Michael thinks that you felt me changing back. I was thinking of you, and I should’ve just focused on me and what I was doing. Because of that, you got pulled into it too and I was using your energy instead of mine. He said it happened when I first changed, he was holding you back and you were acting as if you could feel what I was going through. Is that true?” Danny moved from the coffee table to kneel in front of me.

I had actually forgot about that. “Yeah, it wasn’t quite like today though.”

“He also thinks it’s why you can’t sleep.”

“He thinks a lot.” I mumble.

“You’re only going to get worse, unless, you actually start to get ready for the change.” He says sadly.

“Cause Michael said so?” It comes out sarcastically.

“Yeah. He is a werewolf Sarah, I think he would know about this shit. It’s scary, and pretty full on to digest, but I saw you. What you did. Forget Michael, and just think of this logically for a second!” Danny urged.

“I hate you for doing this to us, to our family. Go away before I either do or say something I’m really going to regret.” I was sick of being nice to him.

“Sarah-”

“I don’t want to hear it Danny!”

“You need to!” He yelled back. “You can’t sleep because you’re acting like a lone wolf. You have no pack or protection, you sleep for barely an hour at a time and can’t relax, because at the moment you are vulnerable and alone. He also told me about your “your night together” and while at first I was pissed off, I get it, because it was exactly the same as when I had you watching over me while I slept after my change!”

He groaned in frustration and dropped his head onto my knee. His mood tainted the air around us, suffocating and heavy. “That night you got Michael to help me, I finally accepted what I am now and it helped, a lot. Fighting it doesn’t work!”

“I’m not going to be a werewolf.” I told him with as much confidence as I could muster.

“Well, because of my stupidity, I don’t think you have a choice.” With that he got up and looked down at me. “Come here.”

Despite my protest, he used the blanket around me to his advantage and kept it tight to stop me from kicking and scratching at him. I was lifted and moved to the three seater lounge chair, as if I was little more than a cushion and Danny sat beside me. He kicked out the recliner and got comfortable, while one hand still had me trapped. Since when did he get so strong?

“Let me go or I’m going to scream and wake everyone up!” I threaten.

“Don’t. Just trust me okay?” One of the cushions was moved onto his leg and he pushed me down to lay beside him. “Go to sleep, I’m not going to leave you alone tonight.”

I stopped fighting and while my plan was to wait for him to fall asleep before moving, it didn’t work out that way because the second I realised how comfortable the sofa was, and how nice the blanket felt around me, I was gone.

-x-

“Remember when we used to find them like this on Christmas morning?” Mum whispered from behind the sofa.

“I know. They always tried to wait up for Santa, sneaking downstairs after they heard us going to bed.” Dad laughed softly. “Think they worked it out?”

“They usually do. I’ll talk to Sarah later though, she hasn’t been right these last couple of weeks.” She sighed.

It wasn’t long until I could hear the coffee machine whirring to life and opening my eyes, I was on my back, laying on Danny who was softly snoring, stretched out in the chair. A touch of nostalgia hit me, thinking back to when Danny and I always used to camp out in the living room, especially during school holidays.

If we weren’t out here, one of us had a sheet tent created over their bedroom floor. We’d tell each other ghost stories, or just talk. I don’t even know what about, but it all seemed so important. There would be adventures of sleeping out in the wilderness, where we’d pretend lions and tigers waited to get us. Othertimes we’d be out in the yard, exploring for dinosaurs or what ever else we could come with.

Then we grew up, and to a certain degree - apart.

We stopped having sleep overs, and became too old for our imaginary jungle adventures. I focused on my studies and Danny decided he liked to test the boundaries we’d grown up with. It’s part of life really, and while we were still close, closer than I’d seen my friends act with their siblings, we weren’t like we were before.

I got up and draped the blanket over Danny, before going into the kitchen. Mum was sitting on her laptop, and as I went past, I stole a piece of her toast.

“Morning sweet heart!” She greeted, not bothered by sharing her breakfast.

“Morning.”

“Sleep well?”

“I did actually!” I answered with a smile.

“Good, you’ve been looking so rundown lately. If working is too much, you know you can ask for less hours or even if you quit, it’s okay. We only want you working to start getting some independence and earning your own money. It’s just-”

“I know Mum. It’s fine. I must just have the flu or something, but I feel better this morning. Don’t worry!” I got up and finished my toast as I went to the fridge. “Want some juice?”

“I have a coffee, so no thanks. Maybe put some more bread in the toaster though?”

I made enough for all of everyone, and Rachelle soon came down to join us. Danny woke up just as we were leaving and I left him to deal with Mum and Dad. She kept quiet until we’d hit the main street of town on the way to her place.

“You seem rather, normal, this morning. I swear those bags under have already started to fade!”

“For a best friend, you’re horrible. I don’t mention it when you look like shit.” I argued, but it wasn’t serious.

“No, you’re worse. You say nothing and then avoid it when I ask you how I look.”

I drop her home and get to work ten minutes early. It’s not a huge deal, and Mrs Johns was running late so it worked out well for her. We had customers today and when I told her about the camping trip I had planned for the weekend, she let me have all of Saturday off.

The way she kept fussing over me and insisting on making me cups of tea, made me suspicious. She had to have been talking to my Mum, or Rachelle or well, any of my friends and their parents. If one of them even made the slightest hint of me not being well, as chinese whispers went on, I probably have something incurable by now.

At lunch, I went for a walk around town. It was another hot day and finding a shady spot in the park that wasn’t over crowded, I had half an hour to totally zone out. At least I thought I did until Danny appeared. He sat beside me, not saying a word and from a brown paper bag, pulled out two sandwiches.

“Bought you lunch.”

“Ah, thanks?” I put my magazine down and took one, not quite trusting his random act of kindness. “Why?”

“So maybe you’ll talk to me, about last night. It’s scary, I know it is. You need help, look what happened when I tried to deal with it on my own!”

“You weren’t on your own, you had me and Jake.”

He gives me a look and I choose to ignore the message behind it. He, well, we hadn’t really been able to deal with it at all. Lettuce, tomato and bacon greet me as I peel back the paper wrapping, and luckily my appetite hasn’t vanished again as I start to eat.

“Mike asked me to ask you, to come over to his place. His Dad came over last night to see if he was on the right track, and they’re all worried about you too.” Danny tells me.

“I really doubt his brothers are. They creep me out, it’s like they’re just waiting for something to happen, so they can rip us all apart.” Even thoughts like that don’t stop me eating. “But, look at me, I’m fine. I feel great, I’ve got my appetite back and I’m not even using words like territory anymore either!”

“It comes and goes Sarah. You might have like, a hot flush, or suddenly go from happy to sad to furious in like a minute and the cravings,” he holds up his own sandwich, packed with a variety of meats, “are the worst.”

“Right, well if I start-”

“I saw you last night for fucks sake!” He snaps, turning to look at me properly, was he in the process of a minute of mood swings? “Want me to go to the butchers and get you a steak?”

“Ew. No!” I cringe remembering what I did.

“Last night you would’ve eaten what ever was in the fridge if you could. I don’t know how you didn’t!”

“I was curious!” I lie.

He lets out a bitter laugh, shaking his head before focusing on his lunch and we both go quiet until he finished eating.

“Do you think I’m, a monster or something now?”

“What?” I put my hand on his arm, “of course not Danny!”

“Would it be so bad if you were one of us too? Why fight what’s happening?”

Because I am the sensible one. The one who doesn’t fuck up and do stupid stuff like get caught smoking behind the woodwork sheds at school, or be turned into a werewolf.

I’m the smart one, who is going to go to university next year and study, while working part time, trying to set myself up for the rest of my life. I hadn’t quite worked out what I wanted to be yet, but Dad was pushing towards Law and Mum always reminded me that I was younger I had wanted to be a Veterinarian.

“I can’t be a werewolf Danny!” He actually dares to smile then. “What?”

“Nothing. Just thinking.”

“About?” I push.

“We watched movie once, had that famous guy in, can’t remember his name, but he turned into a werewolf after being bitten by one? It’s a classic, but old and terrible at the same time and you kept pointing out all the things you would have done different.”

“Whatever, look from what you said last night about listening to me and if Michael said no, and I said yes, you’d do what I wanted, I want you to stay away from the Blakes. You told me you were done with them, then I get home to you all having a barbie?”

“I can’t just stay away from them. I’m a wolf, so are they. We need to run together. I’m sorry Sarah, I can’t do it.”

“Fine. Then all of you, stay away from me!” I got up and went back to work.

I didn’t go straight home when I had finished either. I hid at Rachelle’s work and she shouted me dinner. To waste more time, we went to the next town over that had a late night grocery store and bought what we’d need for the weekend, or at least the junk food stuff that Wendi wouldn’t let us get if she was around.

I told Mum I’d be home late and as we made our way down the highway back to Flame Tree Bay, she asked me if she knew where Danny was and to be careful as those wild dogs were back and had been spotted just off main street.

There was no way I could tell her they weren’t wild dogs and that we saw a black wolf leaving town. I couldn’t tell her Danny probably wouldn’t be home anytime soon - if at all tonight, because I saw the black wolf join up with three others and they all ran off towards the bush. I did tell Rachelle, but even she couldn’t know all of it; especially how much I wished I had gone with them.

Just like I could never tell Mum, the black wolf everyone saw was her son; my brother.