Broken Threads: Curse of Mates

eight

“Why is life so difficult? Why can’t we just be ourselves and have everyone accept us the way we are? Why can’t I just be me as I am now and not have to concentrate and fume and get upset about my past and my future.” Beatrice Sparks, Go Ask Alice

I woke the following day with a minor headache. I try to remember what happened yesterday, but it’s a bit of a blur. I remember seeing Zach, Catherine and Moira in the bathroom, and of course, what happened between me, Zach and Catherine. But everything else is fuzzy. I don’t know how I got home or who put me to bed.

I turn to the side of my bed and see a glass of water with two Panadol Forte sitting next to it and a note. I quickly swallow the pills with the water and then read the message.

‘Take two; your head should feel better. See you Monday, Moira,’ the note reads. That’s right, today’s Saturday. Which means it’s my birthday tomorrow. This puts a smile on my face. Tomorrow I will shift and meet my wolf. I’m looking forward to meeting her more than meeting my mate.

I remember, as a kid- being eager to meet my mate when I was told stories about them. Catherine and I would write lists about everything we wanted in a mate. But now… I just want to meet my wolf. I have no presumptions towards my mate being my saviour. Like they’re going to rescue me from all the bullying I get at school… they’re not going to stop the words, pushes, or actions of others just because they’re my mate. They won’t take me away from it so I can start again. No, I have to do it myself if I want to stop the bullying. My mate isn’t the answer to all my problems.

The knowledge of this makes me feel like I’m truly alone. Catherine and everyone are right. I am pathetic. I am worthless. I am nothing. I’m an insignificant grain in the sand, easily lost and discarded. No one notices me unless they want to make themselves look and feel better. Put downs, cheap words, excluding me on purpose, harassment… that is how I am treated.

Just because I am not physically bullied, albeit occasionally, doesn’t mean the verbal assaults are any less damaging. Just because you don’t see the pain you inflict on me doesn’t mean I’m not hurt. It’s there, every day, in my head. Whether you say something to me or not. It is present. It is invisible to you, which makes you attack more, grounding me down just the way you want me, into obsolescence.

I walk into the hallway and take a sniff. I can smell Mum and Dad downstairs, making pancakes. I smile slightly as I make my way into the bathroom and get ready for the day. Looking in the mirror at my face, I see a girl I do not like. She was pretty once. Not anymore. My eyes show pain, making me tear up when I think of all I’ve become. Unwanted. Nothing. Worthless. I look at my forehead, where a bruise should be. But there was no bruise, just a faint line showing that I had cut myself. I don’t remember that, the bleeding part. I remember the impact of the sink and falling on the floor, but not the blood. It must be my wolf coming through. Thank you, wolf! Whoever you are!

Breakfast was lovely. Mum made pancakes, and we sat there, the three of us eating together. Mum or Dad usually tries to treat me for my birthday, even though it’s tomorrow.

“It’s your birthday weekend!” Mum had cried when I commented on having pancakes this morning.

“Well, thank you,” I smiled back. Mum and Dad then took me to the mall, and we window shopped, making lists of all the things we would buy when we won the lotto.

We ordered Indian for dinner, got it Uber delivered, and spent the rest of the night watching a movie on Netflix as a family. I’m eighteen in a few hours, and my social life is nonexistent. Not that I’m complaining. I would much rather hang out with my parents, that love me, than with people who’d instead use me to make themselves feel better.

“Ow,” I cry when I see the heroine in the movie get hurt.

“What?” my parents quickly ask. I laugh. I’ve been doing this all night, and it’s fun. I was born just after midnight, so I should be shifting anytime soon. But it’s fun to watch my parents keep looking at me, just to make sure. It’s nowhere near midnight yet, which makes the whole crying-out-in-pain thing funnier.

The movie finishes, and Mum asks if I really want to watch another movie. It’s after eleven, and usually, my parents, being old, are in bed by nine on a weekend night.

“No, let’s do another,” I assure them. Dad nods and uses the remote to select the next movie for us. It’s a science-fiction one about colonising a new planet and the terrors of doing so.

My leg begins to feel strange, and I pull them out from under me (I’m sitting on them on the couch) and stretch the muscles.

“Are you alright?” my dad asks.

“Yeah, just cramps,” I tell him.

“She’s going to shift!” Dad yells, jumping up with Mum from their spots.

“I’m not; it’s just a cr….” I begin as another wave of pain shoots through my leg.

“Quick, move the furniture,” Mum instructs, pulling me off the couch and onto the floor.

“What the heck, mum?” I manage to say before pain shoots down my legs. I hardly notice as the furniture around me is pushed against the wall. You are probably thinking, why isn’t she being taken outside? Why not have her first shift in a forest? Because arrgh, that hurts… because I live in the suburbs, around humans, and the closest forest is by the pack house, which is ages away. Us omegas are not allowed to go to the woods at night, only during the day.

Everything hurts. I feel my bones break, one at a time, but mostly in different places all at once, and my muscles burn and twist inside me.

“Open your eyes, sweetheart,” I hear after what feels like hours but is probably minutes.

- Yes, open your eyes – a voice inside my head says.

- Who is this? – I think.

- Your wolf, Athena. Now open your eyes; I want to meet our parents – she tells me. I physically nod, making Athena laugh inside my head, and then I open my eyes. I’m still inside our house, but everything looks smaller. I know that werewolves tend to be as big as horses, but this is not what I expected.

“Mum? Dad?” I try to say, but the only thing that comes out of my mouth is a kind of bark. My parents laugh.

“If you want to talk to us, just use your mind link,” Dad tells me. I nod.

- What do I look like? – I ask them both.

- You have a cream-coloured coat with a light brown patch running down your spine and tail. One of your legs is light brown, and so are your ears. You are beautiful – Mum tells me.

- What is your wolf’s name? – Dad asks.

- Hi, I’m Athena. I can’t wait to meet your wolves – Athena, my wolf replies.

I talk to my parents in my wolf form through the early hours of the night. My parents promise to take Athena and me for a run in our wolf form next weekend, where she can meet my parent’s wolf’s, Cassius and Janelle.

- Wait! How do I shift back into my skin? – I ask. My parents and Athena laugh.

“Just think of yourself in your human form,” Mum tells me.

“Okay…” I begin, closing my eyes. I think of my human form, face, and arms, right down to my fingernails. I feel a slight pain, not as extreme as before, and when I open my eyes again, I’m standing on two legs instead of four.

“Now go to your room and put some clothes on!” Dad tells me, his eyes covered with his hand. I smile as I leave the room to Dad complaining he doesn’t want to see his daughter naked.

I’m feeling happy as I pull my quilt up to my chin.

- Sera… - my wolf links me.

- Yeah? –

- Tonight, I will go through your memories so that we can be more in tune tomorrow. I hope that’s okay. –

I think about this statement. It is common knowledge that your wolf is part of you, who you are. But I’ve learned at Pack school that some wolves can be very different from their humans and don’t get along. I worry that Athena won’t like me once she learns about the type of person she’s been paired with.

- I guess… - I reply. Not that I can stop her, can I?

- It’ll be okay, Sera. I like to do this with you every time we’re together. It will make us stronger. I promise. – Athena tells me.

- How will it work? –

- Well… when you fall asleep, I’ll sort through your memories. You won’t even notice I’m there. You won’t even relive them; you’ll be in your own dream. –

- Is this normal? Do all wolves do this? –

- Not all wolves can. But don’t worry. Everything that you went through, I went through too. It’s just me linking into your memories. I am part of you, remember –

- Okay then – I reply.

I turn my bedside light off and close my eyes, which are beginning to grow heavy. I am worried about what Athena will see, but I trust her. As she said, she’s part of me.

I wake up the following morning to quietness in my head. Is this normal? Do you wake up with your wolf, a different entity to yours, and say good morning to them? Or is that like saying good morning to yourself? Good morning self. Today is going to be a wonderful day! It’s a bit odd, isn’t it?

I wonder if having a wolf is like having a dual personality. Although Athena tells me she’s me, will I remember who I am when we’re in wolf form, and she takes over?

I skip down the stairs to the smell of pancakes.

“Two days in a row? You shouldn’t have!” I greet Mum, giving her a hug as I walk into the kitchen.

“Pikelets today, not pancakes,” Mum tells me.

“Just as good,” I smile.

“You’re happy this morning,” Mum smiles.

“Yeah. I’m eighteen. I’ve got my wolf. This is my final year of school, and I might be going to university next year. The world is full of possibilities. Who wouldn’t be happy with that?” I say.

“That’s the attitude; I’m proud of you, Sera,” Dad comments. I nod. Yup. I’m sure that now I’m eighteen, everything will be better. I have Moira as a friend; I’m beginning to feel accepted by Blake and Logan, and yeah. Life is looking up.

“Happy birthday, Sera,” Dad says, pushing a small package across the table towards me.

“Thank you,” I smile, opening it. Inside is a beautiful necklace, with the phases of the moon represented on it. The stone in the middle is a moonstone, which sparkles in the light.

“I love it,” I grin.

“Here, let me put it on,” my dad tells me.

“So… what is it like now that you have your wolf?” Mum asks as we sit and eat our pikelets. I shrug.

“Quiet. It’s like normal, I guess,” I say.

“Quiet? Janelle wouldn’t shut up when I got her,” Mum states. I frown.

“Really?”

“Have you talked to her yet?” Dad asks.

“No… why… How would I even do that?”

“Just reach out for your wolf and talk to her.”

“Okay,” I nod. I finish my pikelets and tropical juice and head for the living room.

Okay, reach out to Athena, I tell myself as I sit on the couch.

- Athena? Are you there? – I ask. I see her, not literally, in my head, sitting down with her head on her paws.

- Athena. Are you okay? –

I watch as Athena stands and moves forward, coming to the front of my mind.

- I’m sorry, Sera. Happy birthday –

- Sorry? Why? What’s wrong? –

- I just, I just can’t believe what you’ve been through. You’re so strong. Of course, I know that that’s why I’m with you… but teenagers are so cruel –

I snort at her comment about me being strong. I’m not strong. If I were strong, I would have done something already. I would have told Mum and Dad about everything happening to me at school. All the put-downs, name-calling, shoving, pushing. All the times I had stains on my clothes. Rude words written on my things. No, I’m weak. I kept my mouth shut because I was afraid. I was scared of the repercussions I would get from my packmates. I feared what would happen to my parents if we spoke out.

- You are strong. You just need to believe in yourself – Athena tells me. I nod my head and wipe the tears off my face.

“Is everything okay?” Mum calls out as I walk past.

“Yeah. I just have to finish my project for History. It’s due on Tuesday,” I tell Mum. I don’t get a reply as I take the stairs two at a time to my room. It’s true, I do have to finish my project, but I mainly said that because I want to close myself away in my room. I don’t want company; I just want to be alone.

~ Edited with Grammarly