Broken (Surrender Book 1)

SINCE THE FAILED DINNER with my dad, I hadn’t returned to my apartment. I kept myself busy, working days, and napping in the early evenings until Conner arrived home from work. Helena called me daily to check on me. She told my dad about the pregnancy, but he had yet to reach out to me, or I to him.

In an effort to cheer me up, Conner reached out to Fatima and suggested a girls’ night out. Fatima gladly accepted his offer and his credit card. She even invited Amy. After a couple of hours of shopping, we headed back to Conner’s place, where we were greeted by a staff of nine. They were all dressed in white, standing beside the pool with their arms crossed behind their backs. While we were pampered, Javier prepared an array of finger foods and drinks. Conner came home a couple of hours later to find us decked out in our bikinis, sipping on ice-cold beverages. He greeted us curtly before heading to his home office upstairs.

‘What’s up with him?’ Amy asked, referring to Conner’s barely-there acknowledgment.

I shrugged my shoulder. I knew that Amy wasn’t a fan of Conner’s and vice versa. The difference between the two was that Amy made her feelings crystal clear. Conner kept his opinions to himself, in respect for me. But I wasn’t blind. His feelings towards her were somewhere between indifference and irritation.

‘It’s not like Conner has ever been the warm and fuzzy type,’ Fatima commented with the casual flip of her hand. ‘So, what gives, Novalee? Are you doing a body cleanse or something?’  Fatima took a sip of her sparkling wine, as we lay side by side on our lounge chairs.

I shrugged, a sly smile on my lips. Sipping on my water, I focused straight ahead, looking out at the rows of mature trees beyond the pool.

‘Yeah, what gives, Novalee? You never turned down a cocktail,’ Amy commented from the other side of me. ‘You may want to add some abdominal exercises to your workout, though. Your stomach is protruding a bit. It’s not too bad, but it’s a far cry from the flat stomach you normally have.’

Met by my silence, both ladies sat upright and stared at me. ‘What?’ I said, looking from side to side at both of them.

‘Something you wanna tell us?’ Fatima said, lowering her sunglasses to the tip of her nose.

Amy followed suit.

‘I didn’t want to say anything yet until after my appointment. But…I’m pregnant,’ I grinned. ‘Surprise, woohoo,’ I added, emotionless, due to their stunned reaction.

‘What?’ Fatima finally shrieked, as she jumped up and almost tackled me in a hug. ‘Are you serious?’

‘As a heart attack.’ I winced from her tight hug. ‘Ouch. Enough, already,’ I teased.

I looked over at Amy, who remained frozen, seemingly shocked into silence. She recovered quickly, once Fatima and I both looked at her expectantly. ‘Wow. That’s…news.’ She downed the rest of her wine before smiling tightly. ‘Wow,’ she said a bit more enthusiastically the second time around.

I skeptically watched her, my smile and glee fading with her faltering expression. Fatima, who was beside herself with merriment, was already spouting off baby names and guessing the gender.

∞∞∞

WE DECIDED TO GO for a swim to cool off from the heat. Afterward, we sat on the edge of the pool, our legs immersed underwater, nibbling on chocolate-covered strawberries.

‘When does school start?’ Fatima asked as she towel-dried her dreadlocks.

‘In two more weeks,’ I said, as I munched on a strawberry. ‘I’m super stoked. I won’t get to work as many hours, which will be a bummer. But I’m so -‘

‘You’re still going to work? And going to school?’ Amy asked incredulously. ‘Why?  You’re set for life now.’ 

‘That’s Conner’s money, Amy. Not mine,’ I lightly admonished.

‘Novalee can do whatever she wants to do,’ Fatima said.

‘I don’t have all the plans worked out yet, but I do want to finish school. I’m thinking about using some of Grandpa Theodore’s money to start an online children’s fashion boutique.’

‘That’s awesome, Novalee,’ Fatima said, biting into another chocolate covered strawberry.

‘One of our frequent customers at the boutique, Dana, is also a Fashion Design major. We’re taking a class together this fall. She’s super cool. You guys have to meet her.’

‘Pass,’ Amy piped. ‘I think our circle is full, but we can put her on the waitlist,’ Amy deadpanned.

Fatima rolled her eyes. ‘You do know that Novalee can have a life outside of you, right?’

Amy’s only response to Fatima was an exasperated sigh, before rising from the edge of the pool and lying back on her reclined lounge chair. Swiping through her phone, she effectively dismissed Fatima without even a look in her direction.

‘Any-ways. I think an online children’s boutique is a great idea. People are willing to spend a boatload of money on their kids, even if they don’t shop for themselves.’

‘Fatima’s right. Wait, did I just say those two words together. Yuck.’ Fatima flipped Amy the bird. ‘Mother loved the bridesmaids dresses, and you know how much of a bitch she can be.’

Fatima snorted on a chuckle. ‘Say it one more time for my people in the back.’

Amy glared at her. ‘You have the talent, and I’ll give you the money.  You can have your online store up and running in no time.’

‘I’m sure Conner will cover whatever business expenses you need covered. No need to spend your inheritance,’ Fatima suggested. ‘You are carrying the next generation of Brathwaites,’ she said in a mock Irish accent.

I rolled my eyes and chuckled lightly. ‘Thanks, Amy. But I can’t accept your money. And I’ve already turned Conner down. I want to do this on my own.’

Fatima tsked. ‘When are you going to accept the fact that your boyfriend is fucking wealthy. Not rich, but wealthy. If he wants to spend his money on you, let him.’ I hadn’t told them about the penthouse purchase in Chicago. After finding out that we were having a baby, I agreed to be added to the deed.

‘You know I have the money,’ Amy coaxed. ‘I want to help you. Let me. You don’t need Conner’s money. Who even knows how long this thing between you two will last anyway?’  Here we go.

‘I think he’s going to propose,’ Fatima added. ‘I have a feeling it’s going to happen sooner than later.’

Amy belted out an incredulous laugh. ‘Don’t count on it,’ she added before untying her bikini top and tossing it to the ground.

‘Amy, can you please put your top back on? Conner’s office window is right there,’ I gestured. ‘He can see you.’

‘That’s so inappropriate. And trust me, nobody wants to see your balloon bags,’ Fatima sneered.

‘You wish you have tits like these,’ Amy bit back as she squeezed them.

‘Mine are fabulous and real,’ Fatima quipped. ‘And don’t be a fucking hater. Conner might propose. We all don’t need our daddies to buy our husbands for us.’

‘Fatima,’ I warned.

Amy glared at Fatima and mouthed, ‘Fuck you.’

I picked up Amy’s bikini top and tossed it at her.

Fatima reciprocated Amy’s response by mouthing, ‘Fuck you, too.’

Amy huffed as she put the tiny scraps of triangles against her breasts and secured the ties. ‘Fatima, you promised to play nice. Amy, you promised to leave the bitchy at home.’

Amy’s ivory skin turned beet red, and her eyes glistened with unshed tears. ‘You’re too good for him!’ She rose from her lounger and turned towards me, with her hands firmly on her hips. She stomped her foot as she yelled, ‘He’s not the settling down type! Never has been!  But you know what, forget it!  I’ll keep my damn mouth shut!’

‘Thank you,’ Fatima said exasperatedly. ‘But you need to calm the fuck down. Raise up like that again towards my pregnant cousin, and I’ll mop the floor with you, bitch.’ Fatima rose to her feet and stood in front of Amy.

‘Fatima, please.’ I stood too and wedged myself between them.

‘Why do you always take her side!’ Fatima balled her fists at her sides in frustration. ‘You’re blind when it comes to this girl!’ Fatima took a hairband off her wrist and pulled her long locks into a ponytail. ‘Open your fucking eyes, Novalee!’ Fatima shouted as she took off her hoop earrings.

‘Fatima, we aren’t in the hood. Try to act accordingly,’ Amy snapped.

‘Amy, for the last time,’ my voice was low and measured, ‘stay the hell out of my relationship.  We’re happy. We’re in love. And we’re having a baby. Worry about your own love life.’

‘Tell it, cousin.’ Fatima pointed her pointer and middle finger at her eyes then turned them toward Amy.

‘You know what? Fuck this and fuck you, Novalee!’ Amy stormed off toward the house.

I buried my face into the palms of my hands. My eyes stung with tears.  Fatima started to clap slowly. ‘It’s about time you set that bitch straight.’

‘Fatima, not now.’ I was exhausted. The gravity of the situation with my dad and with Amy was all too much.

‘I’m sorry, cousin.  But something’s not right with her. Amy is not a good person. Seriously. She’s a Lifetime Movie Network type of villain. Sometimes you are loyal to a fault, and you only see what you wanna see. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.’

‘Everything is just so messed up right now,’ I said, wiping tears from my eyes with the backs of my hands. ‘Sometimes I don’t know what’s real and it scares the shit out of me,’ I murmured, as I sat on the side of the pool lounger. Fatima joined me.

‘What’s going on? Is everything okay with you and Conner?’

‘I know he loves me. And I trust him with my heart. But I feel like there are secrets. So many secrets. Things that I should know. Things that may affect me, our baby, and our relationship.’ I stared off toward the house, where Amy disappeared.

‘Have you talked to him about this?’

I shook my head.

‘See, there you go. Put your big girl panties on and face this.’

‘I’m scared,’ I confessed, exposing my insecurities to Fatima. ‘I feel like the other shoe is going to drop. Everyone’s waiting on the sidelines for us to fail. Amy, my dad, Conner’s mom, Marcus. They all have an opinion about my life and about Conner. I so desperately want to prove them wrong.’

‘Prove them wrong, or prove yourself wrong?’ After a few beats of silence, she smiled softly at me. There was a hint of concern in her eyes before it was gone. ‘You know what they say about opinions. Opinions are like assholes.’

We both said at the same time, ‘Everyone has one.’ We both chuckled.

‘You couldn’t have picked a more complicated man to fall in love with, cousin.’ She reached over and clasped my hand. ‘It’s a total cliché, really. A man who gives his dick willingly but gives his heart sparingly.’

I groaned in frustration. ‘Ouch.’

‘Okay, that was harsh. But real talk, Conner loves you. My bullshit meter hasn’t gone off when it comes to his love for you. But seriously cousin, cut the crap, woman up, and have an honest and open conversation with him. Dark and mysterious is only sexy for a short time. Then that shit gets old, real quick.’

‘You’re right. I need to talk to him. But first things first. I’d better go check on Amy.’

‘She probably called for a ride,’ Fatima said before laying back and tucking her crossed arms behind her head.

‘Stay here and relax. I’ll be back.’

‘Wasn’t planning on moving,’ she called out, as I sauntered back inside of the house.

∞∞∞

I FLICKED ON A couple of lights as I walked through the great room. I noticed Amy’s overnight bag on the sofa. I decided to head towards the guest bath but found the door ajar and the light off. ‘Amy,’ I called out as I started up the stairs toward the east wing of the home. Hushed voices coming from the west wing, near Conner’s office, made me turn in that direction. As I approached his office, the sounds became clearer. It was Amy, and she was crying. I also heard Conner’s voice, angry and clipped. I twisted the doorknob, opening it slightly, but halted at the sight of Amy and Conner. So caught up they were, that they hadn’t noticed the movement of the door, or me standing behind it.

They stood across the room in my direct line of sight. They were close, so close that they were nearly touching. From my view, I could see both their side profiles as they stared daggers at one another.

‘How can you say that?  How can you act as if I mean nothing to you?’  Amy palmed Conner’s face with her hands before wrapping her arms around his neck.

My trembling hands flew over my mouth as I watched in horror. I could physically feel pain in my chest, from the tiny fractures now embedded in my heart.

He detached her arms from around his neck. ‘For fuck’s sake, Amy. Are you kidding me right now?’ he gritted out, his voice laced with wrath.

‘A baby? Really, Conner?’ She pressed against him fully and slammed her finger into his chest. ‘You think you can just throw me away like nothing ever happened?’ Amy lashed out bitterly.

‘Jesus fucking Christ,’ he bit out, before calming his voice. He scrubbed a hand over his face. ‘First off, calm the fuck down.’

Conner’s sudden composed demeanor and icy hard stare seemed to intimidate Amy. She took a couple of steps back. Tears streaked her face, and she wrapped her arms around herself. ‘Please don’t do this,’ she pleaded through sobs.

He turned away from her and headed towards the nearby sidebar. I heard crystal clinking and the pouring of liquid. When he came back into view, he was holding a tumbler of bourbon in his hand. He downed the amber liquid and observed her coldly as she stood there, a crying mess. ‘You sound like a psycho right now, Amy.’ The disgust was evident in his tone. He heavily slammed the tumbler down on his desk with a loud clank before coming face to face with her. ‘Stop your fucking crying. You knew what the fuck it was.’

‘I love you, Conner. Please don’t do this,’ she begged. She gripped his shirt with her hands. Conner stood there, unmoved and unbothered, as she leaned into him and cried against his chest.

‘Amy, get the fuck out and stay the hell away from Novalee.’ He pried her tightly bound fingers from his shirt.

‘I’ll tell her,’ she warned. ‘She’ll forgive me. I’m her best friend. But she’ll hate you forever.’ She backed away from him.

He was on her in a split second. ‘Oh, so now you want to tell her.’ His voice had an edge to it. ‘How fucking convenient. I was going to tell her, remember? You begged me not to. You told me that you wanted to be the one to tell her. Now what the fuck, Amy?’ Conner’s voice boomed as he yelled at her, causing Amy to flinch.

‘I get it, okay. You wanted to sample a new hot piece of ass. But how many others are there, Conner?  It’s not like she’s the only one you’re fucking. I know exactly how insatiable you are. It takes more than one woman to satisfy you.’  With every word she spoke, her confidence amplified. ‘Why only fuck her, when you can fuck me too?’ She ran fingertips down the swells of her breasts.

Conner shook his head in disgust. ‘I would never cheat on Novalee. Now leave. You’re embarrassing yourself.’ He turned from Amy, leaving her standing there fuming. I couldn’t see him. But I heard the light scrape of his office chair across his floor and assumed he was now seated at his desk. ‘And you’re not going to tell her a motherfucking thing. I’ll tell her.’ Amy stood there, stunned at first, which slowly transformed into anger. ‘See yourself out. I have work to do,’ I heard him say.

‘Fuck you!’ She frantically looked around the room. Her eyes landed on a nearby crystal paperweight. Picking it up, she hurled it at him, which must have missed him because I heard it crash against the wall behind him.

My options were to barge in and confront them both or to let this thing play out. I chose the latter option, wanting to see with my own eyes what they may not have had the guts to tell me.

‘Goddamn it, Amy!’

‘She’s not even your type! I know you. You like blonds with big tits. Girls that look like me. Why do you think I got these!’ She squeezed her breasts.

Conner was on her in an instant. ‘You don’t know shit about me. You were nothing but a faceless pair of tits and a cunt to fuck.’ She reached out to slap him, and he grabbed her wrist in mid-air. ‘It was only sex, Amy. And it was a long fucking time ago. Move. The Fuck. On.’

The floor beneath me tilted on its axis. My heart shattered against my chest.

‘You’re hurting me,’ she gritted out, causing Conner to abruptly release her wrist.

‘You actually think that I would cheat on Novalee with you? You’re fucking insane.’ He laughed bitterly.

‘No, no, no, no, no,’ she sobbed. ‘Baby you don’t mean it. Any of it.’

‘It was years ago! You married my best friend, for fuck’s sake!’

Amy sobbed harder. She clutched her gut, and violently shook from her uncontrollable cries.

The world as I knew it had changed. Changed into an ugly, cruel place that shit in the face of the happy, the in love, the stupid, and the naive. My hands trembled. My entire body trembled.

Conner stared down at Amy, clearly growing uncomfortable with her hysterics. In a more controlled and quiet tone, he said, ‘I love her. She means everything to me.’

More tears came from Amy, and she frantically shook her head and covered her ears with the palms of her hands. ‘I love her too,’ she sobbed. ‘I love you both.’

‘I’m going to ask her to marry me,’ he said, so softly that I barely heard him. That did it.  The dam broke. I could barely see through my tears.

‘What?’ Amy croaked.

‘She’s my world. My life. I can’t breathe without her.’ His shoulders sagged, and he tiredly scrubbed his hand along his stubbled jaw.

‘Please, don’t do this. I’m begging you. Let me remind you of what you’ve been missing.’  Conner shook his head, and he massaged the nape of his neck. Amy wiped her hand across her face in an attempt to dry the tears from her cheeks. She then untied her bikini top. The flimsy material fell to the floor, and she stepped to Conner and pressed her breasts against him.

‘Amy, what the hell? Put your clothes back on.’ He held her by the shoulders and pushed her back. He then picked up her bikini top and threw it at her. She let it fall to the ground once again.

‘I’ll beg for it, Conner. Please, fuck me. I know how you like it.’ She squeezed her breasts before removing her bikini bottoms. Conner stood there, immobile, his eyes narrowed at her.

I had never doubted Conner’s loyalty. But then again, I’d never seen him in this situation. Most girls never saw their boyfriends in this predicament. What was he going to do?  That question had me frozen at the doorway while I waited for his reaction.

A sly smile flitted across Amy’s lips at his silence. ‘You can put it anywhere, fuck me any kind of way you want.’ In an instant, she was on him, frantically wrapping her arms around him and pressing her lips to his throat.

Conner turned his face to avoid Amy’s lips as they went for his mouth, and he shoved her away from him. Her back slammed into the wall behind her.

∞∞∞

I SWUNG THE DOOR open to a startled and naked Amy and to an even more stunned Conner. For a split second, it felt as if we were all frozen in time. Everything stopped. The crying stopped. The screaming stopped. My heart stopped.

My vision blurred, but I clearly saw Conner rushing towards me. His hands were tightly clasped around my arms. He began to beg and plead. His words were all jumbled and muted in my ears, as I took in the scene before me and the revelation that my best friend and boyfriend – the love of my life, had slept together.

Amy reached for her discarded bikini, clutching it in front of her nude body. She wisely stayed back.

‘Novalee, it’s not what it looks like,’ Conner said, bringing me back into focus.

I lifted my arm and swung my open palm at him, which landed across his cheek in a loud slap. He didn’t react to the slap, but his head turned slightly from the force of it. He didn’t reach for his cheek. Instead, he attempted to reach for me, but I quickly backed up out of reach.

‘Don’t fucking come near me!’ I screamed as I headed to a crying and trembling Amy.  Conner rushed to me and blocked my path to Amy.

His pleas were all background noise to my ears, as I looked past him at Amy. She quickly dressed as apologies spilled from her mouth. I could hear my thumping heart in my ears. My breaths came faster and faster. My chest felt like it was caving in on itself. With every exhale, it was harder to inhale. I could taste the salty tears dripping down onto my lips.

I wanted to scream and tear the room up. I wanted to beat Amy to a bloody pulp. I wanted to grab Conner by the shirt and demand answers. But most of all, I wanted to get the hell out of there, away from the two people who meant everything to me and had just utterly devasted me.

Why do I always find myself here?

‘Novalee, please. I know this looks bad, but just let me explain. I love you. I would never cheat on you.’ Conner wrapped his arms tightly around me. ‘What happened between us was a long time ago. Before I met you,’ he pleaded.

I struggled to get free. ‘I hate you,’ I cried out as I frantically shoved and hit him until he released me. Conner defeatedly stood there while I pushed and punched him against his chest. Visions of Amy and Conner, and then of Andre and Keisha, swam in my head.

‘Novalee, I’m so sorry,’ Amy cried from where she stood.

‘What the hell is –’ The words died on Fatima’s lips, as she took inventory of the sight before her. ‘What the fuck?’

Conner reached for me again, and this time Fatima blocked him. ‘I don’t think so, asshole. Stay your muthafuckin ass back.’ She pushed Conner back forcefully, and I rushed to Amy. ‘Back up, cousin. You’re pregnant,’ Fatima called out before rushing to Amy and backhanding her, the loud slap echoing in the room. Amy’s entire body swayed, and she reached out to hold onto the wall to brace herself up.

‘Please don’t do this,’ Conner pleaded with me as he gripped his hair.

‘Go to hell,’ I spat. ‘We’re so over.’ I pushed my way past him, only to be brought up short with his hand around my arm.

‘What? No!’ Conner said with desperation etched all over his face and in his voice.

Fatima quickly rushed to my side and pried me out of his grasp. ‘Haven’t you done enough? Let her go, Conner.’

His desperation turned to irritation, as Fatima blocked his path to me.

‘You’re a fucking liar,’ I gritted out to Conner before gripping my side. It felt as if I had pulled a muscle when Fatima pried me out of Conner’s grasp.

Suddenly, all three of them had surrounded me, frantically asking if I was okay. If the baby was okay. ‘I’m fine,’ I yelled out through gritted teeth.

‘That’s it. I’m getting her out of here.’ Fatima led me to the door.

Conner reluctantly backed up a fraction. ‘Okay, okay,’ he said in a panic, as he shoved a hand through his tousled hair.  ‘Take my car. Make sure she’s okay,’ he hoarsely said.

‘Novalee, please. Talk to me,’ Amy pleaded.

A familiar numbness was now filling my chest. My survival instinct was kicking in. ‘Fuck you, Amy.’

Conner looked over at Amy, his shoulders slumped, his hands resting on his hips. ‘Amy, just get the fuck out already.’ Amy looked between us all before scurrying past us and crying hysterically.

‘Go through the garage. The keys are in the security box. Novalee knows the code,’ Conner said to Fatima. His eyes silently urged me to stay, but I turned away from him. ‘Please make sure she’s okay.’

‘I got her,’ Fatima said, defensively. ‘Oh, and Conner,’ she said over her shoulder as we exited the room. ‘Watch your back, asshole. You’re on my shit list now.’

∞∞∞

FATIMA AND I HEADED to the garage. ‘Do you need to go to the hospital?’

I shook my head. ‘I pulled a muscle. I’m fine.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes. If I thought something was wrong, I’d tell you. Just get me the hell out of here.’

We stepped into the spacious garage, and the motion censored lights flickered on. Conner’s cars were illuminated by the overhead and floor lights. ‘Oh, hell yeah,’ Fatima muttered under her breath. ‘Grab the keys to the Shelby.’

I walked over to the security box and punched in the code with trembling fingers. I grabbed the keys for the 1967 Shelby GT500 and tossed them to Fatima.

‘Let’s get the hell out of here,’ she said as she caught the keys.

Fatima took my hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze, before peeling off into the night. Curse words spewed out of her mouth, as we saw Conner at the front entrance, with his hands on his head, as he watched us drive away. I slumped down in the passenger seat and squeezed my eyes shut.

I remained silent on the way home, thinking about the mess my life had suddenly become.  My tears had stopped, my voice was gone, and my heart was numb. I buried the pain of tonight somewhere deep in my chest, wedged near the pain from Keisha’s and Andre’s betrayal.