Broken (Surrender Book 1)

I AWOKE WITH A start, jumping up and running to the bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet before dry heaving into the bowl. Conner’s side of the bed was empty. He was an early riser and was most likely downstairs in his gym, pumping iron. I eased myself up from the cool marble floor. I had a delicious ache between my legs from our night of lovemaking.

After washing my face and slipping on my robe, I stared at the box which sat beside my toothbrush holder. I picked up the pregnancy test box, my heart hammering inside my chest. Does he just have these things lying around? When did he go out and get a pregnancy test? I dropped the box like it was the plague.  I reached for my toothbrush and decided to brush my teeth instead.

This could not be my life right now. We were not ready to have a baby. Conner and I had only been together for a few months. My dad hadn’t even met him yet, and Conner’s mother had made it perfectly clear that I was not her favorite person.

I’d always imagined being a bride before a mother. My dad would be livid if he knew his little princess was in this predicament. I chuckled at the thought, but nothing was funny. Welp, he could just add it to the list of disappointments. He reminded me of them every time I spoke with him, which is why I hadn’t been around much lately.

What would Conner think if I was pregnant with his child?  Just a few months ago, he was a perpetual bachelor. Now he was faced with the possibility of becoming a father.  My thoughts were interrupted by Conner’s presence in the doorway. His large hands gripped the top of the doorframe.  He was shirtless with a pair of low hanging sweatpants on. His body glistened with sweat; his hair was damp. ‘I had Mildred go to the store,’ he said, gesturing over to the pregnancy test.

I rinsed and wiped my mouth before responding. ‘I wondered if you had these things just lying around,’ I said dryly.

‘Not exactly. I’ve never entertained women in my home. And I’ve never been in this predicament. I’ve never had sex without a condom before you.’

I glared at him. ‘Oh, so this is my fault?’

‘No. I didn’t say that. Shit happens, you know.’ How was he so calm about this?

‘Well, I don’t want to think about you and other women have sex while I’m standing here with a pregnancy test.’

He held his hands up in mock defense, then crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the door frame.

I picked up the pregnancy test box. ‘It’s probably just the stomach bug. You know it’s been going around.’

He stared at me, amused almost. ‘Just take the test,’ he calmly urged.

‘Okay.’ I took a deep breath. ‘Let’s just get this over with, so we can see that I’m not pregnant.’ I looked up at him and waited for him to excuse himself. ‘I’d like to pee in private, if that’s okay with you,’ I grouched.

He rolled his eyes before stepping out, closing the door behind him.

I opened the box and tore the plastic wrapper off the testing stick. It was one of those easy to read kits with precise results that displayed Pregnant or Not Pregnant. I followed the instructions from the pamphlet and placed the pregnancy test stick on top of some wadded-up tissue. While washing my hands, I stared down at the test stick as it computed. Then I look down at my flat abdomen. There wasn’t even the slightest bulge. I examined my fingernails. I needed a manicure. I looked closely at the ends of my hair. I needed a trim. I made a mental note to call Fatima later to set up an appointment. I needed a facial. My pores looked huge. I would call and make an appointment for Helena and me. I also needed to call Amy and check on her.

‘Anything yet?’ Conner called out from behind the door.

I opened the door and stepped aside. ‘I haven’t checked it yet. It says to wait three minutes.’

Conner held up the testing stick. ‘Conner, I just peed on it. The results won’t be ready that—’

The look on his face made me halt my words. He looked over at me with an unreadable expression on his face.

I snatched the test out of his hand. Pregnant. We both stood there, stunned by the little stick.

My hand felt as if it went numb, and I dropped the stick into the sink. Conner instantly wrapped his arms around me. ‘It’s okay,’ he soothed while holding me tight. That only made me cry.  He leaned down so that we were face to face. ‘It’s going to be okay,’ he said as he searched my face. I was too stunned to speak. The words were caught in my throat. ‘We’re having a baby,’ he said.  ‘You’re having my baby.’ Something that resembled elation shone in his eyes.

‘We’re having a baby,’ I said as tears fell from my eyes. I wrapped my arms as tight as I could around his waist. We held each other like that until my tears subsided.

We cuddled between the sheets after we showered together. ‘What did you want to tell me about Amy?’ I was ready to hear whatever he had to tell me about my bestie. What else could shake me to my core, like the news we’d just received?

‘Nothing important. This is all that matters,’ Conner said as he tightened his embrace. ‘I love you so much, angel.’

‘I love you, too.’

∞∞∞

I CHANGED INTO my workout clothes and laced up my sneakers. A brisk walk through town was just what I needed. I secured my cell phone into my armband pocket and grabbed a bottled water.

My doorbell rang as I was about to open my front door. I wasn’t expecting company and was not prepared for who I saw through my peephole. I pinched the bridge of my nose before opening my door partially. ‘Marcus, what are you doing here?’

‘You won’t answer my calls, so you left me no choice.’

I hesitated, suddenly feeling underdressed in my black yoga pants and matching lycra halter. No time like the present, I told myself, as I opened the door wide and stepped aside.

Even with dark sunglasses on, I felt Marcus’s eyes slowly roam over my body. I instinctively folded my arms over my barely-there breasts. ‘Is your bodyguard here?’ he asked, a sarcastic undertone to his voice.

I rolled my eyes. ‘It’s not cool to show up unannounced like this.’

‘Well, hello to you too, Novalee. Me, I’m doing great. Thanks for asking,’ he said dryly while his eyes perused my place. ‘It feels like forever ago since I was here last.’

‘It has been a while,’ I replied.

Marcus never had any problems attracting the ladies. With his smooth chocolate complexion, angular face, full lips, and sharp nose, he was a girl’s wet dream. The kind of visual eye candy that girls used when masturbating. Why he was so stuck on rekindling something between us, was beyond me.

I closed the door and headed to the refrigerator. I retrieved a bottled water for Marcus before opening mine and taking a drink. ‘Let’s talk.’ I leaned against the center island, and Marcus sat on a barstool across from me.

‘Is talking even allowed?  It seems like your new man has you on a tight leash.’ He tilted his head slightly. ‘Since when do you like the overbearing type?’

Marcus, who was usually pretty even keel, bristled with animosity. I mimicked his head tilt and narrowed my eyes. ‘Excuse you?’

‘You heard me,’ he asserted. ‘You think I forgot?  All the talks we used to have while you were in my arms, in that very bed?’ He pointed to my bedroom. ‘You hated how overbearing your father was. Well, congratulations, Novalee. You’re dating a man just like him.  I guess it’s true what they say. A girl finds a man just like her daddy.’

‘You don’t even know Conner.’ I shook my head defiantly. ‘And what you’re not going to do is sit here and talk about him or our relationship. Both are none of your business.’ I seethed with anger.

He studied me for a moment. ‘You’re different. Not as much of a pushover anymore.’

‘Gee, thanks,’ I deadpanned.

‘There’s more of an edge to you. That’s good. Something tells me you’re going to need it.’ He rested his forearms on the granite island slab and leaned forward. ‘Do you know him, Novalee?  Like, really know him?’ He regarded me intently.

‘What type of question is that? Of course, I do. Oh, and he saw the text messages, by the way.’

‘I assumed he did. Seeing that he paid me a little visit last week.’ Marcus took off his sunglasses and revealed a fading bruise under his right eye.

‘What happened?’ I asked, my gut twisting in knots.

He shrugged. ‘He rolled up on me at school last week. Found me in the parking lot. At first, I didn’t know who the hell he was. Ole’ boy pulls up in the parking spot next to me in a Porsche 918 Spider. He gets out of the car, fully suited, looking like the freaking mafia. He taps on my window, signaling for me to get out the car.’

I stood there, dumbfounded. Conner had no right. A couple of text messages from Marcus didn’t warrant this. I was not a child. I was not some damsel in distress. I could have handled this myself. Text him back. Handle your shit. You really don’t want me to. Things could become very…complicated for Marcus. Conner’s words came back to me. I leaned forward against the kitchen island and remained silent.

‘When I got out of the car, it immediately donned on me who this dude was. I remember seeing the two of you on t.v. You guys were on the red carpet at some Hollywood movie premiere.’ Marcus shook his head as he chuckled. ‘Long story short, he told me to stop contacting you. Dude threatened me and told me I didn’t want to fuck with him. That he always gets what he wants. That I had no idea who I was dealing with.’ Marcus’s eyes bore into mine. ‘He got the girl, so I guess that’s true.’ I fidgeted under his gaze as he unabashedly took me in.

‘And he just…hit you?’

‘Yeah. After I told him to go fuck himself and that his threats didn’t mean shit. That I was from Compton and didn’t scare easily.’ Growing up in Compton, California, Marcus had his fair share of run-ins with bullies. Being the smartest kid in class who spent most of his time in the library, rather than on the basketball court, didn’t do him any favors when it came to his street cred. But although he wasn’t popular in high school, the neighborhood O.G.’s respected him. They were all proud of him when he graduated from high school as valedictorian and got a full college scholarship to an HBCU in Texas.

‘What happened after that?’ I massaged my temples with my fingertips.

‘I told him that I was in love with you.’ My head snapped up to his. ‘That there was nothing he could do to change that.’ I shook my head at his admission. ‘I loved you when you were with Andre, but I couldn’t compete with his millions. When I finally got my chance with you, and then things didn’t work out between us, I thought maybe our timing was bad. You had just gotten out of a relationship. I made my move too soon.’ He ran his hand over his shadow fade. ‘Then I see you with this white dude, and I’m like… I have to try to get you back. I just couldn’t sit on the sidelines anymore.’

‘Marcus, I’m sorry, but—’

‘But you love him. And I’m sure the billions don’t hurt either.’

‘That’s not fair. I don’t care about money, and you know that.’

‘You say that, Novalee. Yet here you are again, with another rich dude with commitment issues.’

‘You don’t know him,’ I said, in a much lower voice.

‘I know he gets around. I know there’s a dark side to him. Dude is seriously fucked up underneath the suits, the women, and the fast cars. I told him as much.’ I winced. ‘I also told him that the Novalee I knew was sick and tired of people controlling her life and calling the shots. I told him that I didn’t trust him. That I saw right through him and that eventually, you would too.’ Our eyes met. My dark brown to his light brown. ‘I could tell I struck a nerve. He grabbed me by my shirt.’ Marcus shrugged, amused. ‘I told him I would be there to pick up the pieces when you left his ass.’ I palmed my face before heavily sighing. ‘Then, he decked me.’ He chuckled. ‘Dude can throw a punch. I’ll give him that.’

‘Oh, my God.’

‘I shoved him away from me, ready to box it out with cuz, but then campus security rolled up. And you know how those flashlight cops are.  They immediately thought I was the aggressor and threatened to call the boys in blue. So, I held my hands up and backed away. I’m no fool. I know how things could have ended up.’

The night after we returned from Chicago, Conner had come home with a bruised hand. When asking him about it, he gave me some bogus story about punching some guy at a bar while he was out with Quentin. I was skeptical, to say the least. ‘Marcus, I’m sorry. I had no idea. But the things you said to him…not cool.’

Marcus got down from the barstool and walked over to stand beside me. ‘Don’t apologize for him. And I don’t regret one word of what I said.’ He ran the tip of his finger up my arm and reached for a curly lock of my hair.

I stepped away from his touch. ‘Marcus, you have to listen to me. You and I are over. Conner and I love each other very much. This,’ I gestured between us, ‘is not going to happen.’ He squeezed his eyes shut before regarding me again.

I blamed myself for allowing things to go as far as they did between us. I used Marcus to fill a void in me and to nurse my bruised ego and lessen the pain of my broken heart. I wished that I could take it all back. Before we had sex, we were good friends. Now, that was ruined. We could never go back to the way things were before.

‘You don’t even know him, Novalee.’

‘No, Marcus, you don’t know him,’ I snapped, my voice laced with frustration.

‘Well, did you know that your boyfriend got my scholarship revoked?’ His balled fist hit the island top, startling me. ‘The goddamn funding got pulled. Oh, and to make matters even more fucked up, the disciplinary board says that they have proof that I cheated on my final exams. They’re threatening expulsion, Novalee.’

I shook my head in disbelief. ‘Conner wouldn’t do that. And he has no power at the university.’

‘Get real, Novalee. I did some research on your boyfriend. Dude has deep pockets and a well-connected name. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. They always can.‘ Marcus massaged the back of his neck. ‘I have never cheated a day in my life. He just wants me gone, away from you.’ He took a deep breath, before turning and leaning his back against the island edge. ‘I worked too hard to get to where I am. This shit isn’t worth it. I came here to tell you that. I’m done. Tell your boyfriend to lay the fuck off. This is my future he’s messing with. I don’t have a rich daddy to fall back on if this all goes south.’

I was stunned, the words stuck in my throat. ‘You said he threatened you? What did he say, exactly?’

‘He asked me if I liked going to school here. Told me it would be a shame to make it this far, only to have it all taken away.’

I swallowed back nausea.

‘I know you don’t love me,’ Marcus said, defeated. ‘I guess I just had to see you and hear it, face to face.’ He brushed his hands across my knuckles before pushing off the counter and standing up straight. ‘Tell him to leave me the fuck alone. He can’t take away everything I’ve worked so hard for over a fucking pissing contest. I bow out. He can have the girl,’ he said, as he put his sunglasses back on. Marcus walked out of my apartment without saying another word. I stood there, stupefied and fuming.

∞∞∞

I EXITED THE ELEVATOR ON the top floor of the Brathwaite Inc. building. I sashayed up to the receptionist station. ‘Hey, Lydia,’ I waved to a smiling Lydia. A couple of businessmen gave me curt nods as they walked past the reception area. I nodded in return.

‘Hey, Novalee! What a beautiful color that is on you,’ Lydia beamed, referring to my teal blue open shoulder shift dress. As soon as Marcus left my place, I changed my clothes and headed straight to Conner’s office.

‘Thank you, Lydia.’ I gave her a warm smile. ‘I need to see Conner.’

‘Mr. Brathwaite is actually in a meeting right now,’ she said as she scanned her computer screen. ‘But I’ll let him know that you’re here.’

‘No need to interrupt. What time is his meeting over?’

‘It’s alright, Novalee. I have strict instructions from Mr. Brathwaite to always put your calls and visits through, no matter what.’ She gave me a shy smile. ‘Have a seat. Can I get you something to drink?’

‘No, thank you.’ I headed towards the sleek modern lobby area. I absentmindedly flipped through a magazine, my mind reeling over the conversation that I had with Marcus. Conner had no right to put Marcus’s education at risk. Marcus had earned his scholarships for undergrad and dental school through his academic accomplishments. To have his scholarship revoked and to be suspected of cheating not only affected him but his entire family. He was the first in his family to go to college. I was not going to let Conner take it all away.

‘Novalee,’ Lydia called from behind the reception counter. ‘Conner said for you to head to his office. He’ll be out of his meeting shortly.’

‘Thanks, Lydia.’ I rose from my seat and headed down the long corridor to Conner’s office at the end of the hall. Lydia smiled as she watched me, curiosity once again gleaming in her eyes. It was evident that she had a major crush on Conner, always blushing whenever he was near. I understood. Many women were left flustered in his presence.

I strolled into his spacious corner office; my heels muffled on the plush carpet. His father’s corner office was down the opposite hall. Floor to ceiling privacy windows covered an entire wall. The city bustled below, and neighboring high-rise buildings surrounded Brathwaite Inc. I skimmed over Conner’s spotless desk. Four Montblanc pens were meticulously lined up in a neat row near his desk phone. I picked up a framed black and white photo of me which sat beside his sleek computer screen. It was a candid shot that Conner had taken with me unaware. In the photo, I was laughing hysterically, my head tilted back, and my wild hair blowing in the wind.

Conner walked through his office door. His presence suddenly filled the room, making it instantly seem smaller. ‘This is a pleasant surprise,’ he said as he closed the door behind him. He was impeccably dressed in a Tom Ford black suit, white dress shirt, and a maroon tie. I situated the picture back on his desk as he came over and wrapped his arms around me. He leaned down to kiss me on the lips, but I turned my head from him, causing his lips to brush my cheek. He gave me a puzzling look before releasing me. Straightening his tie and schooling his features into his usual stony mask that he donned for the outside world, he asked, ‘Everything okay, angel?’

I sat down in a chair in front of his desk. ‘Care to explain again how you bruised your knuckles?’

Conner sat back in his chair and tilted his head. ‘Care to explain why Marcus was at your place today?’ he deadpanned.

‘Checking up on me now, Conner? Which one of your lackeys do you have spying on me?’ I looked at him, straight-faced, and waited for his reply.

He tented his fingertips together in front of him, resting his elbows on the arms of his chair. His cocky and always in control demeanor usually turned me on, but at this moment, it irritated the hell out of me. ‘It’s only for your protection since you refuse to have security detail. Now…Answer. The. Fucking. Question,’ he said, even-keel.

I glowered at him. ‘Fuck you, Conner.’

His eyebrows climbed in amused surprise. ‘Well, you can. If you think it’ll straighten out this little tantrum you’re having.’

‘In your dreams,’ I said with a humorless chuckle. ‘How could you do that to Marcus?’

‘Why do you care?’ He looked at me impassively. If it wasn’t for the icy glint in his eyes, one could have misinterpreted him for being aloof, instead of furious.

‘Jealous?’ I countered, meeting his arctic stare.

He chuckled. ‘Yeah, that’s it.’

My fingers bit into the arms of my chair. ‘Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me? Have I ever lied to you?’

The icy glint momentarily melted away. Something else flickered in Conner’s eyes, but only for the briefest moment. ‘I didn’t plan on hitting the guy. He pissed me off, and I overreacted. But I told you to handle it, Novalee. And since you did such a piss poor job at handling it, I took matters in my own hands. You’re welcome.’

I felt my nostrils flare at his flippant response. ‘You had no right to speak on my behalf. You think I couldn’t handle a couple of text messages?’ I leaned forward and slammed my hand on his desk. ‘I don’t need saving! You’re so damn heavy-handed sometimes. It’s suffocating.’ I took a deep breath, trying and failing to steady my nerves. ‘I made it perfectly clear to Marcus today that we were over.’

‘And how did he take that news?’

‘He’s done, Conner. He said you win. Which is absurd, because I’m not a freaking object, some prize to be won. I’m your girlfriend. About to be the mother of your child.’

I swallowed the lump in my throat before asking him the next question. ‘Are you responsible for his scholarship being revoked and him being accused of cheating?’ Conner momentarily looked away from my eyes before meeting my stare again. I slumped back in my chair. Disappointment seeped through my pores. ‘Do you have any idea what you’ve done?’ I was met with his silence. ‘You can’t just play with his future like he’s an insignificant pawn. And for what? To teach him a lesson?’ I leaned forward, resting my elbows on his desk, and my forehead against the palms of my hands. ‘Some of the things he said to you were out of line, but you shouldn’t have confronted him in the first place. What if I confronted all the Sashas from your past? You get hit on all the time! They flirt with you in front of me, for goodness sakes. Women slide in my DMs all the time, just to taunt me about having had sex with you before.’

‘I’ve never disrespected you or given you a reason to doubt my loyalty,’ he defended.

‘And have I given you reason to doubt mine?’

‘No, you haven’t. But you’re asking me to fall back and not claim what’s mine. To stand by and let him disrespect me, disrespect us. That’s not who I am. That’s not going to happen.’ He stared back at me; his face resolute.

‘If you can’t see that there is something seriously morally corrupt about the things you did to him, then we have a big problem.’ I gathered my purse and stood.

‘Wait, where are you going?’ He asked, a bit of panic in his voice.

‘I’m leaving. I need some space from all this…from you. Don’t call me until you fix this.’

‘You can’t be serious right now?’ He asked, incredulously. He appeared perplexed as he rose from his chair.

I was at the door with my hand on the doorknob. In an instant, Conner was behind me, his hand pressed against the door, holding it shut. ‘Maybe I took things a little far.’

‘Conner, please.’ I turned to face him and looked up at him with resolve, frustration, and disappointment. ‘I’m staying at my place tonight. You need to stay at yours.’

‘What the fuck does that mean? Jesus, Novalee. I’ll fix it,’ he said. He caged me in with his arms outstretched, his palms flat against the door. ‘I’ll make everything go away.’ He lowered his head and looked me in my eyes. ‘Now, enough.’ Clasping the nape of my neck, he trailed kisses along my face and throat. He leaned into me, our bodies flush against the door. I kept my arms at my sides, and I balled my hands into fists. I turned from him, trying to avoid his kisses, which only provided him easy access to the beating pulse in my neck. He sucked on it with just the right amount of pressure.

I closed my eyes, reveling in the feel of his tongue, his lips, and his hands. ‘Conner,’ I warned through a sultry moan, as he slipped my panties down.

‘I’m sorry, angel. Now let me make it up to you,’ he said, as he dropped to his knees. He nuzzled his nose into my bare crotch and sniffed my center as if it were a fragrant flower.

I threaded my hands through his hair as he lifted my leg over his suit-clad shoulder. With my back against his office door, he made it up to me, alright. With his wicked-hot tongue. And I forgave him, through my stifled moans that he covered with his hand.