SWNOVELS Chapter 53
“I wish I was there,” Tyler says. “You shouldn’t go to this thing on your own, baby girl.”
I try to infuse my tone with confidence that I don’t feel. “I’ll be fine.”
“That shithead should be going with you,” he adds with a growl.
I sigh, not wanting to get into a discussion about said shithead right now. He tried to call me a few times after I walked out of his office four days ago, but he can go to hell. If he really wanted to be a part of this, he’d show his face and apologize for being such a giant dick. “I’ll be fine. I’ll call you later and let you know how it goes. Now I gotta go.”
I end the call with Tyler and head out of the apartment building, trying to ignore the churning in my gut and the stream of negative thoughts racing through my head. This time it will be okay. Third time’s a charm, right?
The sun is blinding when I step outside, and I shield my eyes from its glare, which is why I don’t see him until I almost bump into him. He holds out a hand to stop me from colliding with his solid chest.
My heart lurches into my throat, and both relief and anger barrel into me, each fighting for dominance. I choose the latter. It’s easier when dealing with him. “What the hell do you want?”
The arrogant asshole has the gall to gently grab my arm and flash me a smug half smile. “You have a scan today, do you not?”
I shrug out of his grip and glare at him, craning my neck to give him the full extent of my fury. “And what the hell has that got to do with you?”
He winces. “I’m sorry about what I said, Mel. That was a low blow.”
“Damn right it was low, you conceited jackass.” I try to move past him, but he blocks me, and the scent of his cologne makes my head spin. Damn, did he always smell this good? I shake my head to clear all the unwelcome thoughts that come with seeing him when I’m already so vulnerable. I hate Nathan James. “Get out of my way.”
He grabs hold of my shoulders, and I’m forced to look at his handsome face. I stuff my hands into my coat pockets so I don’t punch him in it. “I want to be there, Mel. At every appointment. I want to be a part of it.”
I shake my head. “I don’t need you.”
“I know that. But you said—” His voice cracks. “Don’t I deserve to be a part of our child’s life?”
Our child. A sob wells in my throat, and I swallow it back down where it belongs. “No!” His eyes fill with sadness, and my weak armor cracks. “But our child does deserve to know their father, so …” I shrug.
“So I can come with you to the scan?”
I nod but avoid looking at him. If I see the happiness in his voice reflected in his eyes, it will only break my heart more.
He steps back and opens the door of his car for me. I climb inside and lean against the door, trying to stay as far away from him as humanly possible. Once he’s inside, the car pulls away from the curb. We spend a few minutes in awkward silence before I realize I haven’t told him where my appointment is. I never told him I even had one. What the hell?
I turn in my seat and watch him stare out the window. So calm and self-assured, while I’m full of anxiety and fear. “How did you even know I had a scan today?”
He shrugs. “I’m a man of many talents.”
“You must know that’s a gross invasion of my privacy.”
He gives me his full attention. “What else was I supposed to do when you wouldn’t take my calls?”
“Because you acted like a giant asshole,” I remind him.
He licks his bottom lip and closes his eyes, like he’s trying to keep a lid on his emotions. “I’m sorry about what I said.”
“Yeah, you already told me that.” I turn and stare out at the people on the street.
“Why are you having a scan so early anyway?”
I press my lips together. Tears burn behind my eyes. I don’t want to have this conversation. Not now, not with him. I hope my silence conveys that.
He presses me anyway. “Is it because there might be a problem?”
I swallow the lump in my throat and swat away the tear that rolls down my cheek.
“If there’s something wrong, Mel, I should know. Let me—”
I cut him off before he can start playing the white knight. He does not get to be the hero here. “I lost two babies.”
“Mel, I had no idea. I’m sorry.” He reaches for my hand, but I yank it away.
“I don’t need your pity.”
He mutters something unintelligible, but I remain focused on the street outside and do my damnedest not to think about that time in my life. Thankfully Nathan doesn’t push me any further, and we spend the rest of the journey in silence.