Breakaway: An Accidental Marriage Hockey Romance (Sinners on the Ice)

Now

Sitting on the couch, I stretch my legs out in front of me, feeling exhausted. I had the day from hell at the magazine, and I have no desire to move, not even a finger. The slapping sound of Happy’s paws reaches my ears, and a second later I lock eyes with Travis’s dog.

I pat the couch. “Come on, Happy. Come here, sit with me.”

The French bulldog slowly walks closer and jumps on the couch. Huffing, he turns around several times before he finally settles down beside me with his head on my lap. I sigh and close my eyes, gently petting his slick, sandy-colored fur. It calms me down, and I even start to smile. Although I like all pets, I’ve always been more of a cat person, but this dog and Angie’s Doberman really make me reconsider.

Pets keep me company and don’t ask questions when I don’t want to talk about the things that are bothering me. Like right now, for example. I’m dreading the moment Travis gets home from work. He saw me crying in the elevator when we accidentally met in the office today. He’ll want to know what happened, but unfortunately, I don’t have an answer for him.

Lately, everything feels off.

My phone dings with an incoming message, and I grab it from the couch. I check my notifications and smile involuntarily when I see my best friend’s name.

Angie:

Saw your Stories. Why were you crying?

Me:

Stupid drama at work. I was just angry because things weren’t going my way.

Angie:

That’s like a default state for you these days. What’s wrong?

Angie:

and don’t even think about giving me that “everything is fine” bs

Me:

I don’t know. Nothing seems to make me happy right now. I got the promotion at work but can’t find it in me to be excited about it. Things with Travis are fine but…I feel weird

Angie:

I think I chose the worst time ever to go to France with Drake

Me:

You chose the best time ever. You already started showing, there’s no way you could’ve hidden your baby bump much longer. You don’t want Drake to find out before the trip

Angie:

True, but I still hate that I can’t be there for you

Me:

You are there for me, even if you’re far away. Wait…isn’t it the middle of the night for you?

Angie:

It’s 2am in Nice

Me:

You’re impossible! Get your pregnant ass back to bed!

Angie:

Shaking my head, I lock my phone and put it back down on the couch. I need to get going. Travis will be home soon, and I need to take Happy for a walk before that. With a sigh, I slowly move the dog off of me and stand up, hovering over him. His beady eyes focus on me, and a smile curls my lips. He’s such an adorable little pup. I’m happy Trav decided to get him five months ago.

“Give me ten minutes, Happy, and we can go.” I wink at the dog and head toward the bedroom.

With Travis’s place decorated in only white and gray, I’ve often felt as if I’m the only colorful element in it. It’s so sterile and pristine that it’s even started to affect my choice of clothes. Black and white, nothing bright or vivid. Nothing revealing or even a little bit provocative. I don’t feel like myself here. At twenty-six, I don’t feel like I have any control over my life.

But it’s not like I have anyone to blame except myself.

My relationship with Travis was a whirlwind. We hooked up for months, no strings attached, and then suddenly we became exclusive. Dates, staying at each other’s places, my belongings getting scattered all over his apartment without me even realizing it. I never told Angie, but I think her romance with Drake was something that pushed me to move forward. For years, she’s been the only stable element in my life, proof that not everyone leaves when things become a shitshow. Seeing her so happy and in love, I wanted the same. I didn’t want to feel left behind, and when Trav asked me to move in with him, I agreed. I thought it was the right thing to do, a logical continuation of our relationship. Almost seven months later…I’m sure I should’ve waited.

I feel lost most days, and I have no idea how to find myself again.

In the bedroom, I take off my black bodycon dress and put on a white hoodie and black sweatpants. Collecting my hair into a bun, I check my reflection in the mirror and purse my lips tighter. I look so gloomy, I want to cry.

I swear I’d do anything to change this terrible mood I’ve been in.

Closing my eyes, I count to ten in my head and then focus my attention on myself in the mirror again. “You’re going to be fine. It’s just a phase, and it’ll get better soon. Everything’s going to be alright,” I tell myself with conviction, hoping that if I say it enough I’ll actually believe it.

I take a step back, ready to head out when I remember that I wanted to try out a new leash I bought for Happy. Opening one drawer after another, I start to frown. I’m sure I put it here yesterday, but now it’s nowhere to be seen.

I’m rummaging through Travis’s sock drawer when my fingers brush something solid. My eyebrows knit together, and I grab a little box and take it out. The second I realize what I’m looking at, it falls from my trembling fingers.

No. No, no, no. He can’t be thinking about proposing, right? We’re not fucking ready.

My heart beats violently, and my breathing becomes ragged. I press my palm to my forehead, my eyes moving around the room. My body buzzes in a familiar way; a cold sweat breaks out all over my skin. Memories from my past come crashing down like waves during a storm, burying me under all the hurt and fear I felt when the truth about my ex, Kyle Edwards, was revealed. Heaviness makes my chest ache, and my vision becomes blurry. My mouth fills with saltiness, and I unclench my teeth, releasing my bottom lip.

With shaking hands, I take the box from the drawer again. What if I’m overreacting? Please, I want to be wrong. Slowly, I open the box and stare at a beautiful diamond ring. It’s simple, with a brilliant stone floating over a platinum band. This ring is something any girl would be happy to get, but not me. Tears run down my face, and a sob lodges in my throat.

I close the box and put it back where I found it. Wiping away my tears with my palms, I rush to the bathroom and kneel in front of the toilet. I don’t stop throwing up until my lungs start to hurt. Then, unable to move, I sag onto my ass. Something warm presses up against my hand on the floor and I squint, seeing Happy next to me. I scoop the dog into my arms and press him to my chest as silent cries rack my body.

I should’ve never agreed to be in a relationship with Travis. My parents’ divorce, my mom disowning me because I took Dad’s side, Kyle’s crimes—those things affected me way more than I was willing to admit. All those years back, I recognized the broken pieces of Angie’s soul behind her eyes, and it was exactly what drew us together. Two lost souls who found peace in each other’s company. She grounded me, giving me solace and fueling my body with confidence and self-esteem. I wanted to be better. With her finding her perfect match in Drake, I was frantically looking for someone to take her place…for someone who would help me build my life. Travis just happened to be there, and I fucking hate myself for leading him on.

Putting Happy back on the floor, I slowly stand up and drag my feet to the bedroom. My movements are slow and robotic; I’m not even thinking anymore. All I want is to get out of this apartment and out of Travis’s life. He deserves someone who will appreciate and love him, not someone who throws up at the sight of an engagement ring.

The front door opens and closes, and I’m still sitting on the couch with Happy’s head on my lap. After I packed my belongings, brought the boxes to my car, and took the dog for a walk, I returned to the living room and just sat, waiting for Travis to come home.

“Nev?” Travis calls out, confusion lacing his voice. His steps get louder, and a moment later he walks into the living room. “Why is your suitcase by the door?”

I hold his gaze, chewing on my bottom lip. Taking a deep breath, I say, “We need to break up.”

A loud, vibrating laugh bolts from his lips, and he runs his fingers through his blond hair. “Are you kidding me? Did I miss something?”

“Trav, I know how this sounds, and I’m incredibly sorry, but I can’t do this anymore.” I sniff, looking away.

He moves closer, crouching in front of me and putting his hands on my knees. “Nevaeh, look at me. Please.”

I lick my lips and swallow my nerves. Reluctantly, I meet his brown eyes. His brows pull together as he studies my face with a deep hurt behind his irises.

“What’s going on?” he whispers. “I saw you crying today at the office, and now you’re breaking up with me. Wha…How can I help you?”

A lonely tear trails down my face when I lean forward and cup Travis’s cheek. “I was crying because I couldn’t deal with my emotions. Because I was angry and disappointed that my coworker botched an assignment I gave her, and I took responsibility for it. No one blamed me, but I felt terrible. It’s like…everything is fine, but at the same time it isn’t. I don’t even know how to explain it to you.”

“Let me help you, baby,” Travis pleads, his palms running up and down my knees. “Sometimes things stop making sense, and we need a moment to find ourselves in the craziness. I’m here for you, and I will always be here for you. I will do⁠—”

“I saw the ring, Trav.” I shake my head. My tears are freely streaming down my face now. His eyes round, and his pupils widen. “I’m not ready…”

Travis leans back, his mouth hanging open. He threads his fingers through his hair, making a mess of his curls. “I wasn’t going to propose to you right away. I wanted to wait till your birthday.”

“In four months?” I hiccup. “I had a panic attack when I saw the ring. That’s not a normal reaction.”

His eyes stay on me, making it hard to breathe. Then he pushes away from me, rises to his feet, and starts pacing back and forth. The longer he keeps quiet, the more uncomfortable I feel. I want him to shout at me, to tell me how wrong I am, but instead, when he finally looks back at me—I see tears.

“Travis…” I whisper, my voice trembling.

“So, this is over? We’re over? Or you just need a break?”

“I haven’t been myself for a while now. Nothing has been making sense. Nothing is bringing me joy.” I look down at Happy, and my heart constricts painfully. “I need to get myself together first. To work on my issues. Anything that will make me feel like myself again. You deserve better.”

He runs his palm down his face. “But what if I only want you?”

“You don’t.” I shake my head. “My parents were never happy together. My mom cheated on my dad with his best friend. All I ever saw was pain and hurt. Lies and scandals. Even my first boyfriend turned into my worst nightmare. I have no idea what it means to love someone without holding back, what it means to lose myself in someone without being afraid that I will become a different person. I’m not capable of the love you deserve.”

“I’ll wait for you. No matter how long, I will.” He stomps back to the couch and grabs my hands in his, bending down to look me in the eye. “You’re it for me, Nev. And I will wait for you to see that I’m it for you as well. The way we met…it was destiny.”

It was just a broken elevator. The words hang on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow them down. We were never right for each other…and once he’s had time away from me, he will see it too.

I nod, pulling my hands out of his grip. “Okay. Let’s talk again in a few months.”

“A few months?” he asks, taken aback. I stand up from the couch. “Where are you going? You don’t have a place to stay, and it’s already eight o’clock.”

“I booked a room for tonight. I’ll figure out the rest tomorrow.”

“You can stay⁠—”

“No,” I say and stroll toward the hallway. I don’t even allow myself a second glance at Happy. Because if I see the dog, I’ll lose it again.

Right before I grab my things, Travis catches my elbow and turns me around. His eyes desperately search my face, his lips quivering. “I love you, Nev.”

“I love you too,” I lie and wrap my arms around his shoulders, hugging him tightly.

I know this is the end. I have no right to continue giving him false hope. This man deserves to be happy…just not with me.

“Bye, Travis,” I whisper and step back, taking my suitcase.

Waiting for the elevator, I prop my shoulder against the wall, feeling defeated. The fear of ending up with the wrong person is catching up to me like never before. If I know anything for certain, it’s that I don’t want to be like my parents. In a loveless marriage. Zero respect for one another. After watching them, I know it’s better to be alone than with someone who isn’t right for me.

Unfortunately, I let myself be fooled that I could build something with Travis. Something big and full of love. Something that would last forever, even if deep down I knew it was an illusion, I just refused to admit it.

My only regret is that I had to break his heart to realize it…while there’s only emptiness in my own.