Blue

A VIBRATION from my bedside table stirred me awake. Groaning, I peeled open my eyes, just making out Sophia’s arm as she reached over my head for my phone.

“Is that her?” she asked, moving her body haphazardly across mine when she realised she wasn’t within reach. There was an irony to be found in her movements. She was so far from reach of the truth. We’d already established there was no other woman. But I knew one of my wife’s worst habits was not learning when to draw her losses. It’s why we lived the same day, over and fucking over. Day in and day out, like a revolving fucking door. Only the door was broken.

“No,” I said, catching her wrist in my grip and halting her.

The buzzing continued from beside me, my phone the only light in the room’s darkness. I pushed her away with force as I sat up. I didn’t know who the hell was ringing me at this hour. Or what they could possibly want.

Noah had his own unique ringtone, so it wasn’t him. And if there’d been an emergency at the club, I’d have had a different type of alert come through on my phone.

“It is, isn’t it?” she spat. “Does she know you’re married, or do you take off your ring when you’re with her?”

My head throbbed, threatening a headache. “Is that what you did the night you cheated?” I asked, giving myself a moment’s pause. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. Never had I rendered my wife speechless until now. The woman usually had an answer for everything, often coming across as unintellectual just to have her voice heard. Though I never married her for her brains or lack thereof.

It was her face.

Her pussy.

Her willingness to help in return for financial security.

Damn, maybe even her loyalty.

Her fucking friendship.

Only time taught me what a brilliant actress she was. I knew as well as she did, eleven years was too long a time to not let your mask slip. We were both guilty of our circumstance.

“Nothing to say? Just a second ago, you seemed to be so fucking sure of yourself. Do you have any idea how absurd you sound? Please, Sophia. Just… give it a rest.”

Ignoring her scowl, I moved to the edge of the bed, planting my feet on the floor to balance the sway of the room as I picked up my phone.

James Sterling, my partner (more like my boss), was likely a second away from reaching my voicemail before I hit the little green button.

“James.”

“Walker. Did I wake you?”

“It’s fine. Everything alright?” I asked, dropping my elbows to my knees and fisting a hand into each of my eyes, attempting to dull their ache. The alcohol in my system didn’t feel as good as it did not so many hours ago.

“I’m not too sure yet.”

The covers draped around Sophia as she moved onto her knees, closing in on me. Then she leant forward, moving her ear near my own, listening in on my conversation with no shame. “What does he want?”

My lip curled as I covered the speaker with my palm. “You don’t have the right to violate my privacy just because you’re my wife.”

James said something else through the line. I could barely contemplate what he asked of me with Sophia breathing down my neck and my head pulsating. I considered hanging up, but he didn’t often call my personal number. Our business musings were usually allocated to email with the five-hour time difference between us. And Miami was too far away for a casual face-to-face.

“Walker.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Did you hear me?”

I hesitated. “No.” Then, because I felt the ridiculous need to defend myself and my joke of a marriage, I told him what I considered a white lie. “My signal must have dipped out.”

“Hmm. How is business at the club? Noah doing as he’s told?”

My brows pinched. “Everything seems to be on the up. We’ve been given the go-ahead for fight night. Hudson’s looking strong. And my brother does whatever the fuck I tell him to do.”

James Sterling founded Blue Lagoon from scratch, and alongside his name it was regularly in the spotlight for being controversial, operating as a multi-functional business. A nightclub, a mixed martial arts gym, and events arena.

It had been years since he’d moved to Miami and taken a backseat. After working my way up to the top at the tender age of twenty-three and seeing something in me my deadbeat parents failed to recognise, he gave me a thirty percent partnership. At the same time, he established something he considered a more sophisticated business–Blue Lake Airlines.

Granted, I worked myself to the bone to get where I was today. To try and give back what I took. I even sacrificed my happiness for Noah’s, marrying Sophia to aid my case in getting him out of foster care. And since the business and myself had grown, James now only checked in every quarter instead of once a fortnight, which was why his phone call felt entirely out of scope.

“Something tells me that’s not why you’re calling,” I stated more than asked.

“Always so perspective, Walker. No, I suppose it’s not.” He was silent for a moment, and then, “Blue has secured a place at The University of Duke without consulting me first.”

At the mention of her name, my interest was piqued. “Go on.” I leant into my phone and away from Sophia as she shifted somewhat closer. So fucking thirsty for a taste of nothing that concerned her.

“I don’t like it. Not one bit. But she wants this. I’d like her to stay with you and Sophia, if that’s okay.” He paused. “Just until she gets settled. I trust that she’d be better accommodated with you than in halls. I don’t want her living with a bunch of unruly teenagers. She’d stand out like a sore thumb. I can email you all the important details in the next few days if you figure it’s something you can do for me. You’ll be paid accordingly, of course.”

“Sure,” I said too quickly. I wasn’t thinking through the logistics. Now wasn’t the time to divulge information on the problematic relationship with my wife. There was no simple explanation to confess. And like she knew just what I was thinking, she dragged her fingernails down my back, wanting to remind me of her presence. However, it was impossible to forget with her a hair’s width away. “Is that everything?”

“Do you need to be somewhere? Are you in a rush?”

“No rush, boss.”

Except for the opening and closing of a drawer through the line, he remained silent. After a heavy sigh, he finally continued, “No,” he said, with what I could only assume to be a cigar in the side of his mouth with the way his accent faltered. His next words were clearer. “That’s not everything. I’d prefer it if you could fly out and accommodate her on the plane. The idea of her by herself doesn’t sit well with me, regardless of owning the aircraft. I’m not going to tell her what I’ve planned—she’ll undoubtedly go against my wishes and purchase a flight with a competitor just to spite me. If she did that, I’d have no one to supervise her. No one to tell me all there is for me to know, while at the same time keeping her safe from any foreseeable harm.”

I heard the click of a lighter, and then he sucked in a breath.

He meant no one to supervise her that wouldn’t look like the typical help he usually hired to take care of his assets; black suits and stoic faces. He wanted someone discreet. Not a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I gnawed on my cheek, hiding the smirk that ached to pull at my lips. Images of James’s seventeen-year-old daughter giving him a hard time amused me more than it should have. No one else had that type of pull on him. No one would dare try.

“She’s… fragile. And I need to know she’s safe,” he reiterated. “I trust she’ll be that with you.”

It made me wince, but I promised him anyway.

“I’ll take care of her,” I murmured.

I had once already–and how much more fragile could she be compared to then?

At my words, Sophia’s eyebrows pulled together, repeating her earlier question through gritted teeth. “What does he want?”

I shoved her aside and stood from the bed, my free hand rising to grip the back of my neck. Something occurred to me. “Does she know?”

“No, and let’s keep it that way. If she wants to move to London badly enough, she’ll do as I ask one way or another. Can you have your brother handle the club while you’re away?”

I nodded in agreement, though he couldn’t see. I had every faith that Noah could handle The Lagoon without me. I’d taught him everything he knew. I just liked to keep him on his toes by bossing him around the way an older brother should and could.

The two of us had a lot of respect for James. He was the man who made it all happen. The reason we had no financial burdens. The man who got us out of the rubble, despite the part I had to play in his own. In a way, he was more of a father than my own flesh and blood. That was enough for me to accept his proposition without asking questions.

The next words from his mouth were what really made it worthwhile.

“You do this for me, and I’ll see that you’re rewarded highly for everything you’ve done for me over the years.”

“You’ve done enough,” I said sincerely. If anything, I owed him. There were more zeros on my bank balance than I knew what to do with. I already owned the expansive townhouse me and Sophia lived in. Four holiday homes–one in Barcelona with a private beach and its own marina. Another on an island in the Maldives. One in the states and the fourth in the French Alps.

Not that I ever made time to go on vacation. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d spent time at either one. As sad as it seemed to anyone who wasn’t me, work was my lifeline.

I heard James blow out smoke through the side of his mouth. “No. I’ve been thinking about it for a long while now, son. Because of you, the Club is thriving, and I’m not getting any younger. It’s an excruciating business. There’s no time like the present to let you lead. I’ll have my solicitor draw up the negotiations for a generous sum, and then if you’re happy, we can go ahead with a buyout.”

I was silent on the other end of the line as I allowed his words to sink in. It wasn’t until he said, “If you must, you can consider it gratitude for the past,” that I realised he was being deadly fucking serious.

“Well, shit.” My hand dropped from my neck, and my lips curled with ease. It seemed a lot for a thank you. But when you compared his club to his daughter’s life, I supposed there was no comparison.

“What?” Sophia questioned. Her eyes grew wide, though her lips remained downturned. Wasn’t she bored of asking the same question, knowing I wouldn’t give her any answers? Or did she hear the word sum, and the reason behind her wide eyes was because they’d lit up with pound signs?

James chuckled, seemingly at ease when compared to the organ in my chest. “Don’t let me down.”

“Never. If that’s everything, I’ll organise a flight over as soon as you give me the go-ahead.”

Once I’d hung up, I placed my phone back onto my bedside table and flicked on the lamp beside it. Adrenaline flowed through my veins. There wasn’t a chance in hell I’d be able to fall back to sleep with the way I felt. I’m not sure how much Sophia heard, but she was grinding her jaw against her teeth. By the ugly look in her eyes, I knew that she was gathering words of spite to throw at me. And like clockwork–predictable as fuck–she raised her voice and began hurling abuse in my direction.

“You’re leaving? To fly some teenage girl back here?”

With a nod of my head, she jumped from the bed and got in my face. I expected her to lash out. And I knew it didn’t matter to her why I was leaving–not when it came to work–but because I wasn’t putting her first, and she’d grown tired of it. Tired of not being able to mould us into a real-life it couple, like her Z lister friends assumed us to be.

“Tell me why the hell I agreed to marry you?” she accused.

She hadn’t forgotten, but I wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to remind her.

“You married me for the weight of my wallet and the size of my cock.”

It was nasty, but it was the truth.

“God, Walker, why are you acting like such a cunt?”

Not wanting to have the same mundane fight we often had, I stepped away from her and into our walk-in closet, holding my tongue between my teeth before I said something I couldn’t take back. Inside, the white lights came to life by motion. There was no saying when James would expect me in Miami, but I took my suitcase and my rucksack from their place beside my shelves and began packing. I imagined it wouldn’t be long before I got his email. In my head, it made sense to be prepared. Besides, everything I was packing wasn’t solely for the flight there. Me leaving was inevitable. The timing of the trip just worked out in my favour.

“How long will you be gone for?” Sophia asked, eyes darting from me to my luggage.

“I’m not sure. However long it takes.”

My response would have been the same if she’d asked, “How long will we be separated?”

I hadn’t told her about the penthouse I’d spotted on my run all those weeks ago. That I’d been in touch with the estate agent and signed a six-month lease. Call me a coward, but it was all about finding the right time–choosing the right moment. So far, no moment had been particularly appropriate. Especially this one. It wasn’t the right time to tell her I wasn’t coming back here, with or without Blue. Fuck, Blue Sterling had absolutely nothing to do with this, but I’m certain Sophia would’ve found a way to use it against me. The truth was, I had no idea why it had taken me so long. It’s not like we had children to think about. I made sure of that. And Noah was grown now. An adult. Sophia had served her purpose in making me look like a responsible guardian all those years ago when I was finally able to give my brother a stable home. Something he never had with our parents.

If anything, I did Sophia a favour as much as she had me. I gave her comfort. Security. I took care of her emotionally, financially, and sexually. Why did she always expect more? It was never promised.

I gave it my best shot.

I’d stuck it out for this long.

And I hadn’t fucked anyone else, despite being tempted. Despite every offer.

All I knew was what James asked of me served as the perfect diversion from the bumpy road I didn’t wish to travel. His request had come at the ideal time. It was a classic distraction, and with any luck, the distance between Sophia and me would perhaps knock some fucking sense into her. Maybe she’d realise how much better things could be if we were free of one another. Find a man who could give her what I didn’t have inside of me. Maybe not in her head, but in mine, I knew we were done. And ironically, though I still cared, my heart knew there wasn’t a way to save whatever it was we’d lost.

I was so set on what I was going to do, I could barely concentrate on what it was I was doing. I threw shirt after shirt, trousers, sweats, and underwear into my suitcase without a second thought.

Then, contradicting her earlier tone, Sophia tried to ease herself back into the bravado of being the perfect fake wife, only pissing me off further. “Do you need that many outfits? You’ll crease your shirts.”

Jesus fuck.

Refusing to answer, because the only answer I had on the tip of my tongue was a bitter no, her features began to show her panic. With barely any warning, her bleak tone turned into a yell. “You aren’t going across the country for the sake of some girl you don’t know. I’m your wife. You married me.”

My muscles tensed as she took a step closer to me, her eyes never flinching from my face. Still, I ignored her and continued my packing. I didn’t need all the clothes I was piling into the suitcase, that was true. I could afford a whole new wardrobe and leave these right here for her to burn if she wished. But it was for the best I kept my hands busy as not to throw my fist into the fucking wall.

I was losing my mind.

Sophia was making me lose my mind.

She pulled things from my suitcase in her haste and threw them on the floor. “Answer me!”

“She’s not just some girl. Jesus, Soph. It’s my job.” My patience was on the offset. I wasn’t sure how to handle this any better than I already was. Violence wasn’t the answer, but that didn’t stop my blood pressure from rising and my fists clenching whatever scrap of material I gathered in my hands.

“It’s not your fucking job. You’re allowed to say no.”

I dropped the shirt I held and grabbed hold of her forearms, pulling her against me and forcing her arms to wrap around my waist. She screamed muffled obscenities into my chest, and her words slowly shifted into sobs. She hadn’t cried in my arms since her parents died. Which I supposed was another reason I felt so tied to us. While work was my lifeline, I was hers.

Though maybe this was it.

Maybe she finally realised just how wrong we’d gotten all this.

She couldn’t love me.

How could she?

I gave her nothing to love.

“What the fuck were we thinking?” I sighed against her hair. It was a loaded question. She knew as much. But with nothing to say, she just held me tighter. All I could do was brush my fingers through her tendrils of dark hair. I might not have ever been in love with her, but I still cared about her. Fuck, some part of me still fucking cared. Despite everything, eleven years was a long time to remain in a relationship with someone and not feel a thing. It was only natural I felt some type of way. I just wasn’t able to give her what she truly wanted.

I could give her the white picket fence, the picture-perfect Christmas card, but none of it would ever be real. We would never be real.

“When I used to envision our future, this was never what I had in mind,” I muttered.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry for what I did to us.”

I’m sorry, I thought. For thinking I could marry her first and fall in love second.

Regardless of her apology, I knew better. We’d been through this, time after time. Accepting her apology was no better for me than inhaling toxic waste. Admitting mine would only hurt us further.

“It’s fine,” I said, trying to settle her. When I loosened my grip and put a little space between us, her hazel eyes fought to hold my own. There was a spark of something between us, but nothing I believed was worth igniting for a temporary truce. Nothing worth igniting at all.

“Come back to bed,” she said. “Please.”

She tried to close the space between us, her lips kissing the corner of my mouth as I turned my head away from her.

“I can’t.” I won’t. “I need to finish packing. I’m wide awake–I may as well pull an all-nighter and get things in order for Noah before I go.”

Her features morphed back into anger, and then she pulled at her hair. “I don’t get it. Why won’t you just kiss me if there’s no one else? Why won’t you fuck me?”

I reared back at the outburst, my lips curling into a sneer. She had no right to demand anything of me after what she did. For someone who claimed so hard to love me, it made zero fucking sense. And if I couldn’t make sense of it, she sure couldn’t. Just because I never married her out of love didn’t disguise the fact she was mine, that she carried my last name, that we agreed to remain loyal.

It wasn’t just about what she did, but the feeling of betrayal after everything I’d given her. Everything I continued to give to her. I grieved for the life I never had. I suffered for the life I never knew.

My jaw ticked.

I was over it.

So fucking done.

I caught her eyes, knowing they’d convey everything I refused to voice. We’d been through it plenty of times before, there was no reason to keep the merry-go-round running. I wanted to get off.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she seethed. “You pushed me to it. You might have married me, but Noah always came first.”

Not being able to help it, I shook my head on a laugh. Noah was the reason I’d married her; it was only right he came first.

“You knew what you were getting yourself into when you stood at the altar and said I do,” I snapped.

“I just wanted you to see me, Walker.”

She wanted me to see her.

“I wanted you to get angry. I wanted you to fight for me.”

Fight for what?

She stepped into me, stealing my last shred of patience. “When it wasn’t Noah, it was the club. It was never me.”

She just didn’t know when to fucking stop.

“Out of curiosity, where do you think my money comes from, huh, Soph? Who the fuck pays for all this?” I spread my arms out wide to elaborate my point. “You knew love was never in the cards. And you wouldn’t have any of this if it wasn’t for the hours I put in to get us here. Your designer clothes, your social lunches. That five-carat diamond ring on your finger–the one you bought yourself while the one I proposed with sits in a fucking jewellery box on whichever one of these thirty fucking shelves. You can’t say I didn’t try to love you. You’ve never made it fucking easy.”

Her eyes lit up with fury, and her palm collided with my cheek hard and fast. My jaw tightened, and I watched her take a step back into the coat rail as I stepped forward.

Her hand covered her mouth, and then she was speaking between her fingers. “Walker, no, I’m so sorry.”

My skin burnt with the aftermath of her slap, and my head pounded with rage. So much that I struggled to control my clenched fists. Despite feeling so angry that I wanted to punch her, remove her from my life forever and throw her to the fucking sharks, my fist drove past her, hammering into the wall behind her instead. Her synthetic apologies ran laps around my head rent-free, only contributing to the consequences of her actions and the consequences of me drinking too much alcohol hours before.

I should’ve known marrying for convenience would have long-term side effects. Sophia was a parasite. She infected my body, my life, and now… now she was making me sick.