Blood of the Past

I stared at the mattress, knees up and hands folded together. The leader took my first ultrasound image to the alpha. As to why he had a sonogram machine to begin with, I couldn’t say. I could say I never expected my first ultrasound to go down like that.

Someone walked in the door, and I didn’t need to meet his eyes to know who he was. “I brought you more food and water.”

“I have a plan.” I finally turned to look at him. “I have a plan to escape this hell, and I need your help.”

He set the plate in front of me. “Brianne, I can’t…”

“Do you want to prove to yourself that you’re on the right side? Take action. You didn’t keep your mouth shut just to watch me rot in here, did you?” I looked at the plate.

He shook his head a bit. “No, I didn’t.” He sat down. “You can eat.”

“If I eat, I’m only giving my stomach false hope. You’ll stay away for another week and I’ll have to go through the pain of starving all over again.” I pushed the plate away. “I’m not hungry anymore.”

“You should eat for your baby.”

I locked eyes with Marcos. “Noah Hauze.”

“What?”

“Noah Hauze. In case you were wondering what my husband’s name was.” Glancing at my stomach, I grabbed Marcos’ hand and placed it on my stomach. “His child. Our child. He would have been overjoyed to be a father. That was all he wanted, you know? Noah so badly wanted to be a dad. I was the one holding off. We’d been married six years, and I wasn’t ready for kids. I didn’t think I ever would be. Ironic that I’m the only one left alive to carry the baby and raise it.” I let go of his hand, but he kept it on my stomach as if he expected the baby to kick this early. “But it’s too late now. What’s done is done.” I grabbed the glass of water, drinking it. “I’m doing this for Noah.”

Marcos shook his head, pulling his hand back. “That’s the wrong reason to raise a baby.”

“What do you suggest I do?”

“I can’t make that choice for you. I just...think you might be happier if the choice you make is for you.”

I snickered. “For me? You are very clearly not a father. Or a parent at all. You’d make a terrible father, Marcos.” I rested my head against the wall. “When you grow a little person inside of you, all the choices you make are no longer about you, or for you.” I twisted my body ninety degrees until my legs hung over the edge of the bed. “I’ve come to accept it, though. I think by now, I’m ready to fight for this baby.”

He nodded a little. “That’s why Noah fell in love with you, isn’t it?”

As I nodded, I hugged myself. “I was different then, when we met. I wasn’t the kind of girl who wanted to settle down. I didn’t want kids. I didn’t want to get married. I didn’t want a mate.”

“What happened when he came into your life?”

I looked at the space between Marcos and I. “The same thing that happens to every wolf. She told me he was our mate, and I cursed myself for letting it happen. I thought maybe I could just reject him and call it a night. Noah didn’t let that happen.” I smiled at the thought. “He called me out on it right away, telling me he knew I wasn’t too happy about being mated to him.”

“So what did he do about it?”

“Nothing. Noah did absolutely nothing and left me alone. For a week. But we kept running into each other. I accused him of stalking me but he said that we just lived similar lives. So he made a deal with me. He said if he kissed me and I felt nothing, he’d let me reject him so we’d never bother each other again. I agreed..” I curled my toes. “But when he kissed me, I wanted every part of him. It wasn’t just the bond. He’d been the best kisser, and I wanted more. But I was too stubborn to admit it.” I looked at Marcos.

He nodded a bit. “So, how did you admit it?”

“They started as little kisses, here and there. Whenever we’d run into each other, we’d steal a kiss like it was a game. And every kiss was more addicting than the last. But when we ran into each other at one of the alpha’s get togethers, we tried to just steal one kiss. One...kiss…” I closed my eyes. “But one kiss turned into two. Then three. Then his lips were on my neck…it happened so fast, Marcos. The clothes were ripped away like we couldn’t get them off fast enough.” I pictured that night all over again as the feelings rushed in. I forgot what it felt like to be loved. I forgot what it felt like to orgasm. “I never let him go after that night. We were married in six months, and I never regretted any of my decisions.”

Just as Marcos placed his hand on mine, I opened my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Am I a terrible person for thinking I’d give up this pregnancy to bring him back?” I asked.

He shook his head. “No, you’re not terrible, Brianne. You miss him. Your bond to your husband is stronger than this baby. But maybe someday you’ll get there again.” I nodded, assuming he meant I’d love my baby just as much.

“Have you ever loved anyone?”

He lifted his hand from mine, letting the warmth come back to me. It was overwhelming, and I’d give anything for just a touch of his coolness to steal some of the heat. “Vampires can’t love.”

“Why not?”

Marcos pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, placing his palm against my cheek. “Because we are destined for destruction. We hurt everything we touch.”