Blinded

In all my life I had never seen my mother so weak looking. Mother was a strong, confident woman, full of pride. Her most important rule, no one messed with her family. She became more protective after father passed. If anyone dared say something about us in a negative manner you would get an earful. I loved her deeply for this, even though when I was younger I was embarrassed by her. I soon learned it was something she did for all children. If she knew them or not she defended them. Even against their own parents if she felt the need. I saw this first hand when she learned of a classmate who couldn’t go on a field trip. Mother couldn’t stand the little girl’s crying and talked to the parents. It was a large misunderstanding that had to do with financial concerns in the end. She paid for the child to go, so that all my friends would be there for the event. I admired her, the woman who spoke for children. I admired Skylar who did the same. I admired my father for putting his children first. It sparked the need to be a voice for them too.

Looking at her now, my breath caught in my throat. Where was the woman I knew? Why did she looks so different in the hospital setting? Her pale skin, sunken eyes, stringy hair, and clammy hands had all gone unnoticed before. A light blanket covered her. Her head propped by an overly fluffy pillow. Each hand was exposed, one had an drip for fluids connected. There was a heart monitor and a couple other wires I didn’t questioned. I stood there feeling useless and wanting desperately to wake her so I could cry and she would comfort me with words saying everything would be okay. I hadn’t cried in a long time. However, I could only compare myself too a small child, not knowing what to do next. Did everyone feel this way when a love one was ill or close to death?

“Ms. Burnett.”

I turned to the voice by the door. I hadn’t really dared to step in more than a couple feet. I was so frightened by what would greet me. I quickly entered the room further and stood by the bed. “Is she going to be okay?” The blue eyed doctor, Lowell, looked to me and smiled. I didn’t make eye contact for long before focusing on mother once more. “I didn’t think it was this bad. She said it was just a cold.”

“Peprika is it?” I nodded, “She has a severe case of pneumonia. If you are up to it I would like to go over her chart with you. Fill in the blanks and all.”

I nodded.

“You’re mother wears a medical alert bracelet for a severe allergy to nuts. Her file came up no problem in our system. Though I like to update things as it seems she hasn’t seen a doctor recently.”

“Mother doesn’t get sick, she never has a need to go.”

“House address and phone are the same?”

“Yes.”

“You are her next to kin I see.”

I nodded.

“Do you know when the symptoms started?”

“She complained of being tired a lot last week. I didn’t think anything of it. A couple days ago she said she hadn’t been feeling well. I called her this morning and she said she had the chills the last couple days and was going to sweat them out. She was so exhausted this morning she barely spoke. Then she just collapsed.”

I saw some movement as he flipped through the chart. I looked at mother’s sleeping face.

“Aside from the sleeping pills does she take anything else regularly?” I shook my head. “Anything for pain or that she would take for the cough?”

“Mother believed in natural remedies. Honey and lemon for a sore throat, green tea to keep things at bay and running smoothly, ginger for an upset stomach, garlic again as a preventative, and a few other things I can’t quite remember.”

“I see. She won’t be out of the woods for a while yet. We will watch her overnight and continue to monitor her lungs. It’s vital we know if there are any allergies to any drugs.”

“No, nothing we are aware of.”

“Family medical history?”

“My uncle had a heart condition, we didn’t know about it until it was too late. I am certain that’s it. I don’t remember. I feel so stupid. I really can’t recall anything.”

The doctor moved to my side of the bed and took the hand I had been bunching. It was the same one I had just had the stitches removed the day before. “At times like these it is common for unimportant information to just vanish. For now let us do our jobs and we will give you a call with updates. I promise to personally update you if anything takes a turn for the worse or the better. From personal experience I would say you brought your mother to the hospital just in time. Go home get some rest and eat something. Take that dog for a walk.”

I furrowed my brows before remembering I had told him about Lucas. I wondered why he would remember that. I nodded and looked to mother again. The doctor released my hand and headed out as I leaned over and kissed my mother’s forehead. I didn’t know if the dream was a blessing or a curse. I couldn’t believe how accurate it had been. For now I would thank the insight that had told me to bring her to the hospital.

I didn’t comprehend how much time had passed while in the hospital. It had been a short time after breakfast when I had left for mother’s. It was almost supper when I had arrived home. I opened my apartment door and slipped in before shutting it and leaning back. My head touched the door and I slid down to rest on the floor. Why was I so exhausted? I kept imagining various outcomes. Mom would recover fine. Mom would die in that hospital bed. Mom would deal with serious complications but pull through. I didn’t know much about pneumonia and what I did know was scary. It hit children and the older generation harder. I felt something furry on my face and opened the eyes I hadn’t even noticed I closed. Lucas had pressed his head against mine and I reached up to pat him slowly.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, “left overs for tonight.”

I grabbed plates and plunged into the fridge for the containers of mix match. As the meal was heating in the microwave my cell buzzed and I rushed over to it sitting on the table. Basil’s picture flashed boldly and I hurried to answer.

“Where have you been!?” I shook my head and told myself I needed to stay calm. This wasn’t Basil’s fault. “Sorry.” I said immediately.

"What happened?"

“Mother’s in the ICU. She has pneumonia. Not much can be done right now. They will monitor her through the night and hope to see improvement.”

"Where are you?"

“The doctor told me to go home for the night. I am useless right now.”

"Where’s that fiery attitude of yours gone to?"

“It’s my fault Basil. I didn’t check in on her sooner. I should have. I live five minutes away, why couldn’t I have just gone over for a visit?”

"What’s important is that you got her to the hospital in time. I am coming to town tomorrow. I will come get you and we can go to the hospital together.”

"I don’t really have room to keep you here.”

"I will house sit mother’s place. Besides I am sure you didn’t clean up. If we don’t want her freaking out when she gets home it will be better for me to take care of the day to day care.”

“How long do you plan on staying?”

"Until mother’s out of the hospital."

“Your girlfriend...”

"We’ll figured out. I can work from there and she’s capable of taking care of things for me in the physical sense."

Basil had his own company at the moment. Or rather he and a friend did. It funded his flip flop between career choices. Basil met his girlfriend and she took an interest in helping him out. Together the three of them had made home base outside of the city with plans to expand when the opportunity came. If Basil didn’t follow in father’s footsteps. I frowned at the thought. I had worried I would have to do this by myself if Basil was too busy. He did have a company to run. I didn’t think I would get the help I was hoping for, particularly if Basil blamed me. To know he was willing to drop everything for his family reminded me why we got along so well.

“Thanks. I will see you tomorrow. Give me a ring when you leave so I know when to expect you.”

Basil said goodbye and hung up. I looked down at Lucas and forgot our meal had been warming up. I returned to the microwave and pulled out the plates. After eating I refilled the thermos and containers with things for the old man in the park. It had been a while since I had seen him and I really did have questions for him. We took our usual routine to the park and I headed directly to the tree-line. I put the bag I was carrying down and unhooked Lucas. Before I knew it Lucas had grabbed the bag and taken off into the woods. I called out a couple times. Contemplated following him. I determined it was best to wait. Suddenly getting answers did not seem so important. There was always later, and I wasn’t much feeling like taking a hike in the deep snow. I walked a short distance to keep warm and turned back. Shifted my weight from one foot to another and then grew bored waiting so I made clear marks in the freshly fallen snow for Lucas to follow. I made my way to the bridge over the man-made lake and across to a playground. Despite the piled high snow, kids had clearly come to play on the structures. The snow was beaten down around the swing; I took a seat and waited. It was cold and I hardly noticed it while deep in thought.

I had been having vivid dreams for a while now and I was beginning to wonder why I was remembering them so clearly lately. I didn’t understand most. Random images of people in my head I had never met. I undoubtedly made them up. Only the one with mother had made any sense. I had come over to check on her when she didn’t answer a call. It was almost like that morning, only she didn’t wake up. What if I didn’t have that dream? I would have let her convince me it was just the flu and leave her be. I swung back and forth slowly, the cold stung my face but I huddled into my scarf more as I contemplated everything; my feet dragged lazily along the ground with each forward and backward motion. Mother had no medical insurance. She had something that covered the most basic of care but a hospital visit was not something we were expecting. I needed to check hers and my saving. She needed a new car. If I could I would take on the payments for that so she had less stress about the matter. Tomorrow I would talk to Basil about it. He would know best how to go about it.

I looked up just in time to see a streak of movement in the trees. Green followed by white. Lucas was chasing something. I stood as he emerged from the woods. When he got closer I could see twigs and pine needles riddled throughout his fur.

“What were you chasing?”

Lucas tilted his head to the side. Probably feinting innocence. I ignored him and noticed something tucked in his collar. The tan colour was different from the white of his fur and the green and brown of the woods he had brought with him. I pulled at it and found it was a piece of paper. Or rather it was parchment. I looked like aged paper in rough shape. I opened it and read: Thanks. It had to be from the old man. How did he have paper and a pen? Did he have a hiding place I hadn’t seen? Not to mention the man had to have pulled this from a book of some sort. No one had paper this old anymore.

“I don’t even want to know why you can go and drop things off to a location without question or command but you can’t learn the simple game of fetch.”

I hooked Lucas’s leash onto him and we walked home. I was actually grateful not to go for much of a walk today. I was tired and sore and wanted nothing more than a shower and bed. If Lucas was good I would even leave him the news on for the night because I was sure I would sleep through the sound. Sadly when we got home I was going to have to take the forest out of Lucas’s fur coat before I did anything else.