Blind Pass (Carolina Comets)

Rhodes: I ordered Chinese.

Ryan: Good for you.

Rhodes: It’s here.

Ryan: Cool.

Rhodes: There’s enough for two.

Ryan: No, thank you.

Rhodes: Sorry. I don’t think I was clear.

Rhodes: Dinner is here, and you need to come eat.

Ryan: I’m not hungry.

Rhodes: Well, that’s too damn bad.

Rhodes: Come eat.

Ryan: No.

Rhodes: Ryan…

Ryan: I’m so glad you know my name.

Rhodes: This is childish. Come eat.

Ryan: No.

Rhodes: Yes.

Rhodes: I can literally hear your stomach growling right now.

Ryan: Are you standing outside my door?

Rhodes: Yes. Now turn the porn off and come eat.

Ryan: It’s not porn.

Rhodes: I am 95% sure I heard moaning.

Rhodes: Unless that was you, then it’s totally porn.

Ryan: It’s not porn, you ass!

Rhodes: So it’s you?

Ryan: OMG NO!

Ryan: If I agree to come eat, will you leave me alone?

Rhodes: Yes.

Ryan: Fine. I’ll be out in a minute.

Rhodes: So you can finish?

Ryan: I seriously hate you.

Rhodes: You only wish you did.

Rhodes: Your sex toy is here.

Ryan: Sex toy?!?

Rhodes: Yeah. Looks like some sort of butt stuff thing.

Ryan: HAHA

Ryan: Very funny, but that’s not my thing.

Rhodes: Duly noted.

Ryan: Besides, whatever it is, it’s not mine. I haven’t ordered anything since I moved in here.

Rhodes: But you do order sex toys? You just haven’t while you’ve lived here?

Ryan: Of course I order sex toys!

Ryan: But I didn’t and that’s not mine.

Rhodes: I am looking right at it and it is 100% a sex toy.

Rhodes: I’ll send you a pic.

Ryan: I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORE. DO NOT SEND ME A PICTURE OF A SEX TOY.

Rhodes: *picture*

Rhodes: See? Definitely for your butt or something. There are a ton of attachments.

Ryan: RHODES!

Ryan: That is NOT a sex toy. It’s a curling wang, you moron.

Ryan: WAND. Curling WAND.

Rhodes: Sure. Right. Definitely not a “wang” or anything.

Ryan: Just leave it where it is, and I’ll grab it when I get home.

Ryan: Now, can I please finish my shopping in peace?

Rhodes: Yes.

Rhodes: But don’t forget to add lube to your list. Looks like you’re going to need it.

Ryan: DAMMIT RHODES!

Ryan: Fun fact: Closing the fridge generally helps it stay cold.

Rhodes: Very interesting. I had no idea.

Ryan: Oh, I know you didn’t.

Ryan: In case you’re not understanding my sarcasm, you left the fridge open when you left this morning. Everything is warm.

Rhodes: Shouldn’t it beep to alert you it’s open?? Couldn’t you have closed it??

Ryan: Couldn’t YOU have closed it?? My milk is all warm and gross.

Rhodes: That’s what you get for drinking milk all willy-nilly like some weirdo.

Ryan: It’s not willy-nilly. I only drink it when I have pizza or have a lot of chocolate.

Ryan: And don’t say willy-nilly. It’s weird.

Rhodes: Speaking of a lot of chocolate… Your period chocolates are overflowing the snack cabinet.

Ryan: Those aren’t period chocolates. Those are just what I use to cope with the fact that I’m married to you.

Rhodes: Ouch.

Ryan: Are you going to be home soon?

Rhodes: Missing me already?

Ryan: Not even close.

Rhodes: So planning my murder?

Ryan: Guess you’ll never know.

Ryan: I was asking because I was going to make dinner.

Rhodes: You can cook?

Ryan: Never mind.

Rhodes: I’m kidding! What are you making?

Ryan: Parmesan chicken and garlic bread.

Rhodes: Okay, wow. No need to start talking dirty.

Ryan: I take it that sounds good?

Rhodes: Yes, please.

Ryan: Now who’s talking dirty?

Rhodes: Well played.

Rhodes: *picture*

Ryan: I didn’t realize we were in the stage of our relationship where we’re sending sexy pictures to each other.

Rhodes: Did you just call me sexy?

Ryan: I meant the fact that you’re actually following directions and closing the fridge.

Rhodes: Nope. Sorry. I definitely heard that you think I’m sexy.

Ryan: I definitely didn’t say that.

Rhodes: Sure. Whatever you need to tell yourself.

Rhodes: I’m heading to the rink, but I’ll be home before lunch. You know, in case you need to take care of yourself because you just can’t resist my sexiness.

Ryan: It’s not too soon for a divorce, right?

Rhodes: Sorry. You’re stuck with me for a whole year. Deal’s a deal.

Ryan: Ugh. Don’t remind me.