Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

I lean against the kitchen counter and quietly watch Silas. He’s been acting weird all week, and I’m not sure what’s going on. He’s been coming home late every day, not returning until I’m fast asleep, and I’m not sure why. I checked with Amy, and he truly is staying at the office late, but what is keeping him so busy? Even now, he’s on his phone instead of spending his morning with me. Our mornings used to be my favorite part of the day, but lately I’ve been feeling lonely even though Silas is right here with me.

I’m worried he’s hurting because of Ryan, but I’m not sure how to make it better. I don’t even want to mention Ryan to him, because I don’t want him to be reminded of my past with Ryan. I’ve hurt Silas more than I realized at the time, and I’m scared he’s finally realizing that the past can’t be undone, that he can’t live with my unknowing betrayal.

“Si,” I murmur. “Are you okay?”

He looks up from his phone, startled. It’s almost like he forgot I’m even here. “Yeah,” he tells me, his gaze roaming over my face. I can’t decipher the way he’s looking at me. Why do his eyes appear to be filled with such longing when I’m standing right here?

“There’s somewhere I want to take you today,” Silas says.

I nod, my heart racing. There’s something about the tone of his voice that makes me uneasy. Lately I’ve found myself overthinking everything, wondering how I can make up for the pain I put him through, and whether I’ll ever be good enough for him.

Silas offers me his hand, and I hold on to him tightly as he leads the way to the garage. He seems absentminded as he starts the car, and I’m too nervous to ask him where we’re going. He seems so distant lately, and I can’t help the way my heart aches.

I tense when the roads become more and more familiar. “The blossom tree,” I whisper.

Silas nods and turns to me as he parks the car. “This used to be where I went when I missed my mother. It’s where some of my most precious memories were created when I was younger, and as I grew older, you became the center of them.”

He gets out of the car and walks around it, offering me his hand. I look up at him nervously and place my hand in his. I can’t tell what’s going on, and his expression unnerves me. He can’t be here to end things, can he? In the same place we started?

Silas chuckles and pulls me closer. “You’re wearing your overthinking face, little psycho.”

I tear my gaze away in embarrassment, and Silas laughs, surprising me. This is the first time I’ve heard him laugh all week.

“Come on,” he says, bending down. “I’ve got something to show you.”

Silas lifts me into his arms and grins at me, setting my restless heart at ease. “Keep your eyes on me until I tell you otherwise,” he orders, and I nod in agreement. That’s an easy enough request. I’ll never get enough of looking at him. I thought he was handsome when we were younger, but nothing could’ve prepared me for Silas as he is now. Everything about him is better than it was in my memories. The way he loves me is fiercer, the way he kisses me leaves me breathless, and then there’s the way he touches me, as though each time could be our last. I thought I loved him before, but with each day, my feelings for him grow. I’ve never been this scared of losing someone. I don’t think I even know who I’d be without Silas. He completes me, in every way that matters.

“Ready?”

I nod, and Silas puts me down, his arm wrapping around me as he turns me toward the tree. A soft gasp escapes my lips as I stare at the tree in disbelief, paper cranes hanging from some of the branches and fairy lights threaded through them. It looks magical, and my doubts fall away. He isn’t trying to break up with me. This is something else altogether, isn’t it?

“You weren’t working overtime,” I say, my tone accusatory even though I can’t keep the smile off my face.

Si takes a step away and grabs the small shovel I once bought, rust coating its edges. “No, Ray. I wasn’t working overtime. Those paper cranes? Yeah, they’re no joke. I can’t believe how long it took to fold a thousand of them. It astounds me that you did that for me.”

He hands me the shovel, and I take it from him. “Do they have wishes written on them, too?”

He nods and reaches for one of the cranes, pulling it off the tree. “They do,” he tells me. “Each of these cranes carries the same wish. I buried the same wish underneath this tree, too. Do you want to guess what it is? If you get it right, I’ll owe you a wish, anything you want at all.”

I don’t dare to voice my thoughts. I’m scared I’m misreading him, and this isn’t what I think it is. “I’ll pass today,” I tell him, my voice trembling. “Let me dig it up without guessing.”

Silas chuckles and nods at me. “Fine, but I have a feeling you’d have guessed right.”

I smirk as I sink down on my knees and retrieve the glass bottle impatiently. I have a feeling I know what’s hidden within, and I’ve waited for this longer than I dare to admit.

Silas is smiling at me as I jump back to my feet, my hands trembling as I open the bottle. I glance up at him, his eyes filled with love as he watches me. I’m so nervous I nearly drop the bottle as I take out the rolled-up sheet of paper inside.

“Open it,” Si says, his voice laced with urgency, as though he wants this as much as I do.

I bite down on my lip as I do as I’m told, finding a drawing of Silas and me, underneath this tree. Fairy lights in the trees and cranes hanging on the branches, just like today. Except… in the drawing, Silas is down on one knee, a ring in his hand.

“Alanna,” he says, dropping down to one knee, the paper crane still in the palm of his hand, except, I realize now that the crane in his hands isn’t made of paper. It’s a white ring box in the shape of a crane. Silas opens it and holds it up for me, his hand trembling ever so slightly.

“Each of the paper cranes hanging on this tree carries the same wish. For years now, there’s only been one thing I’ve wanted. You, by my side, for the rest of our lives. I know you’re regretful about the way things went down, and I see the pain in your eyes, my love. I swear to you that we’re fine. Now, and in the future, too. I won’t let what happened stand between us. I won’t ever punish you for living your life when I couldn’t be part of it. You loved me when I had nothing, Alanna. You loved me when you couldn’t even remember me. That is enough for me. Per aspera ad astra, baby. The adversity we faced was part of our journey, and we only came out stronger in the end. From today onwards, let’s leave the past where it belongs. Let’s focus on our future together, you and I. Let’s build the life we’ve always dreamed of, together. Make my wish come true, baby. Marry me, Alanna.”

I sniff as tears run down my face, nodding at Silas as I smile through the tears. “Yes,” I tell him. “Yes.”

Silas slides a huge diamond ring onto my finger and rises to his feet. “Thank God,” he murmurs, taking me into his arms. His lips brush over mine, and I rise to my tiptoes. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you’d said no. I would’ve had to kidnap you and shit. My backup plans weren’t very solid.”

I burst out laughing and kiss him. “You’re crazy,” I whisper against his lips.

“Only for you,” he murmurs before threading his hand through my hair, kissing me until everything but him fades away.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the future is uncertain. No matter how much we plan, no matter how hard we work, everything can change at the blink of an eye. The one thing I’m certain of is that no matter what, Silas and I will always find our way back to each other.