Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

I’m second-guessing myself as I pause in the doorway of the shelter. Being here without Dad makes me feel out of place and uncertain. I’ve never really volunteered before, and I’m worried I won’t do a good job. It’s clear to me that this place means a lot to Dad, and I’m afraid to let him down.

“Alanna!” Ricardo walks up to me with the kindest smile on his face, and I smile back instinctively. There are some people that just truly resonate positivity and hope, and Ricardo is definitely one of those people. “Come in, come in!”

He leads me to a small office near the entrance and offers to make me a cup of tea, which I decline. “I’ll do my best,” I promise him, as soon as we sit down. “You don’t have to look after me or babysit me. I’m not here to be a burden to you.”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “You really are your father’s daughter, aren’t you? When he first walked in here needing a place to stay, he also promised me that he wouldn’t be a burden to me.”

My heart aches for Dad and everything he must have gone through. There’s so much I never knew about him. He’s always been my hero, and Dad has always seemed larger than life to me. When we lost Mom, he took on her role in addition to his own with such ease that he’s always seemed like a superhero to me.

“Dad said that?”

Ricardo nods. “You definitely take after him, but you’ve got your mother’s smile.”

My eyes widen and my heart skips a beat. “You knew my mom?”

Ricardo nods. “Do a good job today, and I’ll tell you a story about your parents, okay?”

I grin. “I was always going to do a great job, but I won’t say no to this.”

“Come on. Let me show you what you’ll be doing today. Our needs shift daily, so the work you’ll do here will never be exactly the same. Today, I’ll have you help with inventorying our canned foods. Lately we have, unfortunately, had some thefts in the facility. We’re switching to a more secure storage system, and we want to create a better ordering system, so we can order more food at better prices further ahead of time. To do that, we first need to know exactly how much we have of everything after the recent theft incidences.”

I follow him through the building, trying my hardest not to stare at the people in the various rooms. The last thing I want to do is make anyone uncomfortable. Dad told me to remember that he often had to sacrifice his pride and dignity when he was homeless, and that it hurt each and every time. He specifically asked me to keep that in mind, and to be careful with my actions and expressions. Just a single pitiful gaze can hurt, Alanna, he said.

The job Ricardo gave me is easy enough, and though it’s slow and boring work, it at least makes me feel like I’m doing something meaningful. As I count the various cans of food they’ve got, my mind keeps drifting to the people that live here… in particular, Si.

How does a guy like him end up here? I know Dad said that it’s easy to lose everything, but it just seems impossible. I may have been young when we first met, but I’m not blind. Just his watch was worth several thousand dollars, unless it was fake, but Si doesn’t seem like he’d bother with fake goods.

I’m still thinking about him as I lock the storage room. I know I need to return the key to Ricardo and go home, but I’m curious about Si. It doesn’t take me long to find him sitting in the corner of a room with a book in his hands.

I smile as I approach him, my heart pounding wildly. “Si!”

He looks up, but instead of the smile I expected, he’s frowning at me, a hint of annoyance in his gaze. My heart sinks, and I draw my shoulders up defensively.

I sit down next to him, despite the fact that he ignores me and continues to read his book. The rejection stings, but I don’t let it discourage me.

“Hey, I… I’ve been meaning to return this to you.” I take his handkerchief out of my pocket and hand it to him with both hands, not really wanting to let it go.

Silas stares at it in surprise and then looks up at me, the ice in his eyes melting away to reveal the same caring expression he wore when we first met. “You kept it all this time?”

I nod. “I’m not too sure why, but it just helped me stay brave when the pain became too much. Every time I found myself lashing out, I’d hold it tightly and remember you telling me to share my pain, so I’d talk to my dad instead of crying myself to sleep. Before I knew it, I’d come to consider this handkerchief as somewhat of a lucky token, so I carry it everywhere I go.”

A small part of me also hoped I’d run into Si one day, and I’d be able to return it to him. He has no idea how that one small act of kindness kept me from drowning in my sorrows.

He wraps his hand over mine, hesitating for a moment before curling his fingers closed over mine. “Keep it,” he says, his voice soft. “It seems like you valued it the way I always have, so I’ll leave it in your hands.”

“Are you sure?” The look in his eyes tells me this handkerchief means a lot to him, so I’m surprised he’s letting me keep it. I’m sure there’s a story behind it.

“I’m sure.”

I nod and rise to my feet, not wanting to leave, yet not wanting to disturb him unnecessarily either. It’s clear my company isn’t welcome, and I’m feeling awkward enough as it is.

I smile at him as I walk away, trying my hardest not to look back as I walk to the door. I’m stopped in my tracks when he wraps his hand around my wrist once I’m halfway through the room and pulls me against him suddenly. My head bumps against his chest and he wraps his arm around me, but it isn’t me he’s looking at.

“Jonathan,” he says, his tone admonishing. “How about you return her keys, and I’ll pretend I didn’t see what you just did? You know as well as I did that this will get you kicked out of the shelter.”

I turn in his embrace, and Si’s arm moves to my shoulder. He’s holding me so protectively, his gaze so fierce that my heart can’t help but skip a beat.

A lanky blonde guy groans and takes both the storage key and my car keys out of his pocket, holding his hand up. Si snatches the keys out of his hand and shakes his head as Jonathan rushes off, an annoyed expression on his face. I stare at his retreating back in shock. I never even felt him lift my keys.

Si takes my hand and holds it in his, putting the keys into my palm with the other before curling my fingers closed again. “I told you this was no place for you. Don’t put yourself into dangerous situations unnecessarily, Alanna. This isn’t a place you should come to voluntarily.”

He takes a step away from me and walks away, leaving me staring at him, my heart racing. “Thank you, Simon! I’ll be more careful next time!”

He turns around to face me, a cute smirk on his face, and butterflies erupt in my stomach. “You’d better.”

Si walks away, and I’m pretty sure he takes my heart with him.