SWNOVELS Binding 13: Chapter 45
I was in so much fucking trouble.
For once, my problems had nothing to do with my adductor and everything to do with the girl naked in my bathroom.
“What the hell was that about?” I hissed when I found my mother in the kitchen.
“Hello, love,” my mother replied, as she continued to chop carrots, clearly oblivious to my outrage.
“Hello?” I balked. “That’s all you’ve got to say?”
Setting her knife down on the chopping board, she turned to face me.
“That girl is fragile, Johnny.” Mam nibbled on her lip, brows furrowed in concern. “There is something about her that makes me want to wrap my arms around her and cuddle the sadness out of her eyes.”
Yeah, I knew the feeling.
I knew that feeling very fucking well.
“So, you force her to come over here?” I hissed. “Tell me how that was a good idea?”
“Oh, god,” Mam strangled. “I haven’t upset her, have I?”
“No, she’s okay,” I bit out, “But I’m not.”
I was so far from okay, the word was a blip on my radar.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
“What’s wrong?” I practically spat. “Ma, you just snookered me! What were you thinking bringing her here?”
“You were enjoying yourself up there,” Mam said with a smile. “She was beating you at PlayStation, huh?”
Yeah, she was.
Shannon was kicking my ass at GTA and ruining other parts of my anatomy.
I had no clue how I ended up getting my ass handed to me by that pint-sized girl, but that’s what happened.
Watching her completely dominate my PlayStation was so fucking hot.
Seriously, her skills with a controller, and her ability to kick my ass like she did, only made her infinitely sexier.
She was fucking perfect.
I was so caught up in her that I could have sat there all night, just being with her.
And then my Ma had to go wreck it and make everything all awkward and strained again.
Jesus, she was naked in my room.
Naked.
I couldn’t handle that.
Not when all I wanted to do was be naked right with her.
I was only seventeen.
This was a temptation I doubted a man twice my age could resist.
I shook my head and expelled a frustrated breath. “Why, Ma – why in god’s name would you do this to me? And this –” I held up Shannon’s jumper and shook it around, “Why would you make her shower here?”
“Did she have a shower?”
“She’s currently in my shower.”
“Oh, that’s good.”
Good? “What are you trying to do to me, Ma?” I demanded. “Why would you do this?”
“She was wet!” Mam defended. “And so are you,” she added with a concerned look. “Go and change your clothes before you catch pneumonia.”
“I will,” I growled. “When you tell me why you screwed me over?”
“I didn’t screw you over, Johnny,” Mam replied. “Don’t be over-dramatic.”
“You knew I had a PT session I had to go to this evening.”
Since I’d been banned from the pitch, Jason, my personal trainer, wanted my ass in the pool every evening for the rest of the week.
And now?
Now I was trying to figure how to get myself out of a situation that only had one appealing result.
Shannon naked on my bed.
With me naked on top of her.
Preferably in her.
If my fucked-up dick held out.
Stop it, asshole.
Stop those thoughts!
“You knew I needed you to take me because I don’t have my bleeding car,” I hissed, frustrated. “And now? Now, I have a naked girl in my room, Ma. A naked fucking girl and I’m holding her bleeding clothes.”
Stalking towards her, I dumped Shannon’s wet uniform on the counter and glared at her.
“What kind of mother does that to their son?”
“Well, you’re down here with me,” Mam replied calmly, patting my cheek. “So, I raised you well.”
“Ma,” I growled.
“I thought you could do with a rest,” she huffed. “You look so tired, sweetheart.”
Give me strength…
“And you were having so much fun,” she added with a rueful smile. “I haven’t seen you relax like that in years.”
True.
But not the point.
“And my car?” I demanded. “What am I supposed to do without my car?”
“Your father’s picking it up on his way home this evening,” she replied, having a bleeding answer for everything. “There’s been some hiccup with the case, so he’ll be home tonight and he’ll take me to the airport in the morning.” She checked her watch and sighed happily. “He should be home any minute – he left Dublin over three hours ago.”
Normally when my mother pushed my buttons, my father would smooth things over, but not this time.
No, because as delighted as I was to hear my Dad would be home for the night, Mam had gone way too far this time.
She had meddled in something I didn’t want anyone meddling in.
She meddled with Shannon.
“Why did you do this?” I repeated.
“Because I think you two are doing a line together on the sly,” Mam said with smirk. “You look so cute together.”
“Doing a line?” I gaped at my mother. “What are you talking about? You know I don’t take drugs! I’m tested all the fucking time.”
“No, love,” Mam chuckled. “Doing a line together as in secretly seeing each other.” Shrugging, she added, “I was trying to let you know that I was okay with you having a girlfriend, and I was trying to make Shannon feel welcome.”
God.
This woman.
“Well, I can assure you that I am not doing lines of anything – cocaine or girls,” I snapped. “We are just friends.”
“She’s a lovely girl, Johnny,” Mam offered. “Seems very fond of you.” She turned to look at me when she said, “You could do a lot worse than a nice girl like her.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t see her like that.”
Lie.
Lie.
Barefaced Lie.
“She’s just a friend.”
More lies.
“That’s it, Ma.”
“Do you honestly think you can sell me that shite, Johnny Kavanagh?” Mam shot back, lips twitching. “I’m your mother. I brought you into this world, and I know every single time you tell me a lie.”
“I am not lying,” I lied.
“You’re lying to me right now.”
“I am fucking not.”
“It’s okay if you do, love,” Mam said in a reassuring tone.
“We’re friends,” I bit out. “That’s it.”
“But you like her?” Mam asked after a long pause of silence.
I turned to look at her. “What?”
“Shannon,” Mam filled in, tone gentle and coaxing. “You like her.”
I shook my head and exhaled heavily, making no move to respond.
This conversation was beyond disturbing.
“Just tread carefully and exercise patience. She’s younger than you, and as I’m sure you’re more than aware, you need to move at her pace.”
“Ma, please,” I leaned my head back and sighed. “Just give it a rest.”
“All I’m trying to say is be careful,” Mam replied. “Do not break her, Johnny.” She cupped my cheek and smiled sadly. “Not when she already seems fractured.”
“Don’t worry,” I muttered. “I’ve no intention of going there with her.”
“Going there with her?” Mam questioned. “Where’s there?”
“A relationship,” I bit out. “Feelings and shite.”
“Oh, there.” Mam was quiet for a long moment before saying, “Are you sure you’re not already there, love?”
Christ, I hoped not.
For both our sakes.
“She’s fifteen years old,” I decided to throw out there, unwilling to let go of my annoyance at her meddling. “You get that, don’t you?”
Mam’s eyes widened. “I thought she was sixteen?”
“No, Ma, she’s fifteen,” I hissed.
“No, Johnny,” Mam replied, brows furrowed. “I’m pretty sure she’s sixteen.”
My mouth fell open.
Shit.
She was right.
Dammit.
“That’s worse again,” I barked, flustered. “There is a naked sixteen-year-old girl in your seventeen-year-old son’s bedroom right now – one you put there, I might add!”
“Johnny, love, you need to relax–”
“And h
“Oh, love,” Mam muttered, worrying her lip. “I think it’s time we had a chat.”
“A chat?” I gaped at her. “We are chatting. We are having a very important fucking chat, Ma. About the lack of boundaries in this family. About you needing to respect my boundaries!”
“About you and Shannon.”
“What about me and Shannon?”
“About your feelings.”
I gaped at her. “My feelings?”
“And your intentions, love,” Mam replied.
“My intentions?”
The fuck?
“I know it’s early stages and what I’m about to talk to you about is a long way off for you both, but it’s important that you know about it.”
I eyed her warily. “About what?”
“About sex, love.”
My mouth fell open. “Why are you not hearing me? Why isn’t anyone hearing me anymore?”
“I know your father spoke to you a few years ago about the birds and the bees.” She placed a hand on my shoulder and steered me over to the island, obviously not fucking hearing again. “But considering this latest development, I think it might be a good idea for us to talk about it. Just so we’re all clear on how important it is to take things slowly.”
“Latest development?” I sank onto a stool and gaped at her. “I’m not having any bleeding developments. We don’t need to talk about anything.”
“Even still –” Shrugging, Mam sat down on the stool beside me and patted my thigh, “It would do no harm to refresh your memory.”
“I sincerely fucking hope you’re joking, Ma,” I strangled out.
“Maybe we should call Shannon down, so I can talk to you both about this –”
“Don’t you bleeding dare,” I strangled out. “You leave her alone.”
You’ve traumatized her enough!
“Okay then,” she replied. “I’ll talk to you about this.”
“Please, don’t –”
“Sex is a beautiful thing, love,” Mam said in that motherly tone that currently made me want to stab pencils in my ears. “When it’s between two people who love and are committed to each other.”
I held up a hand. “We are just friends.”
“Uh-huh,” Mam quipped with a disbelieving smile. “That’s what they all say.”
“That’s the bleeding truth,” I snapped. “That’s all we are.”
Jesus, even your mother can see through you…
“It’s completely natural to want to experience pleasure with a partner,” Mam continued to say, ignoring my pleas. “When you’re both old enough to fully understand the act of love.”
“Jesus Christ,” I groaned. “Please stop.”
“But, I know how these things can go. Not everyone waits no matter how important it is to wait –” she paused to glare knowingly at me, “When it happens – which I hope is a long, long time from now– then it is necessary to use a condom,” she pressed. “Do you know how to roll one on properly, love? Did your father explain how it works? You need to make sure the shaft of your private part is–”
“I can’t hear this,” I groaned in despair. “Seriously, Ma.”
“Sex in real life is nothing like what happens in those blue movies Gerard gives you,” Mam continued. “It’s important to know that a woman has needs. In real life, girls don’t all scream and carry on like porn stars. And you need to respect a girl’s body at all times –”
“Please.” I pressed my fists into my eye sockets so hard I was seeing stars. “Just stop.”
“I’m trying to help you, love, so you know what to expect.”
“I know what to expect, Ma,” I groaned while I contemplated on bathing in bleach. “I’m not a bleeding kid.”
My mother’s head snapped towards me, eyes wide. “So you’re not a…”
“No, Ma.” I dropped my head in my hands and fought back the urge to fucking cry. “I’m not a virgin.”
“Oh, dear… okay. That’s okay, love. That’s perfectly fine,” she rambled, tone forced. “I just presumed that since you’ve never brought a girl home before now, or talked about girlfriends, that you weren’t pursuing any love partners –”
“Keep talking and I’m going to jump out a window,” I warned her. “I’m not messing around. I will go upstairs and hurl myself off the fucking roof.”
“I know it’s uncomfortable, but you can talk about these kinds of things with me, son,” Mam urged. “I was a teenager once upon a time, too, you know,” she added, reaching over to pat my shoulder. “I understand all the urges your body is going through, and a female perspective can be helpful.”
“How is any of this helpful?” I choked out, horrified. “I thought you loved me.”
Mam laughed softly. “Of course, I love you.”
“Then why are you doing this to me?” I choked out. “Why are you meddling in my life?”
“Because, I’m not blind, Johnathon,” Mam replied, full-naming me to let me know how serious she was about this. “I see the way you look at Shannon, and the way she looks at you.”
“We are just friends,” I bit out.
“You’re in love.”
My jaw fell open. “We are bleeding not.”
The look my mother gave me was one of disbelief. “Are you taking things at her pace?”
“I’m serious, Ma,” I snapped. “We’re just friends. I haven’t touched her.”
Mam visibly sagged in relief.
“So, you didn’t do, uh, let’s call it the deed, with Shannon –”
“Jesus Christ, no, Ma!” I barked, interrupting her before she caused permanent trauma to my brain.
“Oh, that’s good,” my mother breathed. “You’re a good boy.”
A good boy?
Was I a bleeding dog?
And there was nothing good about what I wanted to do to Shannon Lynch.
“Thanks for automatically assuming that I’m a bastard though, Ma,” I snarked. “I really appreciate the lack of faith my own mother has in my moral compass.”
“Well, you drop the bomb that you’re not a virgin on me the same day you bring your girlfriend home,” Mam huffed. “The first girl I have ever seen you with, may I add. What am I supposed to think? I was trying to prepare you for the future.”
“First, for the last bleeding time, Shannon is not my girlfriend,” I snapped, flustered. “Second, I haven’t been a virgin since first year. And third, I can roll a condom on in the dark with one hand tied behind my bleeding back, so I don’t need the sex talk, or tips, or any of that shite.”
Mam gasped in horror and I mentally kicked the shite out of myself.
“I’m lying,” I coddled her. “I am a virgin.”
“First year,” she sobbed. “First year!”
“No, no, no,” I hurried to assure her. “I’m a virgin, Ma. I am.”
“No,” she wept, shaking her head. “You’re not.”
What the fuck was I supposed to do now?
Christ, where was my Dad when I needed him?
“You were only fourteen in first year,” she continued to wail.
“Thirteen,” I muttered under my breath as I held her to my chest and patted her back.
“Holy Mary Mother of God,” she sobbed harder, clearly hearing me.
Shit.
Balls.
“I am a virgin,” I continued to say over and over while my mother cried into my school jumper. “I’m saving myself for marriage, Ma.”
“It’s the rugby,” she sobbed, fisting my jumper. “I blame the bleeding rugby for this.”
“For what?”
“For you losing your innocence!” Mam hissed. She looked up at me and then burst into another bout of tears. “Those boys you play with, they’re too old for you and obviously led you astray.”
No, Ma, my dick led me astray when puberty kicked in…
“And she’s in your bedroom,” Mam wailed, dropping her head against my chest again. “Oh, dear god.”
“Because you brought her here, Ma, not me,” I replied as I continued to rub her back. “Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that I was with Shannon? Which I’m not,” I quickly clarified. “But if I was and you were worried about me getting up to no good, then why in the hell would you bring her over here?”
“Because I was still under the impression that you were a virgin when I brought her over here, wasn’t I?” Mam huffed, slapping my chest. “I thought you were having your first crush. I thought I was catching you in time.”
Fair point.
“Ma, I’m almost eighteen,” I tried to comfort her by saying. “You were married to Da by the time you were eighteen.”
“That’s different,” she sobbed.
“How?”
“Because you’re my baby,” Mam sniffled. “Oh, god, my baby is sexually active.”
“No, I’m not,” I coaxed, hugging her. “I promise, I am not having sex.” Right now. “I’m not, Ma.”
“Are you at least being safe?” she choked out, looking up at me with big, tear-filled, brown eyes.
“I’m playing bleeding PlayStation with the girl,” I strangled out. “Shouldn’t that tell you how safe I’m being?”
“That’s true.” Mam nodded and sniffled.
I sighed. “Thank you.”
“So, I don’t have to worry, do I?” she added. “Being safe?” She sniffled. “Using –oh, dear god, condoms –”
“No, Ma, you don’t have to worry because I am not having sex,” I stuck to the story by saying, and pulled her back to my chest. “So just relax.”
How the hell did I get myself into this situation?
What was my life coming to?
In the space of one day, I had upset no less than three females.
The one that created me by telling her that I was no longer an innocent.
The one that used me by telling her via text message to fuck off.
And the one that blew my fucking mind.
Jesus Christ, my dick had a lot to answer to.
To be fair, I didn’t think I actually upset Shannon today, but it was still early, and I was running on some serious shitty luck, so my chances of making it out of this glorified playdate without fucking up was slim.
“Ma,” I said after a solid ten minutes of her sniffling on my chest. “I’m going to have to go back up to Shannon now.”
“Okay, love,” she sniffled. “You won’t do anything–”
“No, Ma,” I coaxed, freeing myself from her hold and standing up. “I won’t lay a finger on her because we are just friends, and I am a virgin.”
“I know you’re not,” she croaked out. “But I’m trusting you to do the right thing.”
“You can trust me, because nothing is happening between us,” I repeated for the millionth time. “But I need to take a shower because I’m fucking soaked,
“About that,” Mam sniffled.
“You lied, didn’t you?” I gave her an accusing glare. “You don’t have to pick Bonnie and Cupcake up at all tonight, do you?”
Of course, she lied.
One look at her sheepish expression and it was plain to see.
“You meddler,” I accused.
“You sexer,” Mam shot back in a tone as equally accusing.
For fuck’s sake.
I wasn’t going to win here.
Holding my hands up in defeat, I hurried out of the kitchen before she drowned me in a fresh batch of tears.