Big girls don't cry

Aleida’s POV

I sit by the stream and stare out at nature around me. My past is slowly beginning to get back to me, and the choices I made haunt me; I’ve killed someone, someone’s mate! Me! The anxiety and regret within me slowly eat into my conscience. I’ve always been against hurting or killing someone else’s mate because it doesn’t just affect one person. Now that I chose to destroy not only someone’s mate but also someone’s luna, I know it’ll cost me dearly. My mates are, thanks to the goddess protected because technically, they aren’t my mates anymore after I rejected them. It still hurts me; I don’t just have one rejection; I carry the pain for all three of us. At least my pups are safe, and that’s what matters. They’ll have so many good wolves around them that will defend them; I’ll never have to worry that they have no one to turn to if I die. Jonathan is coming for me; I know he is. I killed his mate and destroyed his master plan. It’ll probably cost me my life, which does nothing to me. If that’s what needs to happen, then it will. Who am I to go against the plans of the goddess? She has all our destinies predetermined, and the least I can do is accept mine. The question is, will my mates accept it? Oh, Kian and Miliano... I really miss them. My strongest desire is that everything will go back to how it was. But nothing is ever going to be how it was because things have changed; I’ve changed. I’m no longer the injured and afraid Aleida. No, I’m an alpha, and my job is to protect my pack until death does us part; it sounds like I’m married to them. I wonder if...

“Alpha?”

I turn around and see three boys standing before me. They can’t be more than fourteen years old; they look entirely different-a redhead, a blonde, and a brunette. At least the trio seems to be good friends, considering that I always see them together since I brought them in.

“Yeah, what can I do for you?” I ask softly.

They all look really uncomfortable. As if I’m to swallow the boys whole if they so much as breathe in my direction. I smile at them. The blonde boy looks insecurely at me and scratches the back of his head. His light-blue eyes flicker, and he looks at anything but me.

“Are you going to get rid of us if we can’t fight properly?” he asks with such a broken voice that I just want to hug all the pain away.

Before these boys came to us, someone abused and hurt them. Young wolves are rarely this insecure for no reason, above all, not if they’re males. They’re three of the five rogues Michael knows who are prepared to follow us, and so far, they’ve done so without blame.

“Come, sit down,” I tell them.

They hesitate at first, but when I again indicate that it’s okay, they sit down beside me. Nobody says anything at first. The red-haired one is James, the brunette is Ashton, and the blonde is Hannes, they tell me when I ask.

“Okay, listen to me, all of you,” I say, and they look at me again uncertainly. “No one will be thrown out just because they can’t cope with some of what pack life contains. Everyone is good at something, and we’ll together find out what you can do. Maybe one of you is good at fighting, another at searching, or none of it. Regardless, there’s always a place for you here. You’ll train in self-defense as soon as we arrive and things calm down. But never, and I really mean never, be afraid that I’ll punish you for such a thing. I’m not just your alpha, I’m also your friend, and I want you to feel fine. Don’t be afraid of me because I won’t hurt you. On the contrary, my job is to protect you.”

“Really?” James asks, hope in his voice.

“Really,” I answer, smiling at them.

We talk and laugh there for quite some time. The trio of boys tells me that they’re not as young as I first thought; in fact, they’re only a year younger than me. Hannes is in the middle of an anecdote about when he embarrassed himself at a party when we get interrupted by Luis.

“Alpha, a few members catch the scent of another wolf.”

I get up right away and crack my fingers, walking away towards the members who feel the scent, and it doesn’t take long before I also recognize the fragrance. However, it mixes with blood.

“Protect the others; if I’m not back in ten minutes, you run,” I say to Luis without waiting for his answer.

The scent takes me from the meadow to a large log- the sight makes my legs fold. Clare hides behind it, and her whole body is shaking.

“Clare! Are you okay? What happened!?” I exclaim with tears in my eyes.

“Aleida?” she coaxes.

“Everything’s going to be all right; I’m here.”

“Th-they killed Matt...” she whispers and sobs.

Without hesitation, I lift her in my arms and run back to the others. Clare has a significant bite mark at her hip, and I need to clean it; otherwise, there’s a risk of her getting an infection. I won’t stop until we get there; I gently put her damaged body on the ground before I begin shouting orders.

“I need bandages, clean water, and something to wipe the dirt of with. Now!”

Everyone rushes around to find what I need. In the meantime, I touch Claire’s cheek and talk to her softly. She isn’t dying, but she’s fatigued and hurt. After a few minutes, Michael comes to us with everything I asked for. Clare whines when I gently clean the big bite mark. When all the dirt and blood are gone, I wrap the bandage around her narrow hip. Hopefully, it’ll begin to heal until we arrive at our destination.

“Luis!” I shout, and he comes rushing to me.

“Yes, alpha?”

“I need you to help Clare up on my back, and I need Michael to hold her steady. I’ll carry both of them.”

“But Aleida, it’s going to be heavy, and-” Michael says.

“It doesn’t matter! I can take it,” I answer, and Luis sighs.

“All right,” he answers and helps Clare stand up.

I walk behind a tree and shift, throwing my clothes to Michael, who catches them before putting them down in a big backpack. Luis helps Clare up on my white back, and Michael jumps up behind her. When they both have a steady hold, I start running. They weigh more than I thought, but it doesn’t matter. We move far enough to have only about a day left from arriving, which is much longer than we first thought. Michael points out that we can’t run all the way straight as we planned. Several of the other packs have expanded their lands, and therefore, we don’t have any other choice but to run around it in a particular way to avoid their territory. We can’t run on their land anyway; they’ll attack if we do. That’s why my future beta and my gamma make up a plan of how to move without others seeing us. We certainly don’t know exactly which pack who’s collaborating with the Blood winter pack, and that’s precisely why we need to move extremely carefully. It’s enough with a call to my ex-mates, and then our whole plan is ruined. If that happens, all my new members are suddenly out in the cold again, without anyone who defends them. It’s not that I don’t think they can protect themselves, because I do. But an alpha’s job is to shield and preserve their members; they need me as much as I need them.

A few hours pass, and it’s once again time to stop for some well-needed been rest. The trio consists of the boys I previously talked to manage somehow to get into the city unnoticed and buy a lot we need on our journey: food, clothes, water bottles, patches, wound cleaning, and much more. We don’t need covers and pillows to maintain heat. Werewolves are warm creatures, basically, and if it’s extra cold, we just shift to our wolf forms that retain heat even better. In addition, we have the supplies of nature at our disposal. There are plenty of trees around us, and therefore, we can make up a campfire if we need to. However, we need to be careful if we light one, given that the smoke spreads and you can see it from afar. I sit next to Clare, her head leaning on my shoulder. She stares at the dancing fire that ate the pieces of wood slowly. She hadn’t said anything since we found her. Her eyes are empty and sad. Her eyes are red-edged from all the crying. I get her a cup of instant coffee that I give her; at first, she shakes her head but soon realizes that there’s no point in trying to deny it; my gaze says it all. She takes a sip from the hot coffee and immediately relaxes.

“What happened, Clare?” I ask, and she looks at me anxiously; the mouth twitches a little.

“We knew nothing when you didn’t come home from the event that everyone else went to; we knew better than trying to ask Jonathan about it. Using our contacts, we managed to find out that you were safe and protected. It hurt us that we lost the only person who ever came close to being like our own daughter. Matt did his best to keep the mask, and so did I. Matt could obviously do it longer than me. I broke down every night and missed you, wishing you would come back. Which was selfish considering everything you had to endure; I know that. Somehow it felt like I had lost you before it too, but I can’t place or even explain the feeling,” she explains, thinking.

“I did disappear two times. I can’t explain how, but I guess our moon goddess had something to do with it,” I answer with a slight smile.

“Yes, maybe you’re right. Anyway, Jonathan was, as usual, the first week after the event but became angrier and angrier for every day that went by. None of us understood why Jonathan was so angry or why the alpha behaved the way he did. If Jonathan was hell before, then now he’s the devil; Jonathan even mistreated his luna, which isn’t something you do to your mate, even though she’s his chosen mate. It’s reprehensible to do so, and everyone knows that he did it again despite that. A late-night, when we were heading home from the tavern, we heard Jonathan talking to someone in an alley we passed. Your name came up, and we stopped right away. We stood a bit from there unseen and strained to hear what he had to say about you. He said you’d wear his descendant; you would either do it voluntarily; otherwise, he would rape you until you burst, he said.

“And Matt was furious. He couldn’t bear to hear such things about his only daughter. That’s when Matt jumped Jonathan and tried to break his neck. However, he didn’t have time before Jonathan had bitten his carotid arteries... Matt died in just a few seconds, and I tried to get to him. But he used his last power to mindlink me and say that it was no good that I would walk up to him, that he loved me and asked me to take care of you,” Clare sobs in the course of the story, my own tears fall, but no noise comes; I put my head in my hands. “He loved you, Aleida, and he’ll always do that, even if he isn’t here anymore. His last wish was that I would keep you protected, and that’s a promise I intend to keep into the grave. We both love you like you’re our child, and that’s never going to change. Carry with you that you’re never alone.”

“Why does he need me for his future heir?” I ask with tears staining my cheeks, and Clare hesitates before answering.

“Because you are a kindred by the moon goddess herself.”