Big girls don't cry

Aleida’s POV

It’s been a few weeks now since I accepted both Miliano and Kian as my mates. Of course, neither one of them was pleased about sharing, but I can’t care less; they must learn to live with it. The house we live in, which I incidentally thought was the packhouse, is actually Kian’s private house. He didn’t want to live in the packhouse because the top floor is for the alpha and his luna. He explained that the room made him feel alone without his mate, and that’s why he bought a house alongside living in until he found her. Now that he has me, he’s ready to move into the packhouse. However, we can’t do it yet, because I force Miliano and Kian to work through a solution for both packs. They’ve been working on this one since I accepted both of them. In the end, with my proposal and help, they concluded that the best thing would be to merge the packs into a big one. Both will be alpha together and decide together. When they disagree, their betas or I will help determine which option that’s best in the situation. I wouldn’t say that they’re overjoyed to have to work together. But when I give them an ultimatum regarding the current situation, the answer is an obvious yes. The plan is that we’ll be able to move in within a few weeks. After that, we have to wait for the renovations to finish. Since the pack increase so much in members, we’re responsible for making room for everyone. A project with over forty new houses along the same street as the packhouse is right now on the way to finish. We’ve also built a few cottages for the omegas in the same place as the packhouse. Kian and Miliano added a new floor in the last second inside the packhouse to fit the “most important” pack members. It’s not about a pack member is more important than anyone else, only about who with higher rank needs to have closer. An example of such a member is Miliano’s leading strategist and his family. The warriors need a place to live too. So, in the end, I’m happy with how things are moving along. Neither Kian’s nor Miliano’s pack knows that they have a Luna yet. We decided to wait to tell them until the chaos that surrounds us with the renovations finish. It won’t hurt me. I’m closer to both Killian and Henry now; you can see them as my best friends. Jason and I talk a lot; he often tells us about his life without his little sister; we’re also thicker. Nathan comes to visit as often as possible, but since he’s also an alpha with his own pack, it’s not easy for him to drop everything just to be with his little sister. As for my relationship with my mates, it’s okay. We haven’t done anything favorable at all. However, they respect my wish to take things slowly, and I’m delighted. I have successfully managed to talk about everything that has happened and have been able to process it. Jonathan hasn’t been seen or heard from, not that I care about him anymore; he can rot in hell, see if I care. I devote most of my time to studying and training on my combat skills; I’m good at dealing with weapons and attacking, always been, but not as good at defending myself and my footwork is a joke. But since I have such beautiful friends, both Henry and Killian train me in their spare time. Now they also call me a war machine. Since I’ve studied hard and fast enough in the last few weeks, I was able to get my degree. Three years I’ve been catching up in just a few months. My teacher says it depends on my intelligence; according to him, they classify me as hyperintelligent; my brain works twice as fast as an ordinary one, and I can accomplish much more in considerably less time. However, it has its side effects, and it’s, among other things, that I become “brain tired” much faster. Things are finally getting clear for me! If it isn’t for the bad conscience I have about my mates. We hang out every day, but it’s kind of like friends. I push them away from me all the time, and I don’t know why; I can’t stop. It’s as if the fear within me takes over both mind and body; I don’t want it to be like this. So, therefore, I’m currently sitting at the kitchen table in our temporary joint kitchen, planning a surprise date for my mates.

“Hello, baby girl,” Miliano says from the door.

“Hi, lepa,” Kian greets me not long after.

They both walk towards me, and I’m quick to shove my papers into a nearby drawer while they look at me suspiciously.

“What are you doing, little one?” Kian asks.

“Nothing,” I answer with an innocent voice, but their faces show me that they don’t believe me for a second.

“What are you up to?” Miliano asks.

The brothers look at each other and smirk before they both throw themselves in my direction to try to open the drawer. I react lightning-fast and pick up the paper just to put it in my mouth; I chew it and swallow it. They pout and cross their arms over their chests while I laugh at them; my mates look adorable.

“Don’t pout,” I say and pinch them on their cheeks. “Are you guys hungry?”

They nod their heads and sit down. I open the fridge and pick out ingredients for chicken salad. Using a sharp knife, it won’t take long to cut the vegetables. After that, I pluck the grilled chicken and divide it into small parts, putting it into the salad bowl. Then, with kitchenware in my hand, I put them out for my boys. It takes three seconds before I have to turn around, and what I see, well, they’re using their fingers as cutlery. I look at them with an open mouth, and they look up at me with a “what?” look.

“What kind of animals are you? Use a fork for moon goddess sake!” I exclaim.

My mates look ashamed and give me an apologetic glance before taking a fork from my outstretched hand.

“You boys are going to make me crazy.”

“We’re not boys!” Miliano exclaims with indignation.

“Okay, then show me how manly my boys can be,” I answer with a raised eyebrow with my arms crossed.

They look at each other puzzled. Suddenly Kian punches his chest like a gorilla and says;

“Me man, me strong.”

I facepalm my forehead and rub my temples.

“I didn’t know I lived with two cavemen,” I groan while they laugh at me, and I smile in return.

“That, right there, is what makes every day a happy one,” Kian says and points at me.

“What?”

“That smile, babygirl,” Miliano answers in his brother’s place.

I blush and look down at my now fascinating feet; for some reason, I feel shy. Finally, they both get up, walk up to me, kiss my temples and caress my cheeks; this makes me look up at them, and their eyes drill themselves into my soul. My mates’ eyes hold such love, warmth, and thoughtfulness that I once again feel guilty that I can’t return it. I care about them both two and would give my life for them without hesitation; I’ll do anything to keep them safe, and if I have to pay with my life for it, then I will. What kind of feeling is that? Is this how it is to love someone? No one can expect me to know how love feels because I have never experienced it. I’ve loved my old pack with all that I am, but it’s not the same love that I know you would and should feel for your mate, or in my case, mates. I need to talk to someone about it, but I can’t talk about it with the two people I should. No, I need my best friends. They may be men, but in my opinion, men can talk about feelings in a way that women can’t. Maybe that’s why I can’t handle women. I don’t want to be near them unless I absolutely have to, as long as it’s not a pack member, of course. But the idea that at some point I’ll have girlfriends is as likely as the moon is full of cheese and that I’ll be having it on my sandwich for breakfast tomorrow morning. The guys smile at me before they return to their food, and I pick up my phone. I scroll down to our group conversation and send off a message to ask if we can meet to talk. My besties respond quickly, and we plan a place we can meet. I hug both of my mates and walk towards the front door.

“Where are you going, lepa?” Kian asks; I turn around; they’re still sitting on the bar chairs and have turned to look at me.

“I have a significant meeting with your betas,” I answer with a smile that makes them frown.

“Sometimes, it seems that they’re your mates,” Miliano mumbles and pouts.

“Don’t pout; I’ll be back before you know it!”

“Why are you going anyway?” Kian asks with his mouth full of salad; dear moon goddess, you paired me with two pigs.

“We have important matters to tend to,” I answer him, and worry spreads over their faces before they hurry to my sides.

“Are you okay? What’s happening?” Miliano asks.

“There’s no need to worry; you’ll understand it all soon enough. Now be nice to one another while I’m gone,” I answer and kiss Kian on his cheek before doing the same to Miliano; then I’m out the door.

I walk to the lake we’re supposed to meet at, and to my surprise, both of them are already there.

“Hello, sunshine!” Henry exclaims, and group hugs me with Killian.

“What do you need to talk about?” Killian asks, and I sit down on the grass.

I take a deep breath and try to figure out how to explain this. Maybe it’s a bad idea to talk to the betas about this; what if they tell Kian and Miliano!?

“Hey girl, chill out. I can see the gears work in there,” Killian says.

“If I talk to you about this, you can’t tell the alphas,” I say and look them both in the eyes.

“Is it serious?” Henry asks.

“Promise me,” I push.

“We can’t promise you without knowing what it is; they’ll kill us if we allow you to do something stupid,” Killian answers,

“Then I’m commanding you as your luna,” I say with a smirk on my lips that quickly vanish when they smirk back at me.

“You’re not our luna yet,” Henry points out.

“That’s true, but I will be very soon. Are you guys sure that you want to have bad blood between you and your luna?” I ask; they stop smirking and look at one another, hesitating.

“We promise,” they say in unison, sighing.

“Your loyalty is acknowledged, and I appreciate it very much; this is why you are my best friends,” I say with a twinkle in my eye.

“So... What was it you wanted to talk about?” Killian asks.

“Feelings...” I whisper, and it gets dead quiet.

“You seriously used your ranking as luna to make us promise not to tell your mates about your feelings!?” Henry exclaims while they both laugh at me, and I feel bad.

“Come on! This is new to me, I just don’t know what to do, and I thought you would understand,” I say with a trembling voice, and it looks like they feel bad.

“Sorry...” Killian answers and scratches the back of his head.

“Okay, it’s like this; I don’t know how to handle what I feel inside me, I don’t know what is what. I feel a strong need to protect my mates, and I’ll do everything for them. But, at the same time, I’m afraid they don’t feel the same way. I’m just so confused...” I whisper and put my head in my hands.

“How do you feel when you’re with them?” Henry asks me tenderly.

“I feel whole. Security surrounds me and makes me feel safe. They take care of me in a way that no one else has ever done before. I get to sleep as long as I want, and they scold me if I try to clean or something like that... But, they treat me right,” I answer, and he nods.

“Yeah, I already know that. That isn’t an answer to my question, though,” Henry says.

“I can do anything for them. It’s like a constant tingling in my stomach. But it might as well be the mate bond. I wake up every morning with a joy I didn’t know existed. The... They make me happy, and I’m lucky to have them both.”

“There you go. You already know how you’re feeling,” Henry answers.

“But I don’t know what this is...” I whisper.

“You are in love with them,” Killian says with a big smile on his lips.

“Really?” I ask, astonished, which makes them chuckle.

“Yeah, you are. And that’s not something that has to do with the mate bond; you would have loved them even without it,” Henry says.

“But how can I know that they feel the same?”

“Oh, they do,” Killian answers. “Aleida, we’ve known the brothers for many years, and we’ve never seen them like this.”

“Like what?”

“Like lovesick-puppies,” Henry answers and smile while I chuckle.

“I have something else I need to talk to you guys about,” I say with a conspiratorial smile.

I explain my idea of inviting both my mates on a date, and my friends clap their hands and squeal like little schoolgirls. When we finish planning, one thing is sure; this date will be legendary!